Ceremony ideas

Knottie1470709322

I am getting married march 2nd 2018 at luciens manor in Berlin Nj. They offered for us to have the ceremony on sight but I'm not crazy about the ceremony area they have. Neither of us are all that religious but we're both baptized catholic. Does anyone have suggestions where to have a ceremony off site? The churches I've looked into want well over a thousand dollars! Which I don't want to spend lol

charlotte989875

Knottie1470709322 said:

I am getting married march 2nd 2018 at luciens manor in Berlin Nj. They offered for us to have the ceremony on sight but I'm not crazy about the ceremony area they have. Neither of us are all that religious but we're both baptized catholic. Does anyone have suggestions where to have a ceremony off site? The churches I've looked into want well over a thousand dollars! Which I don't want to spend lol

This is the tech board so you're probably not going to get the responses you're looking for here. Maybe a mod can move it or you can x-post in your local boards where more people will be familiar with the area. 

But just a note on the churches and the cost, if you're not a member of a church and just looking to have your ceremony there, you're likely going to have a fee, or required "donation". This typically covers the pastor or officiants time, set up of the alter, covers lighting/heating/air conditioning on the day, possibly extras like programs, a pianist or organist, and access to the church and any additional rooms. Mine was $1,000 for all of the above and my godparents were members of the church. 

CMGragain

Knottie1470709322 said:

I am getting married march 2nd 2018 at luciens manor in Berlin Nj. They offered for us to have the ceremony on sight but I'm not crazy about the ceremony area they have. Neither of us are all that religious but we're both baptized catholic. Does anyone have suggestions where to have a ceremony off site? The churches I've looked into want well over a thousand dollars! Which I don't want to spend lol

I will answer this one, anyway.

1.  If you want to ever practice your Catholic faith again in your life, then you need to get married by a priest in a Catholic church.  If you are married anywhere else, you will not be allowed to take the host in the mass.  This is not easy to fix.  If you have decided that you no longer want to be a practicing Catholic, then this doesn't matter.  Talk to your FI.  Do you plan to have any future children baptized in the Catholic faith?  Think about it.

2.  Many other protestant churches will marry you in a religious service, either inside their church, or in another location, but it will not be accepted by the Catholic church.  Methodists, Presbyterians, Lutherans, Unitarians all come to mind.  Their buildings do have a cost, especially for non-members.  Why should their members pay for the upkeep and expense of maintaining their building if a stranger can use the facility for free?  Just heating the sanctuary in winter for a wedding can be a huge expense, and the pastor should be paid for his services, as well as the custodian and the organist.

3.  A secular ceremony is always in option if you are not being married in a church.  Tell your coordinator that you do not want a religious ceremony if this is what you have both decided.  You caa always hire an officiant who will do a civil (non-religious) ceremony.

The "lol" at the end of your last sentence is a bit insulting.  Getting married is a serious matter.  In your post, you seem to be more concerned about the way the ceremony area looks, than about what kind of ceremony you will have.

@KnotRiley, please move this post over to the ceremony board.

lovesclimbing

There are likely many churches that charge less than that (the church we got married in was a few hundred, but it was waived because my grandparents attend there), but most will have some sort of fee for the reasons mentioned by PPs. Churches are nonprofits. The lights are kept on and the place is kept clean by the tithes from the people who attend there. So if the lights have to be on and the place heated for a few hours at a time when it normally isn't, there is a cost that is not included in a regular budget. 

-Most churches will have some sort of coordinator to deal with the paperwork and show you around. 
-A sound/video person (and this could be two different people) to set up and run the sound system and make sure you have the right microphones. 
-Several hours worth of utilities. Not just the ceremony but the time before the ceremony when people may be decorating, people are getting ready and guests are arriving. 
-Likely extra work for the cleaning crew and potentially overtime if they have to come in on a Saturday night to get it shipshape in time for the Sunday service. 
-Potentially musicians and the pastor unless you bring in your own. 

Now take all that and double it because most people have rehearsals. And the rehearsal will take even longer than the ceremony. 

SP29

Unless the ceremony space they have offered is a logistical nightmare, isn't climate controlled, or doesn't fit all of your guests, personally I'd have your ceremony at your reception site, particularly since it sounds you are not interested in a religious ceremony. It saves costs and saves on travel and time, making it easier for everyone.

However, if you are looking for other ceremony locations still, pretty much any public place could potentially be an option to rent.
- Art gallery
- Restaurant
- Botanical garden
- Historical Site
- Library

All of these places will cost you money though. I'd say at least $500, if not near that $1000. Particularly because you are looking for a location to provide you with a space, chair set up and decor for 30mins-1hour.

When I got married, most wedding venues charged a separate fee for the ceremony. The venue we went with charged a flat $400 for the ceremony (includes the set up, room change over and some decor). Another venue wanted $400 for the ceremony if the guests sat at their dinner tables but $750 if we wanted chairs set up in traditional rows with an aisle. I did look at some separate ceremony options. We have this old historical house in my city that is now a day museum but they will host events and weddings. You are able to rent out the coach house for a ceremony, and I believe that was around $750 for just the room rental.

cowgirl8238

Knottie1470709322 said:

I am getting married march 2nd 2018 at luciens manor in Berlin Nj. They offered for us to have the ceremony on sight but I'm not crazy about the ceremony area they have. Neither of us are all that religious but we're both baptized catholic. Does anyone have suggestions where to have a ceremony off site? The churches I've looked into want well over a thousand dollars! Which I don't want to spend lol

I think the PPs have covered the costs of any ceremony space pretty well.  I do ask is neither of you are very religious then why do you want to be married in a church?  If its meaningful than yeah, sure, go for it.  But if you are doing it more for the photos/look of the venue that's not cool.

I would much prefer a "not as pretty" ceremony on site than one that I have to travel to in addition to driving to the reception venue.  It isn't rude, or against etiquette per se (unless you are making people travel more than 30 mins)...but I just never understood it.  Our wedding was an all in one place.  Our ceremony space was nice, but nothing spectacular.  I hardly ever notice the background.  Whenever I look at my photos, all I see is a happy groom, a happy me, and happy friends and family.  Shit I have a framed photo on my desk and I had to look at just now to tell you what was even in the background. 

Unless your ceremony space is not comfortable (i.e. no climate control options for a hot/cold day, no rain plan, too much road noise) I wouldn't worry about another location.  If you need a new space @sp29 gave some great alternatives!

CMGragain

Log in problems today.  Sorry, wrong board.

KnotYetTied

CMGragain said:

Knottie1470709322 said:

I am getting married march 2nd 2018 at luciens manor in Berlin Nj. They offered for us to have the ceremony on sight but I'm not crazy about the ceremony area they have. Neither of us are all that religious but we're both baptized catholic. Does anyone have suggestions where to have a ceremony off site? The churches I've looked into want well over a thousand dollars! Which I don't want to spend lol

2.  Many other protestant churches will marry you in a religious service, either inside their church, or in another location, but it will not be accepted by the Catholic church.  Methodists, Presbyterians, Lutherans, Unitarians all come to mind.  Their buildings do have a cost, especially for non-members.  Why should their members pay for the upkeep and expense of maintaining their building if a stranger can use the facility for free?  Just heating the sanctuary in winter for a wedding can be a huge expense, and the pastor should be paid for his services, as well as the custodian and the organist.

One thing to add to this, is that many protestant churches require pre-marital counseling with their pastor before agreeing to perform a ceremony. So, it'd be good to find out their wedding policy before deciding.

banana468

Knottie1470709322 said:

I am getting married march 2nd 2018 at luciens manor in Berlin Nj. They offered for us to have the ceremony on sight but I'm not crazy about the ceremony area they have. Neither of us are all that religious but we're both baptized catholic. Does anyone have suggestions where to have a ceremony off site? The churches I've looked into want well over a thousand dollars! Which I don't want to spend lol

Keep in mind that any church is going to charge you - especially if you're not an active parishioner.

To have a wedding there means that they need someone to unlock the building, light it, heat or cool it, provide the necessary officiant, altar servers, cantor, organist, musicians and often a coordinator.

Getting married in the Catholic church isn't about the building.   It's a Sacrament.   They don't take the receipt of a Sacrament lightly and you shouldn't either.

As PPs said, do you want to remain a practicing Catholic?   Marrying outside of the Catholic faith means you'd no longer be practicing.   That means that you would no longer be able to receive communion in the church, could not serve as a Godparent, and no longer be a sponsor for Confirmation or RCIA.   You'd still be able to have your children Baptized but you yourself would not be in good standing. 

If being a Catholic isn't important to the two of you then I wouldn't get married in the church, but keep in mind that any space you look into isn't going to be free.   And the largest places will probably cost the most. 

Helenahhandbasket

OP, is there anything that can be done to make the ceremony space prettier? Floral arch?  Candles? Pretty runners?