Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Toastmaster/ Other "Special" Roles

Hey all,

Not sure if this belongs here or in Reception, so correct me if I'm wrong by posting here!

I was talking about the order of speeches with my mom and she asked if I have a toastmaster.  She said essentially the toastmaster is just someone close to the bride (i.e. aunt) who gives a speech at the wedding about the bride when she was younger and stuff...

Adding a speech from a toastmaster would only be a few minutes so it wouldn't be the end of the world, however I'm just curious if anyone here has heard of a toastmaster and if so what their role is?

Edit: I decided to remove some extra info that I included in my original post and rephrase some of it as people were mostly focusing on that instead of my actual question... I appreciate the insight but I'm just curious about the above questions, not about what you think about my wedding plans. Thanks!
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Re: Toastmaster/ Other "Special" Roles

  • Okay this is what I was thinking! Like sure I would love them and the person giving them would love to give them, but no one else there wants to sit through all that!
    Plus 5 mins is a looong time when you really think about it...
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    30-40 minutes of speeches?!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • A toast is like a minute, tops.  "Here's to OP and her groom, may you always be this happy and in love ...maybe one more line ... please join me in raising a glass.  Cheers!"  If you have that many people speaking, I'd def go with a toast and not speeches.  Although I've never been to a wedding with parents of the B or G speaking at all...I've only seen the MOH and BM (or a BM/GM). 

    If your aunt really want to talk about when you were younger, maybe a quick story at your bridal shower? "Toastmasters" was a public speaking practice group that the HR dept at my old company used to host...I'd never heard of a toastmaster at a wedding.
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If his parents are hosting a RD, I would have them do a toast there (unless they are hosting the wedding then they could give a toast). If your parents are hosting the wedding then it is appropriate for them to speak at the reception. I often see the FOB give a short "speech"/toast at that time. Usually the B&G would just give a very brief "thank you for coming" - this doesn't replace thanking the guests individually. It is traditional for the MOH and BM to give toasts/speeches but these should be kept under 5 mins. 40 minutes of people talking is way too long.
  • All toasts should be limited to maybe TWO minutes max. Five is a stupidly long time to speak at a party when people want to get to celebrating. If you have an emcee, let alone two, you do not need to designate a 'toastmaster.'
  • Most people can read about 1 page per minute, outlook. Please limit your "toasts" to less than the 5 pages you're giving everyone. Toasts should be super short, a few sentences, "we love the couple, here's a quick anecdote or two, cheers". Speeches shouldn't be more than a minute or two, 30-40 minutes is wayyyy too long to keep your guests captive and unable to have their own conversations.

    You don't need a "toastmaster" (which I've never heard of except when talking about the speech making group/club) especially with 2 emcees. They can corral the speakers when they need to. 
  • I was at a wedding like this once; where there were toasts/speeches by EVERYONE and honestly, it was terrible. People wanted to get a new drink, start eating, actually talk to friends and they were stuck listening to stories about the B&G or inside stories only a handful of people understood. I really think one or two brief toasts is really all that is necessary. 
  • Hey all,

    Not sure if this belongs here or in Reception, so correct me if I'm wrong by posting here!

    I was talking about the order of speeches with my mom and she asked if I have a toastmaster?  She said essentially the toastmaster is just someone close to the bride (ie aunt) who gives a speech at the wedding about the bride when she was younger and stuff...

    Now we already have our Co-MCs giving a *brief* welcome, MC's meaning the DJs? followed by (again *brief*) speeches/toasts from my parents, his parents, Unless the parents are hosting I would save this for the RD.  If they are hosts (or you aren't doing a Rehearsal) than I would give them 2 mins max. my maid of honour/ sister, and his best man, Again I wouldn't make this too long...about 2 mins each is enough to say what they need to say. and then a thank you from us. Again this is simple.  "We are so happy that you were able to join us today to celebrate our marriage. Thank you!" We've also tossed around the idea of having my bridesmaids and his groomsmen say something if they want to NO!  If they want to say something do this at the RD. If no RD maybe a few words at the shower.  But no one wants to sit through a ton of speeches/toasts. We're aiming for 5mins max each, so in total that will be about 30-40 mins depending on if our wedding parties each speak too. So adding a speech from a toastmaster would only be an extra 5 mins so it wouldn't be the end of the world I guess...

    It just seems unnecessary to me? Like literally just asking my aunt to make a speech/ toast? Does anyone know of any other "special" role I could give her (she is very important to me) to make her feel honoured without being something unnecessary or worklike?
    I think the toastmaster is overkill.  I would limit your toasts to 2 minutes and reduce the number to hosts (parents is okay), Best Man and Maid Of Honor.  If anyone else wants to speak they can do so more informally at the RD (again keep it brief!) or in private at some point before the ceremony.
  • We've all been there. 20 minutes into the most boring speeches ever devised, the whole audience is shifting in their chairs, giving each other looks, staring at the bottom of a mostly empty glass, feeling like "oh my god, how much longer?"..... 

    I'm glad you aren't going to do this to your guests.

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Let me be honest with you. You already have too many speeches and toasts. I've told this story too many times on TK, but you are exactly the bride who needs to hear this.

    I attended a wedding a few years back. There was a large wedding party,10 gm and 10 bm. Most of them were communications and theater arts majors and excellent speakers. They all had a turn at the mic, as well as a rep from each family. Their speeches were full of inside jokes and childhood stories, in a sort of roast style. One or two of those speeches/toasts would have been enough. About 20 minutes in, I left the table to go to the lady's room. Many guests were in there chatting and catching up, since they couldn't do that at their tables. The party in the lady's room was much more fun than the reception. On my way back to the table, I noticed many guests outside in the smoking area and lined up at the bar for drinks. No one wants to listen to more than 10 minutes of speeches. The bride and groom spared no costs on their wedding, with live music for the cocktail hour and dj for the reception dancing, top shelf open bar and a 5 course meal. But they killed that party before it got started.
  • To address your last sentence, I suggest honoring your aunt by giving her a corsage and taking a photo with her.
    "Marriage is so disruptive to one's social circle." - Mr. Woodhouse
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I'm on the boat with the "please god not 40 minutes of speeches" people. You don't give speeches at weddings, you give toasts. If that toast is more than a few sentences, it's too long. Movie weddings got things twisted.
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