Guest List Advice- should I make cuts?! Ahh

Miss Molly Rose

Hi all- I am having a wedding 3 hours away from where we and our family live. I know on average that about 10% of people decline invites. Our venue (Big Cedar Lodge, MO) can hold 60 guests with a max of 70. I have about 90+ people on our guest list. With a venue 3 hours away, should I still only plan on 10% declining or, because of the distance and extra expense, should I plan on maybe 20% declining? I don't know what to do... cut my guest or hope for about a 20% decline rate?! Lol help!!! Any advice would be very much appreciated!!! TIA

SP29

Miss Molly Rose said:

First, I just want to thank you all for the replies! After reading them, I have decided that I am going to cut down the guest list. I absolutely love our venue and I do not want to change it. The 70 absolute max is in regards to seating for dinner. It does not have to include the DJ, photographer or other vendors. I did forget to mention that we have a beautiful patio which will seat about 15-20+, but I do not want to count on that just in case of bad weather. MissFrodo you did make a good point that I did not think about and that is stressing over every RSVP. This is supposed to be the happiest time and not the most stressful so thank you for reminding me of that.

Another little question I have for you all... Should the save the dates be addressed as formally as the wedding invites? Thank you!

STDs are informal by nature, so they can be addressed less formally. However, I would still make it clear who you are inviting. For example, "John and Sue Smith" not "Smith Family". You can address them like you would if you were mailing this guest a letter.

lovesclimbing

Knottieec7afa8bc1925a91 said:

Hi all- I am having a wedding 3 hours away from where we and our family live. I know on average that about 10% of people decline invites. Our venue (Big Cedar Lodge, MO) can hold 60 guests with a max of 70. I have about 90+ people on our guest list. With a venue 3 hours away, should I still only plan on 10% declining or, because of the distance and extra expense, should I plan on maybe 20% declining? I don't know what to do... cut my guest or hope for about a 20% decline rate?! Lol help!!! Any advice would be very much appreciated!!! TIA

Three hours is not very far in my book, especially in the western US. I'd expect pretty much everyone to accept. 

Generally, the advice on this forum is to plan for 100% attendance. I tend to be "plan for 100% attendance light" in that I think in some circumstances, there are people you can know for sure won't come and can plan for less. Great aunt and uncle who haven't left the state they were born in in years and haven't visited our state in 30 years? The elderly who simply can't make the two or more flights to get here? I was pretty confident in expecting those people to not attend my wedding, and I was right. 

You, however, are not in that situation. Your venue is pretty close and I definitely would plan on most people attending. 

Out of option a: expect a 20% decline rate or b: cut your guest list, I choose option c: find a different venue that can hold everyone you want. If you absolutely won't do that, definitely go with b. 

Although this won't help you, I'll add this for the lurkers. The way to plan is determine your budget and guest list and then figure out what kind of venue you can afford that can accommodate the list. If you pick out a venue first, you risk running into this problem - that the venue isn't big enough for everyone you want there. 

lyndausvi

You can't count on anything.    My wedding was OOT for everyone, with most being 3-5 hours away, but quite a few flying in.   We had 16% decline (had 174 invites).  

10 people I would have bet money on them not coming, as they never go to local events, why would they drive 3 hours to my wedding?  Yep, you guessed it, they came.

I would cut the list or find a new place.  Not worth the stress hoping for declines to come in.

missfrodo

Either get your guest list under 70 people (and remember you and FI count as 2 of those people), or find a different venue that can hold 90.  Otherwise you'll be stressing out with every RSVP "yes," where you should be excited for people to be able to attend your wedding.  
If you end up cutting your guest list and you still get declines, congratulations!  You'll have more elbow room, as max occupancy usually means things are pretty damn tight.

SP29

Find a new venue or cut your guest list.

Yes, you'll *probably* have a few declines, but there is no way to guess who or how many that might be. My wedding had a fair number of OOT guest (like 3 hour plane ride OOT), so we had 70 out of 112 come. My friend had local wedding with 50 guests- 100% attendance.

Is this number of 70 at your venue the fire code? Realize this also includes your photographer(s), DJ and any other vendor you have hired that will be at your reception. It also includes you and your FI.

When most venues tell you they can hold X guests, it's usually pretty squishy. Tables full at 8 or 10. Tables on the dance floor that need to be moved (this is something I don't like, personally).

ei34

You'll save yourself a lot of headaches and hassle if you find a venue that holds your entire guest list (including new SO's your current guests aren't dating yet, your vendors, and you and FI in the numbers).  
The easiest rule of thumb is your venue should fit your guest list, and not the other way around.  

Jen4948

Something else: your capacity has to include not only your guest list but yourselves, your families, your venue staff and your outside vendors. The total number of people, not just you and your guests, has to fit within that number.  If you can only have 70 people total, you need to bring your guest list down even more to accommodate the staffers and vendors.

mandypants90

I agree with the above, but just a question to be sure: did you send save-the-dates already?

MaggieF1990

missfrodo said:

Either get your guest list under 70 people (and remember you and FI count as 2 of those people), or find a different venue that can hold 90.  Otherwise you'll be stressing out with every RSVP "yes," where you should be excited for people to be able to attend your wedding.  
If you end up cutting your guest list and you still get declines, congratulations!  You'll have more elbow room, as max occupancy usually means things are pretty damn tight.

Echoing the bolded. I found a venue I really loved, but would not fit our entire invite list. The venue event planner told me we'd probably really only have about 70% attendance, and at 70% attendance, we would've been at their max (which like other PPs said, would have been very tight). We probably had about 70-80% attendance, but in the end I was so glad I went with a different venue. I would have been so stressed getting any yeses I wasn't expecting. Instead, the venue we chose fit well above our invite list and we were stress-free when it came to how many RSVPs to expect.

Miss Molly Rose

First, I just want to thank you all for the replies! After reading them, I have decided that I am going to cut down the guest list. I absolutely love our venue and I do not want to change it. The 70 absolute max is in regards to seating for dinner. It does not have to include the DJ, photographer or other vendors. I did forget to mention that we have a beautiful patio which will seat about 15-20+, but I do not want to count on that just in case of bad weather. MissFrodo you did make a good point that I did not think about and that is stressing over every RSVP. This is supposed to be the happiest time and not the most stressful so thank you for reminding me of that.

Another little question I have for you all... Should the save the dates be addressed as formally as the wedding invites? Thank you!

short+sassy

Miss Molly Rose said:

First, I just want to thank you all for the replies! After reading them, I have decided that I am going to cut down the guest list. I absolutely love our venue and I do not want to change it. The 70 absolute max is in regards to seating for dinner. It does not have to include the DJ, photographer or other vendors. I did forget to mention that we have a beautiful patio which will seat about 15-20+, but I do not want to count on that just in case of bad weather. MissFrodo you did make a good point that I did not think about and that is stressing over every RSVP. This is supposed to be the happiest time and not the most stressful so thank you for reminding me of that.

Another little question I have for you all... Should the save the dates be addressed as formally as the wedding invites? Thank you!

STDs aren't necessary.  You also don't have to send them to everyone on your current guest list.  Keep in mind that if a guest receives an STD, they MUST be sent an invitation.

So, if there are any "maybes" on your current guest list, don't send them an STD.  Just send them the invite, when those go out, if that person(s) is still on the list.