Wedding Etiquette Forum

Thank You Note Question

Zeliatheb3Zeliatheb3 member
First Comment
edited December 2016 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I have a bit of an unusual situation with a thank you note or two that I want to clear up. I'm a bit behind on them (not wildly late, just later than I'd like to be [i.e. still within  2-3 months following the wedding]).

First scenario: If I invited a couple or family to the wedding, but only one of the couple came (wife was suddenly in the hospital a week prior to the wedding with a broken back) or the parents came (kids in the middle of a college semester) and the card given with the gift was signed with all of the names of the people invited, do I address the thank you note to those who attended or those who signed? I'm thinking signed, but I don't want it to be read as mean or spiteful.

Second scenario: My parents have had a rough year. My dad lost his job, then a week later had a heart attack (survived and was doing well enough to walk me down the aisle) and then a week later my mother was in the hospital for emergency surgery. My dad got another job with the company which unexpectedly went out of business shortly before the bridal shower. My mother then developed a medical problem weeks prior to the wedding related to a poor recovery from her earlier surgery. They couldn't afford their bills, even with unemployment/ACA/deferments/what-have-you. A couple, who are very dear family friends, offered, in lieu of a wedding present to DH and I, to pay for my parents' bills for a month to ease their burdens. This was very kind of the couple and DH and I are extremely grateful for their assistance (we helped as much as we could, but that wasn't much).

Should I thank them for helping my parents out in my wedding thank you notes? I was thinking of "We're very grateful to you for assisting Mom and Dad in such a generous fashion and taking stress away from the wedding planning." Does it seem gift-grabby or rude? Should I thank them in a note apart from the wedding thank you note?

Thank you for your advice!

Re: Thank You Note Question

  • 1- everyone who signed the card

    2- how would it? Wedding thank you notes are thank you's for giving a wedding gift. Which they did. So unless I'm missing something how would this be bad?
  • 1- everyone who signed the card

    2- how would it? Wedding thank you notes are thank you's for giving a wedding gift. Which they did. So unless I'm missing something how would this be bad?
    Thank you.

    I didn't think it would be, but I take offense to practically nothing and so sometimes commit faux pas, occasionally coming off as condescending (as I'm told), quite often. That is something I would like to avoid at all costs with my wedding guests.

    I don't think I'd offend these people in particular, but I have trouble telling when I will or won't.
  • I'd mention everyone whose names were on the card, not who was invited.  Take the cue from your guests. 
    Although the family friends helped pay your parents' bills in lieu of a wedding gift, it wasn't a wedding gift.  I would've written a thank you note the day your parents received a check (ideally your parents would also thank them).  Sorry they've had such a rough year, I hope they're feeling better.
  • Thank everyone that is on the card.  

    For the second scenario, if this really was a wedding gift to you and your H then you should thank them. I do think your parents should send them a thank you as well. 

    Hope your parents are doing better!
  • My dad's doing much better, but my mother is going in for another surgery.

    Thanks for the advice!

  • Vibes that things turn around and your parents are doing better!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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