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Handling questions about the wedding party

Happy Holidays, if that's your thing. It is a thing for me, and all of the family visits this time of year have revealed an issue I'm not sure how to handle. Namely, other people making suggestions as to who should be in the wedding party. 

This is is the first time we've been back to see family since the engagement so I was expecting the "have you set a date?" and "where do you think you'll have it?" questions, but I wasn't prepared for "you should make so-and-so a bridesmaid" and "so-and-so would make an adorable flower girl". So far I've been deflecting with a lot of "we haven't thought about that yet" sort of replies. 

I don't want my non-answers to give anyone false hope about being in the wedding. What's the best way to respond to these comments without offending anyone?

Re: Handling questions about the wedding party

  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2016
    "We're waiting for a bit yet before we really decide who the WP will be - we have a lot of planning to do before we even get to that detail!  BEAN DIP!!!!"

    The recipe for Bean Dip is - change the subject!  Get it as far away as humanly possible from your wedding.  Chances are if it's not the WP it's going to be their opinion into another aspect of your wedding and wanting to up your budget on a detail they think is the most important or should be done a certain way.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2016
    I agree that a non-answer is the best response. If you are asked why someone isn't in the wedding party, I would just say "It was a difficult decision for us to make."
  • I had this issue. I knew who I wanted as my wedding party but hadn't announced it yet publicly - WP knew who was part of it because we had already asked - but when I went to a friend's place, her mum had asked who were my BMs. I wasn't ready to announce because we wanted more details on certain things before announcing the WP.
    I simply said "I'm not sure yet. It's pretty far off." She tried to insinuate that friend should be part of my BMs. Uhm, super awkward. I wasn't asking her, because even though she was a friend I didn't feel our friendship was all that close any more to be part of the WP.
    I simply said "Mmhmm ... yeh maybe. Hey where did you get this soup? It's delicious!"

    I used both of what PPs have suggested. Hopefully that works :)
  • I'm a big fan of just saying that you are still in the middle of planning (not lying). Then bean dip.
  • I'll just say some people get way too in tonother peoples weddings so this might come up a lot. As PPs have said, deflect and change the subject. "We haven't thought about that yet", "we've just started planning and haven't gotten there", and "Indont know it's a ways off" are all good options. I'd avoid anything like "We're still deciding" or "Thanks I'll think about it" because it might be taken as you're considering their suggestions or leaving it open that they/the people they mentioned would be asked. 

    Also, congratulations on the engagement and welcome to TK!
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