4 men: All the nopes.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
When I was pregnant my husband cheated on me with someone he met at a work event. They had an affair for about a year, even though he has denied that they ever slept together. The woman’s husband, who told me about it, claims otherwise. After confronting my husband, we decided to work on our relationship for the sake of our two kids. However, he has refused to go to couples therapy and refuses to speak about the affair (or deal with our trust issues). This has been going on for three months. I finally caved last weekend and looked through his phone, and she’s still saved as a contact. I know it was wrong of me to check his phone but I felt like I had no choice. What do I do with this? I have a suspicion they are still seeing each other but I have no way to prove it.

—How Do I Trust?

sparklepants41

What do you do with this? Simple: call a divorce attorney. Your H is bad news bears and doesn't care about you, your marriage, or anyone other than his wandering weiner. 

charlotte989875

The problem is not that's she's still in his phone, but that he refuses to deal with the affair and the harm that it caused. You don't need to prove anything you need to have a real come to Jesus moment if this marriage is right for you. 

thefanciestbeckler

LW needs to tell her H that she is calling a divorce attorney if he won't deal with the aftermath of his affair.

GBCK

why the hell is it 'wrong' to check his phone?
FFS.
Dealing w/ the shit that needs to be dealt with in marriage is not wrong.

Girl needs an infusion of self respect.

lovesclimbing

Ok, sidetrack. I keep seeing this "four men" thing and I'm not sure what it means. I take it to mean something like there's only four men like this in the whole world and you managed to find one of them. ??

short+sassy

lovesclimbing said:

Ok, sidetrack. I keep seeing this "four men" thing and I'm not sure what it means. I take it to mean something like there's only four men like this in the whole world and you managed to find one of them. ??

I've taken it to mean there are MORE than 4 men in this world, so why is the LW sticking with this loser and/or "guy who is not the right fit" for the LW.

As in the old adage, there are a lot of fish in the sea.

mrsconn23

short+sassy said:

lovesclimbing said:

Ok, sidetrack. I keep seeing this "four men" thing and I'm not sure what it means. I take it to mean something like there's only four men like this in the whole world and you managed to find one of them. ??

I've taken it to mean there are MORE than 4 men in this world, so why is the LW sticking with this loser and/or "guy who is not the right fit" for the LW.

As in the old adage, there are a lot of fish in the sea.

I think it was Hmo or Kuus (old school peeps that don't come around any more) that coined the term 'four men in the world'. But yeah it's basically referring to people who feel 'stuck' with their partner, even though they're a bad person or bad fit for them or their life.  It started out 'four men', but now it's used for romantic relationships and friendships. 

*ETA: And it's about desiring to change the person rather than accept them/the situation at face value for their actions.  I basically think of it as LW not being to see the forest for the trees, because seriously, when people write this shit down, they never think objectively about what they'd tell someone who's NOT in their situation. 

bleve0821

short+sassy said:

lovesclimbing said:

Ok, sidetrack. I keep seeing this "four men" thing and I'm not sure what it means. I take it to mean something like there's only four men like this in the whole world and you managed to find one of them. ??

I've taken it to mean there are MORE than 4 men in this world, so why is the LW sticking with this loser and/or "guy who is not the right fit" for the LW.

As in the old adage, there are a lot of only four fish in the sea.

FTFY.

Heffalump

At this point, does it matter whether he's still in contact with her?  Because even if he's not, he's made it pretty clear that he doesn't give two shits about her, her feelings, or their relationship. 

This calls for a hearty "Bye, Felicia!"

lovesclimbing

mrsconn23 said:

short+sassy said:

lovesclimbing said:

Ok, sidetrack. I keep seeing this "four men" thing and I'm not sure what it means. I take it to mean something like there's only four men like this in the whole world and you managed to find one of them. ??

I've taken it to mean there are MORE than 4 men in this world, so why is the LW sticking with this loser and/or "guy who is not the right fit" for the LW.

As in the old adage, there are a lot of fish in the sea.

I think it was Hmo or Kuus (old school peeps that don't come around any more) that coined the term 'four men in the world'. But yeah it's basically referring to people who feel 'stuck' with their partner, even though they're a bad person or bad fit for them or their life.  It started out 'four men', but now it's used for romantic relationships and friendships. 

*ETA: And it's about desiring to change the person rather than accept them/the situation at face value for their actions.  I basically think of it as LW not being to see the forest for the trees, because seriously, when people write this shit down, they never think objectively about what they'd tell someone who's NOT in their situation. 

Ah, thanks.