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Pre-wedding Parties
Knottie1469382413
member
2 Bachelorette Parties???
I have four bridesmaid but one lives across the country and has only met a few of the other once. She's coming back for the Bachelorette Party. The idea is to go to Lake of the Ozarks. Her dad has a condo on the lake that we can stay at for free. He also offered to fly us down there on his private plane, as well as be our chauffeur on his boats and let us use their jet skis. This sounds like the perfect getaway that's inexpensive, hassle free and gives them the opportunity to bond before the wedding. Here's where I could use some advice:
His boat and plane only fits six people, which is only enough for him, myself, and four bridesmaids. I also have two personal attendants who I'd like to come. Do I invite them and maybe a few other of my best friends? They would have to drive down separately (5 hours), and we'd have to rent a larger boat. Where before everything was free, we'd just throw him some money for gas and a little extra as a thank you! Where now, we'd have to pay $400 total for a larger boat. I wouldn't make my bridesmaids pay for it all. I'd have everyone split the cost if they want to come. Or do I just have a second Bachelorette Party back home after my Bridal Shower and just invite my personal attendants to that one?
My fiance isn't a huge fan on me having two. He will support me either way. Part of me wants to have a second one back home either way because I have a very large group of extremely close girl friends and I'd like to celebrate with them as well. I also wouldn't make my girlfriend that lives across the country come back for the Bridal Shower and second Bachelorette Party. If I have two, I'd keep the second one informal so they're not having to pay or plan for it. We'd just hit up some bars downtown after the shower.
What are everyone's thoughts?
His boat and plane only fits six people, which is only enough for him, myself, and four bridesmaids. I also have two personal attendants who I'd like to come. Do I invite them and maybe a few other of my best friends? They would have to drive down separately (5 hours), and we'd have to rent a larger boat. Where before everything was free, we'd just throw him some money for gas and a little extra as a thank you! Where now, we'd have to pay $400 total for a larger boat. I wouldn't make my bridesmaids pay for it all. I'd have everyone split the cost if they want to come. Or do I just have a second Bachelorette Party back home after my Bridal Shower and just invite my personal attendants to that one?
My fiance isn't a huge fan on me having two. He will support me either way. Part of me wants to have a second one back home either way because I have a very large group of extremely close girl friends and I'd like to celebrate with them as well. I also wouldn't make my girlfriend that lives across the country come back for the Bridal Shower and second Bachelorette Party. If I have two, I'd keep the second one informal so they're not having to pay or plan for it. We'd just hit up some bars downtown after the shower.
What are everyone's thoughts?
Re: 2 Bachelorette Parties???
What the heck is a personal attendant?
edited because apparently I can't type.
If you have a choice between 2 offered parties, I'd just choose one and decline the other, and whatever the choice, own it.
Either keep your B party to your WP only, or have one local party and invite everyone you'd like. If you and a friend (or whoever else) decide to go to your friend's dads condo for a weekend, then do that separately.
Pre-wedding parties are hosted by someone other than the bride and groom, and they are offered, not expected, and not planned by the B or G.
If the host of your B party asks for a guest list, you are free to invite whomever you like, regardless of if they are in your WP or not. However, when you start including costs for things, it gets dicey. The host should not invite guests without letting them know the price for everything up front, and then they decide whether they can attend or not. The host ultimately also has to be prepared to cover the cost if someone backs out, or if only 2 instead of 4 additional people come (since you mention needing a bigger boat for extra guests). The costs should also be shared equally. I do not think it is fair for you and your BMs to get flown down on a private plane for free while your other guests are expected to pay their own way down by driving or plane.
No one is required to attend any pre-wedding party. Thus you would never be "making" your OOT bridesmaid attend. Your WP doesn't need to meet prior to your wedding.
fly your A list bridesmaids down private and let your B list unpaid servants make their own way down. This idea is worse than a cash bar with free shots for one song.
I'd keep the plane/boat trip to just you and the friend whose father is involved, and have a girls weekend when she's in town. If you have a lot of close friends, a local Bach Party would make more sense. Although you shouldn't be planning your bach at all- whoever chooses to throw you one just needs a guest list and dates that work from you, nothing else.
Also, you should not be planning your own bachelorette party. And don't have a private jet for some and make others drive. That's so incredibly rude.
You're already treating these girls super crappily. Definitely do not compound it by setting them apart from any "perks" of real bridesmaidship. Also, none of these ladies are required to go to your bachelorette party (wherever they plan it, since naturally you wouldn't want to plan a party in your own honor), so the hosts should just plan around whoever says they can make it.
(That was snark, by the way.)
1) Personal attendants should be paid since they're working. This isn't a job "friends" do. It's something you pay a DOC to do.
2) As cool as the Ozark's trip sounds (and it does sound really fun!), I would scrap it and have your bach at home with all the girlfriends you want to invite. Or do the Ozark's trip with only your BMs (assuming you told the personal attendants their services are no longer needed) and scrap the second bach.
If there's not enough space to host everyone you'd like to come in the same way, cancel the Ozarks trip (or see if you could use that setup for a girls weekend a different day because that sounds sweet!) and plan something closer to home that all of your friends can attend.
Stop planning your own b-party. If and when someone offers to throw one (or more) you figure out the guest list based on what they offer.
I have friends who have been BMs in wedding parties like this. The memories aren't good and the disruption it did to the friendship was the start of some ugliness.
Don't have PAs - make them ALL BMs. And if you can't all go on the plane then you don't take the plane and you don't take that trip.
And if not everyone can fly with you, come up with a means of transportation that's available to everyone. Otherwise, forget the whole thing.
If you decline the Ozarks party, you shouldn't initiate planning a bp closer to home. You should wait for someone to volunteer to do that for you. It's crude to plan a party in your own honor.