Wedding Woes
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She took pics of someone else's kids?!

Dear Prudence,
About four years ago, my brother lived with us while he was between jobs. He was involved with a local girl named “Lisa,” whom I never met, and he ended it abruptly. Later he told me that she had never told him she was married, and that he broke it off with her when he found out. My sons are in preschool now and there is a little boy there who looks exactly like them—dark curly hair, dimples, the works—and whose mother is a blond, blue-eyed woman named Lisa. I spoke with her a few times and learned that her son’s birthday falls within the time she was dating my brother. I looked up her husband online and found out he is much older and also has blue eyes and light hair. I would chalk it up to coincidence, but this boy looks exactly like my sons—it’s eerie. I snapped a few pictures of Lisa and her sons and now I don’t know what to do. My brother lives in another state, and I know he would want to know if he had a son, but it feels like I have a live grenade in my hands. Should I send the pictures to my brother? Mention my brother to Lisa and see if she reacts? I haven’t even told my husband yet.

—Maybe-Nephew

Re: She took pics of someone else's kids?!

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    If "Lisa" wants to not tell him, tbh there's gotta be a reason. It's a little creepy LW took photos of the kids though ...
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    Yikes. She needs to find some boundaries and get a hobby. I realize she's concerned that her brother may have a kid he doesn't know about, but what if he does know about this child and just hasn't mentioned it? Regardless, it's really none of her business. And she's speculating. 
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    In general, I get REALLY sick of stories where someone thinks a child is/isn't related to someone, based only on how the child looks.  Genetics can be a crazy thing and similar looks largely mean nothing.

    In my younger/thinner days, I looked almost exactly like Pia Zadora (in her younger days).  With that billionaire husband she has, I WISH we were related in any way, lol.  We most assuredly are not.

    On the flip side, I look nothing like my sister or my cousins.  Growing up, my sister and I would occasionally be asked if one of us was adopted.

    I'm sure we all have dopplegangers (sp?) somewhere.

    I also find it interesting that the LW doesn't mention that this boy looks like her brother.  She mentions that this boy looks like her sons.  Which is another step removed.


    DH looks nothing like either of his parents, but is a dead ringer for his dad's dad.  Genetics are weird.
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    In general, I get REALLY sick of stories where someone thinks a child is/isn't related to someone, based only on how the child looks.  Genetics can be a crazy thing and similar looks largely mean nothing.

    In my younger/thinner days, I looked almost exactly like Pia Zadora (in her younger days).  With that billionaire husband she has, I WISH we were related in any way, lol.  We most assuredly are not.

    On the flip side, I look nothing like my sister or my cousins.  Growing up, my sister and I would occasionally be asked if one of us was adopted.

    I'm sure we all have dopplegangers (sp?) somewhere.

    I also find it interesting that the LW doesn't mention that this boy looks like her brother.  She mentions that this boy looks like her sons.  Which is another step removed.

    Also, people adopt kids that don't look like them. 

    Side note - I need to run to see what Prudie said to this lunatic.  

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    Ro041 said:


    Side note - I need to run to see what Prudie said to this lunatic.  
    For everyone:

    For what it’s worth, it’s not impossible for two blue-eyed people to have a brown-eyed child, despite what most of us were taught in high school. Bear in mind that there is a very real possibility that you are mistaken and that your amateur sleuthing has not resulted in any sort of smoking gun before you decide to speak about this to anyone. While your curiosity is perhaps understandable, taking photos of this boy and his mother with an eye toward questioning his paternity crosses a significant line, and you should definitely not try to “test” Lisa or do anything with the pictures you already have other than delete them.

    If you think there’s a strong possibility your brother could have fathered this child, and you believe that he would want to know about it, then your first (and last) step should be to contact him and tell him you believe it’s possible—although not certain—he is the father of Lisa’s son. Remember that your brother may not react positively to this news, and he may decide to do nothing. On the other hand, opening a paternity case may significantly disrupt this little boy’s family life for a long time to come, even if it turns out that your brother is not his father. Whether you raise this with your brother or not, you should bear in mind the significant human cost that may arise from choosing to act. Whatever your brother decides to do, once you’ve passed along the information, your role in this story is over, and you should leave Lisa alone.

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    Creepy AF.

    If she knew for a fact it was the same Lisa, then okay, I'd probably mention to my brother that she has a son in preschool and let him do with it what he may.  But taking photos of another persons toddler?  That's cray.
    image
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    I hated Prudie's answer.   :(

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    So she doesn't even know if this is *the* Lisa.  And if the kid's birthday falls within the time her brother was dating her, wouldn't he have noticed?
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    Joney said:
    So she doesn't even know if this is *the* Lisa.  And if the kid's birthday falls within the time her brother was dating her, wouldn't he have noticed?
    Yes! 

    I must have been using the same fuzzy math she was - if the kid's birthday was 9-10 months after her when her brother was dating This Lisa, then yes. But only his birthday coincides - so her brother was dating a pregnant woman and should have known, unless he is the least perceptive man ever. 
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    Joney said:
    So she doesn't even know if this is *the* Lisa.  And if the kid's birthday falls within the time her brother was dating her, wouldn't he have noticed?
    Yes! 

    I must have been using the same fuzzy math she was - if the kid's birthday was 9-10 months after her when her brother was dating This Lisa, then yes. But only his birthday coincides - so her brother was dating a pregnant woman and should have known, unless he is the least perceptive man ever. 
    Possibility is that she could have been heavier and not be noticeable until later.
    Or when she found out she was pregnant, she could have decided to split before showing.
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    In general, I get REALLY sick of stories where someone thinks a child is/isn't related to someone, based only on how the child looks.  Genetics can be a crazy thing and similar looks largely mean nothing.

    In my younger/thinner days, I looked almost exactly like Pia Zadora (in her younger days).  With that billionaire husband she has, I WISH we were related in any way, lol.  We most assuredly are not.

    On the flip side, I look nothing like my sister or my cousins.  Growing up, my sister and I would occasionally be asked if one of us was adopted.

    I'm sure we all have dopplegangers (sp?) somewhere.

    I also find it interesting that the LW doesn't mention that this boy looks like her brother.  She mentions that this boy looks like her sons.  Which is another step removed.

    One of the little boys I used to nanny for was my mini-me. People thought he was my son all the time, he was 5, I was 19, so no. I'm Scottish, English, Welsh, German background, he was Scottish, Irish, German, so there's that.
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