Wedding Woes

Carrying on after loss

Hi all,

On December 12th, my fiancé and I tied the knot at town hall. My parents, his mom, and his kids were with us.  We decided to do this when we found out that, as of January 1st, I was no longer eligible to be covered on his health insurance.  We've been planning our wedding for June 17th, but it just seemed the most logical thing to do.  We still planned to have our "wedding" with all our family and friends as planned and decided to keep our official "I do's" between our immediate family.  Then the unthinkable happened.... On Christmas morning, my dad had a heart attack and passed away.  While planning the arrangements, we decided to let everyone in on our early "I do's" (I wanted my new last name in the obituary and I wanted people to know that he was there for us that day... it felt important).  But now, as June 17th gets closer and I realize our wedding decisions are becoming more and more time sensitive, I'm not sure that 6 months is enough time for me to actually find any happiness in our big day and I feel like I need to make a decision about whether to postpone the wedding or carry on as planned.  (We've booked our venue and put a deposit on our photographer, we have a catering quote we haven't signed off on yet, save the dates were sent and invitations have already been prepared.  I haven't bought a dress yet, but I intended to get a bridesmaids dress so the turn-around time is a bit quicker.)  My family and fiancé are supportive either way, but neither option feels to me at all.  Anyone been through this?

Re: Carrying on after loss

  • *Barbie* said:
    KimM0915 said:
    Hi all,

    On December 12th, my fiancé and I tied the knot at town hall. My parents, his mom, and his kids were with us.  We decided to do this when we found out that, as of January 1st, I was no longer eligible to be covered on his health insurance.  We've been planning our wedding for June 17th, but it just seemed the most logical thing to do.  We still planned to have our "wedding" with all our family and friends as planned and decided to keep our official "I do's" between our immediate family.  Then the unthinkable happened.... On Christmas morning, my dad had a heart attack and passed away.  While planning the arrangements, we decided to let everyone in on our early "I do's" (I wanted my new last name in the obituary and I wanted people to know that he was there for us that day... it felt important).  But now, as June 17th gets closer and I realize our wedding decisions are becoming more and more time sensitive, I'm not sure that 6 months is enough time for me to actually find any happiness in our big day and I feel like I need to make a decision about whether to postpone the wedding or carry on as planned.  (We've booked our venue and put a deposit on our photographer, we have a catering quote we haven't signed off on yet, save the dates were sent and invitations have already been prepared.  I haven't bought a dress yet, but I intended to get a bridesmaids dress so the turn-around time is a bit quicker.)  My family and fiancé are supportive either way, but neither option feels to me at all.  Anyone been through this?
    I'm sorry for your loss, but get one thing straight - you've already had your wedding. You're married. Unless you're planning to divorce and get remarried in June, your wedding day is 12/12.

    It sounds like you were planning to essentially lie and put on a show, which is frankly, a little disrespectful of your friends, family, and your marriage. (Cause you're in effect saying that a city hall wedding 'doesn't count'.)

    Have a reception on June 17th as a celebration of your marriage - but don't go through a wedding ceremony for show. Get whatever dress you want, scrap the wedding ceremony/wedding dress/etc., and the lies, and just have a fun party to celebrate as planned. 
    THIS!  

    Also, grief counseling.  You may want to see if your job (or your husband's) offers a few free sessions.  
    OurWildKingdomSP29
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'm so sorry for your loss.

    That said, I'm afraid that most forum members are going to tell you something you don't want to hear:

    You already had your "wedding" at the town hall. What you are planning with your families and friends at a later date constitutes a "PPD" (stands for "Pretty Princess Day.") Needing to marry earlier for health insurance coverage doesn't change that.

    It's okay to have a later party, even a catered one, to celebrate your marriage, but it is not your "wedding" or "reception." Bill it as a "celebration of marriage" instead. There should be no reenactment of the ceremony or "bridal" things like spotlight dances, attendants, bouquet toss, registries, showers, etc. because the boat for that sailed when you had your wedding at the town hall.
    cowgirl8238OurWildKingdomernursejSP29
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited January 2017
    KimM0915 said:
    Hi all,

    On December 12th, my fiancé and I tied the knot at town hall. My parents, his mom, and his kids were with us.  We decided to do this when we found out that, as of January 1st, I was no longer eligible to be covered on his health insurance.  We've been planning our wedding for June 17th, but it just seemed the most logical thing to do.  We still planned to have our "wedding" with all our family and friends as planned and decided to keep our official "I do's" between our immediate family.  Then the unthinkable happened.... On Christmas morning, my dad had a heart attack and passed away.  While planning the arrangements, we decided to let everyone in on our early "I do's" (I wanted my new last name in the obituary and I wanted people to know that he was there for us that day... it felt important).  But now, as June 17th gets closer and I realize our wedding decisions are becoming more and more time sensitive, I'm not sure that 6 months is enough time for me to actually find any happiness in our big day and I feel like I need to make a decision about whether to postpone the wedding or carry on as planned.  (We've booked our venue and put a deposit on our photographer, we have a catering quote we haven't signed off on yet, save the dates were sent and invitations have already been prepared.  I haven't bought a dress yet, but I intended to get a bridesmaids dress so the turn-around time is a bit quicker.)  My family and fiancé are supportive either way, but neither option feels to me at all.  Anyone been through this?
    I am very sorry for your loss.

    Congratulations on your marriage.  I am so glad that you were able to have a wedding while your father was still alive.  (I was not so lucky.)

    You cannot have another wedding.  Yours was in the courthouse with your family.  Your plans are not appropriate.  Please either cancel them, or change them, as you prefer.

    What you may have is called a celebration of your marriage.  No vows.  No wedding dress.  No bridesmaids.  You can have a beautiful party, but please do not try to turn it into a wedding.  You are not a bride; you are a married woman. 

    Change your PPD plans (Pretty Princess Day means a fake, re-do wedding that is not a legal one.) and have a lovely meal and dancing afterwards for all the guests.  You cannot have a "first dance', but you can have a special dance together.  No bouquet tossing or cake cutting and feeding each other, please.  Buy a beautiful formal gown, not a wedding dress.  Everything else will be lovely.

    Here is proper wording for your celebration of marriage party:

    The pleasure of your company is requested
    to celebrate the recent marriage of
    Mr. and Mrs. John Newlyweds
    Day, date of June
    two thousand seventeen
    at six o'clock
    Venue Name
    123 Maple Street
    Anytown, Iowa

    R.s.v.p.

    You should also send out wedding announcements to formally and personally announce that you are married.  This is very simple.

    Bride's Full Name
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    announce their marriage
    December 12, 2016
    Anytown, Iowa

    That is all the information that should be included.  It does not mean that people who receive this should send a gift.  You may get some nice cards of congratulations on your wedding.  Send these out as soon as possible!

    Now cancel that "wedding invitation" order right now!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    OurWildKingdomSP29downtondiva
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I'm so sorry for your loss, but the other posters are correct.  The person you said was your FI is actually your H.  You are a married woman. 

    It was not very kind toward the rest of your guests to let them think you were not married when you would have had your PPD in June.  You must also forgo any showers or b-parties, as again you are a married woman now.

    You can turn your June event into a Celebration of Marriage.  CMGr has the proper wording for an event like that.  It is perfectly acceptable to have a spotlight dance with your H to start off the dancing for the evening.  It is also fine for you both to cut the cake.  Typically the guest of honor at a party makes the first cake cuts, so you and your H can cut the cake.  But do not feed it to each other.

    You and your H can wear formal clothes to the event, if you wish.  Rent the Runway may be a great option for you!

    short+sassysparklepants41CMGragainOurWildKingdom
  • OP, PPs have it covered really well. 

    I just wanted to add that I am deeply sorry for your loss. 
    CMGragainOurWildKingdomHeffalump
  • @KimM0915, I am so sorry for your loss!  It's such a terrible thing to lose your dad, especially on Christmas morning.

    I don't know if you believe in fate, but maybe that was the reason the insurance thing happened and you and your (then) FI moved your all's wedding day to Dec.  Your dad was there and that is such a blessing.

    If it were me, I'd cancel the June party if that's your preference/what you're leaning toward.  People will understand.  Though, if that is what you all decide to do, make sure to notify anyone who received an STD as soon as possible that the party has been cancelled.

    You might have to eat some deposits, but talk to whoever has them and explain the circumstances.  Maybe they'll allow you to have them back or, keep them, but at least give you credit toward a future event.

    I know how much you're grieving (I've been there) and I'm trying to be gentle, but I'm also sad for you that you seem to see your wedding day as NBD.  The most important part about a wedding is...getting married to the love of your life.  That's the big day!!!  And your dad was there for it, which is so wonderful and amazing, considering what happened.

    I know a courthouse wedding wasn't what you all initially planned.  But white poufy dresses, wedding parties, champagne fountains, and dancing all night with family and friends...are just nice extras for people who chose to go with that type of wedding ceremony/reception.  They aren't necessary and don't define a wedding.

    Like other PPs have mentioned, after the grief isn't so fresh, and you and your H feel like you missed out a bit on the bigger party you all had planned (I can understand that), then throw a celebration of marriage party.  Or an anniversary party.  Or just a fun party with no specific label attached to it.

    Of course, you'll never forget your dad.  But the grief does get easier with time.  This was a really tough way for you and your H to start your marriage, but I hope the future will bring many happy days for you all.

     

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    sparklepants41OliveOilsMomSP29cowgirl8238
  • Wow I'm really stunned at the judgment you all have been so freely expressing here.  My wedding plans were well underway and we decide to see a potential obstacle as "no big deal" instead of letting it put a damper on our plans.  But my wedding ceremony plans involved a lot of friends and family members who we were not able to be included in our few-weeks-notice town hall ceremony.  Of course I am grateful that my dad was there and see that as he beginning of my marriage, but to say that my fiancé and I Are not entitled to day we've been planning for the last year is kind of just rude.  And to say we're lying by not cluing everyone in is a bit of an exaggeration. Somehow you have all managed to miss my point and tell me what "must" be done and all the ways I'm apparently not allowed to be a bride.  I suppose I've learned one thing here - seeking advice from the Internet is pointless.  Thanks!
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited January 2017
    KimM0915 said:
    Wow I'm really stunned at the judgment you all have been so freely expressing here.  My wedding plans were well underway and we decide to see a potential obstacle as "no big deal" instead of letting it put a damper on our plans.  But my wedding ceremony plans involved a lot of friends and family members who we were not able to be included in our few-weeks-notice town hall ceremony.  Of course I am grateful that my dad was there and see that as he beginning of my marriage, but to say that my fiancé and I Are not entitled to day we've been planning for the last year is kind of just rude.  And to say we're lying by not cluing everyone in is a bit of an exaggeration. Somehow you have all managed to miss my point and tell me what "must" be done and all the ways I'm apparently not allowed to be a bride.  I suppose I've learned one thing here - seeking advice from the Internet is pointless.  Thanks!
    OK.  I will explain it to you.  You and your HUSBAND are not entitled to another wedding day you that have been planning for the last year.  You gave up that when you decided to get married in the courthouse.  Your reasons are irrelevant.

    No one is entitled to a big, fancy wedding.  Many brides get married in the courthouse, just like you decided to do.  How wonderful that we live in a country where people have the right to be married to each other legally.

    What?  You say that isn't enough for you?  Really?  You just lost me.

    No one was rude to you.  We are all sympathetic about your recent loss.  We gave you very good advice how to turn your plans into a lovely, appropriate celebration party.  You can easily do this.  You certainly were allowed to be a bride - on your wedding day, which was in December.

    But, no.  You just want to dress up and play "wedding" when you are a married woman.  This is what is rude.  Now grow up and accept the decision that you made when you decided to get married last December.  (Personally, I think that it was a good decision.)

    Let me explain the internet to you, Ms. Special Snowflake.  Here, you will be told the truth.  We have no reason to lie to you.  We do not know you, and we will not soft pedal reality for you just because it might hurt your feelings.  I think you should re-read the comments, and try to understand that we are trying to prevent you from making a total fool of yourself in front of your family and friends.

    Your guests will have the same thoughts that we do, but, since they know you and care about you, they won't want to upset you by telling you the truth about your PPD plans.  They will talk about it, though.  Don't fool yourself that your guests don't understand etiquette.  They do.  I know a couple who did this, kept their legal marriage a secret and had a big PPD.  The word that they were already married leaked out, and people are still talking about how ridiculous it was for them to have the PPD.  It was FIVE years ago!  Don't let this be you!

    If your plans had been at all acceptable, someone here would have jumped on the thread and encouraged you.  No one has.  Occasionally we see a new poster who doesn't understand etiquette or reality, but they don't stay around for very long.

    Stop acting like a child, go to sleep, and consider the good advice that you have been given today.  You still have time to stop this train wreck of a PPD, and to turn it into a lovely, memorable wedding celebration.  I really hope that you do this.


    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    SP29banana468Heffalump
  • Heffalump said:
    OP, I get that you're grieving, and I'm so sorry for your loss.  I can't imagine.

    Maybe that's coloring the way that you're responding here.  I'm sure your feelings must still be pretty raw right now.  My advice is to table the fake wedding.  It's unkind to your guests, and it's causing you stress that you don't need right now.  Put it aside.  Work on grieving.  I think that will bring the clarity need to revisit this subject, at which point I predict that these responses will seem pragmatic ("Since I'm already married, it's sort of silly to stage a fake wedding") and not "rude" as you seem to think it is now.

    Nothing wrong with a celebration of marriage party.  I think it sounds like fun, and if you go this route, I hope that you and your husband and guests have a wonderful time.  But please, don't lie to your guests in order to stage a fake event.  In the process, you will hurt some family members who are already grieving your father.

    Good luck.
    All of this.   I think you need time to grieve.

    But please, be honest with your guests.   What they would be attending wouldn't be a wedding because you have a husband.

    Instead, focus on healing the open wound you have and then figure out how you would like to celebrate your new marriage. 
    sparklepants41SP29
  • KimM0915 said:
    Hi all,

    On December 12th, my fiancé and I tied the knot at town hall. Congrats on your marriage!  My parents, his mom, and his kids were with us.  We decided to do this when we found out that, as of January 1st, I was no longer eligible to be covered on his health insurance.  We've been planning our wedding for June 17th, but it just seemed the most logical thing to do.  We still planned to have our "wedding" with all our family and friends as planned and decided to keep our official "I do's" between our immediate family.  This is a very rude thing to do!  You are essentially lying to your friends by not telling them the truth. Then the unthinkable happened.... On Christmas morning, my dad had a heart attack and passed away.  While planning the arrangements, we decided to let everyone in on our early "I do's" Glad you told everyone...it would have came out anyway and it is better they hear from you than through the grapevine. (I wanted my new last name in the obituary and I wanted people to know that he was there for us that day... it felt important).  But now, as June 17th gets closer and I realize our wedding decisions are becoming more and more time sensitive, I'm not sure that 6 months is enough time for me to actually find any happiness in our big day and I feel like I need to make a decision about whether to postpone the wedding or carry on as planned.  Your wedding was that day in December when you and your FI became Husband and Wife at the courthouse!  You can continue to plan a nice party, just make a few changes since you are no longer a Bride. (We've booked our venue and put a deposit on our photographer, we have a catering quote we haven't signed off on yet, save the dates were sent and invitations have already been prepared.  You are going to have to eat the cost of the invites regardless.  It is up to you if you want more time to grieve, but you are no longer having a wedding.  I haven't bought a dress yet, but I intended to get a bridesmaids dress so the turn-around time is a bit quicker.)  My family and fiancé are supportive either way, but neither option feels to me at all.  Anyone been through this?
    KimM0915 said:
    Wow I'm really stunned at the judgment you all have been so freely expressing here.  My wedding plans were well underway and we decide to see a potential obstacle as "no big deal" instead of letting it put a damper on our plans.  That idea that a courthouse wedding is No Big Deal is very insulting to the thousands of people who cherish the day they got married.  But my wedding ceremony plans involved a lot of friends and family members who we were not able to be included in our few-weeks-notice town hall ceremony.  Of course I am grateful that my dad was there and see that as he beginning of my marriage, but to say that my fiancé and I Are not entitled to day we've been planning for the last year is kind of just rude.  You can have a party, but you can't have a wedding because you are already married.  We are only trying to spare you from the judgment of others.  If you go ahead with your plans as is it has no effect on us, but it will have an effect on your friends and family.  And to say we're lying by not cluing everyone in is a bit of an exaggeration.  Not really... Somehow you have all managed to miss my point and tell me what "must" be done and all the ways I'm apparently not allowed to be a bride.  I suppose I've learned one thing here - seeking advice from the Internet is pointless.  Thanks!

    First off I want to say I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your father.  This must be a very difficult and stressful time in your life.  Secondly, I placed some statements and thoughts in bold above.  Please take some time to calm down and reflect upon everything that has happened.  Then come back to this and read it with a clearer, more open mind.  We are not trying to ruin your plans, but we are trying to prevent hurt feelings of your family and friends. 

    The reason we say that you cannot have the wedding as planned is because you are already married.  The reasons why you went to the courthouse is irrelevant and the fact that you look back at your wedding day, the day you became a husband and wife, as "no big deal" is both sad and insulting to those who have fought for the right to get married to the person they love.  What we all seem to be suggesting is that you take a step back and grieve the loss of your father.  Then, when you are ready to plan, make a few changes and you will be good to go to host a very proper and etiquette approved Celebration of Marriage.

    There are only a few differences between a wedding and a celebration of marriage.  The only things that you will really need to forgo are the ceremony, the attendants, the feeding of the cake, and the other Bride/Groom traditions.  You may still have a spotlight dance if you wish (as husband and wife), you may still wear a nice white dress, you may cut the cake (but please skip the feeding it to each other).  You can even have a special table to honor the people you would have included in your Bridal Party.

    short+sassyCMGragainSP29
  • KimM0915 said:
    Hi all,

    On December 12th, my fiancé and I tied the knot at town hall. Congrats on your marriage!  My parents, his mom, and his kids were with us.  We decided to do this when we found out that, as of January 1st, I was no longer eligible to be covered on his health insurance.  We've been planning our wedding for June 17th, but it just seemed the most logical thing to do.  We still planned to have our "wedding" with all our family and friends as planned and decided to keep our official "I do's" between our immediate family.  This is a very rude thing to do!  You are essentially lying to your friends by not telling them the truth. Then the unthinkable happened.... On Christmas morning, my dad had a heart attack and passed away.  While planning the arrangements, we decided to let everyone in on our early "I do's" Glad you told everyone...it would have came out anyway and it is better they hear from you than through the grapevine. (I wanted my new last name in the obituary and I wanted people to know that he was there for us that day... it felt important).  But now, as June 17th gets closer and I realize our wedding decisions are becoming more and more time sensitive, I'm not sure that 6 months is enough time for me to actually find any happiness in our big day and I feel like I need to make a decision about whether to postpone the wedding or carry on as planned.  Your wedding was that day in December when you and your FI became Husband and Wife at the courthouse!  You can continue to plan a nice party, just make a few changes since you are no longer a Bride. (We've booked our venue and put a deposit on our photographer, we have a catering quote we haven't signed off on yet, save the dates were sent and invitations have already been prepared.  You are going to have to eat the cost of the invites regardless.  It is up to you if you want more time to grieve, but you are no longer having a wedding.  I haven't bought a dress yet, but I intended to get a bridesmaids dress so the turn-around time is a bit quicker.)  My family and fiancé are supportive either way, but neither option feels to me at all.  Anyone been through this?
    KimM0915 said:
    Wow I'm really stunned at the judgment you all have been so freely expressing here.  My wedding plans were well underway and we decide to see a potential obstacle as "no big deal" instead of letting it put a damper on our plans.  That idea that a courthouse wedding is No Big Deal is very insulting to the thousands of people who cherish the day they got married.  But my wedding ceremony plans involved a lot of friends and family members who we were not able to be included in our few-weeks-notice town hall ceremony.  Of course I am grateful that my dad was there and see that as he beginning of my marriage, but to say that my fiancé and I Are not entitled to day we've been planning for the last year is kind of just rude.  You can have a party, but you can't have a wedding because you are already married.  We are only trying to spare you from the judgment of others.  If you go ahead with your plans as is it has no effect on us, but it will have an effect on your friends and family.  And to say we're lying by not cluing everyone in is a bit of an exaggeration.  Not really... Somehow you have all managed to miss my point and tell me what "must" be done and all the ways I'm apparently not allowed to be a bride.  I suppose I've learned one thing here - seeking advice from the Internet is pointless.  Thanks!

    First off I want to say I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your father.  This must be a very difficult and stressful time in your life.  Secondly, I placed some statements and thoughts in bold above.  Please take some time to calm down and reflect upon everything that has happened.  Then come back to this and read it with a clearer, more open mind.  We are not trying to ruin your plans, but we are trying to prevent hurt feelings of your family and friends. 

    The reason we say that you cannot have the wedding as planned is because you are already married.  The reasons why you went to the courthouse is irrelevant and the fact that you look back at your wedding day, the day you became a husband and wife, as "no big deal" is both sad and insulting to those who have fought for the right to get married to the person they love.  What we all seem to be suggesting is that you take a step back and grieve the loss of your father.  Then, when you are ready to plan, make a few changes and you will be good to go to host a very proper and etiquette approved Celebration of Marriage.

    There are only a few differences between a wedding and a celebration of marriage.  The only things that you will really need to forgo are the ceremony, the attendants, the feeding of the cake, and the other Bride/Groom traditions.  You may still have a spotlight dance if you wish (as husband and wife), you may still wear a nice white dress, you may cut the cake (but please skip the feeding it to each other).  You can even have a special table to honor the people you would have included in your Bridal Party.

    I bolded the part about "few differences".

    This is what I don't understand about, not just the OP, but other wives we have given this advice too.  Have the big, amazing party!  Wear a beautiful dress!  You're (general you) still celebrating the marriage.  I think that is all awesome and a great alternative for people who, for often good reasons, chose to have a much smaller private ceremony.  Whether at City Hall or elsewhere.  But, you can't shove the toothpaste back in the tube.  Guests CAN'T witness the ceremony.  It's impossible.  It already happened.  And, generally speaking, they don't want to see a re-enactment.  A re-enactment has no purpose.  Worse than that, I think (in a way) it lessens the real vows that were taken.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    cowgirl8238CMGragainSP29
  • I'm going to spin this a bit differently OP for some points no one else addressed.  First, keep your plans for June, the day is not "Memorial Service 2.0", you will have your joy that day.  The only time there's a gray area is when situations such as "Legal vs. Sacramental Marriage" get thrown around especially for the Catholics (If a couple wants to get married at the Vatican, they first need to be legally married in their home country as there isn't anyone deputized to do both which is essentially why church weddings are also legal here in the US).  Anyway getting back to the point OP - the language is slightly different for your invitations because telling the truth is important.  Use terms like "Vow renewal" and "Celebration of Marriage Party", it's really o.k., people will understand the circumstances, they won't understand having lied to about the legal marriage taking place that day.  

    Plan the event June 17th, just change the wording on your invites, and you can skip hiring the officiant unless you're having a Sacramental Marriage Ceremony.  Your joy for the day will not diminish!  Have an awesome party - celebrate to the fullest!  Just tell the truth.
    charlotte989875NOLABridesmaid
  • OP, I am so very sorry for your loss. I can imagine what a difficult time this is for you, and I'm sure you are feeling very complicated things right now.

    Here is my advice, as someone who once did exactly what you are planning to do right now: keep the June celebration,
    but tell the truth. You already know you want people to see your married name in your father's obituary, so it sounds like telling the truth about your marriage is in your plans anyway. Send a note to the people you have already sent save the dates to, letting them know that due to unforeseen circumstances, you and your husband felt it was right to have a small wedding at the courthouse, and you are so glad your father could be there for you. Let them know that you hope to keep the date in June as an opportunity to celebrate this union. 

    I totally understand wanting to keep the day you have been planning for (and paying for) for a long time. When my ex and I married it was six months before the wedding we had already sunk a lot of money into. A courthouse wedding wasn't what we had planned or wanted, but life happened and we needed to protect ourselves. I just wish I had told everyone we had already gotten married (we told immediate family and close friends but were asked to keep it from extended family who would not have approved). 

    I do not agree with the majority opinion on this topic, which seems to be that you must have no dress, ceremony, etc. I believe you can still have your big day, wear a dress, cut the cake, and even re-enact your ceremony (especially if you are religious and require a marriage blessing). Do whatever you want! Just be honest with your guests. The people who love you will understand the circumstances you were in and, I'm sure, will be happy to support you in celebrating the marriage that took place months prior. 

    Again, my condolences for your loss.


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