Kids gift question

charlotte989875

So you run presents for children by the parents first? Or parents do you want people to run gifts for your kids by you?

Back story is I have a 4.5 nephew (H's brother's son), who is super into power rangers, ninjas, etc. and when I asked SIL about gifts for the kids that's what she told me, power ranger and ninja toys, and other stuff. So I found a plastic ninja sword set, rounded tips so no sharp edges, ages 4+ on packaging. But she wants to see pictures of it and descriptions. Which is fine if it doesn't work I'll take it back, but I was a little surprised that since she said ninja toys she'd be surprised by this type of gift. 

mrsconn23

Nope, I don't ask for gifts to be ran by me.  People will ask if something is OK or if he has something, BUT if we get something that is questionable...we say 'Thank you' and then deal with how it's going to be used afterward. 

MissKittyDanger

Depending on the gift. If there was a possibility that my parents could buy it, the grandparents would run ideas off them - or at the very least get my list from them to get an idea.

I think when we have a kid, I'll likely want a rough idea on what's being bought so there aren't doubles {one kid, large family. it happens} or at least have ability to give people an idea what to get {and drop hints what not to buy}


I'm wondering if BIL's wife wants to just ensure other things won't get broken or if there's a safety concern?

OliveOilsMom

I always asked my SIL what the kids liked and their sizes prior to birthdays and Christmas.  I also always asked her if there is anything in particular they need, like PJs, etc.  Oh the face my nephew made when he opened the underwear I bought him this year! LOL!  But he needed some!

I've also asked friends too for their kids.  But I have never had anyone tell me they want to see what was purchased.  I think that's rude.  My friend's son got 3 of the exact same thing for a birthday present from me and 2 others.  I always get a gift receipt in case my gift is a double or what the parents think is inappropriate.  It's their job to deal with it after, IMO, which is why I attached the gift receipt to the card or the item itself with tape. 

When I was younger, I received a "My First Skateboard" from an aunt.  My parents said no and off it went back to the store.  Was I disappointed, yes, but that's life and the parent's job to decide what is appropriate or not.  It's also their job to enforce that appropriate-ness with their kids, I don't think it should be put upon the gift giver.

I've currently resorted to buying books for my one niece and nephews and my friends' kids.  Toys are just crazy expensive now.  My oldest niece doesn't like books too much (14), so I've gotten her crafts last year and this year makeup (with my sister's blessing).  I also ask for the types of books they are reading for their level and interests.  It makes the kids like the books more I think. 

Subwayloves

Sometimes I have asked if I don't have ideas of what the kids want, or if I think the parents may not like a gift I am thinking of getting and want to make sure they are okay with it (example- nail polish set for a 5 year old, some parents may say fine, others may not want their kid to be gifted something that messy). But if I have an idea of something to get the kid, and don't think there's any reason the parent wouldn't want the kid to have it, I don't ask the parent first.

I also think it's weird she is questioning this considering it's specifically in the category of what she said he'd want.

Heffalump

charlotte989875 said:

So you run presents for children by the parents first? Or parents do you want people to run gifts for your kids by you?

Back story is I have a 4.5 nephew (H's brother's son), who is super into power rangers, ninjas, etc. and when I asked SIL about gifts for the kids that's what she told me, power ranger and ninja toys, and other stuff. So I found a plastic ninja sword set, rounded tips so no sharp edges, ages 4+ on packaging. But she wants to see pictures of it and descriptions. Which is fine if it doesn't work I'll take it back, but I was a little surprised that since she said ninja toys she'd be surprised by this type of gift. 

I may in general, if I have questions.  I do like to have a feel for what they're interested in.

I don't expect people to run anything past me.  I have, on a few occasions, exchanged or donated duplicate gifts.  There have been just two things that I can think of where I thought "Oh hell no" and that was the end of that. 

At FIL's wife's request, I maintain an Amazon list for both kids, and other family members have started using it, too.  So that also helps point people in the right direction, if they're uncertain.

I do appreciate when people ask sizes.  My kids run tall, so if I get a pair of 3T pants for my barely 3 y.o., I can almost guarantee that he's already outgrown them. 

MesmrEwe

The only time it bugged me was when the parents systematically returned every last gift their kids were given one year (nothing offensive was given - they were typical "kid gifts") even though it was on the Christmas list.  It was like "uh - NO!" - and that's when I stopped giving gift receipts with gifts...

It's nice to be asked "What can ____ use for Christmas" because quite frankly I'll say different things for both sides of the family because DH's side likes to give gifts along a different line than my side does and makes more sense than saying one thing across everyone and ending up with duplicates.  Not that gifts are expected, but it's nice to know niece shops at ___ store and I can go from there on what to specifically get.  As for approving a gift - sure we aim the SIL from giving DD anything Nerf Gun (I grew up in a "Guns aren't toys EVER" hunting family, so as I get older I understand why my parents had that strict rule)..  But after I get the suggestions, I don't ask permission from there.  As for the sword - I'd probably be the auntie that got him the wall hanging real one ..jk!

charlotte989875

Thanks everyone. Good to know people do like it when they're asked in general what their kids are in to; I wanted to make sure I got him something he'd like, which is why I assumed a ninja toy was cool since she told me he wanted ninja toys. 

Subwayloves said:

I also think it's weird she is questioning this considering it's specifically in the category of what she said he'd want.

This was my feeling as well. I'd understand the questioning more if she hadn't specifically said it's something he would like. Like why tell me this is what he wants if you won't let him have it? 

missJeanLouise

I usually run presents by SIL just to make sure that it is something she think her children will like. Most of the time it is fine but every once in a while she will suggest something else.

banana468

It sort of depends.   When I buy for my cousin's kids I'll ask what store to get a gift card to.  My dad has asked if we want larger gifts for DD.   I appreciate that because my IL's have given some items that we just can't use or that can be big.    I will say that most of the things are well-intentioned. 

GBCK

I only expect things run by me if they're something that might be a problem--like to big for my house (giant train table), or questionably appropriate (bb gun)-(BTW, I said yes to both of those)

I do appreciate the 'what does she need?' because SOMEONE has to buy Buffy tights, if they're throwing money at her clothing anyhow, they might as well get her tights, KWIM?
But, yeah, beyond that, I only expect to be asked if it's weird/objectionable or if it has the possibility of something amazingly specific (BTW, this year's christmas PJs?  I did not pass on as an idea to anyone else, because amazingly specific.  Nightgown.  fuzzy.  kittens.  Much harder to find than you would think)

(my dad did ask me about the microscope options he'd picked out, just so I could help evaluate which were a good choice.  Buffy's getting a pretty awesome microscope)

short+sassy

I always ask what my niece/nephew want.  Because I don't have kids myself and they live far away from me.  Ergo, I'm totally, totally clueless in the "what do kids want at X age" department.

cowgirl8238

short+sassy said:

I always ask what my niece/nephew want.  Because I don't have kids myself and they live far away from me.  Ergo, I'm totally, totally clueless in the "what do kids want at X age" department.

Same here. 

TrixieJess

mrsconn23 said:

Nope, I don't ask for gifts to be ran by me.  People will ask if something is OK or if he has something, BUT if we get something that is questionable...we say 'Thank you' and then deal with how it's going to be used afterward. 

This. 

People will ask if he's into "Thomas" (nope) or "Paw Patrol" (yes) but that's the extent of it. If people want more details, I direct them to the book wish list I have online for him, or ask for art supplies. 

Anything questionable gets passed onto the "donation" pile. 

ETA: @Heffalump my almost 4 year old is in 5T and 6 clothes, thank goodness for those elastics in the waists that you can pull for his skinny ass. 

PrettyGirlLost

Other than to ask if they like Dinotrux or Disney Princesses or if they have thus and such already, nope.  I buy what I want!

I try to find the toys with the most lights and sounds for the toddlers in my life. . . just to drive their parents nuts :-)

MesmrEwe said:

The only time it bugged me was when the parents systematically returned every last gift their kids were given one year (nothing offensive was given - they were typical "kid gifts") even though it was on the Christmas list.  It was like "uh - NO!" - and that's when I stopped giving gift receipts with gifts...

What the hell?!  That would piss me off too.  What was the deal with that- they just wanted the money?

short+sassy

PrettyGirlLost said:

Other than to ask if they like Dinotrux or Disney Princesses or if they have thus and such already, nope.  I buy what I want!

I try to find the toys with the most lights and sounds for the toddlers in my life. . . just to drive their parents nuts :-)

MesmrEwe said:

The only time it bugged me was when the parents systematically returned every last gift their kids were given one year (nothing offensive was given - they were typical "kid gifts") even though it was on the Christmas list.  It was like "uh - NO!" - and that's when I stopped giving gift receipts with gifts...

What the hell?!  That would piss me off too.  What was the deal with that- they just wanted the money?

Haha!!!  When my niece was about 18 months old, I got her a stuffed caterpillar that lighted up, made noise, and crawled.  Except the toy maker was brilliant and had an on/off switch for both the lights and the noise.

I was trying to be nice to both my sis and BIL, but it also turned out to be fun and hilarious baby torture.  Because, sometimes she would touch it and it would light up and make noise.  But then, sometimes it didn't (when those options were turned off).  She'd get this little perplexed look and hit the caterpillar harder, trying to make the lights and noise come on again.

DrillSergeantCat

PrettyGirlLost said:

Other than to ask if they like Dinotrux or Disney Princesses or if they have thus and such already, nope.  I buy what I want!

I try to find the toys with the most lights and sounds for the toddlers in my life. . . just to drive their parents nuts :-)

MesmrEwe said:

The only time it bugged me was when the parents systematically returned every last gift their kids were given one year (nothing offensive was given - they were typical "kid gifts") even though it was on the Christmas list.  It was like "uh - NO!" - and that's when I stopped giving gift receipts with gifts...

What the hell?!  That would piss me off too.  What was the deal with that- they just wanted the money?

My mom's husband said something about getting some noisy toy for Mouse. I told him that was fine but it was staying at their house. Those noisy toys are always the first to "break" and I have zero problem returning the favor when the time comes.

ei34

I get asked what size clothes my kids are wearing and what they're into, and I ask the same questions of my SILs (H's sisters) about my niece and nephews, because they're all between 9-13 and I don't know that age group too well.  Kind of general info though, I don't need specific gifts run by me. 

PrettyGirlLost

DrillSergeantCat said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Other than to ask if they like Dinotrux or Disney Princesses or if they have thus and such already, nope.  I buy what I want!

I try to find the toys with the most lights and sounds for the toddlers in my life. . . just to drive their parents nuts :-)

MesmrEwe said:

The only time it bugged me was when the parents systematically returned every last gift their kids were given one year (nothing offensive was given - they were typical "kid gifts") even though it was on the Christmas list.  It was like "uh - NO!" - and that's when I stopped giving gift receipts with gifts...

What the hell?!  That would piss me off too.  What was the deal with that- they just wanted the money?

My mom's husband said something about getting some noisy toy for Mouse. I told him that was fine but it was staying at their house. Those noisy toys are always the first to "break" and I have zero problem returning the favor when the time comes.

Hey, this is the birth right of being an Aunt, mwahahaha ;-)

Best you could do to return the favor is getting my cats an obnoxious toy, lol.

But let's face it, most toys for infants thru 4 year olds seem to have sound effects, so it's not always done with nefarious intent.

OurWildKingdom

PrettyGirlLost said:

Other than to ask if they like Dinotrux or Disney Princesses or if they have thus and such already, nope.  I buy what I want!

I try to find the toys with the most lights and sounds for the toddlers in my life. . . just to drive their parents nuts :-)

My brother worked at Radio Shack when he was in college and would gladly use his employee discount to buy the loudest, most obnoxious toys for our young cousins. 

My SIL used to give everyone separate lists so there wouldn't be any duplication. That makes a lot of sense to me. She might still do separate lists but not bother with mine because I pretty much buy what I want for the niblings.

We usually give at least one Christmas ornament to each child in our family every year. My parents started that when my brother and I were kids, and I now have quite a collection.

*Barbie*

the nieces and nephews are getting this: 

I did this last year and everyone seemed to like it. I sent one basket to each house (comes with everything pictured)  - 3 kids at each house ranging from 2.5-8.5yo. The cookies are delicious, nut-free bakery, ship 1-2 days after baking, and freeze well, so they last a long time. 
It saves me the trouble of trying to figure out a different toy/book for 6 different kids/ages/interests - especially if it's something that will be played with for 10 minutes and then break or just lay around until it's donated. 

when people ask, we usually tell them experience gifts/gift cards/memberships or movies/books for a tangible item. 

ETA the cookies are from: http://www.smileycookie.com and are a Western PA staple. 

MobKaz

knottie07ab89929a8b5211 said:

Checking with parents is always thoughtful, but it can be surprising when they hesitate about gifts they suggested. The ninja sword set sounds great for your nephew! If not, personalized gifts like puzzles or art prints from mymagicalportrait.com/ could be a fun alternative.

Welcome to The Knot.  Please check dates when responding to a post.  This post is EIGHT years old. 
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VarunaTT

My confusion levels at seeing the names on this post was intense. 

charlotte989875

VarunaTT said:

My confusion levels at seeing the names on this post was intense. 

Same! 

But also I laughed bc SIL is still the exact same all these years later.