ladies please help, is he going to propose? are these signs?

Knottie1e1e16702cc53e43

My boyfriend of two and half years planned a surprise trip to Iceland/Netherlands. We both are divorced and have kids but we are perfect for each other. He came from a very controlling/abusive marriage on her part and he has been cheated on. He had told me early on in our relationship he wasn’t sure if he would ever get married again. However our families have mixed well and he is the love of my life. My mom kind of slipped to me and told me he might propose to me on our trip. I think she was concerned b/c I had come from a bad marriage and wanted to make sure I was sure.   He had told her that he might propose to me on our trip.

Ever since I found this out, it is all i can think of.  He use to be the “bachelor” type guy and I diff can tell he is ready to settle down by his actions lately; yet I question if he really is going to propose all the time.

Do you think he is really going to propose?! For one he bought me this amazing trip, he has been trying to save money and has been a lot more concerned with money. He talks about the future all the time, loves my kids like his own. He talks about the car we will get in a few years, getting a dog, trips we will take in the future, etc.

Lately however he has been acting very strange, kind of moody. He has been all over the place. I don’t know if he is just nervous or what. He seems uptight and has needed his space a lot more lately. Given his past I can understand why he would be nervous to think of marriage again but I have proven to him time and time again that I love him and I will always be here for him.

I go back and forth all the time if he is really going to propose or not. I want to enjoy this trip with the love of my life but I’d really love for him to propose…what do you guys think? What kind of signs did you guys see from your guy and did he act nervous/weird a few months before hand?

Please don't judge, I know our situations is unique.

charlotte989875

Knottie1e1e16702cc53e43 said:

My boyfriend of two and half years planned a surprise trip to Iceland/Netherlands. We both are divorced and have kids but we are perfect for each other. He came from a very controlling/abusive marriage on her part and he has been cheated on. He had told me early on in our relationship he wasn’t sure if he would ever get married again. However our families have mixed well and he is the love of my life. My mom kind of slipped to me and told me he might propose to me on our trip. I think she was concerned b/c I had come from a bad marriage and wanted to make sure I was sure.   He had told her that he might propose to me on our trip.

Ever since I found this out, it is all i can think of.  He use to be the “bachelor” type guy and I diff can tell he is ready to settle down by his actions lately; yet I question if he really is going to propose all the time.

Do you think he is really going to propose?! For one he bought me this amazing trip, he has been trying to save money and has been a lot more concerned with money. He talks about the future all the time, loves my kids like his own. He talks about the car we will get in a few years, getting a dog, trips we will take in the future, etc.

Lately however he has been acting very strange, kind of moody. He has been all over the place. I don’t know if he is just nervous or what. He seems uptight and has needed his space a lot more lately. Given his past I can understand why he would be nervous to think of marriage again but I have proven to him time and time again that I love him and I will always be here for him.

I go back and forth all the time if he is really going to propose or not. I want to enjoy this trip with the love of my life but I’d really love for him to propose…what do you guys think? What kind of signs did you guys see from your guy and did he act nervous/weird a few months before hand?

Please don't judge, I know our situations is unique.

There is no way any of us could know if he is going to propose, or not. No one's experience around their proposals will have any bearing on whether or not your boyfriend will propose. There are no universal "signs". 

Have you two talked about marriage? Have you had conversations about what marriage would be like for both of you the second time; what expectations you both have, about combining finances, living together, combining your lives? If you're having these types of conversations it's a good indication you're both thinking about marriage. If you're not having them, and you want to be married, you should start. 

I think the trip sounds amazing! I think you need to go in to it with no expectation about a proposal. If he does, wonderful! But if he doesn't you don't want your trip to be about constantly wondering if he's going to do it, and miss the wonderful vacation you're having. Be in the moment, enjoy your time, and don't try and predict what he will do. 

kimmiinthemitten

Knottie1e1e16702cc53e43 said:

My boyfriend of two and half years planned a surprise trip to Iceland/Netherlands. We both are divorced and have kids but we are perfect for each other. He came from a very controlling/abusive marriage on her part and he has been cheated on. He had told me early on in our relationship he wasn’t sure if he would ever get married again. However our families have mixed well and he is the love of my life. My mom kind of slipped to me and told me he might propose to me on our trip. I think she was concerned b/c I had come from a bad marriage and wanted to make sure I was sure.   He had told her that he might propose to me on our trip.

Ever since I found this out, it is all i can think of.  He use to be the “bachelor” type guy and I diff can tell he is ready to settle down by his actions lately; yet I question if he really is going to propose all the time.

Do you think he is really going to propose?! For one he bought me this amazing trip, he has been trying to save money and has been a lot more concerned with money. He talks about the future all the time, loves my kids like his own. He talks about the car we will get in a few years, getting a dog, trips we will take in the future, etc.

Lately however he has been acting very strange, kind of moody. He has been all over the place. I don’t know if he is just nervous or what. He seems uptight and has needed his space a lot more lately. Given his past I can understand why he would be nervous to think of marriage again but I have proven to him time and time again that I love him and I will always be here for him.

I go back and forth all the time if he is really going to propose or not. I want to enjoy this trip with the love of my life but I’d really love for him to propose…what do you guys think? What kind of signs did you guys see from your guy and did he act nervous/weird a few months before hand?

Please don't judge, I know our situations is unique.

As hard as it may be, you need to stop dwelling on it.  If he doesn't, you could ruin an amazing trip, and if he does, you could ruin whatever special thing he may have planned.

I thought FI was going to propose on a different trip than he did.  When he didn't, it was NBD.  However on our next trip he started behaving weirdly, like commenting on the size of my hands.  Since I had assumed it was happening once before (and I did all the packing this time) I thought I was reading into it and was 100% surprised.  I'm glad I had the couple days before to just enjoy our vacation.

sparklepants41

Knottie1e1e16702cc53e43 said:

My boyfriend of two and half years planned a surprise trip to Iceland/Netherlands. We both are divorced and have kids but we are perfect for each other. He came from a very controlling/abusive marriage on her part and he has been cheated on. He had told me early on in our relationship he wasn’t sure if he would ever get married again. However our families have mixed well and he is the love of my life. My mom kind of slipped to me and told me he might propose to me on our trip. I think she was concerned b/c I had come from a bad marriage and wanted to make sure I was sure.   He had told her that he might propose to me on our trip.

Ever since I found this out, it is all i can think of.  He use to be the “bachelor” type guy and I diff can tell he is ready to settle down by his actions lately; yet I question if he really is going to propose all the time.

Do you think he is really going to propose?! For one he bought me this amazing trip, he has been trying to save money and has been a lot more concerned with money. He talks about the future all the time, loves my kids like his own. He talks about the car we will get in a few years, getting a dog, trips we will take in the future, etc.

Lately however he has been acting very strange, kind of moody. He has been all over the place. I don’t know if he is just nervous or what. He seems uptight and has needed his space a lot more lately. Given his past I can understand why he would be nervous to think of marriage again but I have proven to him time and time again that I love him and I will always be here for him.

I go back and forth all the time if he is really going to propose or not. I want to enjoy this trip with the love of my life but I’d really love for him to propose…what do you guys think? What kind of signs did you guys see from your guy and did he act nervous/weird a few months before hand?

Please don't judge, I know our situations is unique.

OP, I feel for you. I have been in your situation - agonizing over "Is he going to propose?" "Is this the day?" "Is this the trip?" 

I can tell you from experience - and I know this is hard - but please try not to get your hopes up. Enjoy the trip. You two are going on a wonderful vacation to a magical place. 

If it happens on the trip, hooray! You will always have that special memory. 

If it doesn't happen on the trip, guess what? You will always have special memories of your international adventures. 

And who knows? He might propose on a random Thursday, in your house/apartment, when you've had a lousy day at work. Or on a Saturday while you're out walking the dog or drinking coffee on the porch. (Random hypotheticals here) Just know that when it does happen it will have a pomp and circumstance of its own. 

My H took me to Newport, RI for Valentine's Day two months before he proposed. He actually did that to throw me off the trail because I am super hard to surprise. And when he did propose, it was in our apartment. I had just gotten up, was wearing jammies, had to pee in the worst way (that's actually something we laugh at now), and I didn't have my contacts in so it was literally a blur. But it was perfect. And I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

climbingsingle

Knottie1e1e16702cc53e43 said:

My boyfriend of two and half years planned a surprise trip to Iceland/Netherlands. We both are divorced and have kids but we are perfect for each other. He came from a very controlling/abusive marriage on her part and he has been cheated on. He had told me early on in our relationship he wasn’t sure if he would ever get married again. However our families have mixed well and he is the love of my life. My mom kind of slipped to me and told me he might propose to me on our trip. I think she was concerned b/c I had come from a bad marriage and wanted to make sure I was sure.   He had told her that he might propose to me on our trip.

Ever since I found this out, it is all i can think of.  He use to be the “bachelor” type guy and I diff can tell he is ready to settle down by his actions lately; yet I question if he really is going to propose all the time.

Do you think he is really going to propose?! For one he bought me this amazing trip, he has been trying to save money and has been a lot more concerned with money. He talks about the future all the time, loves my kids like his own. He talks about the car we will get in a few years, getting a dog, trips we will take in the future, etc.

Lately however he has been acting very strange, kind of moody. He has been all over the place. I don’t know if he is just nervous or what. He seems uptight and has needed his space a lot more lately. Given his past I can understand why he would be nervous to think of marriage again but I have proven to him time and time again that I love him and I will always be here for him.

I go back and forth all the time if he is really going to propose or not. I want to enjoy this trip with the love of my life but I’d really love for him to propose…what do you guys think? What kind of signs did you guys see from your guy and did he act nervous/weird a few months before hand?

Please don't judge, I know our situations is unique.

How are we supposed to know if a stranger that we've never met and know nothing about is going to propose? 

What I experienced before my engagement is not the same for everyone. You can't use that to judge. My husband proposed on a trip after we'd been dating for 5 months. I had no idea, and he had not been acting any different. 

Focus on enjoying your trip. It sounds amazing. 

STARMOON44

If you want to know if he sees you two getting married, ask him. Like an adult. With your words. 

cowgirl8238

Oh man, I know how difficult that wait can be...but you need to stop thinking about it.  You might end up tainting your entire trip if you keep thinking he will propose and then he doesn't.

I think everyone's SO have their own way of acting before they proposed.  Mine was more or less business as usual with the exception that he was a little more concerned about finances around the time he asked.  But he also proposed a week before Christmas so even then it could have just been that.  He wasn't nervous or "strange" so it was a surprise to me when it happened on a random Friday Night.

For reference we had discussed our future together all the time...from about 6 months into the relationship we talked about what we do and how we both wanted to live our lives.  We were dating for nearly 6 years when he proposed.  During our dating years we moved into an apartment together 4 hours from home, adopted two cats and started dreaming about future homes.  Maybe that took some of the pressure off, but the engagement was still a wonderful moment in time.

Ro041

My FI was acting like a weirdo before he proposed, but unless my FI happens to also be your bf, I wouldn't know if him acting weird meant the same thing.  

Your trip sounds awesome.  If you keep dwelling on whether he will propose, then you might be disappointed if it doesn't happen.  (And if it doesn't happen, it sounds like you two have a pretty happy life as it stands, so that puts you ahead of a lot of married people).

ginnybinny17

Your trip sounds really amazing.  Don't think about it!  If it happens, it happens.  If it doesn't, you still had an amazing trip with the person that you love!  It's win/win for you!

Storytime: about four months ago, my fiance and I took this amazing trip to Montana.  We stayed in Glacier National Park for a week, did a bunch of absolutely gorgeous hikes, drove through Yellowstone together, etc etc.  There were a couple moments on our hikes where I got this feeling of -- gosh, is he going to propose?  I REALLY thought it was going to happen that trip.

Well, it didn't.  I was totally okay with it -- the trip was so amazing.  But there was this little gross voice at the back of my head that was all, "Man, wouldn't that have been a great thing if he'd proposed though?"

He proposed a month later.  Turns out, he'd meant to propose on our Montana trip.  But the morning we left he was really sick, and he forgot the ring in the nightstand.  He was absolutely disgusted with himself the entire trip and ended up proposing while we were both drunk on my birthday at home because he couldn't think of a better time than Montana to do it.   He's STILL mad at himself, silly guy.

Heffalump

OP, is this more of an is he/isn't he question, or a timing issue?  I can see how the timing might drive people crazy, like a kid waiting for Christmas Day.  But if you truly don't know whether he's even thinking marriage, then you need to pump the brakes and have some conversations about your future together, hopes, plans, etc. 

Personally, I am not a fan of completely out of the blue proposals.  I don't think life changing decisions should be made spontaneously, with no warning.  If people are on the same page and agreed that they would like to be married in the not-too-distant future, then I don't care if one person wants to surprise the other with the exact timing of the thing.

TBH, based on your post it doesn't sound like you two have hashed all this out.  I would put marriage on the back burner until you do.

cowgirl8238

ginnybinny17 said:

Your trip sounds really amazing.  Don't think about it!  If it happens, it happens.  If it doesn't, you still had an amazing trip with the person that you love!  It's win/win for you!

Storytime: about four months ago, my fiance and I took this amazing trip to Montana.  We stayed in Glacier National Park for a week, did a bunch of absolutely gorgeous hikes, drove through Yellowstone together, etc etc.  There were a couple moments on our hikes where I got this feeling of -- gosh, is he going to propose?  I REALLY thought it was going to happen that trip.

Well, it didn't.  I was totally okay with it -- the trip was so amazing.  But there was this little gross voice at the back of my head that was all, "Man, wouldn't that have been a great thing if he'd proposed though?"

He proposed a month later.  Turns out, he'd meant to propose on our Montana trip.  But the morning we left he was really sick, and he forgot the ring in the nightstand.  He was absolutely disgusted with himself the entire trip and ended up proposing while we were both drunk on my birthday at home because he couldn't think of a better time than Montana to do it.   He's STILL mad at himself, silly guy.

That is the kind of proposal that makes for funny stories.  I do hope he forgives himself eventually though!

drglitter

OP, I know it sounds easier than it is, but try not to obsess over whether he's proposing on this trip. Have an amazing time on your trip, and if he proposes, great, and if he doesn't, you still had an amazing trip.

I was pretty sure my H was going to propose on our anniversary trip. It was the first time he'd seen the ocean, it was romantic, moonlight on the beach under the stars, etc. He didn't.

He proposed at home, on the couch, on a random Wednesday night. And it was perfect.

ginnybinny17

cowgirl8238 said:

ginnybinny17 said:

Your trip sounds really amazing.  Don't think about it!  If it happens, it happens.  If it doesn't, you still had an amazing trip with the person that you love!  It's win/win for you!

Storytime: about four months ago, my fiance and I took this amazing trip to Montana.  We stayed in Glacier National Park for a week, did a bunch of absolutely gorgeous hikes, drove through Yellowstone together, etc etc.  There were a couple moments on our hikes where I got this feeling of -- gosh, is he going to propose?  I REALLY thought it was going to happen that trip.

Well, it didn't.  I was totally okay with it -- the trip was so amazing.  But there was this little gross voice at the back of my head that was all, "Man, wouldn't that have been a great thing if he'd proposed though?"

He proposed a month later.  Turns out, he'd meant to propose on our Montana trip.  But the morning we left he was really sick, and he forgot the ring in the nightstand.  He was absolutely disgusted with himself the entire trip and ended up proposing while we were both drunk on my birthday at home because he couldn't think of a better time than Montana to do it.   He's STILL mad at himself, silly guy.

That is the kind of proposal that makes for funny stories.  I do hope he forgives himself eventually though!

Exactly!  I like the way it happened even more than if he'd proposed at some beautiful perfect location in Montana.  We were both rip-roaring drunk, he said he couldn't wait anymore, I cried, we took a million drunk selfies that I love and are the ugliest pictures ever taken, and then we watched the Conjuring 2.

Sometimes the best proposal for you isn't one that's picture-perfect!  

ahoywedding

I thought FI was going to propose over the holidays and he ended up sticking a post-it on the dog a few weeks later! 

Don't get your hopes up for a big romantic proposal; as PPs have all said...sometimes the most random ones are the best!

MissKittyDanger

Sounds like an amazing trip!

I thought my husband was going to propose to me during a trip also. Part of me is glad he didn't because after the trip, a lot of stuff happened and also I didn't want either of us to worry about a proposal or ring during the trip.

Enjoy the trip. Like everyone else said, it's win-win regardless

CMGragain

I learned a long time ago that any mention of marriage that includes the words "maybe" or "someday" or even "might" should be ignored.

MyNameIsNot

Your post makes it sound like you two haven't discussed marriage outside of him saying he'd never get married again. Before you think about getting engaged, you two should be having some real conversations about where this relationship is going. A surprise proposal is nice, but it should come after deciding together that you both want to get married in the somewhat near future. 

Are you sure you're not just getting wrapped up in something your mom said? Focus on enjoying the trip and don't worry about a proposal.