Reception Ideas

People getting mad over nothing

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Re: People getting mad over nothing

  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    So you're getting angry at the fact that someone whom you don't even know is going to have a beer, wine and CASH BAR at their wedding. I would be more offended if I went to a wedding and they didn't have the decency to tell me there would a cash bar beforehand or only offered me what they wanted to give me and gave me no other choice. So yes I will be letting my family and friends know on the invitations and wedding website that there will be a cash bar for premium drinks so they will be well prepared and if they don't like it they don't have to come. Real family and friends will not give a crap about what's paid for or not paid for, they will be happy to be there to celebrate your big day with you.
    Uh, no. 

    It's more offensive to me when family and friends pass on the costs of their event to me, their guest, because I expect them to treat me better since I'm a supposed beloved friend of family member, and I hold my friends and family to a higher standard.

    I'm happy to celebrate your wedding with you, but I'm not happy to have to pay for my drinks when I look all around and see that you have overpaid and wasted money on chair covers, fancy linens, centerpieces, etc.  When I see that it tells me that your wedding vision was more important than properly hosting me.

    Your reception should be 50%-60% of your total wedding budget, and that includes food and drinks.  If you can't afford cocktails, then you can't afford cocktails- they are often very overpriced.  That's why I hosted a limited bar of beer, wine, and a signature drink.  No cash bar.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    kimmiinthemittenOurWildKingdomSP29
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    banana468 said:
    So you're getting angry at the fact that someone whom you don't even know is going to have a beer, wine and CASH BAR at their wedding. I would be more offended if I went to a wedding and they didn't have the decency to tell me there would a cash bar beforehand or only offered me what they wanted to give me and gave me no other choice. So yes I will be letting my family and friends know on the invitations and wedding website that there will be a cash bar for premium drinks so they will be well prepared and if they don't like it they don't have to come. Real family and friends will not give a crap about what's paid for or not paid for, they will be happy to be there to celebrate your big day with you.
    I think you really need to take a step back and understand that logic of this type is what doesn't make a lot of sense.

    Real family and friends will not give a crap about what's paid for or not paid for, they will be happy to be there to celebrate your big day with you.

    This is such a logical fallacy.   Family and friends may not SAY anything to you about how they were treated.   That doesn't mean that they don't care what was or wasn't hosted.    Your logic implies that your family and friends will not change their opinion of you regardless of what you do or what you host.   Unfortunately @Tdanley0906, this makes very little sense.   It implies that THEIR love for you is enough even if you are asking more from them then you are willing to give.

    I don't like this logic at all.   It's the same kind of logic that you hear manipulators use: "If you love me then you'll do X."   If you cared about me then you'll stop doing X."   These are all phrases that are used to imply that what the speaker does matters less than what others do for her/him.   Such a concept forgets that any quality relationship flows in two directions and not just one.

    For your wedding, there is guest etiquette and there's host etiquette.   Your guests should accept graciously what you offer.   As the hostess, you should offer what is within your means that is appropriate for the time of day.   Your guests would most likely  not just "be happy to celebrate the big day with you" if you didn't offer them a meal at meal time.   And your guests are most likely not "happy to celebrate the big day with you" if they have to pay for extra drinks.

    No one thinks that a wedding should be a go-for-broke situation.   Figure out your budget and guest list and let THAT dictate the type of wedding your're having.   But your wedding is a hosted event and that means that your guests shouldn't have to pay for anything that's listed as available to them.   If you're not going to charge for the steak or the cake then don't charge for booze.   Figure out how you can add a signature drink and nix the shot.   I know that plenty will do them but I also know plenty of family and friends who won't.

    Finally, please don't take silence for acceptance or approval.   Sometimes, it's the closest family members who don't say anything.   That doesn't mean that they're happy about their experience.  It may simply mean that they're going to remain quiet about it because it may not be worth starting the argument.   However as someone who has had the experience of bait and switch and partial cash bars, I can tell you that I'm not a fan and my silence to those who have had them is not a sign of my approval at all. 


    Truth! My godson's wedding was the one with a cash bar. I didn't say anything about it to him or his parents, but you can be 100% sure I was not happy about it nor were my family members.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • kaos16kaos16
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
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    This sounds like something they would do at "The Lamppost," my old underage college hangout, typical skeevy bar/club.  I can look up the number and contact them to see how they gave out all those free shots efficiently. . . . . oh wait, I can't. The SLA shut them down for horrible ideas like this one.


    Does your venue even allow shots?  A lot of them don't.  Do you really want your guests doing shots?  All of this idea just seems like it is likely to implode in a big, horrible fashion.

    sparklepants41PrettyGirlLostmollybarker11
  • Ro041Ro041
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    If you're going to offer free shots during Shots Shots Shots like you can't limit that to one shot. That's not festive at all. 
    @STARMOON44 - you can limit it, only if you dub over the song with, "ONE SHOT, SHOT, SHOT, SHOT - ONLY ONE SHOT SHOT SHOT SHOT SHOT.  EVERYBODY - ONE SHOT SHOT SHOT SHOT."  

    As an aside, I only drink beer and wine and never do shots.  They don't sit well with me.  I wouldn't partake in this game and I think it is very.....elementary.  

    justsieInLoveInQueensahoyweddingcowgirl8238
  • What a mess
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    CMGragain said:
    Listen, ladies, I was in college in the early 1970's.  I could probably out swear a construction worker or a drill sergeant if I choose to, but I usually simply choose NOT to.
    My children know very well that if I am mad enough to use the f word, then they are in deep shit.
    I was that angry at 3:00 AM last night, and I emailed both of them.  I had been asking for a friend's new address, which they both knew, for about a month.  I guess something that Mom wanted and needed was just not important to them, but I am important enough to listen to their life complaints.  (I do not want to hear anymore about Donald Trump, nuclear war, or LGTB rights.  I have listened, patiently, for hours, and we do not disagree.  Quit whining!)
    Needless to say, they each sent me the address I had politely and repeatedly requested this morning.  If you don't use it often, then it really means something when you use it.  If you use it in every other sentence, then nobody will listen to you.
    Fuck cancer. :D
    I figured you knew HOW, it's just really rare and my mom was like you...if she got mad enough to drop a swear I was in deep. Fuck cancer for sure!
    sparklepants41OurWildKingdomcowgirl8238CMGragain
  • I'll offer up some actual advice here:

    1. Some venues have a full bar and can't remove the liquor that's not hosted. Assuming that's the situation at this venue, it's perfectly fine to only offer wine and beer and non-alcoholic drinks as complementary, and there's nothing you can do to stop someone from purchasing a drink that's not complementary. This board regularly says that that's fine, if it's the situation at your venue. All you do is make sure your guests clearly know what is complementary (signs on the bar, and a note on the menu or something like that), so no one is caught off guard. 

    2. If you can afford it, and your venue lets you, you could also offer a signature drink or two without offering a full bar. At my wedding we did a couple beers, a couple wines, a prosecco, and 2 signature drinks--one with vodka and one with bourbon. We didn't allow shots to be served, but if guests wanted a different mixed drink (like a vodka soda) that was fine. 

    3. I've been to a wedding that had an ice luge for shots. We were all in our 20's. It was fun. Maybe you could do something like that?

    4. If you really want to serve a special drink (e.g. shots) at a particular time, I think you need to have waiters pass them out. I'm thinking like how bars have "shot girls" who walk around with a big tray of shots. I don't think they'd be any issue with this--if you have a hundred guests you can have enough waiters with trays to carry a hundred shots. Some people won't have one, some people will have 2. It should work out fine.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    member
    #1 did raise a good point regarding some venues not putting away alcohol that isn't hosted. 

    Re: #3 -- it's a wedding reception, not a frat party or rib cookoff.
    CMGragaincowgirl8238PrettyGirlLost
  • MandyMost said:
    I'll offer up some actual advice here:

    1. Some venues have a full bar and can't remove the liquor that's not hosted. Assuming that's the situation at this venue, it's perfectly fine to only offer wine and beer and non-alcoholic drinks as complementary, and there's nothing you can do to stop someone from purchasing a drink that's not complementary. This board regularly says that that's fine, if it's the situation at your venue. All you do is make sure your guests clearly know what is complementary (signs on the bar, and a note on the menu or something like that), so no one is caught off guard. 
    This is true if the venue does not put away their liquor (typical of legion halls and such).  The OP wanted to do a partial cash bar which is completely different!  The former is something beyond the Brides control, the latter is asking guests to supplement the costs of the wedding.

    2. If you can afford it, and your venue lets you, you could also offer a signature drink or two without offering a full bar. At my wedding we did a couple beers, a couple wines, a prosecco, and 2 signature drinks--one with vodka and one with bourbon. We didn't allow shots to be served, but if guests wanted a different mixed drink (like a vodka soda) that was fine. 
    This is a good compromise.  I would recommend this option to anyone who is on the fence, or cannot afford a full bar like OP.

    3. I've been to a wedding that had an ice luge for shots. We were all in our 20's. It was fun. Maybe you could do something like that?
    This screams Frat Party to me.  This is not something I would expect at a wedding at all.  I mean I guess it doesn't hurt anyone, but it would get a good eye-roll from me.

    4. If you really want to serve a special drink (e.g. shots) at a particular time, I think you need to have waiters pass them out. I'm thinking like how bars have "shot girls" who walk around with a big tray of shots. I don't think they'd be any issue with this--if you have a hundred guests you can have enough waiters with trays to carry a hundred shots. Some people won't have one, some people will have 2. It should work out fine.
    I will concede that if the OP insists on doing shots during a specific time this would be the way to go.  However, this still leaves the problem of some people missing out because they went outside for some air, or were in the bathroom.  It still creates the issue of some guests getting a different experience than others...and at the end of the day it seems silly and wasteful if no one takes the shots. 

    OP, I think you should host what you can afford. If that is just beer and wine, than just host beer and wine.  If you can add a signature drink than go for it.  Anyone who complains that they couldn't get shots of JD are the rude ones.  By offering a partial cash bar you are not treating everyone equally.  I never bring cash to a wedding.  I only drink water most of the time anyway, but I would pissed if I found out you had a partial cash bar...its just rude.

    DrillSergeantCatSP29PrettyGirlLost
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