Wearing wedding dress at non-reception party?

ginnybinny17

I just need confirmation that this is weird and I'm not going crazy.

We're having our wedding and reception in New England in the fall.  My family is all from the Midwest, and many won't be able to attend (and some others simply won't be invited to keep the guest list down).  My parents, who still live in the Midwest, have graciously offered to throw my fiance and I a party the week after our wedding, so we can celebrate with all of those who couldn't make it to the wedding.  (This is something they offered out of the blue, not something we asked them to host.)
  
My stepmom is dead-set that I wear my wedding dress to this party.  I've told her I feel weird about it, that my wedding dress is for our wedding (which is something really special and only happens once), and that I'd feel uncomfortable putting my wedding dress on again.  Not to mention, this second party isn't a reception, obviously--it's just that, a party!

She maintains that I should wear my wedding dress to the party because everyone who can't come/isn't coming/wasn't invited to the wedding will want the chance to see me in my dress.

Am I losing my mind?  Wearing your wedding dress for an after-wedding party (a week later) is bizarre, right?  What about the fact that she's hosting and paying for this party?

Helenahhandbasket

Would she be ok with displaying a wedding pic of you and your H in your wedding attire so everyone can see?

I think I'm in the minority in the sense that I'm not weirded out by a former bride wearing her wedding gown to a post wedding celebration.  But if you are uncomfortable with it, I get that as well.

Do you think your SM's offer to host this celebration hinges on you wearing the dress again?  

LondonLisa

ginnybinny17 said:

I just need confirmation that this is weird and I'm not going crazy.

We're having our wedding and reception in New England in the fall.  My family is all from the Midwest, and many won't be able to attend (and some others simply won't be invited to keep the guest list down).  My parents, who still live in the Midwest, have graciously offered to throw my fiance and I a party the week after our wedding, so we can celebrate with all of those who couldn't make it to the wedding.  (This is something they offered out of the blue, not something we asked them to host.)
  
My stepmom is dead-set that I wear my wedding dress to this party.  I've told her I feel weird about it, that my wedding dress is for our wedding (which is something really special and only happens once), and that I'd feel uncomfortable putting my wedding dress on again.  Not to mention, this second party isn't a reception, obviously--it's just that, a party!

She maintains that I should wear my wedding dress to the party because everyone who can't come/isn't coming/wasn't invited to the wedding will want the chance to see me in my dress.

Am I losing my mind?  Wearing your wedding dress for an after-wedding party (a week later) is bizarre, right?  What about the fact that she's hosting and paying for this party?

I would find it strange you were in your wedding dress at a party.  These parties are usually non-wedding related. If someone is desperate to see you in your wedding dress, they'll ask to see a photo. 

No no is not a naughty word. Just wear what you would like and leave it. 

ginnybinny17

LondonLisa said:

ginnybinny17 said:

I just need confirmation that this is weird and I'm not going crazy.

We're having our wedding and reception in New England in the fall.  My family is all from the Midwest, and many won't be able to attend (and some others simply won't be invited to keep the guest list down).  My parents, who still live in the Midwest, have graciously offered to throw my fiance and I a party the week after our wedding, so we can celebrate with all of those who couldn't make it to the wedding.  (This is something they offered out of the blue, not something we asked them to host.)
  
My stepmom is dead-set that I wear my wedding dress to this party.  I've told her I feel weird about it, that my wedding dress is for our wedding (which is something really special and only happens once), and that I'd feel uncomfortable putting my wedding dress on again.  Not to mention, this second party isn't a reception, obviously--it's just that, a party!

She maintains that I should wear my wedding dress to the party because everyone who can't come/isn't coming/wasn't invited to the wedding will want the chance to see me in my dress.

Am I losing my mind?  Wearing your wedding dress for an after-wedding party (a week later) is bizarre, right?  What about the fact that she's hosting and paying for this party?

I would find it strange you were in your wedding dress at a party.  These parties are usually non-wedding related. If someone is desperate to see you in your wedding dress, they'll ask to see a photo. 

No no is not a naughty word. Just wear what you would like and leave it. 

True.  I guess I felt weird saying no since she's hosting and paying for the party.  I like the suggestion you and @Helenahhandbasket gave -- to just offer to display photos instead.

ginnybinny17

Helenahhandbasket said:

Would she be ok with displaying a wedding pic of you and your H in your wedding attire so everyone can see?

I think I'm in the minority in the sense that I'm not weirded out by a former bride wearing her wedding gown to a post wedding celebration.  But if you are uncomfortable with it, I get that as well.

Do you think your SM's offer to host this celebration hinges on you wearing the dress again?  

I don't think the offer is contingent on me wearing the dress again, for sure -- my dad's hosting it too, and I don't think he gives a rat's fart what in the world I wear.  I felt weird saying no though since she was so adamant, and since she (and my dad) are paying.

Thanks for the suggestion re: the photo!  That's a good idea.

kahluakoala

I personally do not think it's strange when women wear their wedding dresses to an AHR or a "celebration of marriage" type party, but when it's just kind of a casual party, it's totally weird. I don't think it's rude per se, just a bit odd. 

I think you're well within your rights to say no, and I also think that if you FEEL weird wearing your wedding dress that's going to show through at the party

banana468

I only attended one cocktail reception for a couple and the bride put on her wedding dress.   IMO, it was ODD.   The event was casual and she looked.....like she was playing dress up.   She kept it short and it was just to show people what she looked like but it's not the same thing.   Will you have your hair done?  Wear a veil?   Will you have it cleaned between the two events?

I think a photo of you two on your wedding day is lovely - but I think wearing the dress can be......off.  

STARMOON44

I think it would be not bizarre at all to wear your wedding dress, but if you don't want to end of discussion!

MandyMost

Is everyone else going to be in formal attire also (assuming your wedding dress if a formal gown)? If yes, then I think it's fine to wear your dress. But if everyone else isn't all dressed up also, I think you'll look ridiculous personally. 

short+sassy

MandyMost said:

Is everyone else going to be in formal attire also (assuming your wedding dress if a formal gown)? If yes, then I think it's fine to wear your dress. But if everyone else isn't all dressed up also, I think you'll look ridiculous personally. 

This is a good point.  I'm probably a bit in the minority where I think its just fine for a woman to wear her wedding gown to a celebration of marriage party.

But if someone is wearing a formal gown, while everyone else is in jeans and a t-shirt, I would find that weird.

Aside from the dress debate, what is most striking about your post is that YOU don't want to wear your dress.  I'd acknowledge her disappointment, but tell her you're just really uncomfortable wearing the dress outside of your wedding day.  Having a framed pic and/or pics available for people to browse through is a great idea. 

Ro041

Get a big picture blown up from the wedding and have it at the front of the party room so everyone can see it.  If you don't want to wear the wedding dress, you shouldn't.  Even the hoster of a party cannot dictate what exactly a person wears.  

downtondiva

I agree that wearing the wedding dress again would be okay for a formal party but just plain weird for a more casual one.

But either way, if you don't want to wear it, then you shouldn't. I'm not sure why your stepmom is so hung up on this.

SP29

Personally, I wouldn't wear it. And since you don't want to wear it- the answer is no. Doesn't matter who is hosting or paying or what- what you wear is a personal choice and no one gets to make that decision for you.

I think the best thing is to bring some wedding photos with you. Keeps it casual, and for those who are interested, they can oooh and ahhh over a few.

However, in the grand scheme, I don't care if a person wears their wedding attire again. It's just a dress. Might look odd, sure (particularly as said, if the bride is in a gown and everyone else is casual), but there's nothing against etiquette about it.

I agree that saying, "Everyone wants to see you in your wedding dress!" is pointless. Wear the dress if you (royal you) want, but you aren't going to look the same as on your wedding day unless you get your hair and make up done again and wear the same accessories.

ahoywedding

I agree maybe it's not a huge deal if it matches the "formality" of whatever party they throw you (ie. maybe not if it's at a bowling alley or something, but sure go for it if it's a fancier dinner, etc). 

If you really don't feel comfortable wearing it and she won't drop it, could you tell her the dress is being cleaned or preserved or something?

mrose88

If you don't feel comfortable, just say no. I don't think it's strange at all when women do this, and can totally see why your stepmom thinks it would be a fun thing for you to do. But I also 100% see why you wouldn't want to (I probably wouldn't either, for a casual party). 

MyNameIsNot

I was in your shoes when I got married. Most of my husband's family lives in South America; it was pretty much impossible for them to come to the wedding (although they were all invited). We were able to go visit the week after the wedding, so my MIL hosted a big party for us there. She was adamant that I wear my dress.

I didn't want conflict with her, so I agreed to wear it. Not the whole night, but for some photos and a couple of dances. I took it off after about an hour. 

In retrospect, I should have just said no. I felt silly and awkward, and the whole process of taking a wedding dress on a plane was so not worth it. There's basically nothing that could convince me to lug that heavy beast through the airport and customs all over again. A wedding dress does not fit into an overhead bin. 

MairePoppy

It's a dress. I don't see anything wrong with wearing it a second time if it matches the formality of the party. It would be silly to wear a ballgown to a back yard barbecue. 

The fact that your SM is paying doesn't entitle her to tell you what to wear. Adults, including you, get to dress themselves. 

CMGragain

ginnybinny17 said:

I just need confirmation that this is weird and I'm not going crazy.

We're having our wedding and reception in New England in the fall.  My family is all from the Midwest, and many won't be able to attend (and some others simply won't be invited to keep the guest list down).  My parents, who still live in the Midwest, have graciously offered to throw my fiance and I a party the week after our wedding, so we can celebrate with all of those who couldn't make it to the wedding.  (This is something they offered out of the blue, not something we asked them to host.)
  
My stepmom is dead-set that I wear my wedding dress to this party.  I've told her I feel weird about it, that my wedding dress is for our wedding (which is something really special and only happens once), and that I'd feel uncomfortable putting my wedding dress on again.  Not to mention, this second party isn't a reception, obviously--it's just that, a party!

She maintains that I should wear my wedding dress to the party because everyone who can't come/isn't coming/wasn't invited to the wedding will want the chance to see me in my dress.

Am I losing my mind?  Wearing your wedding dress for an after-wedding party (a week later) is bizarre, right?  What about the fact that she's hosting and paying for this party?

Just say NO!  You may display some wedding photos of you and your new husband at your stepmother's party.  If she insists, then tell her, "Thank you for the kind thought, but I cannot attend."

Personally, I am one of those people who would think it was incredibly weird for a married woman to show up in her formal wedding dress at a party that was not a part of her wedding day,

southernbelle0915

I'm with banana and Mandy. You'd basically be wearing a ball gown, probably in someone's living room, where everyone else is wearing jeans and eating cheesy potatoes. I think you'll feel way out of place.

Tell your stepmom you'll dress yourself, TYVM. If she gets whiny, tell her you plan to print out some photos and bring an album to pass around. 

Jen4948

I'd tell your stepmom that once your wedding day is over, you're not wearing your dress again because you're no longer a bride, so the boat will have sailed as far as anyone seeing you live in your dress.

You can offer to display photos of you wearing the dress if you think she might go for it.

ginnybinny17

I really appreciate the advice, everyone!  Thank you.