'Happy Hour' the night before the wedding?

Knottie1447704784

My FH and I have decided, with the blessing of his parents, to have a smaller rehearsal dinner, with just the wedding party and immediate family. Because of this, his dad has decided to throw a 'Happy Hour' at the hotel following the dinner for any other out of town family and friends. I think that's fine, but wasn't sure the bridal party should attend. I know this sounds paranoid, but I've had several friends who were hungover on their own wedding day, including an occasion where it almost ruined the wedding. I think an open bar that starts at 10 pm the night before is playing with fire. Am I being too overbearing? 

lyndausvi

.Knottie1447704784 said:

My FH and I have decided, with the blessing of his parents, to have a smaller rehearsal dinner, with just the wedding party and immediate family. Because of this, his dad has decided to throw a 'Happy Hour' at the hotel following the dinner for any other out of town family and friends. I think that's fine, but wasn't sure the bridal party should attend. I know this sounds paranoid, but I've had several friends who were hungover on their own wedding day, including an occasion where it almost ruined the wedding. I think an open bar that starts at 10 pm the night before is playing with fire. Am I being too overbearing? 

yes.  They are adults and do not need you to police them.

southernbelle0915

Knottie1447704784 said:

My FH and I have decided, with the blessing of his parents, to have a smaller rehearsal dinner, with just the wedding party and immediate family. Because of this, his dad has decided to throw a 'Happy Hour' at the hotel following the dinner for any other out of town family and friends. I think that's fine, but wasn't sure the bridal party should attend. I know this sounds paranoid, but I've had several friends who were hungover on their own wedding day, including an occasion where it almost ruined the wedding. I think an open bar that starts at 10 pm the night before is playing with fire. Am I being too overbearing? 

A little. I mean, people know what time they need to be where, right? They can make decisions based on that. Something you COULD do would be to talk to the bartender and wait staff about having full pitchers of water and cups on each table and at the bar. Pushing water on people and having carb heavy snacks available might curb a hangover. Also, maybe have advil in your welcome bags (if you're doing that - not necessary by any means).

So yes, I would definitely invite your WP and immediate family - your FFIL will just be adding OOT guests. 

banana468

lyndausvi said:

.Knottie1447704784 said:

My FH and I have decided, with the blessing of his parents, to have a smaller rehearsal dinner, with just the wedding party and immediate family. Because of this, his dad has decided to throw a 'Happy Hour' at the hotel following the dinner for any other out of town family and friends. I think that's fine, but wasn't sure the bridal party should attend. I know this sounds paranoid, but I've had several friends who were hungover on their own wedding day, including an occasion where it almost ruined the wedding. I think an open bar that starts at 10 pm the night before is playing with fire. Am I being too overbearing? 

yes.  They are adults and do not need you to police them.

Yup.

Also, I think you'll find that if you try to police/parent the WP, it's going to backfire.  Most grown adults don't really take kindly to being told what to do and what not to do.   

lyndausvi

banana468 said:

lyndausvi said:

.Knottie1447704784 said:

My FH and I have decided, with the blessing of his parents, to have a smaller rehearsal dinner, with just the wedding party and immediate family. Because of this, his dad has decided to throw a 'Happy Hour' at the hotel following the dinner for any other out of town family and friends. I think that's fine, but wasn't sure the bridal party should attend. I know this sounds paranoid, but I've had several friends who were hungover on their own wedding day, including an occasion where it almost ruined the wedding. I think an open bar that starts at 10 pm the night before is playing with fire. Am I being too overbearing? 

yes.  They are adults and do not need you to police them.

Yup.

Also, I think you'll find that if you try to police/parent the WP, it's going to backfire.  Most grown adults don't really take kindly to being told what to do and what not to do.   

Seriously.   I would either crash the party or invite the rest of the WP to our own HH.   

banana468

 lyndausvi said:

banana468 said:

lyndausvi said:

.Knottie1447704784 said:

My FH and I have decided, with the blessing of his parents, to have a smaller rehearsal dinner, with just the wedding party and immediate family. Because of this, his dad has decided to throw a 'Happy Hour' at the hotel following the dinner for any other out of town family and friends. I think that's fine, but wasn't sure the bridal party should attend. I know this sounds paranoid, but I've had several friends who were hungover on their own wedding day, including an occasion where it almost ruined the wedding. I think an open bar that starts at 10 pm the night before is playing with fire. Am I being too overbearing? 

yes.  They are adults and do not need you to police them.

Yup.

Also, I think you'll find that if you try to police/parent the WP, it's going to backfire.  Most grown adults don't really take kindly to being told what to do and what not to do.   

Seriously.   I would either crash the party or invite the rest of the WP to our own HH.   

I can just imagine the WP working with the GM to say that they'll put the bride to bed and then "break curfew".

Yeah I've attended weddings where people talk about the bride or groom being drunk the night before.   But they're often things that happen in a private home.   Most RDs and drinks the night before have a way of being celebratory but not insane.   

But add in a layer of "you can't do that" and you'd see plenty of whiskey shots in my family. 

Knottie1447704784

This all makes sense. And honestly, it wouldn't have even crossed my mind if I didn't see one of my closest friends spend her entire RD in the bathroom, trying to keep gingerale down because of the night before. 

lyndausvi

Knottie1447704784 said:

This all makes sense. And honestly, it wouldn't have even crossed my mind if I didn't see one of my closest friends spend her entire RD in the bathroom, trying to keep gingerale down because of the night before. 

But that is your friend's problem.  Don't let her experience ruin it for the rest of the WP who are capable of handling themselves.

Ro041

What kind of happy hour starts at 10pm?  Your rehearsal dinner shouldn't be going that late either.  Maybe push the "happy hour" to 8pm with a cutoff at 10pm.

missfrodo

So, my H had a bit too much to drink the night before the wedding with his OOT family and friends.  They were all perfectly sober at the wedding, but H was a little under the weather, to put it lightly.  I think it's more common for the bride/groom to get too drunk before the wedding than it is for friends and family, whether it's from nerves, the party atmosphere, or everyone handing them another drink since they're the bride/groom.  I wouldn't worry about your friends.  

mrose88

Yeah, I mean, I'd just back off. As long as they're not puking on anything or incapable of showing up on the day, it isn't really your business if they're feeling a bit hung over. 

ahoywedding

Agreeing with PPs, they are all adults and should know their own limits. I like the suggestion to make sure there is plenty of water available and make it obvious it's there. See if your dad would be willing to spring for some snacks at the happy hour to soak up a little of the booze.

For your WP, make it clear to them ahead of time when they have to be where the following day. For most people, an 8 am start time is enough to make them realize they should head to bed at a reasonable time. If they're all staying in the same place, or if you are meeting up early-ish in the morning, you could provide them with water, gatorade, advil, etc to help them get going in the morning.

ei34

Just agreeing with everyone else.  Your WP should be trusted to handles themselves.  

Your WP and immediate family may skip the happy hour for all you know.  If I attended an RD and knew I had a wedding the next day, I probably wouldn't go to something at 10pm.  They should definitely be invited though- and treated like adults.

STARMOON44

I would hate you. We would no longer be friends. And I'd drink more than I ever had before in my life out of spite. 

redoryx

Knottie1447704784 said:

My FH and I have decided, with the blessing of his parents, to have a smaller rehearsal dinner, with just the wedding party and immediate family. Because of this, his dad has decided to throw a 'Happy Hour' at the hotel following the dinner for any other out of town family and friends. I think that's fine, but wasn't sure the bridal party should attend. I know this sounds paranoid, but I've had several friends who were hungover on their own wedding day, including an occasion where it almost ruined the wedding. I think an open bar that starts at 10 pm the night before is playing with fire. Am I being too overbearing? 

In that case, the people you should be worried about are you and your FI, not your bridal party.

holyguacamole79

If a bride told me that I couldn't go to a happy hour the night before her wedding, there would be a flask in my bouquet the next day.

FWIW, I had a bunch of out of town family & friends, too, staying at the same hotel for our wedding.  They all ended up in the lobby bar, so I stopped by after the RD and had a beer with them.  No big deal.  

LondonLisa

STARMOON44 said:

I would hate you. We would no longer be friends. And I'd drink more than I ever had before in my life out of spite. 

So. much. this! Nothing would drive my mates and me to the pub faster to commiserate what an absolute cow the bride was being than being handed a curfew. 

Seriously, this would be my exact reaction to being told 'No alcohol, go to bed before 10'

 

ahoywedding

LondonLisa said:

STARMOON44 said:

I would hate you. We would no longer be friends. And I'd drink more than I ever had before in my life out of spite. 

So. much. this! Nothing would drive my mates and me to the pub faster to commiserate what an absolute cow the bride was being than being handed a curfew. 

Seriously, this would be my exact reaction to being told 'No alcohol, go to bed before 10'

 

We were once told no alcohol between the ceremony and reception (of course there was a gap) so the bride's dad took the WP bar hopping. We showed up to the reception mildly toasty but not blazing drunk and everything was fine.

Knottie1447704784

Just to be clear, I was in no way going to say to anyone in the WP 'No alcohol, go to bed before 10' or anything of that sort. We're having an open bar at the rehearsal dinner, so why in the world would I tell anyone not to drink? This is just an informal get together for mostly out of town family. None of the bridal party are actually staying at the hotel, so it was more a question of adding them to the event. I'm not blocking anyone from the hotel bar of the hotel they're staying at. 

LondonLisa

Knottie1447704784 said:

Just to be clear, I was in no way going to say to anyone in the WP 'No alcohol, go to bed before 10' or anything of that sort. We're having an open bar at the rehearsal dinner, so why in the world would I tell anyone not to drink? This is just an informal get together for mostly out of town family. None of the bridal party are actually staying at the hotel, so it was more a question of adding them to the event. I'm not blocking anyone from the hotel bar of the hotel they're staying at. 

Ok, I understand that  you weren't saying go home and go to bed,but I think you are backpedalling a bit saying it is just about the hotels.

You said yourself that you didn't think they should be included because you can't trust their judgement ('I think an open bar that starts at 10 pm the night before is playing with fire.'), that you wanted to control their attendance so they didn't ruin your wedding ('I know this sounds paranoid, but I've had several friends who were hungover on their own wedding day, including an occasion where it almost ruined the wedding.') and you were apprehensive about being controlling ('Am I being too overbearing?').

Look, weddings can make you stressed out, and sometimes lose perspective. That is what these boards are for to: bounce ideas, and sometimes let brides know when they are going to far. It's OK, we see it all the time and I am sure that each one of us almost lost it at one point but quickly reorientated themself after bouncing ideas off of these forums/friends etc. 

You certainly don't have to invite anyone to this event if you don't want to, but we are saying you really need to take a step back from saying things like 'this will ruin my wedding' and them drinking at 10 PM is playing with fire. 

All anyone is saying is certainly don't exclude them just because you don't trust their judgement.

Are you planning on attending this event?

STARMOON44

Knottie1447704784 said:

Just to be clear, I was in no way going to say to anyone in the WP 'No alcohol, go to bed before 10' or anything of that sort. We're having an open bar at the rehearsal dinner, so why in the world would I tell anyone not to drink? This is just an informal get together for mostly out of town family. None of the bridal party are actually staying at the hotel, so it was more a question of adding them to the event. I'm not blocking anyone from the hotel bar of the hotel they're staying at. 

That's not what you said at all. If you are going, and if anyone outside family is going, they should be invited. 

Knottie1447704784

I'm likely not attending. I was really just looking to bounce the idea and see if anyone had any advice. I was NOT looking for "I would hate you. We would no longer be friends." That's just ridiculous.

Lesson learned. Now how do I close this discussion? 

Ro041

Knottie1447704784 said:

I'm likely not attending. I was really just looking to bounce the idea and see if anyone had any advice. I was NOT looking for "I would hate you. We would no longer be friends." That's just ridiculous.

Lesson learned. Now how do I close this discussion? 

Unfortunately, you don't.  Don't take it personally.  You got some good advice here.  

I personally would like to know if you considered moving the "happy hour" to 8pm with an open-bar cutoff at 10pm.  I know that on days when I travel, I am not wanting to be at a bar at 11pm, so that might be more accommodating to your out of town guests.  Anyone who wants to stay out later than that is of course welcome to.  

STARMOON44

Knottie1447704784 said:

I'm likely not attending. I was really just looking to bounce the idea and see if anyone had any advice. I was NOT looking for "I would hate you. We would no longer be friends." That's just ridiculous.

Lesson learned. Now how do I close this discussion? 

That's my advice. Don't do this, it will make your friends hate you. 

Knottie1447704784

I personally would like to know if you considered moving the "happy hour" to 8pm with an open-bar cutoff at 10pm.  I know that on days when I travel, I am not wanting to be at a bar at 11pm, so that might be more accommodating to your out of town guests.  Anyone who wants to stay out later than that is of course welcome to.  

Yes, that made a lot more sense than 10 and I considered it. Only thing is, this is really the FFIL's event, and I'm not sure how long he's planning on keeping the bar open at the RD. The restaurant for the RD has a big lounge and patio area, so I'd imagine people will want to stay for another drink or two after dinner. 

Ro041

Knottie1447704784 said:

I personally would like to know if you considered moving the "happy hour" to 8pm with an open-bar cutoff at 10pm.  I know that on days when I travel, I am not wanting to be at a bar at 11pm, so that might be more accommodating to your out of town guests.  Anyone who wants to stay out later than that is of course welcome to.  

Yes, that made a lot more sense than 10 and I considered it. Only thing is, this is really the FFIL's event, and I'm not sure how long he's planning on keeping the bar open at the RD. The restaurant for the RD has a big lounge and patio area, so I'd imagine people will want to stay for another drink or two after dinner. 

People who don't regularly plan events (with timelines) sometimes don't conceptualize how to pull off a successful event.  Maybe be up front with him about your plans after the RD.  "Hey!  FFIL, we were talking and we are probably going to duck out after the RD, probably around 7:30.  I was talking to some guests and they thought 10pm might be too late to start a cocktail hour.  Maybe 8pm would be a good time?  That way, you and [insert other people who might go from RD to cocktail hour] can just go directly there!"