Bridesmaid won't buy her dress! Help!

[Deleted User]

I have a bridesmaid who is in college and does a lot of traveling and is always very busy. About 3 months ago me and the bridesmaids went and picked out their bridesmaids dresses but she didn't go. The dress is $100 and the wedding is about 4 months away now and she still has not purchased the dress. I know she works part time so I would have thought she would have saved up for it by now. She also is ignoring any of the other bridesmaids messages pertaining to the wedding and hasn't gone to any of our other outings. I know she's very busy but I feel that at the very least she should respond to their messages. I just don't know what to do or say to her about this. Should I even be upset about it and just wait until the wedding gets closer to say something??

LondonLisa

Knottie1469824088 said:

I have a bridesmaid who is in college and does a lot of traveling and is always very busy. About 3 months ago me and the bridesmaids went and picked out their bridesmaids dresses but she didn't go. The dress is $100 and the wedding is about 4 months away now and she still has not purchased the dress. I know she works part time so I would have thought she would have saved up for it by now. She also is ignoring any of the other bridesmaids messages pertaining to the wedding and hasn't gone to any of our other outings. I know she's very busy but I feel that at the very least she should respond to their messages. I just don't know what to do or say to her about this. Should I even be upset about it and just wait until the wedding gets closer to say something??

Firstly, did you ask her budget before you told her which dress? A BM only has to turn up on the day in the dress, so don't worry about the other outings/texts. 

Take the wedding out of this. If one of your friends was so busy they were disappearing, maybe it's time to text and say 'I miss you, I know you are super busy. But I would love to hear what's going on in your life. Free for a 15 min chat tonight or tomorrow?' Then don't talk about your wedding! 

Later, after you have reestablished contact, Find out the last day she can order her dress. Send her an email and say 'FYI Tuesday is the last day you can order the dress and have it here on time.' Then leave it!

Fix your friendship first, and let her sort out the dress herself. 

TrixieJess

Knottie1469824088 said:

I have a bridesmaid who is in college and does a lot of traveling and is always very busy. About 3 months ago me and the bridesmaids went and picked out their bridesmaids dresses but she didn't go. The dress is $100 and the wedding is about 4 months away now and she still has not purchased the dress. I know she works part time so I would have thought she would have saved up for it by now. She also is ignoring any of the other bridesmaids messages pertaining to the wedding and hasn't gone to any of our other outings. I know she's very busy but I feel that at the very least she should respond to their messages. I just don't know what to do or say to her about this. Should I even be upset about it and just wait until the wedding gets closer to say something??

Holy God! Calm down! She has four months. She'll either show up in the dress or she won't and she'll be a guest. 

Her finances are none of your business, but you should have asked her what her budget was. Also, she doesn't have to go on any "outings". She's in college, she's probably busy. Maybe she isn't responding to messages because they're all about the wedding and she's a little tired of it. 

Maybe talk to her about something non-wedding related and see if she responds. You could also try phoning her. 

charlotte989875

Find out from the store what is the last date to order the dress to have it in time for the wedding. Tell her she needs to get the dress by that date. Then stop bugging her about it. You've said she's busy, that she has a lot going on, so purchasing the dress probably isn't at the top of her list. As for her finances, that's none of your business. Assuming you asked her for her budget and the $100 price was under that, then she'll get it; but what she does or doesn't spend her money on in the meantime shouldn't concern you. 

mandypants90

Are you in contact regularly with your friend? Maybe you should just talk to her and see how she's doing. 
$100 is still a LOT. And you don't know what kind of things she has going on. 
After you see how she's doing, you can bring it up. Like pps said if she doesn't buy the dress she can just be a guest. But if it's important to you that she do this, I think a nice gesture would be to offer to pay for half the dress. 
Finances are rough. If that is an issue, she's probably not comfortable telling you, and it'd be insensitive to pry. 
Also make sure you find out the last possible time she can order the dress and get in on time as pp said. 4 months is still a lot of time. 

[Deleted User]

Thanks. Passed her in the store the other day and she blatantly ignored me after I haven't seen her for 5 months. Maybe I shouldn't have asked this question on here since there's more to the story. I did ask for her budget but like I said, she does not respond to messages so we decided without her. She's on Facebook regularly so I don't see the reason why she can't take 2 seconds out of her day to read them. 

SP29

Regardless of the drama going on between you, I would send her a final message that tells her when the last day is she can order her dress. Then leave it up to her- she's an adult, she'll get the dress if she wants to be in your wedding.

If she doesn't get the dress, then she has taken herself out of your WP.

I agree to take the wedding out of this and focus on the friendship first. But at the end of the day, don't pester her, and if she shows up on your wedding day, great! If not, you know where you both stand.

[Deleted User]

Okay thanks, I'm definitely not pestering her I've only sent her 1 message just giving her the link to the dress since we purchased them 3 months ago. Not sure why y'all are saying I'm harassing her lol. 

SP29

Knottie1469824088 said:

Okay thanks, I'm definitely not pestering her I've only sent her 1 message just giving her the link to the dress since we purchased them 3 months ago. Not sure why y'all are saying I'm harassing her lol. 

I am not saying you are. You did state the bridesmaids have sent her messages that she is not responding too. Sounds like more than one wedding related message has been sent to her- which she may see as pestering if she's clearly not that into the plans.

Again, not saying YOU are, but I've seen it posted a few times on these boards, "I've texted, called and FB messaged my BM but she never responds!!". What I am really saying is, don't text her more than once to say, "Dresses need to be bought by X date". Put the ball in her court, and leave it for her to bounce the ball back. Doing so takes any fault off of you.

ILoveBeachMusic

TrixieJess said:

Knottie1469824088 said:

I have a bridesmaid who is in college and does a lot of traveling and is always very busy. About 3 months ago me and the bridesmaids went and picked out their bridesmaids dresses but she didn't go. The dress is $100 and the wedding is about 4 months away now and she still has not purchased the dress. I know she works part time so I would have thought she would have saved up for it by now. She also is ignoring any of the other bridesmaids messages pertaining to the wedding and hasn't gone to any of our other outings. I know she's very busy but I feel that at the very least she should respond to their messages. I just don't know what to do or say to her about this. Should I even be upset about it and just wait until the wedding gets closer to say something??

Holy God! Calm down! She has four months. She'll either show up in the dress or she won't and she'll be a guest. 

Her finances are none of your business, but you should have asked her what her budget was. Also, she doesn't have to go on any "outings". She's in college, she's probably busy. Maybe she isn't responding to messages because they're all about the wedding and she's a little tired of it. 

Maybe talk to her about something non-wedding related and see if she responds. You could also try phoning her. 

Many years ago, I was in a friend's wedding while I was in college. I didn't go on any outings. I did attend the shower because it was during the summer while I wasn't in class. I ordered the dress from the shop. NBD. Calm down.

southernbelle0915

So it sounds like you got her budget in advance and she just didn't go shopping with y'all. You've told her what dress to buy and she knows when the wedding is. I would back off entirely for a couple weeks and then try to reach out again.

I can see being really bewildered that she suddenly stopped talking to you and won't respond to messages. I agree that, even if she's busy, it's rude to just emit radio silence. She could respond and say something like "I've got a hell of a week this week, mind if I call you this weekend?" You even saw her in public and she pretended she didn't know you. That is bizarre behavior, especially if she was close enough to you to be in your wedding. This seems to go way deeper than a dress or your wedding. Take the wedding out of it and address it on a friend level.

downtondiva

Send her another message letting her know when the last day is that she can order the dress and still get it in time. Then whatever will be, will be. Don't bring it up again. If the other bridesmaids are unhappy that she's being unresponsive with them about planning things or whatever else they'd be messaging her about, let that be their problem. Do not get involved.

I find it very, very strange that someone who is close enough to be a bridesmaid would avoid you in a store after not seeing you for a long time. This is something that would need to be addressed whether she was in your wedding party or not. I think you should call (not text) her and try to find out what's going on.

AddieCake

Have you talked to her about anything other than wedding in the last 5 months? Is the only contact with her that you've had about dresses and outings and she ignores it all, including just hello texts or invitations to see a movie or grab coffee?  When you passed her in the store, did you ignore her as well? Or you said hello and she ignored you?

kimmiinthemitten

What happened at the store when you saw her?  Did you approach her?  If not, why not?

I say put the wedding aside and reach out to assess the friendship. Being busy happens, ignoring you in public means she may be trying to the relationship. 

mollybarker11

Knottie1469824088 said:

Thanks. Passed her in the store the other day and she blatantly ignored me after I haven't seen her for 5 months. Maybe I shouldn't have asked this question on here since there's more to the story. I did ask for her budget but like I said, she does not respond to messages so we decided without her. She's on Facebook regularly so I don't see the reason why she can't take 2 seconds out of her day to read them. 

So she responded to your request to be a bridesmaid, but throughout the past five months has ignored the following:
- inquiry about her dress budget
- invitation to go dress shopping
- notification that the dress was chosen
- invitations to various outings
- other wedding-related msgs from your bridesmaids

This also strikes me as way beyond typical "too busy" behaviour. Unless you've ONLY sent her wedding-related msgs these past five months (which would understandably annoy her), it sounds like she's iced you out altogether.

"Ignoring" you in the store may have been an honest mistake - I am constantly doing this because I have my head in the clouds - but even so, I second pps' suggestions to reach out to her and see if there is a deeper issue with your friendship (not an issue with buying a BM dress). Good luck.

short+sassy

mollybarker11 said:

Knottie1469824088 said:

Thanks. Passed her in the store the other day and she blatantly ignored me after I haven't seen her for 5 months. Maybe I shouldn't have asked this question on here since there's more to the story. I did ask for her budget but like I said, she does not respond to messages so we decided without her. She's on Facebook regularly so I don't see the reason why she can't take 2 seconds out of her day to read them. 

So she responded to your request to be a bridesmaid, but throughout the past five months has ignored the following:
- inquiry about her dress budget
- invitation to go dress shopping
- notification that the dress was chosen
- invitations to various outings
- other wedding-related msgs from your bridesmaids

This also strikes me as way beyond typical "too busy" behaviour. Unless you've ONLY sent her wedding-related msgs these past five months (which would understandably annoy her), it sounds like she's iced you out altogether.

"Ignoring" you in the store may have been an honest mistake - I am constantly doing this because I have my head in the clouds - but even so, I second pps' suggestions to reach out to her and see if there is a deeper issue with your friendship (not an issue with buying a BM dress). Good luck.

That's a really good point!  I just had it happen to me.  A coworker I know well saw me at Sam's Club.  He was 1-2 feet away from me repeatedly saying my name, but I just heard "noise".  He finally said my name really loud, lol, and that startled me enough to get out of my tunnel vision.