Wedding Etiquette Forum

Pre-Wedding Event Offers: Accept or No?

mrose88mrose88 member
25 Love Its 10 Comments
edited January 2017 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
When I got engaged, I really didn't expect to do any of the traditional pre-wedding stuff; this is my second wedding, and I am really just interested in having a fun celebration with all our loved ones on our day, and then getting to the being married of it all. My fiance and I have decided to forego many of the traditional things you see at weddings nowadays, and one of those things is the bridal party. It will be just us and our officiant playing any sort of role, though we are extending an open invitation to a handful of our closest family and friends to come and hang out with us, have lunch with us, etc., before the ceremony (if they would like to do that). 

The thing is, I have two women very close to me who have offered to throw me pre-wedding events such as a bridal shower and/or bachelorette party, and I'm not sure whether to accept. Together, they have already thrown a surprise engagement party for us (we really had zero idea what we were walking into). It was so thoughtful of them, and a really lovely time! 

I suppose I just feel a little bit strange about them spending all this time and effort on planning things for me/us, because I have zero intention of asking either woman to be a bridesmaid. I've made this clear to them, and they seem totally fine with it. They know what they mean to me, and they've both said they would be happy to just spend time with me on the day without having to spend money on a dress. I'm not opposed to having pre-wedding events, but there's a nagging feeling that it would be... I don't know, ungracious(?) to accept their offers given the circumstances.

Am I totally over-thinking this? What would you do?

It's also 100% possible I am just letting some of my feels about being a second-time bride give me anxiety here...

[Edited for clarity.]

Re: Pre-Wedding Event Offers: Accept or No?

  • I'm a second time bride, and I think I understand where you are coming from.

    We are having a small bridal party (it will be my FH's first marriage and he wants one).

    I have a feeling his friends are going to do some sort of pre wedding party for us and if it happens I think I'm just going to grin and be gracious.

    So if you want to accept, I think it's fine.
  • Technically there isn't a link between being a BP member and throwing a party- BMs don't have to throw a bride anything, and on the flip side anyone can host a shower or bach party, whether they're a BM or not.  If you'd like these parties, go ahead.  If, however, you and your FI have all you need stuff-wise, and you don't want a shower...or if you don't want a bach party for any reason...you're welcome to decline.

    I love throwing parties, and if a close friend was getting remarried and was on board with a proposed party, I'd consider your friends' current position ideal- I get to plan and host a party but I don't have to wear a specific dress and pose for photos at your wedding ;)
  • I would skip the shower. 
  • Totally assuming here but by being a second time bride maybe the rest of your crowd is already married and ready to "breathe" again. I'm 28 so in the thick of it- in 2015 I was in 7 weddings and planned/attended bach and showers for 8. 2017 I have 2 weddings, 2018 I have 1.

     I love throwing parties but by the Jan 4 2016 (a day after another wedding making it 9 weddings in 12 months) I was DONE. The money, the nit picking, the planning- ugh! But now that its been 4 months since I was MOH I am back to normal and even excited for this years weddings. I think if it sounds like fun- accept!


  • It sounds like you have great friends! If it's something you think you would enjoy, I would graciously accept, and maybe close to your wedding, get them something as token of your appreciation.
  • Agree, accept their offers! Just make sure anyone invited to any pre-wedding parties is also invited to the wedding (hopefully your friends will ask for a guest list). It sounds like you have great friends! If you'd like to show appreciation, a nice gift for hosting would likely be welcome. 

    I'm going to second the PP who mentioned maybe your friends are in a place where they can "breathe" and be excited about wedding things if you're all a little older. In the first few years out of college I was SO OVER anything wedding related that now whenever a friend gets engaged I'm totally happy to go all out for her.
  • Accept and enjoy!
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • Anyone can offer to host a pre-wedding party- this isn't obligated to only the WP. So accept if you wish. My best friend didn't have a WP, but me and 2 other friends still planned a shower and B party for her- because we wanted to.

    Some people would suggest not having a shower for a second wedding, but that is another discussion.
  • Thanks guys! I think I'll accept, but perhaps ask not to have a shower. We have so much stuff already. Thanks again!!
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