How should I ask for those who haven't RSVP'd?

Knottie73470683228865cd

I didn't think this would an issue I would have but I have a bunch of people that didn't RSVP, and it's past our RSVP date.

One response I got when I asked was, we don't know yet because money is tight. I said, okay cool, just let me know very soon. I felt bad asking though.

This is very awkward to go around asking for RSVPS. What's the best way to handle it? 

STARMOON44

Call all of them individually, and say you need to know now, because your wedding is soon. 

southernbelle0915

When is your wedding?

Allyou can do is call people up and say "hi so and so, just wanted to follow up with you and find out if you can make it to the wedding. Our caterer needs our final numbers by XX date. Please let me know before that." 

If if you don't get a response, leave another message and tell them "hey so and so, we haven't heard back from you on whether you're coming to the wedding. The final numbers have been submitted to the caterer and we assumed you were not coming. We will miss you!" 

Unless you're asking for RSVPs super early, the awkwardness should be on them for not responding. 

mollybarker11

It is awkward and irritating but it has to be done. If other guests aren't able to confirm during your phone call (or if you're leaving a message) say you need their response by X-date, with "X" being a day or two before you need to provide your absolute final hard numbers to the caterer/venue. Giving a vague timeline like "very soon" just means more follow-up work for you.

Note that your RSVP date shouldn't have been more than a couple of weeks before your wedding. If you set yours too early, you should wait a while before starting to call on people.

kimmiinthemitten

It's actually not that awkward once you've made a few calls. Just reach out, 9 times out of a 10 it was an honest mistake. 

Jen4948

Call them. I'd just say, "Hi, this is Knottie. I'm calling to find out whether you (and SO (and your kids)) will be attending our wedding. We haven't yet heard this from you and our venue needs a final headcount now."

Heffalump

It's not fun, but it has to be done.  We've seen brides on here where either the invitation never reached the guest, or the response card went astray on its way back to you.  (We actually got two response cards after the wedding, looking pretty mangled and sad.)  So there may be some awkwardness, but look at it this way: in the case of lost mail, you are righting something that went wrong.

charlotte989875

We got some RSVPs in the mail a month (or more) after our wedding, even though they were posted by the RSVP deadline. We lived in an area Mail was irregular, at best. I called people up, they told me they had sent it but told me their meal choices, no harm no foul. People generally were glad we were following up rather than assumed they weren't coming. 

LondonLisa

'Hi John, We are just wrapping up some things for the wedding. Do you think Susan and you will be able to join us?'

If they don't give you a yes or no answer right there (ie money is tight so they don't know, they don't know their work schedule etc etc) just say

'Of course, I understand. Our hard deadline is Friday the X so if you can just let me know before then or else I can mark you down as a no. I hope you'll be able to join us. Give my best to Susan.'

Basically you need to let them know that if they don't give you a yes by X date, they are a no. 

SaintPaulGal

LondonLisa said:

'Hi John, We are just wrapping up some things for the wedding. Do you think Susan and you will be able to join us?'

If they don't give you a yes or no answer right there (ie money is tight so they don't know, they don't know their work schedule etc etc) just say

'Of course, I understand. Our hard deadline is Friday the X so if you can just let me know before then or else I can mark you down as a no. I hope you'll be able to join us. Give my best to Susan.'

Basically you need to let them know that if they don't give you a yes by X date, they are a no. 

Exactly this.  No need to feel awkward about it.  It's a matter-of-fact request for information.  

DrillSergeantCat

H and I had to contact 75% of our guests. It wasn't a big deal. 

MandyMost

Knottie73470683228865cd said:

I didn't think this would an issue I would have but I have a bunch of people that didn't RSVP, and it's past our RSVP date.

One response I got when I asked was, we don't know yet because money is tight. I said, okay cool, just let me know very soon. I felt bad asking though.

This is very awkward to go around asking for RSVPS. What's the best way to handle it? 

This sounds like an odd response, since if you're calling people to get RSVPs I'd assume the wedding is about 3 weeks away at most. 

DrillSergeantCat

MandyMost said:

Knottie73470683228865cd said:

I didn't think this would an issue I would have but I have a bunch of people that didn't RSVP, and it's past our RSVP date.

One response I got when I asked was, we don't know yet because money is tight. I said, okay cool, just let me know very soon. I felt bad asking though.

This is very awkward to go around asking for RSVPS. What's the best way to handle it? 

This sounds like an odd response, since if you're calling people to get RSVPs I'd assume the wedding is about 3 weeks away at most. 

I feel like that response is just because they don't know how to really just say no.

ILoveBeachMusic

MandyMost said:

Knottie73470683228865cd said:

I didn't think this would an issue I would have but I have a bunch of people that didn't RSVP, and it's past our RSVP date.

One response I got when I asked was, we don't know yet because money is tight. I said, okay cool, just let me know very soon. I felt bad asking though.

This is very awkward to go around asking for RSVPS. What's the best way to handle it? 

This sounds like an odd response, since if you're calling people to get RSVPs I'd assume the wedding is about 3 weeks away at most. 

Actually this happened for DD's wedding. A close cousin didn't know until the week before the wedding if he would be able to travel and afford a hotel. I understood the circumstances and told him we would have a place for him and his GF if they were able to make it. He called that week and was very happy they could come - as were we.

justsie

ILoveBeachMusic said:

MandyMost said:

Knottie73470683228865cd said:

I didn't think this would an issue I would have but I have a bunch of people that didn't RSVP, and it's past our RSVP date.

One response I got when I asked was, we don't know yet because money is tight. I said, okay cool, just let me know very soon. I felt bad asking though.

This is very awkward to go around asking for RSVPS. What's the best way to handle it? 

This sounds like an odd response, since if you're calling people to get RSVPs I'd assume the wedding is about 3 weeks away at most. 

Actually this happened for DD's wedding. A close cousin didn't know until the week before the wedding if he would be able to travel and afford a hotel. I understood the circumstances and told him we would have a place for him and his GF if they were able to make it. He called that week and was very happy they could come - as were we.

I had something similar as well, my cousin didn't know if he was going to be back in time for the wedding since he is in the service and it was cutting it close. I had a spot for him and his wife, they ended up not being able to make it, but didn't know that until the day before. 

randomslove

We had to do this for about half of our guest list, and like PPs, it wasn't all that awkward after the first few calls. We had one or two who said they didn't know yet, so I just rounded the numbers up to make sure we had enough of everything for them. Not ideal, but I decided I would rather be over-prepared.