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redwoodoriginal

Or, you could nix the samba dancers, tell your parents that you can't afford a proper venue for the amount of guests you insist on inviting and would they be willing to transfer the money for dancers to cover a corkage fee.... and voila! You have an appropriate size venue for all parts of your events and host everyone properly! 

Heffalump

LondonLisa said:

Yes, it's rude. A wedding is 1 event (ceremony and breakfast). Everyone must be invited to the ceremony and the breakfast. 

I also don't understand how it would take 2 hours to flip a room. They often have the tables ready to go and they just move it in during the champagne reception. How does your venue usually handle weddings? 

My brother and his FI are getting married in the UK (she lives there, he's moving), and this is exactly how they're handling it. #notthathard

ETA: confession-time.  I read the first few replies, and when I saw @LondonLisa's above, I thought "Yep, that's exactly what Brother and FI are doing," and posted accordingly.  I had not read all three pages at that point.  Now that I have, some observations:

1. OP, you seem overly preoccupied with the financial aspects of this event.  On the one hand, you're talking about how OMG you have a budget (which just about everyone on here did, as well), so of course you can't host everyone, and yet at the same time, you criticize other solutions as cheap (such as using the same space for the ceremony and the reception, quelle horreur!).  But then you're hiring samba dancers?  I think it's time to sit down, take a good look at your budget, and prioritize.

2. I genuinely don't understand why you posted this.  You argue with every possible solution as soon as it's presented, and then it's a lot of "Oh, you couldn't possibly understand!"  So then why are you doing this, again?

3.  You're not that special.  I mentioned that my brother's FI is British.  Her family is Pakistani Muslim.  They are using their own caterer.  Not every venue allows it, but some do.  Much like the budget, this is something that should have been researched and addressed early on, rather than ignoring it until now and then throwing up your hands.

I think this event has a lot of potential, but right now you're teetering at the edge of the etiquette cliff, and acting like it's everyone's fault except yours.  You can make this all work, but you have to dig in and actually do it, not yell at other people just because your current plan doesn't work. 

PrettyGirlLost

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

I never considered having the ceremony there because my family would look down on the idea of having a ceremony where you were about to eat, with pre-laid tables!

It would be considered weird and really cheap. They would not consider it the proper thing to do, so it never occurred to me as an option.

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

I didn't realise this site was so dogmatic - the world is filled with exceptions all the time. I just joined and have not read many posts on the Knot. I just thought it would be fun and make a nice change to the other sites I use - which seem to be a little more laid back.

We're "dogmatic" because we're telling you your idea is rude and trying to suggest alternatives, but your family would "look down on" sitting at their dinner tables to witness the wedding ceremony?

SP29

Ironring said:

I had my ceremony in the same room as my reception. It took 5 minutes to flip, both set ups were very nice and basically everyone said how nice it was to be in the same place and not have to worry about travelling in between the two places. If you want more information on how we did the flip and made everything so easy, I'd be happy to share that information. 

I very much agree with this, both as a bride who had this set up, and as a wedding guest.

SO much easier when the ceremony and reception are at the same venue. For our wedding, we did a room flip, took less than 15 mins. The reception chairs are the same for the ceremony. The tables are already dressed with linens. Put the tables out, put out place settings and centre pieces. Done. The cake is already set up on the table, any other tables such as for the candy bar, guest book and card box were already set up along the walls.

At the worst, guests sit at their reception seats to watch the ceremony. I find this hard to believe this is the "worst thing ever"- worse than not inviting half your guests to attend the ceremony.

Intimate ceremony with large reception after is fine- but that means intimate- parents, siblings, grandparents, maybe a best friend or two, but that's it. Not half the guest list.

ScottishSarah

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

ScottishSarah said:

I'm English, and there are plenty of venues for ceremonies for 200+ guests, what an earth do you think people normally do if they have big families?

If you bothered to actually read my comments, I said I was looking for somewhere with no corkage and allows own caterers, not just allows 200+ guests. So maybe read first, then criticise.

Also for the ceremony venue, its needs to be a reasonable distance for guests. 

My wedding venue sat 300+ for a ceremony, allowed us to bring our own caterers, cost less than 3,000GBP to hire with exclusive use, and corkage and bar was very very cheap.  Yes we would have loved free corkage but sometimes you can't have it all.  Not criticism, just saying something has to give.

My husband and I had a very long list of requirements for our venue, and not only that it had to feel 'right' if you know what I mean.  In the end we found it though so you shouldn't give up.  

mollybarker11

I forgot about the concern that your fam would think it "weird / cheap / improper" to have the ceremony and reception in the same room... We're telling you if you exclude over half the guest list from the ceremony, they will think it weird cheap and improper too.

SaintPaulGal

OP: have you heard the phrase "perception is reality"?  It doesn't matter if your parents pay for the dancers or you do, your guests aren't going to know.  They are just going to see an extravagant, unnecessary expense coupled with being excluded from the actual wedding for "cost reasons."  And that is going to cause hurt feelings.

ernursej

My guests gushed about having everything in one place. I loved my day and would repeat everything about it, but I'm most proud that everything was in one place. My guests didn't have to travel between sites.

DrillSergeantCat

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

Deleted 

You can't delete posts. It makes no sense to try especially after you've been quoted.

TrixieJess

I haven't had to use this in a while. Thanks for the bat signal OP:

lovesclimbing

So I never noticed this before, but is Batman peeing?

ILoveBeachMusic

lovesclimbing said:

So I never noticed this before, but is Batman peeing?

I just noticed that too!

TrixieJess

lovesclimbing said:

So I never noticed this before, but is Batman peeing?

Yep, that's why I pick that particular "bat signal". It seems apropos for DDs.