Pre-wedding Parties

2 Bachelorette Parties???

I have four bridesmaid but one lives across the country and has only met a few of the other once. She's coming back for the Bachelorette Party. The idea is to go to Lake of the Ozarks. Her dad has a condo on the lake that we can stay at for free. He also offered to fly us down there on his private plane, as well as be our chauffeur on his boats and let us use their jet skis. This sounds like the perfect getaway that's inexpensive, hassle free and gives them the opportunity to bond before the wedding. Here's where I could use some advice:

His boat and plane only fits six people, which is only enough for him, myself, and four bridesmaids. I also have two personal attendants who I'd like to come. Do I invite them and maybe a few other of my best friends? They would have to drive down separately (5 hours), and we'd have to rent a larger boat. Where before everything was free, we'd just throw him some money for gas and a little extra as a thank you! Where now, we'd have to pay $400 total for a larger boat. I wouldn't make my bridesmaids pay for it all. I'd have everyone split the cost if they want to come. Or do I just have a second Bachelorette Party back home after my Bridal Shower and just invite my personal attendants to that one? 

My fiance isn't a huge fan on me having two. He will support me either way. Part of me wants to have a second one back home either way because I have a very large group of extremely close girl friends and I'd like to celebrate with them as well. I also wouldn't make my girlfriend that lives across the country come back for the Bridal Shower and second Bachelorette Party. If I have two, I'd keep the second one informal so they're not having to pay or plan for it. We'd just hit up some bars downtown after the shower. 

What are everyone's thoughts?

Re: 2 Bachelorette Parties???

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited January 2017
    My first thought is that you can't require your bridesmaids to attend any of these events (BP or shower). If you have that large of a group of people, I would just do one party in your hometown to include everyone. I definitely wouldn't do two - seems very excessive. If the BM whose father owns the condo really wants to do that, maybe just the two of you could have a girls weekend without making it wedding related.

    What the heck is a personal attendant?

    edited because apparently I can't type.

    ei34
  • Personal attendants help with planning, decorating, transporting flowers, keep the bridal party on schedule, clean up, etc. 
  • I have four bridesmaid but one lives across the country and has only met a few of the other once. She's coming back for the Bachelorette Party. The idea is to go to Lake of the Ozarks. Her dad has a condo on the lake that we can stay at for free. He also offered to fly us down there on his private plane, as well as be our chauffeur on his boats and let us use their jet skis. This sounds like the perfect getaway that's inexpensive, hassle free and gives them the opportunity to bond before the wedding. Here's where I could use some advice:

    His boat and plane only fits six people, which is only enough for him, myself, and four bridesmaids. I also have two personal attendants who I'd like to come. Do I invite them and maybe a few other of my best friends? They would have to drive down separately (5 hours), and we'd have to rent a larger boat. Where before everything was free, we'd just throw him some money for gas and a little extra as a thank you! Where now, we'd have to pay $400 total for a larger boat. I wouldn't make my bridesmaids pay for it all. I'd have everyone split the cost if they want to come. Or do I just have a second Bachelorette Party back home after my Bridal Shower and just invite my personal attendants to that one? 

    My fiance isn't a huge fan on me having two. He will support me either way. Part of me wants to have a second one back home either way because I have a very large group of extremely close girl friends and I'd like to celebrate with them as well. I also wouldn't make my girlfriend that lives across the country come back for the Bridal Shower and second Bachelorette Party. If I have two, I'd keep the second one informal so they're not having to pay or plan for it. We'd just hit up some bars downtown after the shower. 

    What are everyone's thoughts?
    Has anyone offered to host a larger party back home? Because you don't plan your own bachelorette party. The only input you should be having about it is dates you're available and providing a list of guests you'd like invited that falls within the number of guests the host's budget can accommodate.

    If you have a choice between 2 offered parties, I'd just choose one and decline the other, and whatever the choice, own it.
    SP29DrillSergeantCatcowgirl8238InLoveInQueens
  • I'd be hurt if I was invited somewhere and had to drive, knowing that the person who invited me and people she was clearly closer to got to fly on a plane.  I'd also be hurt if someone considered me a close friend, but not close enough to be a BM, just an errand girl. 

    I'd keep the plane/boat trip to just you and the friend whose father is involved, and have a girls weekend when she's in town.  If you have a lot of close friends, a local Bach Party would make more sense.  Although you shouldn't be planning your bach at all- whoever chooses to throw you one just needs a guest list and dates that work from you, nothing else.


    InLoveInQueensSP29
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Personal attendants help with planning, decorating, transporting flowers, keep the bridal party on schedule, clean up, etc. 
    this sounds awful and I don't understand why you'd want to try to force your friends to do this. 

    Also, you should not be planning your own bachelorette party. And don't have a private jet for some and make others drive. That's so incredibly rude. 

    cowgirl8238InLoveInQueensMairePoppy
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Personal attendants are a great way to tell someone "Well, you're not important enough to get the honor of bridesmaid like my real close friends, but I think so highly of myself and the fact that everyone is dying to be tangentially associated with my wedding that I assume you'll be happy to be unpaid labor."

    You're already treating these girls super crappily. Definitely do not compound it by setting them apart from any "perks" of real bridesmaidship. Also, none of these ladies are required to go to your bachelorette party (wherever they plan it, since naturally you wouldn't want to plan a party in your own honor), so the hosts should just plan around whoever says they can make it.
    knottiejjustsiegeebee908
  • Personal attendants?  What?  I never heard of such a thing at a wedding!  Are you paying them?
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  • "What are everyone's thoughts?"

    1) Personal attendants should be paid since they're working. This isn't a job "friends" do. It's something you pay a DOC to do. 

    2) As cool as the Ozark's trip sounds (and it does sound really fun!), I would scrap it and have your bach at home with all the girlfriends you want to invite. Or do the Ozark's trip with only your BMs (assuming you told the personal attendants their services are no longer needed) and scrap the second bach. 

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    SP29kimmiinthemittenMairePoppy
  • Seconding everyone. One BP is plenty, and you shouldn't plan any of your own pre-wedding parties. I *kind of* had two, but that was because one group of friends who live far away surprised me with it at one of our annual get-togethers. It was NOTHING huge at all, but it meant a lot that they even thought about it. I never would have asked them to do anything (or travel here for my BP, TBH). My friends here offered to host a local BP and the only direction I gave was sending a guest list.

    If there's not enough space to host everyone you'd like to come in the same way, cancel the Ozarks trip (or see if you could use that setup for a girls weekend a different day because that sounds sweet!) and plan something closer to home that all of your friends can attend.
    SP29
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Personal attendants help with planning, decorating, transporting flowers, keep the bridal party on schedule, clean up, etc. 
     I have to assume this is a joke. There's no way you'd seriously ask friends to do this instead of bridesmaids. How mean! There's no way you could seriously treat a friend this way. Are you going to call them Cinderella and lock them in the cellar during the ceremony? 

    Stop planning your own b-party. If and when someone offers to throw one (or more) you figure out the guest list based on what they offer. 

    InLoveInQueens
  • Personal attendants help with planning, decorating, transporting flowers, keep the bridal party on schedule, clean up, etc. 
    How much do they get paid? Do you offer dental/medical coverage? 
    SP29ahoyweddingei34InLoveInQueens
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Don't ask someone to do services for you that be done by a paid vendor and pretend that you're "honoring" them by doing so. That's plain rude.

    And if not everyone can fly with you, come up with a means of transportation that's available to everyone. Otherwise, forget the whole thing.
    InLoveInQueens
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    You were offered a party for you and your four bm. You may either accept or decline that gift of a bp. It would be very rude to tell your friends who aren't good to be bm that they also aren't good enough for the private plane transportation. It's also rude to accept the gift and then try to modify the offer - by adding more guests and more charges.

    If you decline the Ozarks party, you shouldn't initiate planning a bp closer to home. You should wait for someone to volunteer to do that for you. It's crude to plan a party in your own honor.
                       
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