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[Deleted User]

Vent session done.

climbingsingle

Knottie1471290645 said:

Hi all! So I totally acknowledge and understand this isn't the worst in law drama possible, but it's irritating. Feel free to tell me if this is a bridezilla moment or not. 
Before we got engaged everything was ok, but since then even my FI's brother has stated that she's acting strange.  

Timeline of crazy:
-Brought in laws to see venue (Both the ceremony + reception space). The only comment was why are there no sinks in the bridal suite for the hair dressers (what..?)
- Brought FMIL to dress shopping to be nice. Started showing me mother dresses that she would like to wear to the wedding during my appointment. 
- GUEST LIST. we're having a small wedding (100 people) since my parents are paying the majority. FI family wanted to invite about 60 family members, almost 45 of whom my FI has never met. We told them we're keeping it small and I didn't even invite most of my family. They told us we can just pay for their family with the money we receive as gifts. We said that money is for us to help kickstart our married life together. The response was "You're lucky you're even getting a rehearsal dinner." Where did that even come from?!
- FMIL decided to host a family reunion that weekend as well. Now the night before the wedding she is hosting dinner. I was planning on having light appetizers at the hotel for guests flying in... Also, our wedding isn't a family reunion. K thanks.
-FMIL has asked me approximately once a week if i found a hairstylist and make-up artist yet so SHE can have a trial. I'm sorry, I thought I, as the bride, was supposed to have the trial. I also did not want her getting ready with the bridesmaids and I as it's a very small room, and I just want my girls to help me calm down...my mom isn't even getting ready with us. 

I'm trying to stay as calm and nice as possible but 1) Am I being a crazy bridezilla? and 2) how do i tell her I wasn't going to invite her to get ready with us in a non "you can't sit with us" way?

I don't really understand getting upset over these things. It seems really petty, and yes, I think you're bordering on bridezilla-ish behavior. None of this seems "crazy" to me. 

I do agree that them wanting to invite that many people is not right, especially since they are not contributing. Just give them an allotted number of people, and hold firm. 

You brought her dress shopping and she showed you dresses she wanted to wear. And? Am I missing something here? I don't understand why you're angry about this. 

Your wedding is ONE DAY. If she wants to host her relatives that are flying in, why do you care? It's a special occasion where family members will all be together. Of course she'd want to see everyone and spend as much time with them. Why are you vilifying this? 

Her son is getting married, and she's excited. And she wants a hair/makeup trial. I don't see the harm in that. 

Can she maybe get ready with your mom? That way she still feels that she's included? It's OK to tell her that the room is maxed out, and that your own mother won't be there either. 

lovesclimbing

Knottie1471290645 said:

Hi all! So I totally acknowledge and understand this isn't the worst in law drama possible, but it's irritating. Feel free to tell me if this is a bridezilla moment or not. 
Before we got engaged everything was ok, but since then even my FI's brother has stated that she's acting strange.  

Timeline of crazy:
-Brought in laws to see venue (Both the ceremony + reception space). The only comment was why are there no sinks in the bridal suite for the hair dressers (what..?)
- Brought FMIL to dress shopping to be nice. Started showing me mother dresses that she would like to wear to the wedding during my appointment. 
- GUEST LIST. we're having a small wedding (100 people) since my parents are paying the majority. FI family wanted to invite about 60 family members, almost 45 of whom my FI has never met. We told them we're keeping it small and I didn't even invite most of my family. They told us we can just pay for their family with the money we receive as gifts. We said that money is for us to help kickstart our married life together. The response was "You're lucky you're even getting a rehearsal dinner." Where did that even come from?!
- FMIL decided to host a family reunion that weekend as well. Now the night before the wedding she is hosting dinner. I was planning on having light appetizers at the hotel for guests flying in... Also, our wedding isn't a family reunion. K thanks.
-FMIL has asked me approximately once a week if i found a hairstylist and make-up artist yet so SHE can have a trial. I'm sorry, I thought I, as the bride, was supposed to have the trial. I also did not want her getting ready with the bridesmaids and I as it's a very small room, and I just want my girls to help me calm down...my mom isn't even getting ready with us. 

I'm trying to stay as calm and nice as possible but 1) Am I being a crazy bridezilla? and 2) how do i tell her I wasn't going to invite her to get ready with us in a non "you can't sit with us" way?

No, I don't think you're being a crazy bridezilla, but I do think you may be overreacting a tad.

Re: venue comments. I don't think this is a big deal. Perhaps she's only ever had her hair done at a salon and just assumes hairdressers have to have sinks. Perhaps she thought she was bringing up a legitimate concern that you and your fiance hadn't thought of. 

Re: dress shopping. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think this is a big deal either. It comes across to me as if she's just excited. Sure, maybe it'd be nice if she focused all the attention on you, but it's in the past and there's not really much you can say even at the time that wouldn't sound rude or demanding.

Re: guest list. I think this comment about the rehearsal dinner was out of line, but the only thing you can really do is ignore it and/or have said something like, "We really appreciate your gift of the dinner." As long as you and your fiance are on the same page with the guest list, the only thing you can do is continue to say, "Our guest list has already been finalized." I'm curious how the guest list is split? If you/your family get the vast majority of the guests to the exclusion of his family and friends, I can see how that would irritate his family.

Re: reunion. Sorry, but a lot of people do think of weddings as family reunions and choose to host get-togethers to see everyone. She is not rude or out of line to host something that weekend for family, assuming it doesn't coincide with the rehearsal. You can still have appetizers at the hotel for guests flying in. Guests may choose to go to both.

Re: stylist. Well, yes, the bride usually does a makeup and hair trial, but there's no reason that your MIL can't as well if she wants. I would avoid straight up telling her that she can't get ready with you unless you absolutely have to. Instead, next time she asks, I would say something like, "MIL, the stylists have limited time the morning of the wedding. Why don't you find your own to make sure you get the aesthetic and time you want?" Or perhaps, "MIL, the stylists I'm getting are only going to be doing the bridal party. Here's a few that I've done a bit of research on (that you know you won't be using) that you might like to hire." Or maybe even, "MIL, the getting ready room is tight as it is and there will be limited time on the morning of the wedding. I think you'll be most comfortable finding your own stylist and getting ready in your room."

[Deleted User]

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Jen4948

A lot of this doesn't seem to me like a big deal. If your FMIL wants to show your mother photos of dresses she like at your shopping sessions or to host a family reunion, those things are certainly her prerogatives.

On the other hand, it is unfair of her to expect you to host so many members of her family on your dime. I agree with the PP's advice to be firm about this together with your FI: "I'm sorry, FMIL, but regardless of your gift money, it will not be possible for us to host more than X people from your side. We have to ask you to reduce your guest list down to that number; otherwise we'll have to do it for you." Don't engage her in a discussion about it.

And if you and your mother aren't okay with her getting ready with your stylists, you can tell her, "I'm sorry, FMIL, but because of tight space and scheduling, our stylists can only handle the bridal party members on the wedding day."

flantastic

Knottie1471290645 said:

Sorry, should have expanded.

At the wedding venue, the only comment besides the bridal suite thing was "oh it's ok". My fiance who was completely pumped was totally deflated after that, which i think was what annoyed me more, since he was so excited. 

With dress shopping, literally every time I went in the room to try on a dress she refocused the conversation to what she was going to be wearing. Since it was a small packed salon, I told her "I'd be happy to spend a day out dress shopping with you, but we only have a 45 minute slot for me to try on" (My mom flew across the country for this appointment since she lives so far. Getting a dress at the appointment was sort of important). After that she refused to speak or give an opinion on any other dress

Re: Guest List. Our bridal party (with their spouses, our siblings, and both sets of parents) is about 25 people. Leaving each of us about 30 people non bridal party to invite. Neither of us can invite any friends, so we had to keep it tight for budget reasons. We told them if they felt strongly about it, they're more than welcome to help pay for anyone over the allotted 30 family members.

Re: Reunion All the family that couldn't be invited for space reasons on the FI's side are coming for the reunion and FI is starting to get all these e-mails from family he's never met asking why they're not invited if they're already in the area

Re: Stylist I'm all for her finding a hair/makeup stylist but we will be in a teeny tiny room. She has told me to just book a second stylist for her, My issue is that I am completely tapped out of funds and can't afford this. 

1) I'm sorry they weren't more excited, but you can't really control that.

2) I was thinking she might just be one of those MILs who thinks they have to get the bride's approval of her dress, but most likely no, just concerned about herself. Stop inviting her to things if she's being a downer. And I think you were putting too much pressure on yourself to find a dress in 45 minutes at one place. While it'd be nice to have your mom present when you find it, building up "the dress moment" like that is going to set you up with unrealistic expectations for the rest of planning.

3) Most people would say that the guest list + budget is the most important thing, and then you find a venue that works with those two things. Looks like you hamstringed yourself into this situation. That doesn't mean you need to invite as many people as they say, but don't whine about not getting to invite any friends. There are plenty of cheap places to hold a reception, even if they're not the typical wedding venue.

4) That's weird. "Mom for some reason set up a reunion on the weekend of our very small wedding. We wish we had space for everyone!"

5) Tell her you can't and she'll have to book her own stylist.

flantastic

Jen4948 said:

A lot of this doesn't seem to me like a big deal. If your FMIL wants to show your mother photos of dresses she like at your shopping sessions or to host a family reunion, those things are certainly her prerogatives.

On the other hand, it is unfair of her to expect you to host so many members of her family on your dime. I agree with the PP's advice to be firm about this together with your FI: "I'm sorry, FMIL, but regardless of your gift money, it will not be possible for us to host more than X people from your side. We have to ask you to reduce your guest list down to that number; otherwise we'll have to do it for you." Don't engage her in a discussion about it.

And if you and your mother aren't okay with her getting ready with your stylists, you can tell her, "I'm sorry, FMIL, but because of tight space and scheduling, our stylists can only handle the bridal party members on the wedding day."

My H had to do this with his mom. "We (i.e., my parents) can't host all the people on the list you've given us. Can't. So either cut it down to X number by Y date or I'll do it and you can't complain about who made the cut." The key is that your FI deals with his mom as much as possible.

[Deleted User]

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climbingsingle

I don't get what kind of reaction you expected them/her to have about the venue. This is so odd to me. Were they supposed to jump up and down? We didn't even take our parents to our venue. 

lovesclimbing

Knottie1471290645 said:

Sorry, should have expanded.

At the wedding venue, the only comment besides the bridal suite thing was "oh it's ok". My fiance who was completely pumped was totally deflated after that, which i think was what annoyed me more, since he was so excited. 

With dress shopping, literally every time I went in the room to try on a dress she refocused the conversation to what she was going to be wearing. Since it was a small packed salon, I told her "I'd be happy to spend a day out dress shopping with you, but we only have a 45 minute slot for me to try on" (My mom flew across the country for this appointment since she lives so far. Getting a dress at the appointment was sort of important). After that she refused to speak or give an opinion on any other dress

Re: Guest List. Our bridal party (with their spouses, our siblings, and both sets of parents) is about 25 people. Leaving each of us about 30 people non bridal party to invite. Neither of us can invite any friends, so we had to keep it tight for budget reasons. We told them if they felt strongly about it, they're more than welcome to help pay for anyone over the allotted 30 family members.

Re: Reunion All the family that couldn't be invited for space reasons on the FI's side are coming for the reunion and FI is starting to get all these e-mails from family he's never met asking why they're not invited if they're already in the area

Re: Stylist I'm all for her finding a hair/makeup stylist but we will be in a teeny tiny room. She has told me to just book a second stylist for her, My issue is that I am completely tapped out of funds and can't afford this. 

Unfortunately, there's not really much you can do besides just ignore the comments. She's not paying for the wedding, so if they don't overly care about the venue, well, they don't have a say. That's in the past so try to forget it.

Salon - I think your response to her was good and very diplomatic. If she chooses to pout afterward, that's on her. Again, it's in the past so just try to forget it. 

Guest list - That sounds fair. You already said once if they want more people they can pay for them. The only thing you can do is continue to say, "The guest list is finalized," and then change the subject.

Reunion - Just because they are coming doesn't mean you're obligated to invite them. You can't keep them from coming for the reunion. Either ignore the emails or respond with something like, "I'm afraid we were unable to invite everyone we would have liked. I hope you have a good trip."

Stylist - you are not required to pay for a stylist for her. Respond to "book a second stylist" with a short and sweet, "I won't be able to book another stylist." If she continues to push, then I would send a straight up, "I won't be able to book or pay for another stylist. You can book one if you'd like or do your hair and makeup yourself."

ETA: Oh, and add something about the tight space like I suggested in my first post. "MIL, the getting ready room is tight as it is and there will be limited time on the morning of the wedding."

She's perhaps being a bit out of line, but I don't think any of this is worth getting into an argument with her over. I would just try to ignore it, change the subject and avoid talking about the wedding a lot with her except for details she's directly involved in like the rehearsal dinner.

flantastic

Knottie1471290645 said:

thanks, we did work with budget first which is why we chose the venue. we're doing what we can afford

I get that, and it's great that you're not living outside your means. What I'm saying is that if I had a very limited budget, I probably would have chosen to invite all my friends and had the reception at a VFW hall. Bottom line is that on some level, not being "able" to invite your friends was still your choice.

cowgirl8238

Knottie1471290645 said:

Hi all! So I totally acknowledge and understand this isn't the worst in law drama possible, but it's irritating. Feel free to tell me if this is a bridezilla moment or not. 
Before we got engaged everything was ok, but since then even my FI's brother has stated that she's acting strange.  

Timeline of crazy:
-Brought in laws to see venue (Both the ceremony + reception space). The only comment was why are there no sinks in the bridal suite for the hair dressers (what..?)
- Brought FMIL to dress shopping to be nice. Started showing me mother dresses that she would like to wear to the wedding during my appointment. 
- GUEST LIST. we're having a small wedding (100 people) since my parents are paying the majority. FI family wanted to invite about 60 family members, almost 45 of whom my FI has never met. We told them we're keeping it small and I didn't even invite most of my family. They told us we can just pay for their family with the money we receive as gifts. We said that money is for us to help kickstart our married life together. The response was "You're lucky you're even getting a rehearsal dinner." Where did that even come from?!
- FMIL decided to host a family reunion that weekend as well. Now the night before the wedding she is hosting dinner. I was planning on having light appetizers at the hotel for guests flying in... Also, our wedding isn't a family reunion. K thanks.
-FMIL has asked me approximately once a week if i found a hairstylist and make-up artist yet so SHE can have a trial. I'm sorry, I thought I, as the bride, was supposed to have the trial. I also did not want her getting ready with the bridesmaids and I as it's a very small room, and I just want my girls to help me calm down...my mom isn't even getting ready with us. 

I'm trying to stay as calm and nice as possible but 1) Am I being a crazy bridezilla? and 2) how do i tell her I wasn't going to invite her to get ready with us in a non "you can't sit with us" way?

Knottie1471290645 said:

Sorry, should have expanded.

At the wedding venue, the only comment besides the bridal suite thing was "oh it's ok". My fiance who was completely pumped was totally deflated after that, which i think was what annoyed me more, since he was so excited. 

With dress shopping, literally every time I went in the room to try on a dress she refocused the conversation to what she was going to be wearing. Since it was a small packed salon, I told her "I'd be happy to spend a day out dress shopping with you, but we only have a 45 minute slot for me to try on" (My mom flew across the country for this appointment since she lives so far. Getting a dress at the appointment was sort of important). After that she refused to speak or give an opinion on any other dress

Re: Guest List. Our bridal party (with their spouses, our siblings, and both sets of parents) is about 25 people. Leaving each of us about 30 people non bridal party to invite. Neither of us can invite any friends, so we had to keep it tight for budget reasons. We told them if they felt strongly about it, they're more than welcome to help pay for anyone over the allotted 30 family members.

Re: Reunion All the family that couldn't be invited for space reasons on the FI's side are coming for the reunion and FI is starting to get all these e-mails from family he's never met asking why they're not invited if they're already in the area

Re: Stylist I'm all for her finding a hair/makeup stylist but we will be in a teeny tiny room. She has told me to just book a second stylist for her, My issue is that I am completely tapped out of funds and can't afford this. 

Venue:  I'm not sure what kind of reaction you were looking for from them on this one.  All my family had to say when we showed them the place was "looks nice".  There was no happy jumping up and down kind of thing...its just a building.

Dresses:  That would be annoying.  It sucks that she got so "meh" after you asked her to stop.  Sounds to me like she was just excited over your wedding and got a little wrapped up in her dress while she was there.  Depending on your tone with her, you may have offended her when you asked her to focus on you...I don't know I wasn't there. 

Guest List:  Stand firm on the number of people that can be invited.  If they are contributing financially to the wedding (as a whole) then they do get a say in the guest list.  I would tell them that they can have X people and you need the list by Y date.  *Also since you brought this up, make sure to account for any single people getting into a relationship between now and when your invites go out! Anyone with a SO (regardless of length of time, if you know them, etc) must be invited together to your wedding!*

Reunion: This sounds like a recipe for a lot of hurt feelings.  Your FMIL is hosting a family reunion on the same weekend?  Good news is, you are not in the wrong here.  Don't feel obligated to include these people in any pre-wedding parties *because anyone invited to a pre-wedding party should be invited to the wedding*.  If they ask why they aren't invited to the wedding you can simply respond with "we weren't able to invite everyone we wanted to" and then change the subject.

Stylist:  If you are having someone come to the suite to do your hair/make-up (and you already paid) just remind her nicely that there is not enough space for everyone to get ready together.  You don't have to book/pay for someone for her.

Overall your first post did come across a bit whiney and bridezilla...but I can understand where some of this frustration is coming from.  The best approach I have found is to stand firm but polite, and be a united front with your FI.  Since this is his mom, I would advise that he handle the brunt of any necessary conversations *blood talks to blood*. 

Also, I would take a few deep breaths and just relax.  Don't let any of this get to you and focus on the happy things that are happening.  You are about to get married to your FI, the person you love so much you are committing your life to them!  Try to let go of the little things and don't hold grudges or keep score...because when you do, nobody wins.

[Deleted User]

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flantastic

Knottie1471290645 said:

thanks! i mean we didn't expect them to jump  up and down or anything, but i let FI pick the venue and have the say on that. It's at a farm turned venue, which is totally different than what i think anyone was expecting, but he was just so flippin happy about it. They actually asked him to plan a day for them and show him the venue and do like a breakfast after and they just whined the whole day about everything. He's the type to bend over backwards for them down to paying their mortgage payments often so it was just kind of irritating they couldnt have slapped a smile on for him. 

i wasn't angry about that per se rather than it just rubbed me the wrong way since he does so much for them

Yeah, sounds like these are IL problems separate from your wedding, and this is just how she/they behave. Unfortunately, although it would be really awesome for everyone to be as excited as you are or you hope they'd be, people just don't change their behavior simply because a wedding is involved.

I hope your FI is able to start taking their behavior less hard, or possibly figure out that he can and should do less for them. They should pay their own damn mortgage, for instance. I can understand agreeing to help them through a small rough patch, but this sounds like they probably take advantage of him and it's more of a toxic relationship, in which case he needs to set up some boundaries.

[Deleted User]

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cowgirl8238

Knottie1471290645 said:

thanks! i mean we didn't expect them to jump  up and down or anything, but i let FI pick the venue and have the say on that. It's at a farm turned venue, which is totally different than what i think anyone was expecting, but he was just so flippin happy about it. They actually asked him to plan a day for them and show him the venue and do like a breakfast after and they just whined the whole day about everything. He's the type to bend over backwards for them down to paying their mortgage payments often so it was just kind of irritating they couldnt have slapped a smile on for him. 

i wasn't angry about that per se rather than it just rubbed me the wrong way since he does so much for them

GAH, that is not cool!!!  If you haven't already I would highly recommend some couples counseling (everyone should!) and I would be sure to go over this issue while I was there.  For me this would be a huge problem. 

[Deleted User]

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southernbelle0915

Yea, it sounds to me like a lot of this could be avoided by just not inviting them to wedding stuff or talking about the wedding with them. They're not contributing financially so your obligation to discuss or invite them to anything = zero. If they ask then just keep the conversation short and expectations low. Not your fault or theirs - just something you've learned about them in this process, you know?

I think you handled the guest list just fine. You're being generous splitting the guest list in half even though they aren't contributing. Personally, I would have given them 20 and invited 10 of your friends, but that's just me. 

The comments about your FI paying their mortgage and them taking advantage of that is a big red flag. I'm glad it hasn't happened in 6 months, but I would definitely go into this wedding with a SOLID mutual understanding of how and when you and FI will bail out your folks.

[Deleted User]

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OliveOilsMom

I would actually not let your FILs plan and pay for the RD.  With this so called reunion happening the same weekend as your wedding, it sounds like your ILs may invite all of the relatives not invited to wedding to the RD.  That would leave you and FI in an even more sticky spot.  I would actually go so far as to say that its possible that you and FI may not be able to attend the reunion for long, if at all (tell them you will be busy with last minute prep).  Start to show FILs that this reunion will not be carried over into your wedding.

I would also probably respond to the family members that FI knows who are asking about their wedding invite.  It's rude on their part to ask for an invite, but I think its necessary to let them know they can't be accommodated. "Aunt Sally, I'm so sorry to say that due to the size of our wedding, we are unable to invite everyone we would like.  It was really hard for us to create our guest list." 

CMGragain

Please do not go through with your wedding plans until you sit down with your FI and a financial counselor and work out the ground rules.  Until you do, you are not ready to get married.  So many marriages break up because of financial issues.  Get this settled before taking another step!

I get it, that you are focused on your wedding activities, but it is more important that you prepare to be a future wife than a future bride.  It sounds like your FI's family has always had boundary issues.  They won't go away after you are married.

[Deleted User]

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Jen4948

CMGragain said:

Please do not go through with your wedding plans until you sit down with your FI and a financial counselor and work out the ground rules.  Until you do, you are not ready to get married.  So many marriages break up because of financial issues.  Get this settled before taking another step!

I get it, that you are focused on your wedding activities, but it is more important that you prepare to be a future wife than a future bride.  It sounds like your FI's family has always had boundary issues.  They won't go away after you are married.

The bolded is bullshit.

Needing to negotiate finances or set boundaries with ILs does not constitute "needing not to go through with wedding plans" or "not being ready to get married." Knock off the overdramatics.

That said, OP, having read about the problems with your FMIL, I do think it would help to discuss with your FI the need to set firm boundaries for your FILs, such as that they are not entitled to expect you to host all the uninvited relatives on your dime or to hire a stylist for your FMIL.

Beyond that, I think it would be helpful to adjust your expectations of your FMIL. It sucks that she was unenthusiastic about the venue and tried to turn your dress-shopping trip into an ego stroke for herself. But now that you have a better sense of what she's like, you and your FI can work out a strategy for coping with her. I would bean-dip (change the subject) from now on whenever she tries to bring up her expectations of the wedding when they're not in sync with yours. Don't engage her in any discussions if she gets unpleasant. Just say,, "Thanks, we have that under control/we'll take that under advisement." If she says anything that needs to be nipped in the bud, your FI should tell her, "I'm sorry, Mom, but that doesn't work for us" and stand firm.

And you and your FI can respond to inquiries from uninvited relatives with "We unfortunately can't accommodate everyone we'd like at the wedding. We made our plans before the family reunion was decided on. I'm so sorry for the confusion."

[Deleted User]

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MairePoppy

Knottie1471290645 said:

Vent session done.

Why the DD? It's considered rude to delete your posts after others have taken time to reply. 

CMGragain

OK, the op thinks she can delete her original post and it will just go away.
I gave her good advice.  I have seen many couples struggling because they did not get financial priorities and rules in order.  It is something that needs to be done before worrying about buying your wedding dress.
DH and I worked this out as soon as we became engaged.  It was important because there was considerable money involved, but even so, it is something that every couple should do before marriage.
I am sorry that Jen thinks this is bullshit.  I assure you, that it is not.  I have seen way too many divorces in my lifetime.  The last three in my exyended family have involved issues very much like the ones that OP has described.  Lawyers are expensive; counselors are much cheaper before you get married.

Jen4948

CMGragain said:

OK, the op thinks she can delete her original post and it will just go away.
I gave her good advice.  I have seen many couples struggling because they did not get financial priorities and rules in order.  It is something that needs to be done before worrying about buying your wedding dress.
DH and I worked this out as soon as we became engaged.  It was important because there was considerable money involved, but even so, it is something that every couple should do before marriage.
I am sorry that Jen thinks this is bullshit.  I assure you, that it is not.  I have seen way too many divorces in my lifetime.  The last three in my exyended family have involved issues very much like the ones that OP has described.  Lawyers are expensive; counselors are much cheaper before you get married.

What's bullshit are two assumptions you made: 1) that because she's having problems with her FMIL, she's "not ready to marry" and 2) that your personal experiences with your family give the credentials you to judge people you don't know. They don't.

CMGragain

Knottie1471290645 said:

thanks! i mean we didn't expect them to jump  up and down or anything, but i let FI pick the venue and have the say on that. It's at a farm turned venue, which is totally different than what i think anyone was expecting, but he was just so flippin happy about it. They actually asked him to plan a day for them and show him the venue and do like a breakfast after and they just whined the whole day about everything. He's the type to bend over backwards for them down to paying their mortgage payments often so it was just kind of irritating they couldnt have slapped a smile on for him. 

i wasn't angry about that per se rather than it just rubbed me the wrong way since he does so much for them

Knottie1471290645 said:

yeah it's gotten better recently. to be fair, there were some medical expenses that started it, which fine, rough patch. I think they started taking advantage a bit (ok ok a lot). It hasn't happened for about 6 months now which thank goodness, as we have SO many expenses with the wedding and our own lives to be honest. 

Sorry didn't mean for it to sound whine-y in the first post. I've just been smiling through it all and got another hair appointment question today which i'm pretty sure was my breaking point. OK back to happier self

My responses have nothing to do with the FMIL's behavior. I am very concerned about the OP's FI's behavior, as highlighted.  I am not the only poster who thinks this is a red flag.
No couple should get married without having an agreement on financial issues.  I think the OP is in denial about this problem.  I sincerely hope that she and her FI get some financial counseling before they are married.

[Deleted User]

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ILoveBeachMusic

Knottie1471290645 said:

And as responded, those issues were in the past, as in past tense. Original post was taken down because the issues that were being had have been addressed and this board has turned into bickering and completely off topic. No point in beating it into the ground. 

And no, I am not in denial, sweetie. As I have said those issues were in the past prior to  getting engaged.  I'm sorry your family had problems with that but maybe they hadn't had that discussion before getting engaged or married. we have. End of story. If you'd like to spread your unhappiness and "don't get marrieds" to some other bride please move along.

Sincere thank you to all that have responded. Deleted wasn't meant to get anyone's panties in a twist, just don't see the point over bickering "If we're ready to get married or not", which yes, that judgement call is bs. Just because they have done crazy things in the past (I repeat in the past, in case the past tense hadn't been clear enough yet through the posts) doesn't mean you're opinion telling one not to get married only a few short months before is warranted, wanted, or ok. Posted because I thought the knot communities were supportive women, but I see it's not for a few. So thanks, Jen, again. So with that, have a wonderful day and bless your heart.

I understand that the problem has been resolved and that you were venting a bit in your original post. However, it is considered poor internet etiquette to delete a post. Your question could be helpful to other posters. Deleting a post also doesn't necessarily stop discussion because you have been quoted. Stick around. There are lots of helpful people on the boards.

[Deleted User]

Apologies first and last time ever posting on a board. didn't think there was any etiquette.sorry!