Pre-wedding Parties

Should I just let them throw me the parties?

  I love both my sisters dearly and they are being very generous and wanting to host an elaborate bridal shower as well as bachelorette weekend for me. My FI and I just spent the holiday weekend with them and their husbands and they threw us a beautiful surprise engagement party with all of my extended family.
  Both of us have some pretty strong social anxiety and struggle being the center of attention, so thank goodness we had each other there and will have one another to help get through the actual wedding day. 
  When both of my sisters got married in the last three years, we did the bridal shower and bachelorette weekend thing for them and everyone had a great time at all these events. They are both social butterflies and loved all of the attention.
  I on the other hand am extremely shy and don't enjoy being the center of things and don't really want to have all ofthese pre wedding parties. 
  We live in three different states, so no matter what, two of us would end up having to fly twice this year on top of then traveling to the wedding. They both have the resources to travel and host these events, but that much travel and time off work while trying to plan and save for the actual wedding will be a stretch for me.  
  My FI and I have a microscopic budget for the wedding and at this point I'm kinda starting to wonder if it's at all okay to say "sisters, I love you and appreciate all you want to do for me, but you know how I feel about being in the spotlight. I don't really want all of these extra parties and attention, but if you really want to help us celebrate maybe you could put the money you have budgeted for all of these celebrations into X thing for our wedding"
  I'm curious if I'm just being a brat and should just let them celebrate with me the way they want to, or if it's okay to continue in my role as the black sheep and decline their generous offers. I'm leaning towards declining, and am wondering if it's at all appropriate to ask them to shift their party budget to something else wedding related. Thoughts?

Re: Should I just let them throw me the parties?

  • I thought it would be wrong to ask them that. It felt rude, but my FI suggested it and I just thought I should check with the people who would know for sure 
  • It is absolutely fine for you to decline these parties. You can tell your sisters how much you appreciate the thought, but you are not a party person and you won't have the time to take off from work or afford the plane flights.

    If they really insist, you could suggest they both come up to see you one weekend and the 3 of you do something nice together.

    Do not ask them to put that money towards your wedding. Them offering these parties is a gift they offering, one should not tell someone else how to give a gift or how to spend their money.


    charlotte989875STARMOON44DrillSergeantCat
  •   I love both my sisters dearly and they are being very generous and wanting to host an elaborate bridal shower as well as bachelorette weekend for me. My FI and I just spent the holiday weekend with them and their husbands and they threw us a beautiful surprise engagement party with all of my extended family.
      Both of us have some pretty strong social anxiety and struggle being the center of attention, so thank goodness we had each other there and will have one another to help get through the actual wedding day. 
      When both of my sisters got married in the last three years, we did the bridal shower and bachelorette weekend thing for them and everyone had a great time at all these events. They are both social butterflies and loved all of the attention.
      I on the other hand am extremely shy and don't enjoy being the center of things and don't really want to have all ofthese pre wedding parties. 
      We live in three different states, so no matter what, two of us would end up having to fly twice this year on top of then traveling to the wedding. They both have the resources to travel and host these events, but that much travel and time off work while trying to plan and save for the actual wedding will be a stretch for me.  
      My FI and I have a microscopic budget for the wedding and at this point I'm kinda starting to wonder if it's at all okay to say "sisters, I love you and appreciate all you want to do for me, but you know how I feel about being in the spotlight. I don't really want all of these extra parties and attention, but if you really want to help us celebrate maybe you could put the money you have budgeted for all of these celebrations into X thing for our wedding"
      I'm curious if I'm just being a brat and should just let them celebrate with me the way they want to, or if it's okay to continue in my role as the black sheep and decline their generous offers. I'm leaning towards declining, and am wondering if it's at all appropriate to ask them to shift their party budget to something else wedding related. Thoughts?

    Just echoing PP.  It's 100% fine to decline pre-wedding parties.  And it's 100% not fine to ask your sisters to spend potential pre-wedding party money on your wedding instead.
  • Just say no! 
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    You don't have to participate in or accept showers and parties if you aren't interested in having them. Stand your ground, though, as it's possible they will try to push.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You can tell your sisters that unfortunately you can't make it to the parties, but you can't tell them what else to do with their money and time.
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