Etiquette

A Bridesman for Christmas

For Christmas I am asking my cousin to be my bridesman! Any fun ideas on how to ask him? :)

Re: A Bridesman for Christmas

  • This isn't "for Christmas" in anyway, and I wouldn't ask in a way that suggests you think you are bestowing a gift. Personally, I think it's nice to ask privately, individually, when you know the date and location, and say "take some time and think about it and let me know."
    ppgbebshort+sassyeileenrobInLoveInQueens
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    I would just ask him in private without trying to be cute or theatrical about it. 

    I know that if I were to be asked to be in a wedding party, I would be put off with cutesy, gimmicky gestures like being asked by "popping the question" or given an elaborate gift, because if I had to say no, these gestures would make me feel terrible - especially if others are present.
    ppgbebeileenrobSP29InLoveInQueens
  • I think you should ask him privately once you have all the important details nailed down. (Date, Place, Time).  I don't like the overly cute "proposal" stuff, I think just asking someone is the best approach.

    "Hey Cousin, you have always been an important part of my life and I wanted to ask you if you would stand up with me on my wedding day.  We are getting married on "day" at "location"."  If he doesn't answer right away you can add  "If you need to, take some time to think it over and to just let me know what you decide."

    As a final *general* note, just remember that all your WP has to do is show up on time for the wedding in the agreed upon attire, relatively sober and smiling.  Anything else is an extra :)

    ppgbebSP29InLoveInQueens
  • eileenrob said:
    About two years ago a friend from grad school asked me and several others to be BMs in a big splashy way at her engagement party. I laughed and clapped along in the moment since it was in front all the guests, but when I had a moment with her in private I had to decline.  It was pretty awkward.  Less is more when it comes to asking BP members.


    That is awkward! But I can top that story with mine.  Last year a friend of mine was a bride and we had all gone to the store to pick out dresses.  She went first and picked out a very nice gown, then we went to try on BM dresses.  At one point she came bounding into the dressing room while I was half naked helping my other friend zip a dress up and asking us if we would help pay for her dress...we are not friends anymore.

    Point still stands that it is hella awkward to put people on the spot.  Now OP (original poster) I know that your situation is not the same as my little story but I think the moral still applies.  People may react differently when they are put on the spot versus in private!  (Just think about those "surprise" huge public proposals and how some of those end so badly)

    eileenrobkimmiinthemittenppgbebInLoveInQueens
  • eileenrob said:
    About two years ago a friend from grad school asked me and several others to be BMs in a big splashy way at her engagement party. I laughed and clapped along in the moment since it was in front all the guests, but when I had a moment with her in private I had to decline.  It was pretty awkward.  Less is more when it comes to asking BP members.
    @eileenrob - can I ask why you declined??

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Did I see correctly that your wedding is over a year away? You might want to hold off asking people to be in your WP until 6-9 months before the wedding. Ditto pps as well. Asking someone to be in your WP is not a Christmas present. 


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  • eileenrob said:
    Ro041 said:
    eileenrob said:
    About two years ago a friend from grad school asked me and several others to be BMs in a big splashy way at her engagement party. I laughed and clapped along in the moment since it was in front all the guests, but when I had a moment with her in private I had to decline.  It was pretty awkward.  Less is more when it comes to asking BP members.
    @eileenrob - can I ask why you declined??
    The main reason was I was already in another wedding that was taking place a few months before the grad school friend's wedding, and I don't love being a BM as it is, so two in such close proximity was too much for me.  I'd also recently found out I was expecting twins and already had an infant so I was feeling overwhelmed at home.  And the friend and I weren't as close as we'd been when we met- we got along fine, but I didn't think of us as WP level. 
    I used to feel like I "couldn't say no" to being a BM, but after being in three weddings (on top of mine own) in one year, if I get asked by someone that wasn't be sister or BFF I'd probably say no. It's a lot of money and I'd rather just be a guest in most cases. 
    eileenrobshort+sassyKnottie1463251842
  • eileenrob said:
    Ro041 said:
    eileenrob said:
    About two years ago a friend from grad school asked me and several others to be BMs in a big splashy way at her engagement party. I laughed and clapped along in the moment since it was in front all the guests, but when I had a moment with her in private I had to decline.  It was pretty awkward.  Less is more when it comes to asking BP members.
    @eileenrob - can I ask why you declined??
    The main reason was I was already in another wedding that was taking place a few months before the grad school friend's wedding, and I don't love being a BM as it is, so two in such close proximity was too much for me.  I'd also recently found out I was expecting twins and already had an infant so I was feeling overwhelmed at home.  And the friend and I weren't as close as we'd been when we met- we got along fine, but I didn't think of us as WP level. 
    I used to feel like I "couldn't say no" to being a BM, but after being in three weddings (on top of mine own) in one year, if I get asked by someone that wasn't be sister or BFF I'd probably say no. It's a lot of money and I'd rather just be a guest in most cases. 

    I hear ya.  My youngest sister is single, but I'd be honored if she asked me to be in her WP if/when she gets married.  That's about it though...when I was younger I felt like it was something I had to do (I even started a discussion here on TK asking if it was okay to decline!). 
    charlotte989875ppgbeb
  • Hey girlies, I have an update!

    I asked him if that is something that interested him on the phone today and he was beyond excited!! (He was SO honored!!)

    He lives in Savannah, Georgia and I live in Canton, Georgia or else I would've had a personal conversation with him about it, in person!
    But I took some of the advice from you lovely ladies and talked about it with him first, instead of the big surprise on Christmas! :)

    Should I still do a little "bridesman" gift? (I only came up with this present idea because of Pinterest!)
    Knottie1463251842
  • No, in general of the only reason you thought of something is Pinterest you should skip it
    This. Although giving a thoughtful and nice Christmas gift is a thoughtful and nice thing to do. So go ahead and get him a gift if you love him as a friend and want to demonstrate that to him. But don't make it all about you--it's a Christmas gift, not a "bridesman gift" related to your wedding. 
    ppgbebSP29
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