Snarky Brides

I should have decided no BMs

So I'm starting to get a little irked with my bridesmaids, actually I've about had it. I'm try so hard not to be bridezilla, but if I keep getting pushed it's going to happen. 
I gave my bridesmaids the option of buying online or in store. I do not care as long as they buy the right color, and the rest they can figure out themselves. So majority chose to shop instore, in fact 4 of them. One chose online, one has to work both days (my sister) which I was okay with-it can go with my mom sometime, two wanted sunday and then of course the other chose monday (the maid pissing me off.) They all wanted to go this weekend, one of them is driving from 2 hours away to make the appointment which I truly appreciate. I set up a date and time which was sunday, and one of the maids literally told me she was just going by herself the following day because she doesn't get to see her significant other during the week. (Which is a total lie, she just about lives with him.) And this is not a new relationship.

So now I'm stuck driving an hour away two days in a row (to the closest store) because I don't trust her sense of style. I'm utterly frustrated that I'm the one making sacrifices and even when I made an appointment for her the following day, it still wasn't good enough because she likes to sleep in so yet again I'm making it for a time unconventional for myself. And this isn't the first time it's happened, it seems as though everything I do, something needs to be changed. 

Am I wrong to be a little frustrated when she was the overly eager bridesmaid, now truly making me regret I even decided to have bridesmaids?! (I was only having a MOH at first.) I have been giving her a little attitude about it and she knows I'm pissed but won't do anything to change it.

Re: I should have decided no BMs

  • edited January 2017
    So I'm starting to get a little irked with my bridesmaids, actually I've about had it. I'm try so hard not to be bridezilla, but if I keep getting pushed it's going to happen. 
    I gave my bridesmaids the option of buying online or in store. I do not care as long as they buy the right color, and the rest they can figure out themselves. So majority chose to shop instore, in fact 4 of them. One chose online, one has to work both days (my sister) which I was okay with-it can go with my mom sometime, two wanted sunday and then of course the other chose monday (the maid pissing me off.) They all wanted to go this weekend, one of them is driving from 2 hours away to make the appointment which I truly appreciate. I set up a date and time which was sunday, and one of the maids literally told me she was just going by herself the following day because she doesn't get to see her significant other during the week. (Which is a total lie, she just about lives with him.) And this is not a new relationship.

    So now I'm stuck driving an hour away two days in a row (to the closest store) because I don't trust her sense of style. I'm utterly frustrated that I'm the one making sacrifices and even when I made an appointment for her the following day, it still wasn't good enough because she likes to sleep in so yet again I'm making it for a time unconventional for myself. And this isn't the first time it's happened, it seems as though everything I do, something needs to be changed. 

    Am I wrong to be a little frustrated when she was the overly eager bridesmaid, now truly making me regret I even decided to have bridesmaids?! (I was only having a MOH at first.) I have been giving her a little attitude about it and she knows I'm pissed but won't do anything to change it.
    To the bolded, either this is true or it isn't. If you are going to the store with your bridesmaids, the bolded isn't true. You obviously want veto power, which is ok, but own it. 

    Just because someone lives with someone or "just about" lives with someone doesn't mean they get much time together. H has a long commute so he gets up and leaves and then we only have a couple hours in the evening before needing to go to bed. Not enough time to go out or do much of anything together. 

    Bridesmaids don't have to go to the appointments you set up. If you specified a color and left it at that, then she probably correctly assumed that she could go whenever and didn't need you there. I suggest just letting her get whatever dress. It's a bridesmaid dress. Are there any of them that will look wildly out of place?
    It is true. Either instore at the appointment or online. The deadline is this month. She's literally attached to his hip, there is no if ands of buts about it. I should also have added that I said only long dresses and she's trying to order a short dress.
  • I don't understand why you all have to go together. You said you didn't care if they bought on line or in a store as long as the dress was the right color. Let them buy a dress without you having to go along. Problem solved.


    It's one of those things I always wanted.
  • Okay thanks girls, maybe I just need to get myself in check. I have a lot going on and I'm taking it out on them.
    SaintPaulGalSP29Vivandiere8drglitter
  • Yeah, I think you are already in Bridezilla Territory with this one. First did you ask them privately for a budget and is this dress within budget?  Second, if you said, "Get X color in a long length" and then proceeded to tell me that you had to be there I would be confused.  You have a right to dictate length and color, but if you want veto power you should have said something in the beginning.  If you did that makes this a little different.

    We always say that all the BM/MOH has to do is buy the appropriate dress and show up on time, relatively sober  and smile at the ceremony.  I agree she has to get the right dress, but don't make a mountain out of a mole hill here.

  • I should also clarify the color was given so the BM could decide what dress they wanted prior to appointment and know what dresses were available in that color. I was privately asked by one if she could order online and I wasn't going to let one order and the rest not have that option. 

    I guess I was only assuming I had to be there.....
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I'm so confused.  Are they all getting the same dress, or their own dress in the same color/length? 

    You can't dictate homework and that's exactly what you did when you told them to look online first.

    I agree with the PP's.  You crossed into Zilla territory a while ago.  Pick a dress if you want them all uniform, or trust them to dress themselves if they get to pick a dress.  I assume you love and value your friend with a different style preference than yours.  Why risk ruining harming the friendship when she catches on that you're trying to monitor her choices because you don't trust her?
    image
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    So I'm starting to get a little irked with my bridesmaids, actually I've about had it. I'm try so hard not to be bridezilla, but if I keep getting pushed it's going to happen. 
    I gave my bridesmaids the option of buying online or in store. I do not care as long as they buy the right color, and the rest they can figure out themselves. So majority chose to shop instore, in fact 4 of them. One chose online, one has to work both days (my sister) which I was okay with-it can go with my mom sometime, two wanted sunday and then of course the other chose monday (the maid pissing me off.) They all wanted to go this weekend, one of them is driving from 2 hours away to make the appointment which I truly appreciate. I set up a date and time which was sunday, and one of the maids literally told me she was just going by herself the following day because she doesn't get to see her significant other during the week. (Which is a total lie, she just about lives with him.) And this is not a new relationship.

    So now I'm stuck driving an hour away two days in a row (to the closest store) because I don't trust her sense of style. I'm utterly frustrated that I'm the one making sacrifices and even when I made an appointment for her the following day, it still wasn't good enough because she likes to sleep in so yet again I'm making it for a time unconventional for myself. And this isn't the first time it's happened, it seems as though everything I do, something needs to be changed. 

    Am I wrong to be a little frustrated when she was the overly eager bridesmaid, now truly making me regret I even decided to have bridesmaids?! (I was only having a MOH at first.) I have been giving her a little attitude about it and she knows I'm pissed but won't do anything to change it.
    Why do you have to go? Can't the BM go and take photos of the options- if they bought online you wouldn't see it. 

    And an adult shouldn't be giving attitude as a method to solve problems. You aren't 14. Handle your issues directly. This is not worth the drama. It's a dress. Take a breath. 
    Heffalump
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    It is true. Either instore at the appointment or online. The deadline is this month. She's literally attached to his hip, there is no if ands of buts about it. I should also have added that I said only long dresses and she's trying to order a short dress.
    Also, what works in one relationship, doesn't work in another.  It's okay to be hurt if you feel like your friend/ship changed after she entered into this relationship.  It's okay to say to her "friend, I would really enjoy some one on one time with you."  

    But it's not okay to judge the parameters of another persons healthy relationship.  My best friend is the type of friend who does 99% of social activities with her BF.  I have another friend who is married and she and her H have completely separate and independent social lives.  H and I are somewhere in the middle.  All of those scenarios are okay.
    image
    charlotte989875OurWildKingdomSP29cowgirl8238
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Okay, thanks. I guess I just needed someone to tell me I was being a b!#(h better you guys than my BMs.
    I'm glad you look at it this way because I agree.  We're here to be honest because most of your friends and family want your wedding to be special so they won't be honest.
    image
    OurWildKingdomLondonLisasparklepants41cowgirl8238
  • So I'm starting to get a little irked with my bridesmaids, actually I've about had it. I'm try so hard not to be bridezilla, but if I keep getting pushed it's going to happen. 
    I gave my bridesmaids the option of buying online or in store. I do not care as long as they buy the right color, and the rest they can figure out themselves. So majority chose to shop instore, in fact 4 of them. One chose online, one has to work both days (my sister) which I was okay with-it can go with my mom sometime, two wanted sunday and then of course the other chose monday (the maid pissing me off.) They all wanted to go this weekend, one of them is driving from 2 hours away to make the appointment which I truly appreciate. I set up a date and time which was sunday, and one of the maids literally told me she was just going by herself the following day because she doesn't get to see her significant other during the week. (Which is a total lie, she just about lives with him.) And this is not a new relationship.

    So now I'm stuck driving an hour away two days in a row (to the closest store) because I don't trust her sense of style. I'm utterly frustrated that I'm the one making sacrifices and even when I made an appointment for her the following day, it still wasn't good enough because she likes to sleep in so yet again I'm making it for a time unconventional for myself. And this isn't the first time it's happened, it seems as though everything I do, something needs to be changed. 

    Am I wrong to be a little frustrated when she was the overly eager bridesmaid, now truly making me regret I even decided to have bridesmaids?! (I was only having a MOH at first.) I have been giving her a little attitude about it and she knows I'm pissed but won't do anything to change it.
    Regardless of the rest of the post, the bolded would really hurt me if I were the friend.  You said you don't care what they pick as long as it's the right color (and long apparently).  But you consider your friend to have such terrible style that you are willing to drive an hour each way just to make sure she doesn't mess up by picking her dress?  I think you need to own that you are not really being as flexible as you think you are being with them.  

    SP29InLoveInQueensshort+sassy
  • Okay, thanks. I guess I just needed someone to tell me I was being a b!#(h better you guys than my BMs.
    I'm glad you look at it this way because I agree.  We're here to be honest because most of your friends and family want your wedding to be special so they won't be honest.
    Totally agree!  Major props to you for accepting criticism with grace.  I don't think there is a single human being on this planet who hasn't needed to be told to knock it the hell off at least once in their life.

    A bit of unsolicited advice--your wedding will be much less stressful if you take a cold, hard look at the things you've "always wanted."  Which ones are really, truly meaningful to you (father-daughter dance, maybe, or having a dear friend officiate) and what comes from false expectations/rom-coms/the wedding industrial complex (bridesmaids sipping mimosas in matching robes, full length table linens in the exact Pantone shade as the flowers in your bouquet.) 
    This^^^ You'll be much happier in the planning process if you let go of items that are likely to disappoint because life doesn't live up to the hype.
    OurWildKingdomRo041cowgirl8238
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    So I'm starting to get a little irked with my bridesmaids, actually I've about had it. I'm try so hard not to be bridezilla, but if I keep getting pushed it's going to happen. 
    I gave my bridesmaids the option of buying online or in store. I do not care as long as they buy the right color, and the rest they can figure out themselves. So majority chose to shop instore, in fact 4 of them. One chose online, one has to work both days (my sister) which I was okay with-it can go with my mom sometime, two wanted sunday and then of course the other chose monday (the maid pissing me off.) They all wanted to go this weekend, one of them is driving from 2 hours away to make the appointment which I truly appreciate. I set up a date and time which was sunday, and one of the maids literally told me she was just going by herself the following day because she doesn't get to see her significant other during the week. (Which is a total lie, she just about lives with him.) And this is not a new relationship.

    So now I'm stuck driving an hour away two days in a row (to the closest store) because I don't trust her sense of style. I'm utterly frustrated that I'm the one making sacrifices and even when I made an appointment for her the following day, it still wasn't good enough because she likes to sleep in so yet again I'm making it for a time unconventional for myself. And this isn't the first time it's happened, it seems as though everything I do, something needs to be changed. 

    Am I wrong to be a little frustrated when she was the overly eager bridesmaid, now truly making me regret I even decided to have bridesmaids?! (I was only having a MOH at first.) I have been giving her a little attitude about it and she knows I'm pissed but won't do anything to change it.
    To the bolded, either this is true or it isn't. If you are going to the store with your bridesmaids, the bolded isn't true. You obviously want veto power, which is ok, but own it. 

    Just because someone lives with someone or "just about" lives with someone doesn't mean they get much time together. H has a long commute so he gets up and leaves and then we only have a couple hours in the evening before needing to go to bed. Not enough time to go out or do much of anything together. 

    Bridesmaids don't have to go to the appointments you set up. If you specified a color and left it at that, then she probably correctly assumed that she could go whenever and didn't need you there. I suggest just letting her get whatever dress. It's a bridesmaid dress. Are there any of them that will look wildly out of place?
    It is true. Either instore at the appointment or online. The deadline is this month. She's literally attached to his hip, there is no if ands of buts about it. I should also have added that I said only long dresses and she's trying to order a short dress.
    Ok, so since its true, you shouldn't need to be there. However, if you specify long and she's buying short, you can absolutely tell her that's not ok. If she goes to the appointment and buys a short dress, then it's on her to return it for a long one or she's taken herself out of the wedding party.

    If she shows up to the wedding with a dress that is not within what sound like fairly reasonable parameters, you are free to tell her she can't walk up the aisle. It's up to you whether her buying the wrong dress is a big enough deal to keep her from being in the WP that day. Honestly, if a friend did that to me, I would question the friendship because getting and wearing the dress asked of you by the bride (assuming the bride is not asking you to buy something out of the budget you provided her when she asked and she's not asking you to wear something that is beyond your modesty standards) is the only thing bridesmaids have to do beyond show up the day of and smile for photos. 
    cowgirl8238simplylaurel
  • Yeah, I'm going to disagree with most of the PP's here. You mentioned in your original post that you only specified the color, then elaborated that you also wanted a long dress, and the difficult BM indicated that she was going to buy a short dress. That's not cool, on the BM's part. Specifying color and length is completely reasonable, and not remotely bridezilla-ish.

    As lovesclimbing stated, if she shows up at the wedding in a short dress, you have the option to just not let her walk down the aisle as a BM. However, I think it's totally fine if you want to take a preventative measure and just tag along to her appointment and "remind" her that the BM's are supposed to be in long dresses. As someone else said, all your BM's have to do is show up in the right dress, and relatively sober. If she can't show up in the right dress, that's her fault. But if you'd rather just sacrifice a Saturday (even begrudgingly) to make sure she's looking at the long dresses, rather than risk a friendship ending move and kick her out of the wedding on the day-of, I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
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