Destination Weddings Discussions

Newbie needs help deciding!

My fiancé and I have been engaged for 2 weeks now. We have been together 5 years so everyone was super excited for us. We attended a DW this past February and loved the idea, so we were thinking of doing one as well. We just can't decide on a location or if this idea would be budget friendly.

If if we do the destination, we intend on having a party in our hometown immediately following our return. Although We have a lot of our close family and friends who have said they would attend, we have a lot of others who we would like to celebrate us. The reception would be fairly simple and casual with food and dancing. Minimal decorations, a simple dinner (in my rural area food is generally $5-7.50 a head so pretty inexpensive), a discounted venue and dj are all working in our favor.

If I priced correctly, we would spend roughly the same amount to do a DW and have a reception back home as we would for a wedding & reception at home plus a honeymoon.

Ultimately, I guess my question would be is a DW worth it? Did it break the bank? Sorry for the lengthy post and thanks for your input!
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Re: Newbie needs help deciding!

  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2016
    My fiancé and I have been engaged for 2 weeks now. We have been together 5 years so everyone was super excited for us. We attended a DW this past February and loved the idea, so we were thinking of doing one as well. We just can't decide on a location or if this idea would be budget friendly.

    If if we do the destination, we intend on having a party in our hometown immediately following our return. Although We have a lot of our close family and friends who have said they would attend, we have a lot of others who we would like to celebrate us. The reception would be fairly simple and casual with food and dancing. Minimal decorations, a simple dinner (in my rural area food is generally $5-7.50 a head so pretty inexpensive), a discounted venue and dj are all working in our favor.

    If I priced correctly, we would spend roughly the same amount to do a DW and have a reception back home as we would for a wedding & reception at home plus a honeymoon.

    Ultimately, I guess my question would be is a DW worth it? Did it break the bank? Sorry for the lengthy post and thanks for your input!
    As a person who likes marriage (part of the reason I'm still on this board) the priority to me is to see your wedding. I care about being present for the wedding. I care less about the party if I don't get to see the wedding. And it makes it much harder for me to see the important part if it's a DW.

    Since it sounds like you're both from the same rural area, I think that a DW is an extreme hassle for your family and friends. There's a danger that they'll see it this way: "If I want to see their wedding, I have to spend my vacation time and money on a vacation of their choosing, not mine. If I decide that's not worth it, they're offering a consolation prize party. Why can't they just have the wedding where no one has to travel?"

    I think for you, it's best just to let everyone be present for your wedding, and make that easier for them. The setting is just a setting - it's your marriage and the people present who make it special.

    ETA - especially because you don't even have a specific place you think you'd love to go to to have the DW. If you both always wanted to go to X place, that'd be one thing - but also, you could just save up and go there for your honeymoon, rather than spending a lot more money proportionally on a wedding there.
    InLoveInQueensMesmrEwecowgirl8238
  • edited December 2016
    My fiancé and I have been engaged for 2 weeks now. We have been together 5 years so everyone was super excited for us. We attended a DW this past February and loved the idea, so we were thinking of doing one as well. We just can't decide on a location or if this idea would be budget friendly.

    If if we do the destination, we intend on having a party in our hometown immediately following our return. Although We have a lot of our close family and friends who have said they would attend, we have a lot of others who we would like to celebrate us. The reception would be fairly simple and casual with food and dancing. Minimal decorations, a simple dinner (in my rural area food is generally $5-7.50 a head so pretty inexpensive), a discounted venue and dj are all working in our favor.

    If I priced correctly, we would spend roughly the same amount to do a DW and have a reception back home as we would for a wedding & reception at home plus a honeymoon.

    Ultimately, I guess my question would be is a DW worth it? Did it break the bank? Sorry for the lengthy post and thanks for your input!
    As a person who likes marriage (part of the reason I'm still on this board) the priority to me is to see your wedding. I care about being present for the wedding. I care less about the party if I don't get to see the wedding. And it makes it much harder for me to see the important part if it's a DW.

    Since it sounds like you're both from the same rural area, I think that a DW is an extreme hassle for your family and friends. There's a danger that they'll see it this way: "If I want to see their wedding, I have to spend my vacation time and money on a vacation of their choosing, not mine. If I decide that's not worth it, they're offering a consolation prize party. Why can't they just have the wedding where no one has to travel?"

    I think for you, it's best just to let everyone be present for your wedding, and make that easier for them. The setting is just a setting - it's your marriage and the people present who make it special.

    ETA - especially because you don't even have a specific place you think you'd love to go to to have the DW. If you both always wanted to go to X place, that'd be one thing - but also, you could just save up and go there for your honeymoon, rather than spending a lot more money proportionally on a wedding there.

    Thanks so much for your response! I did consider the inconvenience of traveling, but the people most important to me to see the wedding would be willing to travel and have suggested it. I guess being from the middle of nowhere people are itching to have an excuse to vacation! Haha.
    Your suggestion makes a lot of sense though because I know we have several people who would not be able to attend. I like how much you emphasize wanting to see the actual ceremony. Thanks for your input! I'll be sharing this with my fiancé. :smile:
  • If you both have a hometown, why would you want a destination wedding?  Destination weddings work best for people who do not have family close by, and want a small wedding.

    I recommend that you have your hometown wedding with everyone, and then have a destination honeymoon.

    Destination weddings do not save money.
    Airfare is expensive!
    Wedding coordinators can be expensive, too.
    Destination weddings are not convenient for your guests.
    Destination weddings are expensive for your guests.
    Legal difficulties are common with destination weddings unless you do your research carefully.
    The most expensive part of a wedding is the reception.  You say costs are low in your area.  Why pay for the big party when you can just have a traditional wedding ceremony and reception?
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    cowgirl8238
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My fiancé and I have been engaged for 2 weeks now. We have been together 5 years so everyone was super excited for us. We attended a DW this past February and loved the idea, so we were thinking of doing one as well. We just can't decide on a location or if this idea would be budget friendly.

    If if we do the destination, we intend on having a party in our hometown immediately following our return. Although We have a lot of our close family and friends who have said they would attend, we have a lot of others who we would like to celebrate us. The reception would be fairly simple and casual with food and dancing. Minimal decorations, a simple dinner (in my rural area food is generally $5-7.50 a head so pretty inexpensive), a discounted venue and dj are all working in our favor.

    If I priced correctly, we would spend roughly the same amount to do a DW and have a reception back home as we would for a wedding & reception at home plus a honeymoon.

    Ultimately, I guess my question would be is a DW worth it? Did it break the bank? Sorry for the lengthy post and thanks for your input!
    Destination weddings are only budget friendly if you push the costs onto your guests. 

    Now there are multiple types of destination weddings, such as: everyone going to a cabin an hour away, or going to the Caribbean for a full resort party.

    The thing is, you if you are expecting people to travel, you automatically need to up the 'quality' of the party. If you are asking me to fly internationally (to a destination that has no significance to you two), it should be an amazing dinner, full open bar, etc, etc.   

    You are wanting 2 kinds of weddings, one with your local friends and family with a big fun affair and a DJ, and a small and intimate destination wedding. And all of this on a budget? Sorry, it doesn't work that way.

    You need to pick one. Because, also, you need to remember, if you are throwing a wedding related party, you need to have either a very small, family only DW, or invite all of the guests to the DW that you would invite to the party afterwards. This gets spendy, fast.

    It just sounds like a mixed hodge-podge right now, and I think you should be doing more thinking about what you actually want for your wedding and go in that direction. 
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I have mixed feelings about DWs. I've attended some, and they have been extremely fun. However, they've also been extremely costly for me - time off from work, a flight and hotel stay, additional meals, etc. So yes, it might be budget friendly for you, but not your guests. 

    Originally I wanted to have a DW on a beach. However, having that type of wedding meant not being able to have my 92 year old grandma there. And my parents are retired. I didn't want them to have to spend $$$ flying to my DW, and I didn't have enough money to pay for their flights and accommodations. Same with my brother - he wouldn't be able to afford it at all. 

    We compromised with a really gorgeous mountain resort about an hour from where we live. Most of our family lives in the NY metro area as well, so it wasn't too far for them to travel. The ones that wanted to make a weekend out of it stayed at the resort. But the people that wanted to return home that night were able to. It was a great option. 
  • H and I travel a ton and we've always declined destination wedding invitations. We want to spend our money traveling how we want to travel.

    Decide on what you want to do and do one thing really well. Have a destination wedding ... do it and just expect that some people may not travel to join you. You can have a meet the newlyweds party back at home but it shouldn't be wedding #2. OR have a wedding in your hometown, know that a lot of people would attend and then have a kickass honeymoon on a beach.  

  • edited December 2016
    I also have mixed feelings about DWs; I think they're great if you have a small guest list that is able to travel, or if your guests are geographically far from one another, but I think while they can save the B & G money they are costly for guests. 

    My H really wanted a DW and his side would have been willing and able to travel, but it was much harder for my side. My aunts both have three kids under 18, and I wanted them to be there and at 5 tickets a piece to a resort there's no way they would have. 

    Thats not to say there is anything wrong with DW. I think for some people they are great and if your family is on board then maybe it will work for you. But if you want a lot of friends and family there you'll have to think about if they can/want to travel. 
  • Destination wedding are a lot of fun, but they aren't exactly budget friendly. I spent just as much on my destination wedding as I would have on a local wedding. But, there are ways to mitigate those costs. We got married at a beach resort in Cozumel, so people could plan their own vacation around our wedding as they saw fit. Which includes giving them the option to stay wherever and for however long they wanted to. We had guests scattered across the island, but it wasn't a problem. There's a little downtown area and we ran into other guest pretty regularly. We planned three days of events and everyone who went had a really great time.

    I wouldn't have done it any other way. DH and I love to travel, and Cozumel is our special place. Many of our family and friends also had the time and ability to travel as well. Of those that couldn't make it, they were missed. The key is checking with your VIPs. If they can make it and want to travel, then it's a great option.

    I also had a bbq at my parents' house a few months after the wedding. It wasn't a wedding event, but there were fun fiesta themed decorations and an amazing cake! There was also an album of photos for those who were interested.

    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited December 2016
    Mexico is one of those problem places to be married in.  You will need a blood test from a local doctor, as well as advance paperwork.  Rules vary by province.
    Remember, OP, if it isn't a legal ceremony, then it isn't a wedding.
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    MesmrEwe
  • My recommendation would be to have your ceremony+reception in your hometown and a destination honeymoon. You're thinking it's around the same price anyway, so why not take the option that is easiest for your guests?

    DWs increase costs on the guests- airfare, lodging, time off work. I agree that DWs work best for a small wedding, a family who likes to travel, particularly when you've got family all over the place anyway. In your case, it seems the easiest thing to do is marry in your hometown. Definitely consult your VIPs first before making a decision to do a DW- we often mention people like grandparents who may be unable to travel, but you need to also consider everyone else before you are surprised that someone like a sibling or best friend just can't afford it or swing the time off work.

    If you were to do a DW, you can definitely have a party when you return, but this party would be a "celebration of marriage" party, not a re-creation of your wedding, nor a wedding reception. No wedding party, no spotlight dances, no references to "bride and groom". You are already married.

    I also very much value the ceremony. That IS the wedding. It is intimate and beautiful. DW's make it harder for people to see you get married.

    For those who would attend this second party- would they all be invited to the DW? If you want all these people to attend your wedding, then have the wedding where it makes the most sense for most people to attend (of course not everyone will). If you don't plan to invite all these people to your DW or don't "care" if they can come or not, then don't have the second at home party. My personal thought, is if you want me at your wedding, you'd invite me to it- don't give me a consolation prize thinking it'll make us both feel better.

    I am attending a DW in August 2017- in Hawaii. I'm using 1/3 of my work vacation time to attend. Yes, I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, so yes I'm excited to go. But it is going to be expensive. Also, the reason the couple chose the location is that is where the bride's family is from. Some of her family lives in NY State, and the Groom's family is in Canada. Thus, the destination makes sense for them.

    I had a co-worker who was married last year on a cruise. They had a lovely wedding but were disappointed with the low turn out. They were expecting to have all their friends and family attend and have this great week long vacation/party after they got married, but alas that did not happen due to time and costs.

    You also have to consider how you'd like to spend your HM. I know it seems logical to get married somewhere you'd like to HM right after, but you do want your wedding guests their too? That is a personal question. But for me I wouldn't. Sure, we spent some time with family and OOT guests after the wedding, but when I'm on my HM at a beach resort with my DH I wouldn't want to feel like I have to entertain and meet up with all my guests everyday, nor worry about running into my guests while DH and I snuggled up in the pool ;).
    InLoveInQueensMesmrEwe
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    SP29 said:
    My recommendation would be to have your ceremony+reception in your hometown and a destination honeymoon. You're thinking it's around the same price anyway, so why not take the option that is easiest for your guests?

    ...

    You also have to consider how you'd like to spend your HM. I know it seems logical to get married somewhere you'd like to HM right after, but you do want your wedding guests their too? That is a personal question. But for me I wouldn't. Sure, we spent some time with family and OOT guests after the wedding, but when I'm on my HM at a beach resort with my DH I wouldn't want to feel like I have to entertain and meet up with all my guests everyday, nor worry about running into my guests while DH and I snuggled up in the pool ;).

    I never considered a DW but did just get married in the metro area where H and I live and grew up.  For me, I agree with @sp29 but you need to decide what is right and important for you.

    For me, having all of my aunts and uncles and friends there was the second best part of my day. I loved walking down the aisle and seeing both of our families smiling back.  I loved getting a voicemail from my boss telling me what a nice time he and his wife had and telling us to enjoy our honeymoon.  I love the random selfies and snapshots people took throughout the day.  And I love that I just spent 8 days on the beach with no one else but H to consider.  We slept when we wanted to sleep, ate where and when we wanted to, and were able to choose when to be social and when to be just us.  I'm on day 13 of a perma grin, and I'm so glad I did it the way I did.
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    charlotte989875SP29
  • Wow! Thanks for all of the responses. I just figured I'd reply to all instead of individually.

    Let me address a few things I read in the comments: We do live in the same hometown, but a good portion of our extremely close friends and family are scattered throughout the country. The people we care the most about sharing our day with will need to travel regardless (of course with the exception of a few) and have the option of how long to stay. The last DW we attended was in Mexico. Some guests stayed 5 days, some stayed 2 depending on their budget and vacation time. 50 people attended this wedding.

    I also do not intend on "re-creating our wedding." I am well aware that we would already be married and will have already done the first dance, cutting of the cake, etc., but to not even mention the bride and groom seems a bit overboard. This would ultimately be a party to celebrate our recent nuptials. Since people would be kind enough to celebrate at home, we would be more than willing to feed them & have a good time with them.

    Also, I do agree that a setting is just a setting for a wedding, and we will very much take our guests opinions and feelings into consideration. Which is why we have already started asking people their opinions. When it comes down to it, however, the day is about us - not our guests. That sounds selfish, but if our VIPs are more than willing to travel and we would still like to throw a party at home to show our appreciation to those who were not there, then they should appreciate that we still want them by our sides. Going to a wedding is an honor, and out of town, out of the country, or 5 minutes from my house, I have always felt privileged to make the guest list (even to a reception only). In our area, it is common for a B&G to have a small ceremony locally and invite more people to the reception only following the wedding. We have attended several weddings with that custom. This is what initially gave us the idea of a DW and a party back home.

    Some of the comments were constructive, and I really appreciate your opinions! That said, some the comments on this thread were not mean, but I feel like many of them sounded a bit like selfish guests. A lot of what I got out of this was people complaining about using their vacation time/money. The wedding is not about you being able to see the actual wedding  - yes it would be nice to share in a couple's moment - but it's about celebrating the new couple; you should be honored you made the cut at all. I guess maybe my question was worded wrong, or I didn't ask the right questions, but I was hoping to get something a bit different out of this thread.

    Thanks for all of your input.
    knottie72d6b636c9389057
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited December 2016
    Oh, my.  What can I say?
    When you host an event of any kind, your first duty is to your guests.  They are not your audience.
    The ceremony is about the bride and groom.  You owe it to your guests to provide seats and a comfortable location.
    The reception is about any guests you might have.  It is not an opportunity for you and your new husband to revel in attention.  It is a thank you to your guests.
    Any other party on any other day is not a part of your wedding at all.  It is simply a party to celebrate your new marriage.  You are free to have as many as you wish, though people will probably wonder why you didn't invite them to the wedding in the first place.  Don't be surprised if you have fewer people attend an event like this.  It is not a part of your wedding at all.  You will be the host of this party, and your duty is to see to your guests comfort.  You will be a married couple - "the newlyweds" - not the "bride and groom".  You cannot be a "bride" when your wedding day is over.
    "Ceremony day" = wedding day.  You only get one day.

    Ha!  Ladies, don't you love it when a "Newbie needs help" and then dirty deletes when she doesn't like the help she is given?!
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    SP29MesmrEwe
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited December 2016
    Ah, yes.  The annual "Speshul Snowflake" storm begins. B)
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    MesmrEwe
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Man, the Deleted User threads just get tamer and tamer don't they?

    At this rate I'm pretty sure we will have someone dip out when we compliment them!
    image
    SP29AddieCakecowgirl8238
  • CMGragain said:
    Ah, yes.  The annual "Speshul Snowflake" storm begins. B)
    NSJS....

    For those new and reading in ...  When you say "Your wedding is all about YOU" you've just insulted your guests with an entitlement mentality and are going to get called out on it.  
    TrixieJess
  • I don't know about you guys, but if I post something on the boards and the majority of people are pointing out the flaws in it, I would be thinking to myself...hmm maybe I'm doing something wrong.  Oh well its not like we have any real stake in any of this!

    Where did all the common sense go??

    InLoveInQueensTrixieJess
  • I came onto this thread to look for advice on my own DW, and was considering not responding, but I am being pulled to. I have found most of this to not be helpful or constructive, but incredibly judgmental and harsh. I am planning a DW in Mexico, and having a home party after we come back. I don't find it to be ridiculous, I don't think I need to limit myself in only doing one, and have found a budget that works for us to do both. We are having only our nearest and dearest come to Mexico with us, and cleared it with them when we told them we were getting married, ensuring that they wouldn't feel put out or pressured. My fiance has even stated that we would really love for them to be there, but essentially it's about the two of us, and if they can't make it that sucks but we understand and we'll see them when we come home for our party here. We're also legally getting married in the US, and Mexico is a ceremony. Whether or not it's a legal ceremony, it is still my wedding, and to state that it's not a wedding unless it's legal is a bit insulting to me. When we come home we are having a casual barbeque and inviting all of our friends and family. It is a party, not a vow renewal or ceremony. It is a place for all of the people we care about to come and have fun and for us to see them. I have found this whole thread to be ridiculous, and completely rude. Just because it's not how you see your wedding does not mean that it is not a viable option for others, and stating things such as "Sorry, it doesn't work that way," or "You are already married," in regards to having a post-party is one of the most selfish comments I have ever seen. I get that you all have really strict opinions on what a wedding means, or a traditional honeymoon, and all of that, but this all came off as so incredibly rude and as if someone isn't doing it your way then it's not worth doing at all. I regret that I wasn't here before they deleted themselves to offer some help and to tell them that they're not ridiculous, and it is doable, and that their wedding and vision is valid.
    knottie72d6b636c9389057
  • jlshires said:
    I came onto this thread to look for advice on my own DW, and was considering not responding, but I am being pulled to. I have found most of this to not be helpful or constructive, but incredibly judgmental and harsh. I am planning a DW in Mexico, and having a home party after we come back. I don't find it to be ridiculous, I don't think I need to limit myself in only doing one, and have found a budget that works for us to do both. We are having only our nearest and dearest come to Mexico with us, and cleared it with them when we told them we were getting married, ensuring that they wouldn't feel put out or pressured. My fiance has even stated that we would really love for them to be there, but essentially it's about the two of us, and if they can't make it that sucks but we understand and we'll see them when we come home for our party here. We're also legally getting married in the US, and Mexico is a ceremony. Whether or not it's a legal ceremony, it is still my wedding, and to state that it's not a wedding unless it's legal is a bit insulting to me. When we come home we are having a casual barbeque and inviting all of our friends and family. It is a party, not a vow renewal or ceremony. It is a place for all of the people we care about to come and have fun and for us to see them. I have found this whole thread to be ridiculous, and completely rude. Just because it's not how you see your wedding does not mean that it is not a viable option for others, and stating things such as "Sorry, it doesn't work that way," or "You are already married," in regards to having a post-party is one of the most selfish comments I have ever seen. I get that you all have really strict opinions on what a wedding means, or a traditional honeymoon, and all of that, but this all came off as so incredibly rude and as if someone isn't doing it your way then it's not worth doing at all. I regret that I wasn't here before they deleted themselves to offer some help and to tell them that they're not ridiculous, and it is doable, and that their wedding and vision is valid.
    Are you telling the guests you're inviting to the Mexican PPD that you'll be married before that ceremony? Because, if you're not, that's the most offensive part of doing a destination wedding this way. You ask your nearest and dearest to spend thousands of dollars to spend their vacation time to not see you get married and instead watch a pretend wedding that doesn't make you husband and wife and they don't realize you're already married. If you tell them the truth of your plan, then that leaves the decision to spend that kind of time and money to watch a pretend wedding to the guests.
    InLoveInQueens
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    jlshires said:
    I came onto this thread to look for advice on my own DW, and was considering not responding, but I am being pulled to. I have found most of this to not be helpful or constructive, but incredibly judgmental and harsh. I am planning a DW in Mexico, and having a home party after we come back. I don't find it to be ridiculous, I don't think I need to limit myself in only doing one, and have found a budget that works for us to do both. We are having only our nearest and dearest come to Mexico with us, and cleared it with them when we told them we were getting married, ensuring that they wouldn't feel put out or pressured. My fiance has even stated that we would really love for them to be there, but essentially it's about the two of us, and if they can't make it that sucks but we understand and we'll see them when we come home for our party here. We're also legally getting married in the US, and Mexico is a ceremony. Whether or not it's a legal ceremony, it is still my wedding, and to state that it's not a wedding unless it's legal is a bit insulting to me. When we come home we are having a casual barbeque and inviting all of our friends and family. It is a party, not a vow renewal or ceremony. It is a place for all of the people we care about to come and have fun and for us to see them. I have found this whole thread to be ridiculous, and completely rude. Just because it's not how you see your wedding does not mean that it is not a viable option for others, and stating things such as "Sorry, it doesn't work that way," or "You are already married," in regards to having a post-party is one of the most selfish comments I have ever seen. I get that you all have really strict opinions on what a wedding means, or a traditional honeymoon, and all of that, but this all came off as so incredibly rude and as if someone isn't doing it your way then it's not worth doing at all. I regret that I wasn't here before they deleted themselves to offer some help and to tell them that they're not ridiculous, and it is doable, and that their wedding and vision is valid.
    You're such a good friend, asking your loved ones to spend thousands of dollars so you can play dress up.  


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    geebee908InLoveInQueens
  • Of course I am telling them - and it's comments like "dress up" and "pretend wedding" that are so incredibly offensive. If you're not trying to be helpful, why are you responding to the post at all? You don't want to have a destination wedding, don't. Don't harsh on anyone else's just because it's not for you, that's so petty.
    knottie72d6b636c9389057
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    jlshires said:
    Of course I am telling them - and it's comments like "dress up" and "pretend wedding" that are so incredibly offensive. If you're not trying to be helpful, why are you responding to the post at all? You don't want to have a destination wedding, don't. Don't harsh on anyone else's just because it's not for you, that's so petty.
    Oh please.  It is a pretend wedding if you're already married.  PPs have been helpful.  You just don't like what we have to say.  I also promise that your friends and family are not as "supportive" and "joyful" to join you as you think.  I can't tell you how many times I've heard someone tell a friend/family member "oh my gosh! That's wonderful! I'm so excited! Do what you want--it's YOUR DAY!" and then turn around and talk about how rude or inconvenient it is.  People remember how they are treated. People remember if you make them travel to an event that serves your vision instead of taking their comfort into account. I would say that around 90-95% of brides we have here doing a PPD plan on, or are actively lying to their family/friends about when they legally get married.  If you look, you'll see threads from friends and family members on the E board who were PISSED when they found out how much money they spent attending a fake wedding.  The real wedding is the day you get legally married.  That day matters.  Have a celebration party, but don't call it a wedding.    


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    InLoveInQueens
  • levioosa said:
    jlshires said:
    Of course I am telling them - and it's comments like "dress up" and "pretend wedding" that are so incredibly offensive. If you're not trying to be helpful, why are you responding to the post at all? You don't want to have a destination wedding, don't. Don't harsh on anyone else's just because it's not for you, that's so petty.
    Oh please.  It is a pretend wedding if you're already married.  PPs have been helpful.  You just don't like what we have to say.  I also promise that your friends and family are not as "supportive" and "joyful" to join you as you think.  I can't tell you how many times I've heard someone tell a friend/family member "oh my gosh! That's wonderful! I'm so excited! Do what you want--it's YOUR DAY!" and then turn around and talk about how rude or inconvenient it is.  People remember how they are treated. People remember if you make them travel to an event that serves your vision instead of taking their comfort into account. I would say that around 90-95% of brides we have here doing a PPD plan on, or are actively lying to their family/friends about when they legally get married.  If you look, you'll see threads from friends and family members on the E board who were PISSED when they found out how much money they spent attending a fake wedding.  The real wedding is the day you get legally married.  That day matters.  Have a celebration party, but don't call it a wedding.    
    Just wanna say..I don't think there's anything wrong at all with a destination wedding. Lots of people enjoy traveling to DWs and I think it's perfectly fine to have one if that is your "vision".

    Now there is something wrong with having a DW AND a hometown PPD. If you want a DW, then have one, enjoy it and own it. THAT is your wedding. I can see why some would want to have a celebration party back in their hometown and technically that's fine as long as it's not a reenactment. I would personally rather throw that extra money into my dream DW or honeymoon if that was my "dream vision". 
  • Tell that to the slaves, refugees, homosexuals who for years would have symbolic ceremonies that weren't legally recognized as marriage. The wedding/ceremony/marriage is about the symbol and the dedication and love you have for another person. In Christianity, it's about the sanctity of vowing in front of the lord and receiving sacrament, no legalities about it. As I said before, if you don't believe in anything but a legal marriage, that's your prerogative, but it's also your opinion. And I asked and asked all of my guests how they felt about going to Mexico before I even serious looked into any resorts. If you have family that lies to your face, I feel bad for you.
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    jlshires said:
    Tell that to the slaves, refugees, homosexuals who for years would have symbolic ceremonies that weren't legally recognized as marriage. The wedding/ceremony/marriage is about the symbol and the dedication and love you have for another person. In Christianity, it's about the sanctity of vowing in front of the lord and receiving sacrament, no legalities about it. As I said before, if you don't believe in anything but a legal marriage, that's your prerogative, but it's also your opinion. And I asked and asked all of my guests how they felt about going to Mexico before I even serious looked into any resorts. If you have family that lies to your face, I feel bad for you.
    Are you being purposefully dense?  The fact that mixed race marriage, homosexual marriage and the such were once illegal is EXACTLY why the legality of the marriage matters.  They had to fight for that right.  It's a right you're treating flippantly with privilege.  Your legal marriage matters.  It is a sacred right.  When you asked your guests how they felt, of course they were pressured to say they had no problem.  That was part of my point. Friends and family will lie to make you feel better.  Don't act like that is surprising.  


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    InLoveInQueenssparklepants41ahoywedding
  • How am I treating it flippantly by expressing both a legal wedding and a ceremony and expression to share with my family? Also, calling it a sacred right would be a religious right, which is a completely separate concept than a legal right... as I had previously stated.
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