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Bridal Shower help

I am getting married in August 2017. My fiance and I recently moved across country and we are staying in a very cramped relatives home until we purchase a plot of land and build our own home. Obviously this process is going to take some time. I have told my mother I don't want a bridal shower because we have a severe lack of storage where we live and are in fact throwing or giving away things we already own on a daily basis due to lack of space. Gifts are just not wanted or necessary right now. My mother however has said she is throwing me a shower whether I like it or not and calls me constantly to ask if I have registered yet. Despite my best efforts I am unable to avoid a shower. Is there any polite way to request gift cards to home improvement stores for when we start building instead of actual gifts???? I am desperate.

Re: Bridal Shower help

  • Thanks for the response your advice is appreciated.
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited January 2017
    Ditto pp, registering for cash is rude. But why can't you just say 'No'?

    I'd be more concerned that your mother would expressly go against your wishes so aggressively. You need boundaries, now! I would call her an say 'Mum, we don't have space and we aren't registering, so why are you so desperate to do this to me? I don't want it, and I will not enjoy it, so this is obviously all for you. I don't know how to make this more clear: I don't want a shower. I am telling family and friends I don't want a shower. I will not attend one and if you try to surprise me with one, I will leave. I will return everyone's gift and explain that this was thrown against my express wishes and you were not supposed to do it. It will be horribly embarrassing for you.' 

    You need to start setting boundaries with your mum and let her know that she can't control you. I'd by alarmed with a family member who threatens 'whether you like it or not'. What's next? I'm in the delivery room if you like it or not! I'm moving in with you whether you like it or not! 
  • LondaLisa has some spot on advice.  It sounds to me like you need to set a firm boundary with your mom in this situation.  The next time she brings it up, I would do as suggested above and tell her that you're not attending.

    As for wanting gift cards, just stand firm and don't register for anything.  Cash is always a good gift, and if you don't have a registry most people will just give you cash anyway.  Then you can put that aside and use if for your house. 

    I do like the idea of meeting halfway and having a bridal tea, but that is up to you to decide if you a) want this (knowing all invited should be invited to the wedding) and b) don't think she will try to turn it into a surprise shower on you against your wishes...which sounds absolutely possible from your post.

  • I think your mom's heart is in the right place, even if she's being a little, um, aggressive about it. She wants to throw you a party to set you up with stuff you'll want/need down the line. 

    I'm assuming she'd probably be throwing the shower for you back home? If so, what if you compromised with her and told her you'd have a small shower, register for small-ish things and then store those things at her house until after the wedding (you aren't supposed to use them until then anyway). By then you'll probably be on the path to getting your own place.
    Is this an option?    I know of a few people who rented tiny apartments and stored their registry items until they were able to move.  
  • We may need to know more about the relationship with your mother. Does she always run roughshod over you (in which case, set the damn boundary!) or is she just basking in your engagement and wanting to do this so badly, knowing you are going to be building a house and needing new things?

    Either set the boundary, or say you'll have to store gifts at her place until your new home is built. 

    I didn't want a bridal shower either and me, my mom, and my then-fiance all had to shut my MIL down. Boundaries are well established in our lives, she was just so gosh-darn excited. She got over it. DH had to stand very firm with his mother to get her to back off though. 

  • If she insists on the shower, tell her she has to pay for the storage space to hold any gift given.  Maybe she will get it then?  (I am mostly joking).

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