Invites and Paper

Program - individual or large poster? Or maybe none?

Programs have been on my brain lately. I have plenty of time to deal with them, but I want to budget for them now. 

I have had a hard time finding an affordable option for programs and I don't really like the ones I've seen anyway. I tried to design my own, but I'm just worried it won't come across very nice looking or have the professional look needed when it's printed. 

Large poster programs seem to be popular now and it would save costs. However, I don't know if that's just a dumb trend or not. Also, are paper programs just better because it gives people something to look at and pass the time waiting? 

Or should I just not do programs at all and save 100% on programs! Are they important? Necessary? Somehow ties into etiquette? 

Let me know your thoughts! Thanks! 
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Re: Program - individual or large poster? Or maybe none?

  • We did not have programs to save on costs. I felt like it was a lot to spend on something people would throw away that night. We had a couple easel chalkboards that we got at Hobby Lobby that my super creative and crafty sister wrote the wedding party and family on. They were really cute and definitely cheaper than paper programs.
    k&n62517InLoveInQueens
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
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    Programs are not necessary. That being said, if you are having a ceremony that might confuse some guests, laying out the order of things is helpful. My daughter is catholic and married in a catholic mass. Most of the family and friends were not catholic so she and SIL  had a program that had the layout of the ceremony in it. It was like the church bulletin on Sunday. The church printed it - for a fee of course. 
    k&n62517InLoveInQueenscharlotte989875eileenrob
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
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    Unless you have a long, complex ceremony, I would skip the programs. 
                
    k&n62517InLoveInQueensCMGragaineileenrob
  • Thanks everyone! 
  • Programs were not usually done when I was a bride in 1976.  I saw one for the first time in the early 1980s when I started working as a church organist.
    My daughter's church required one which they supplied.  Otherwise, we would have skipped it.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    k&n62517
  • I mostly want it for the purpose of highlighting the important people in the wedding, especially my incredible younger brother who has worked very hard on piecing together our music and playing it perfectly (he offered to do this as a gift for us). Also, I would like to do a public thank you to my parents in the program. I guess there are ways around this, I just thought it would be a nice thing to do. I'm leaning towards no programs now that I know it isn't a total necessity and the money could be better used elsewhere. 
    MairePoppy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    k&n62517 said:
    I mostly want it for the purpose of highlighting the important people in the wedding, especially my incredible younger brother who has worked very hard on piecing together our music and playing it perfectly (he offered to do this as a gift for us). Also, I would like to do a public thank you to my parents in the program. I guess there are ways around this, I just thought it would be a nice thing to do. I'm leaning towards no programs now that I know it isn't a total necessity and the money could be better used elsewhere. 
    I would thank them with nice gifts and in a brief reply to a toast.
    InLoveInQueens
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
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    I second the idea of mentioning your parents and brother in a reply to a toast or if you are giving a welcome to your guests during the reception.
  • k&n62517 said:
    I mostly want it for the purpose of highlighting the important people in the wedding, especially my incredible younger brother who has worked very hard on piecing together our music and playing it perfectly (he offered to do this as a gift for us). Also, I would like to do a public thank you to my parents in the program. I guess there are ways around this, I just thought it would be a nice thing to do. I'm leaning towards no programs now that I know it isn't a total necessity and the money could be better used elsewhere. 
    This is not an appropriate use of a wedding program.  The wedding program is to help your guests to know what is happening during your ceremony.  It is just like the printed programs you get at  church from the ushers.
    The wedding program helps the guests know what will be taking place, the order of the ceremony, what quotations are being read, what song is being sung.  It also often states the names of the bridal party, and sometimes the parents of the couple, though this is not required.
    The program was very helpful at my daughter's wedding, since many of her friends had never been to a church wedding before.
    The program is not the place to thank people.  You do this is person, either privately, as my daughter and SIL did, or publicly, at the reception, possibly with a toast.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • We made our programs in Microsoft Word and printed them at home. I already owned a printer, ink and paper, so it was free.
    "Marriage is so disruptive to one's social circle." - Mr. Woodhouse
    k&n62517MairePoppy
  • @CMGragain it was not ever my intention to replace personal thank yous, gifts, etc. with a thank you in the program. Many of the programs templates I've seen online included a place to give a thank you to guests for attending and some examples I saw were along the lines of, "Thank you to all of you for coming to spend this day with us. We would love to express our gratitude to our parents...." and so on. 

    Would you say it's okay to include a thank you along those lines in your program, considering in-person thank yous and gifts are still happening? 
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited January 2017
    No.  It is inappropriate.  Your heart is in the right place, but this program is not the right place to do this.  Remember that the program is a part of your ceremony.  Save your thanks for the for the reception, which is its purpose.

    Oh, and when I was a church organist, I saw maybe 100 programs over the years.  Not one of them thanked anybody.  They just stated the order of the ceremony and identified the bridal party and the parents.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Whoops, I guess I was inappropriate at my wedding because I had a program that included a thank you for everyone that came out!!  I mean I used it as a list of who was who and to list the ceremony also...and I did still personally thank everyone (twice). 

    OP, if you want to have a program that includes a small burb about thanking guests (special people) I say go for it!  I really don't think it hurts anyone as long as you don't use it as a replacement for a proper thank you, or turn it into a huge who paid for what kind of thing. 

    My Personal thoughts on the wording:  
    - We would like to say thank you to everyone who came out to join us today. (okay) In addition, we want to say a special thank you mom and dad of bride, mom and dad of groom, brother, best friend, (up to maybe 4 or 5 people) for helping to make this day possible.  (still okay IMO but nothing more than this)

    k&n62517Jen4948OurWildKingdomSP29
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    CMGragain said:
    No.  It is inappropriate.  Your heart is in the right place, but this program is not the right place to do this.  Remember that the program is a part of your ceremony.  Save your thanks for the for the reception, which is its purpose.

    Oh, and when I was a church organist, I saw maybe 100 programs over the years.  Not one of them thanked anybody.  They just stated the order of the ceremony and identified the bridal party and the parents.
    Why? I'm genuinely curious why this "it is inappropriate" to add a little note on the back of the program thanking the parents.

    If programs aren't even required and she literally adds a one sentence  "Thanks mom and dad" line to the back, who gives a shit? I mean, really?
    Was just about the say the same thing. 

    There's a difference between non-traditional and inappropriate. How does this hurt guests comfort? How is it an imposition on guests time, comfort, or their contentedness to thank people in the program? I guess I just don't understand why this is a problem. 
    Agreed. OP has clearly stated the thank you in the program would not replace any other form of thank you, so this shouldn't even be a thing. 

    I have seen heartfelt written thank you messages in programs before and have always thought they were sweet. 

    I am of the mindset that thanking someone is never inappropriate. 
    I agree too. The one instance in which thanking someone in a program would be inappropriate would be if it were the only thanks offered by the couple. As the OP mentions, she and her FI plan to send thank-you notes and make other appropriate gestures, so there's nothing inappropriate about including one in a program in addition to these gestures.
    sparklepants41ahoyweddingk&n62517OurWildKingdom
  • Jen4948 said:
    CMGragain said:
    No.  It is inappropriate.  Your heart is in the right place, but this program is not the right place to do this.  Remember that the program is a part of your ceremony.  Save your thanks for the for the reception, which is its purpose.

    Oh, and when I was a church organist, I saw maybe 100 programs over the years.  Not one of them thanked anybody.  They just stated the order of the ceremony and identified the bridal party and the parents.
    Why? I'm genuinely curious why this "it is inappropriate" to add a little note on the back of the program thanking the parents.

    If programs aren't even required and she literally adds a one sentence  "Thanks mom and dad" line to the back, who gives a shit? I mean, really?
    Was just about the say the same thing. 

    There's a difference between non-traditional and inappropriate. How does this hurt guests comfort? How is it an imposition on guests time, comfort, or their contentedness to thank people in the program? I guess I just don't understand why this is a problem. 
    Agreed. OP has clearly stated the thank you in the program would not replace any other form of thank you, so this shouldn't even be a thing. 

    I have seen heartfelt written thank you messages in programs before and have always thought they were sweet. 

    I am of the mindset that thanking someone is never inappropriate. 
    I agree too. The one instance in which thanking someone in a program would be inappropriate would be if it were the only thanks offered by the couple. As the OP mentions, she and her FI plan to send thank-you notes and make other appropriate gestures, so there's nothing inappropriate about including one in a program in addition to these gestures.
    Another vote for this, as long as it's not the only thank you given to guests (which OP says it won't be). I enjoy reading the little messages in the programs too :) 

    OP, if you DO want to do programs, I found a few Etsy stores that will sell a template for about $5-$6, you just download it and fill in names, etc. I got some nicer paper from Michael's when it was recently on sale so we'll be doing programs for probably $10-$15. I'm planning on just using a shepherd's hook with a basket on it to hold the programs for everyone to grab one. (You can also ask someone to hand them out, but that's generally frowned upon here, since it's not a role that a person actually needs to do)
    k&n62517
  • Well, it isn't the end of the world if you thank your guests in your ceremony program, but I still think it is very odd.  This is what the reception is for.
    It certainly doesn't hurt anything or insult anyone.  It just seems weird to me.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    k&n62517
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
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    @k&;n62517 - If you choose to print programs, there's nothing inappropriate about thanking people. It's nice that you want to credit your brother for the work he's doing on the music. If you thank your parents, you should include your FILs, since leaving them out might be perceived as a public slight.
                
  • geebee908 said:
    CMGragain said:
    Well, it isn't the end of the world if you thank your guests in your ceremony program, but I still think it is very odd.  This is what the reception is for.
    It certainly doesn't hurt anything or insult anyone.  It just seems weird to me.
    Then you might want to scale back on the authoritarian tone in future. Inappropriate and seems weird are not synonymous.
    When someone asks an etiquette question, I will give them my answer.  As I have said, I have seen 100 ceremony programs, and none of them had a "thank you" on it.  Do people ever do it?  Evidently, according to other Knotties posts.  That doesn't make it correct, does it?
    As I said, this is a victimless crime.  If the OP wants to do it, then she won't be insulting anybody.  It all gets back to the purpose of the program.  Thanking people is not the purpose of a wedding program.  As MairePoppy pointed out, this does open a can of worms about leaving people out of your thanks.
    It is so much easier to thank people at the reception.  This is the purpose of a reception.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
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    edited January 2017
    CMGragain said:
    geebee908 said:
    CMGragain said:
    Well, it isn't the end of the world if you thank your guests in your ceremony program, but I still think it is very odd.  This is what the reception is for.
    It certainly doesn't hurt anything or insult anyone.  It just seems weird to me.
    Then you might want to scale back on the authoritarian tone in future. Inappropriate and seems weird are not synonymous.
    When someone asks an etiquette question, I will give them my answer.  As I have said, I have seen 100 ceremony programs, and none of them had a "thank you" on it.  Do people ever do it?  Evidently, according to other Knotties posts.  That doesn't make it correct, does it?
    As I said, this is a victimless crime.  If the OP wants to do it, then she won't be insulting anybody.  It all gets back to the purpose of the program.  Thanking people is not the purpose of a wedding program.  As MairePoppy pointed out, this does open a can of worms about leaving people out of your thanks.
    It is so much easier to thank people at the reception.  This is the purpose of a reception.
    Admittedly, I have only seen a few wedding programs in the decades of mostly Catholic weddings I've attended. They contained the names of the ceremony participants, readings, music, memorials. The parents and grandparents were mentioned in those programs. In one wedding, the couple thanked their Godparents, who presented the communion gifts, for their spiritual guidance. It doesn't get sweeter than that. I see no can of worms in thanking the parents of the couple, I only suggest that both sets of parents be treated equally. 
                
    sparklepants41OurWildKingdom
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    edited January 2017
    CMGragain said:
    geebee908 said:
    CMGragain said:
    Well, it isn't the end of the world if you thank your guests in your ceremony program, but I still think it is very odd.  This is what the reception is for.
    It certainly doesn't hurt anything or insult anyone.  It just seems weird to me.
    Then you might want to scale back on the authoritarian tone in future. Inappropriate and seems weird are not synonymous.
    When someone asks an etiquette question, I will give them my answer.  As I have said, I have seen 100 ceremony programs, and none of them had a "thank you" on it.  Do people ever do it?  Evidently, according to other Knotties posts.  That doesn't make it correct, does it?
    As I said, this is a victimless crime.  If the OP wants to do it, then she won't be insulting anybody.  It all gets back to the purpose of the program.  Thanking people is not the purpose of a wedding program.  As MairePoppy pointed out, this does open a can of worms about leaving people out of your thanks.
    It is so much easier to thank people at the reception.  This is the purpose of a reception.
    It's not a crime at all, victimless or otherwise, to thank anyone in a wedding program - regardless of the purpose of the reception.

    The purpose of a wedding program is to communicate whatever the couple want to communicate. There are no etiquette prohibitions against thanking anyone in a wedding program other than that being the only gesture of thanks offered by the couple.

    As to who receives thanks in a wedding program, whether or not it "opens a can of worms" does not make it a violation of etiquette to do it. If the couple wish to thank the Deity and everyone else for whatever in their wedding program, that is their prerogative.

    Your finding it "weird" or never seeing it done are not appropriate criteria for deciding what constitutes an etiquette violation. Get off your high horse about it already.
    ahoyweddingcowgirl8238geebee908
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited January 2017
    CMGragain said:
    geebee908 said:
    CMGragain said:
    Well, it isn't the end of the world if you thank your guests in your ceremony program, but I still think it is very odd.  This is what the reception is for.
    It certainly doesn't hurt anything or insult anyone.  It just seems weird to me.
    Then you might want to scale back on the authoritarian tone in future. Inappropriate and seems weird are not synonymous.
    When someone asks an etiquette question, I will give them my answer.  As I have said, I have seen 100 ceremony programs, and none of them had a "thank you" on it.  Do people ever do it?  Evidently, according to other Knotties posts.  That doesn't make it correct, does it?
    As I said, this is a victimless crime.  If the OP wants to do it, then she won't be insulting anybody.  It all gets back to the purpose of the program.  Thanking people is not the purpose of a wedding program.  As MairePoppy pointed out, this does open a can of worms about leaving people out of your thanks.
    It is so much easier to thank people at the reception.  This is the purpose of a reception.
    But it's not an etiquette response. Unless I'm missing something, I don't know any etiquette source that says "thou shalt not thank people in wedding programs". 
    Maybe because no one ever thought to do it before?
    Personally, I'm for skipping programs.  Unless they are required by the church, I don't think they are necessary at all.  Receptions are required, however, and this is where you thank people for coming and for helping you receive your guests.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    CMGragain said:
    CMGragain said:
    geebee908 said:
    CMGragain said:
    Well, it isn't the end of the world if you thank your guests in your ceremony program, but I still think it is very odd.  This is what the reception is for.
    It certainly doesn't hurt anything or insult anyone.  It just seems weird to me.
    Then you might want to scale back on the authoritarian tone in future. Inappropriate and seems weird are not synonymous.
    When someone asks an etiquette question, I will give them my answer.  As I have said, I have seen 100 ceremony programs, and none of them had a "thank you" on it.  Do people ever do it?  Evidently, according to other Knotties posts.  That doesn't make it correct, does it?
    As I said, this is a victimless crime.  If the OP wants to do it, then she won't be insulting anybody.  It all gets back to the purpose of the program.  Thanking people is not the purpose of a wedding program.  As MairePoppy pointed out, this does open a can of worms about leaving people out of your thanks.
    It is so much easier to thank people at the reception.  This is the purpose of a reception.
    But it's not an etiquette response. Unless I'm missing something, I don't know any etiquette source that says "thou shalt not thank people in wedding programs". 
    Maybe because no one ever thought to do it before?
    Personally, I'm for skipping programs.  Unless they are required by the church, I don't think they are necessary at all.  Receptions are required, however, and this is where you thank people for coming and for helping you receive your guests.
    No one is disputing having a reception to thank guests, FFS.

    But etiquette does NOT prohibit other gestures of thanks, including blurbs on programs.
    OurWildKingdomcharlotte989875cowgirl8238justsie
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
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    edited February 2017
    CMGragain said:
    CMGragain said:
    geebee908 said:
    CMGragain said:
    Well, it isn't the end of the world if you thank your guests in your ceremony program, but I still think it is very odd.  This is what the reception is for.
    It certainly doesn't hurt anything or insult anyone.  It just seems weird to me.
    Then you might want to scale back on the authoritarian tone in future. Inappropriate and seems weird are not synonymous.
    When someone asks an etiquette question, I will give them my answer.  As I have said, I have seen 100 ceremony programs, and none of them had a "thank you" on it.  Do people ever do it?  Evidently, according to other Knotties posts.  That doesn't make it correct, does it?
    As I said, this is a victimless crime.  If the OP wants to do it, then she won't be insulting anybody.  It all gets back to the purpose of the program.  Thanking people is not the purpose of a wedding program.  As MairePoppy pointed out, this does open a can of worms about leaving people out of your thanks.
    It is so much easier to thank people at the reception.  This is the purpose of a reception.
    But it's not an etiquette response. Unless I'm missing something, I don't know any etiquette source that says "thou shalt not thank people in wedding programs". 
    Maybe because no one ever thought to do it before?
    Personally, I'm for skipping programs.  Unless they are required by the church, I don't think they are necessary at all.  Receptions are required, however, and this is where you thank people for coming and for helping you receive your guests.
    Yes. This whole thing is a personal preference of yours, not an unspoken etiquette rule. That is what you seem to be missing

    Anniversary

    justsie
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