June 2017 Honeymoon

NatalieRose8

I'm looking for some suggestions/advice for a June 2017 Honeymoon. My fiance absolutely hates traveling...is terrified of flying and hates being away for long amounts of time. This is the only topic we really ever argue over. I am totally bitten by the travel bug. I love to travel and it really makes me upset that he is not interested. He agreed on a honeymoon in Europe but now that we are about to book, he is having reservations and fighting me about the itinerary/places I'm choosing to visit. I'm looking for advice/feedback from anyone who may be in the same boat? And I'm looking for some suggestions possibly on alternative destinations? 

Some basic info - we live in NYC, have about 14-16 days to travel and the budget is fairly open (maybe around $20k+). I don't think he can handle more than 10 hours travel, if even that.

Thank you for any feedback

Jells2dot0

When I got married the first time, my then H had never flown before. I wanted to HM in French Polynesia, but he was apprehensive about the flights (departing from DC, connecting in LA and then 8 hours to Tahiti). I was willing to change up my plans for him, but since he had never flown, he wasn't sure how he'd react, so we agreed to still go. We got him some meds for the flight just in case. He ended up being completely fine.

However, it sounds like your FI has flown and just flat out is afraid of flying and doesn't want to be gone for long. I think you can communicate with him to compromise on length of stay, but I do think you need to compromise on the flying. He's terrified and starting off his marriage with his new wife forcing him to do something that he can't bear to do. I don't think that is a good way to start off a marriage and no amount of money or time off from work will fix that. Perhaps you can consider heading up to Canada and hit up Montreal, Quebec, and head over to Nova Scotia and back down. You can use your budget to splurge on suites and private activities (example- I was just in New Zealand and splurged on private hikes, wine tours and a helicopter tour). Maybe consider being away from home 10 nights instead of 14 or 16. 

After all of that is done, you may want to have some very frank conversations about the future and travel. If you want to travel, you need to come to an agreement on how you will handle going forward. Maybe he will be open to working with a counselor on it. Or, you may need to give up on the idea of going far from home. Or you may agree that any time you want to head abroad, you do it on your own. I have traveled all over the world and am thankful my spouses have accommodated that. If they didn't, I would just agree to what they were comfortable with. Or work out an agreement where  maybe I'd go with my mom or some friends. For some, it would be a deal breaker. 

STARMOON44

I'm not much of a cruise fan myself, but a Mediterranean cruise would be great that time of year, maybe less stressful for him, and a direct flight from NYC to Barcelona is <10 hours. With a $20,000 budget you could have a spectacular trip. 

Or if he really can't fly this could be amazing:

http://www.cunard.com/cruise-search/book-a-cruise/cruises/qm/2311-m721a-sou1-sou2/  

CMGragain

NatalieRose8 said:

I'm looking for some suggestions/advice for a June 2017 Honeymoon. My fiance absolutely hates traveling...is terrified of flying and hates being away for long amounts of time. This is the only topic we really ever argue over. I am totally bitten by the travel bug. I love to travel and it really makes me upset that he is not interested. He agreed on a honeymoon in Europe but now that we are about to book, he is having reservations and fighting me about the itinerary/places I'm choosing to visit. I'm looking for advice/feedback from anyone who may be in the same boat? And I'm looking for some suggestions possibly on alternative destinations? 

Some basic info - we live in NYC, have about 14-16 days to travel and the budget is fairly open (maybe around $20k+). I don't think he can handle more than 10 hours travel, if even that.

Thank you for any feedback

Why is your FI "terrified of flying"?  Does he have actual panic attacks?  Has he seen a doctor about this?

My husband is a very nervous traveler.  He is not afraid of plane crashes, but he worries about time schedules.  This means that major airports, with potential flight delays, are a major stress time for him.  He also worries that the airline will lose our luggage.

Last year his doctor prescribed him Xanax for anxiety when he travels.  It does help somewhat, but the stress is still there.  We find that cruises work best for him because everything is planned by the cruise line, yet he is given some choices within his comfort zone, and he returns to the same cabin (room) every evening.  He truly enjoys cruises, but he has trouble getting through the airport.

In your post, you seem more concerned about your honeymoon than you are about your FI's anxiety issues.  If you are going to marry this man, you need to accept that he will always have difficulty traveling.  Why are you valuing your travel wishes over his well being?  Think about it.  Honestly, you sound very selfish in your post.

ernursej

I think that you need to sit down and talk about expectations and try to get a better understanding of why FI doesn't want to fly. If he agreed to go, I do think it is annoying that you are now getting push back but I know that I've made agreements to things that I wasn't happy about to make my spouse happy. Could this be the case and now he is having a hard time wrapping his head around the whole thing?

There are medications/meditations/therapy pathways that can help with phobias. Perhaps this is a good time for your FI to get to the bottom of this and find ways to cope better with it.

Alternatives for a fly free honeymoon could be North America where flying isn't necessary. Lots of cruises leave from NYC. You could do some sort of cool road trip across a part of the states or eastern Canada.

NatalieRose8

Thank you for your replies! We had a very lengthy discussion about it and compromised the places to visit to minimize flying time. I actually understand anxiety quite well, as I am a psychotherapist myself. We made a plan for him to be ok with the travel, even though he knows he will initially be nervous to get on the flight. He does not have panic attacks but rather has a control issue with flying -- because he is not in control of the plane. He wants to see Europe and wants to get over this, so we are still heading to Italy and working our way to Greece at the end of the trip