Open House baby shower?

luvskittles55

I'm invited to an "open house" baby shower this Sunday. It's at the couples house so they are clearly throwing it themselves. 

Mostly I'm annoyed because it's happening during NFL playoffs, if I'm being honest haha. I will suck it up and go because I care about them, so this is more of a vent.

But...this seems tacky right? My BF says "who cares" but I think it's odd. From the looks of the e invite, over 100 people are invited. I'm guessing open house means I don't have to watch them open gifts? Has anyone had experience with these before?

MobKaz

luvskittles55 said:

I'm invited to an "open house" baby shower this Sunday. It's at the couples house so they are clearly throwing it themselves. 

Mostly I'm annoyed because it's happening during NFL playoffs, if I'm being honest haha. I will suck it up and go because I care about them, so this is more of a vent.

But...this seems tacky right? My BF says "who cares" but I think it's odd. From the looks of the e invite, over 100 people are invited. I'm guessing open house means I don't have to watch them open gifts? Has anyone had experience with these before?

Count me in with Team Tacky.  It sounds to me like you arrive, drop off your gift, perhaps catch a moment with the mama-to-be, depending on what "wave" on which you arrive, and grab a handful of pretzels on the way out.  I'd be taking a pass.

STARMOON44

I wouldn't go. 

southernbelle0915

They're throwing a shower themselves where they're inviting 100 people and doing it open house style so they don't have to individually open gifts and thank people?

Sounds like a level 800 gift grab. If you go, I would probably just bring a card. Maybe a small gift if you really love them and you're giving them a pass. 

SP29

I think this would be fine if it was a "Come Meet the New Baby" open house, and not a shower.

It's the open-house, self-hosted, 100 guest shower that makes it tacky.

I'd still go if you are close to these people, but it gets a side eye from me.

ei34

This is super tacky.  I'd only go if we were very close.
In DH's family baby showers are always co-ed, always hosted by the couple, always potluck...they claim it's cultural but I just can't get on board.  I went to his sister's, but I skip cousins he's not close with.  It's fine to skip if you're not close to this couple.

MairePoppy

I'd decline the invitation. Watching the parents-to-be open 50 to 100 onesies sounds dreadful. 

It's possible that someone else might be hosting at the couple's house because it is large enough, well equipped or conveniently located for the guests. If that's the case, the hosts' names should have been on the invitations. I've never heard of anyone hosting their own baby shower. That would be tacky and gift grabby. 

Nice pun @MobKaz

drunkenwitch

That is a greedy gift grab, not a shower. 

LondonLisa

Although, to be fair,  I did host my friend's baby shower at her house because she had the largest space, however it was clear on the invite I was hosting this for her.

But I wouldn't go as it's an open house for a gift giving event. Seems more like 'drop off your gift between 2-4 Saturday' rather than a party

levioosa

Gross

luvskittles

Thanks for the responses! Sometimes I wonder if I am too judgmental sometimes, but you guys agreed with my gut feeling.

Unfortunately it's a couple my SO is close with so it's one of those things you just look the other way. I didn't spend a ton on the gift since, you know, 100 people were invited. Story is mom to be hates attention that's why they are doing it this way. I call BS but *shrug*.

luvskittles

Oh and the couple is DEFINITELY hosting. Which I also found weird because they both have huge families. I thought her sister would host. 

climbingsingle

luvskittles said:

Thanks for the responses! Sometimes I wonder if I am too judgmental sometimes, but you guys agreed with my gut feeling.

Unfortunately it's a couple my SO is close with so it's one of those things you just look the other way. I didn't spend a ton on the gift since, you know, 100 people were invited. Story is mom to be hates attention that's why they are doing it this way. I call BS but *shrug*.

If you don't want attention, don't be gift grabby and throw yourself a shower. So yeah, this is incredibly tacky. I bet she will not be opening gifts either. 

banana468

climbingwife said:

luvskittles said:

Thanks for the responses! Sometimes I wonder if I am too judgmental sometimes, but you guys agreed with my gut feeling.

Unfortunately it's a couple my SO is close with so it's one of those things you just look the other way. I didn't spend a ton on the gift since, you know, 100 people were invited. Story is mom to be hates attention that's why they are doing it this way. I call BS but *shrug*.

If you don't want attention, don't be gift grabby and throw yourself a shower. So yeah, this is incredibly tacky. I bet she will not be opening gifts either. 

This.   I don't get the logic that you don't like attention so you're throwing an attention seeking party that way.

Makes no sense to me.    

short+sassy

SP29 said:

I think this would be fine if it was a "Come Meet the New Baby" open house, and not a shower.

It's the open-house, self-hosted, 100 guest shower that makes it tacky.

I'd still go if you are close to these people, but it gets a side eye from me.

Agree with this x10.  I think an open house party would be a great set-up for a "Meet the New Baby" event.  To which, of my own choosing, I would probably bring a gift if I hadn't given one already.

But a shower is, by definition, a gift giving event.  So agree with the other PPs that it's just super tacky and gift grabby to be hosting a "give me gifts" party...for oneself.

And I'm rolling my eyes so hard at the "I don't like attention" that I had trouble bringing them back to the front of my face where they need to be.  If a person "doesn't like attention", than don't throw a party for 100 people...especially the kind of party that doesn't typically have a guest list of 100 people...and you shouldn't be throwing for yourself anyway.  Pretty simple math there.  GEEZ! 

Since you and your SO feel obligated to go, I would at least use the open house set-up to not feel "guilty" about making an appearance and not planning to stay long.  Hopefully you all can plan that appearance with as little impact on the NFL playoffs as possible...like a quick visit around halftime or before/at the beginning of the game.

I don't necessarily side-eye the party is being held during the NFL playoffs.  But if you all live in a city that still has a team with a dog in that fight, it does seem like poor/weird planning.

bleve0821

Is it going to be on FB live for those who can't attend? 

Sorry, snark aside, I probably wouldn't go.  It sounds really gift-grabby to me, not simply because they are hosting it themselves.  It's also the fact that it's open-house, which means they can invite Aunt Mae's third cousin twice removed and her new BF, where if it was a normal baby shower where 100 people would probably not be able to be hosted comfortably, these guests probably wouldn't have even made the "B" list.  Open house gift-giving event says to me "Let's invite every single person we know and get as many people to buy us things as we can."

I'd not go and not feel guilty about it.

cowgirl8238

I agree with everyone else.  The fact that it is an open-house style makes it feel more "gift-grab" and less "shower" to me.  I would still go since your SO is close but not plan on it being a long visit.  Unless you have to travel a long distance, then I would decline and send a card/small gift.

thisismynickname2

Although I agree that a self-hosted baby shower is tacky as shit, I don't mind the open house concept. Most baby showers are generally smaller (20-30 people?) but I have friends that have attended massive banquet-hall style events. That's normally due to the expectant couple having big families. These friends have said that baby showers of that size are totally painful. (Bridal showers too, ahem.) 

So, if the expectant couple had big families and a lot of friends, at least open house lets you come and go as you please and not suffer through 100 presents and stilted conversation. Maybe the couple will open your gift as soon as you arrive. 

That's the silver lining, to me, on an otherwise tacky event. 

luvskittles

RE: the playoffs. Yeah, I'm not side eyeing that either, especially since its hard to do during the holidays. I'm just a big football fan! I plan on going right when it starts, and leaving ASAP.

I also appreciate the fact that I do not have to sit through 100+ gifts. You're right, total silver lining.

I'm just judging so hard right now! 

MobKaz

MairePoppy said:

I'd decline the invitation. Watching the parents-to-be open 50 to 100 onesies sounds dreadful. 

It's possible that someone else might be hosting at the couple's house because it is large enough, well equipped or conveniently located for the guests. If that's the case, the hosts' names should have been on the invitations. I've never heard of anyone hosting their own baby shower. That would be tacky and gift grabby. 

Nice pun @MobKaz

To be fair, a more accurate pun would be to "take a knee"....

ILoveBeachMusic

MairePoppy said:

I'd decline the invitation. Watching the parents-to-be open 50 to 100 onesies sounds dreadful. 

It's possible that someone else might be hosting at the couple's house because it is large enough, well equipped or conveniently located for the guests. If that's the case, the hosts' names should have been on the invitations. I've never heard of anyone hosting their own baby shower. That would be tacky and gift grabby. 

Nice pun @MobKaz

Last year I posted about a friend's now DIL who hosted her own baby shower - FB invites and reminders - super classy!

MissKittyDanger

ILoveBeachMusic said:

MairePoppy said:

I'd decline the invitation. Watching the parents-to-be open 50 to 100 onesies sounds dreadful. 

It's possible that someone else might be hosting at the couple's house because it is large enough, well equipped or conveniently located for the guests. If that's the case, the hosts' names should have been on the invitations. I've never heard of anyone hosting their own baby shower. That would be tacky and gift grabby. 

Nice pun @MobKaz

Last year I posted about a friend's now DIL who hosted her own baby shower - FB invites and reminders - super classy!

For my bridal shower, we used FB to see who was able to attend and based regular invites on that. There was a few family members we weren't sure if they'd come, so this way we could get the info out and contact those we didn't have addresses for.

ILoveBeachMusic

MissKittyDanger said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

MairePoppy said:

I'd decline the invitation. Watching the parents-to-be open 50 to 100 onesies sounds dreadful. 

It's possible that someone else might be hosting at the couple's house because it is large enough, well equipped or conveniently located for the guests. If that's the case, the hosts' names should have been on the invitations. I've never heard of anyone hosting their own baby shower. That would be tacky and gift grabby. 

Nice pun @MobKaz

Last year I posted about a friend's now DIL who hosted her own baby shower - FB invites and reminders - super classy!

For my bridal shower, we used FB to see who was able to attend and based regular invites on that. There was a few family members we weren't sure if they'd come, so this way we could get the info out and contact those we didn't have addresses for.

Yes but you sent regular invites none were sent in this case. Also the mom-to-be sent out reminders for people to RSVP and to come. Sorrynotsorry that is tacky.

luvskittles

Quick update: it actually was a VERY well hosted shower, but the couple definitely hosted it. But it was just madness, so many people. On the plus side, didn't have to watch 100 gifts being opened!

knottief570c34b19e032bb

I know this post is old, but I'm replying to offer my opinion. I think traditional baby (and wedding) showers are the ultimate in rude. Every single one that I have been to excluded children and men. As if only women are allowed to celebrate a wedding or a birth, and yes, I have heard of men only showers, they are somehow even worse. The games at showers are somehow always sexist (not to mention boring). The whole time is spent on this frivolity and most of the time you can't even talk to the mother to be because her mother/grandmother/other relative has her cornered and won't give her up. So you, as the guest can only mumble congratulations across a noisy room. Why not allow men or children attend? Tell me again that as a women you want your partner involved, but only for the hard work. Never for celebrating?  I love the idea of a baby party (not shower) before the baby is born, if it's an open house then people can come and go as their schedule dictates. Heaven forbid I get five minutes ( or more!) to talk to the mother, father, and maybe even children at a party that is supposed to be celebrating a birth 

Ask the guests to bring unnwrapped presents, and display them with pride on a table set up to show the presents off. Everyone who wants to can still ooh and awe over 20 onsies and five bottles of baby soap. Plus, the quilt Grandma worked on for five months can get the attention it deserves. Hell, the parents of the baby would be so over joyed to see dear friends and family that they wouldn't even care if some guest didn't bring gifts, I know the gift of seeing people that I cannot see often is better than all of the onsies they could have brought.

Serve real food, even if it's just sandwiches and sheet cake or grilled hamburgers and pie. Maybe have a punch bowl that bored guests can spike, in their own glass of course, or even a cooler of beer for the adults that would like to drink.

If there is space for it, set up games kids can play, like baby and stork themed corn hole/ bean bag toss, or an onsie decorating station. Set up a table so that guests can address their thank you notes. Maybe have a guess the due date game. Make all of the games and activities inclusive, so that the youngest of kids and the oldest of elders of could be included.

The idea is to turn a sexist and exclusive thing like a baby shower and turn it into an inclusive family celebration, because whether or not you think so, it is a family event.

Oh and please stop the stigma of being able to throw your own party. If you have friends or family that can do it for you, so much the better. But if you don't have anyone do to it for you, should you not be allowed to celebrate?

climbingsingle

knottief570c34b19e032bb said:

I know this post is old, but I'm replying to offer my opinion. I think traditional baby (and wedding) showers are the ultimate in rude. Every single one that I have been to excluded children and men. As if only women are allowed to celebrate a wedding or a birth, and yes, I have heard of men only showers, they are somehow even worse. The games at showers are somehow always sexist (not to mention boring). The whole time is spent on this frivolity and most of the time you can't even talk to the mother to be because her mother/grandmother/other relative has her cornered and won't give her up. So you, as the guest can only mumble congratulations across a noisy room. Why not allow men or children attend? Tell me again that as a women you want your partner involved, but only for the hard work. Never for celebrating?  I love the idea of a baby party (not shower) before the baby is born, if it's an open house then people can come and go as their schedule dictates. Heaven forbid I get five minutes ( or more!) to talk to the mother, father, and maybe even children at a party that is supposed to be celebrating a birth 

Ask the guests to bring unnwrapped presents, and display them with pride on a table set up to show the presents off. Everyone who wants to can still ooh and awe over 20 onsies and five bottles of baby soap. Plus, the quilt Grandma worked on for five months can get the attention it deserves. Hell, the parents of the baby would be so over joyed to see dear friends and family that they wouldn't even care if some guest didn't bring gifts, I know the gift of seeing people that I cannot see often is better than all of the onsies they could have brought.

Serve real food, even if it's just sandwiches and sheet cake or grilled hamburgers and pie. Maybe have a punch bowl that bored guests can spike, in their own glass of course, or even a cooler of beer for the adults that would like to drink.

If there is space for it, set up games kids can play, like baby and stork themed corn hole/ bean bag toss, or an onsie decorating station. Set up a table so that guests can address their thank you notes. Maybe have a guess the due date game. Make all of the games and activities inclusive, so that the youngest of kids and the oldest of elders of could be included.

The idea is to turn a sexist and exclusive thing like a baby shower and turn it into an inclusive family celebration, because whether or not you think so, it is a family event.

Oh and please stop the stigma of being able to throw your own party. If you have friends or family that can do it for you, so much the better. But if you don't have anyone do to it for you, should you not be allowed to celebrate?

I'm not sure what kind of baby showers you've attended, but the ones I've been to all served "real food". And alcohol. 

I've certainly been able to talk to the mother-to-be. 

How are the games sexist? Again, not sure what kind of parties you're attending.

You're certainly making a lot of assumptions.  

Also, this post is 2.5 years old. 

MobKaz

Yikes.  Sounds like a whole lot of pent up anger/resentment going on in here, and, as @climbingwife notes, assumptions.

Many of the wedding showers I attend are co-ed.  My daughter did have a more “traditional” baby shower, but children were included if the parent chose to bring them.  We hosted a co-ed baby shower when my son and his wife were expecting.  The showers hosted in my family have ridiculous amounts of food, and alcohol.  

I will attribute your post to being hungry and in need of a good drink.

banana468

Has anyone been to a shower where wax fruit was "served"?  What's the "serve real food" stuff?  

MairePoppy

Threads more than 6 months old are considered dead. We don't need  no stinkin' zombies. 

Feel free to start a new thread on this topic.