Include future brother-in-law's fiancé in my bridal party?

hdmoores

My future brother-in-law just proposed to his girlfriend of just over a year a couple days ago. I've already been engaged for almost two years now and my wedding is in August, so all seven of my girls are all set. But then my future mother-in-law told me that my now future sister-in-law wants to have me in her party because we're all going to be family. My fml told her a good out for me by saying I'm already deep and almost done with all my planing and I may not ask her because things are settling, but I'm hoping that since my fsl was just so excited that she said it by not really thinking through it. As much as I'd love to have her by my side for my wedding, I don't really know her all that well and I feel eight girls is waaaaayy too many! Should I include her?

flantastic

hdmoores said:

My future brother-in-law just proposed to his girlfriend of just over a year a couple days ago. I've already been engaged for almost two years now and my wedding is in August, so all seven of my girls are all set. But then my future mother-in-law told me that my now future sister-in-law wants to have me in her party because we're all going to be family. My fml told her a good out for me by saying I'm already deep and almost done with all my planing and I may not ask her because things are settling, but I'm hoping that since my fsl was just so excited that she said it by not really thinking through it. As much as I'd love to have her by my side for my wedding, I don't really know her all that well and I feel eight girls is waaaaayy too many! Should I include her?

No. Wedding parties are not tit-for-tat, so your FSIL can have you as a BM without her being one of yours. I think she'd be genuinely surprised if you asked her to be in your party, because it is so obviously "set." (She did just mention asking you for her party, not anything specific about your own? That's what this post says, but you have some strange implication that she's expecting to be asked by you now - and nothing about her comment as written implies that.)

Also I have no idea why 7 BMs is fine but 8 is completely overboard? Doesn't really seem like a big difference to me.

Jen4948

Your FMIL's comment may have been a hint that she, your FSIL, or both want you to ask her to be in your wedding party, but you don't have to ask her if you don't know her well and aren't close. 

You are not required to ask anyone out of "obligation."

southernbelle0915

It sounds like you think that if you're in her wedding, she has to be in yours. Scratch that idea from your head. Your FMIL should keep her nose out of it and say nothing, especially silly things like "how deep" you are in planning, because it really has nothing to do with that. You just aren't close with this girl and you don't want to ask her. So just don't. You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why. 

If she has you in her wedding, great! You don't have her in your wedding, no biggie! If she gets married before you, whatever! If they decide to elope and not invite any family, fine! There is literally no drama to be had unless you engage or make mountains out of molehills.

SP29

Do not ask people to stand up in your WP out of obligation. No one is required to be in your WP. Ask those who are close to you.

Weddings do not make relationships.

Personally, I don't know why FSIL would want to be asked now after you already have asked your WP- it seems like it'd be obvious she was an after thought. If she later chooses to ask you to stand up in her WP, then that is her choice, it is not related to yours.

ei34

How is eight waaaaayyy too many if seven is fine? It's only one more.

Numbers aside, you definitely don't have to ask your FSIL (well, technically she's your FI's FSIL).  Your instinct is correct- if you don't feel close to her, don't ask.  You also don't have to be in her WP if she does end up asking you.  

AddieCake

You should not ask anyone with whom you are not close to be in your wedding party, and you shouldn't feel obligated to be in someone else's if you don't want to be.  These should be your nearest and dearest, not a handful of people you know to fill a role and make a pretty wedding. If you are asked to be in someone's wedding, you do not have to ask that person/those people to participate in yours, either. Some people think you do, and they may get salty about it, but just ignore that. 

CMGragain

Buy the FBIL's FI a nice corsage to honor her.

MissKittyDanger

Don't feel obligated to.

I know with BIL gets married, my H will be in his WP but I don't expect to be in her WP at all. I can only hope to be at least sitting with MIL and sFIL