How hard is it to say nothing and just keep it in the back of your mind?

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
I just found out that a co-worker who’s always been hard to deal with (seems to ignore directions and explanations, is often combative, withholds information) has autism. I feel both relieved because this explains her behavior to a certain degree, but also terrible, because we’ve had serious arguments when I thought she was trying to throw me under the bus. We don’t work in the same department but sometimes collaborate on projects. Had I known she had autism (rather than just thinking she’s a jerk) I would have approached our interactions differently. This information is not public knowledge (that I know of); I overheard a friend of hers share it with someone else. What can I do here, if anything? Should I talk to her about our working relationship in light of this? Talk to my supervisor, who knows that I’ve had issues with her? Apologize? Do nothing? I certainly feel like I should change my approach with her, but don’t really know how.

—Miscommunication

charlotte989875

You absolutely say nothing to your supervisor (or hers!). Don't do anything differently. Work with her like you would any other colleague and deal with specific issues as they arise. If she ignores directions and explanations, be specific and point them out to her. If she withholds information tell her directly that you need it. If she says something that is out of line, tell her. 

Which btw, that's how people handle their professional relationships. 

thefanciestbeckler

Don't say anything to her. Change your approach in future interactions. Why is that so hard?

kimmiinthemitten

I think you should get one of the huge greeting cards, you know the ones that are like a foot tall and play music.  Find a sympathy one and have everyone in the office sign it.  Make sure everyone knows co-worker is "special" and apologizes and then give her a cupcake.  (/sarcasm)

Seriously, every week there's at least one LW that makes me wonder how they survived Darwinism this long.

short+sassy

I think it's great the LW now has a bit better understanding of his/her coworker.  Perhaps this will help them communicate better with her in the future.  However, they definitely shouldn't say anything to her or anybody else.  That's crazy.

They also shouldn't take a totally carte blance attitude in regards to the coworker's attitude and actions.  This coworker needs to be able to do her job.  Period.  A disability, mental or physical, is not a safety net for someone if they are not able to handle the core components of their job.

As a more obvious example, there are a lot of disabilities that preclude someone from getting a commercial driver's license.  Are they being discriminated against being a limo or truck driver because of their disability?  Yes, they are.  But it is an allowable discrimination because the core job requirement is a commercial driver's license.  They don't have one and can't get one, so they fail one of the core requirements.

levioosa

Can we also address the total hearsay going on?  She fucking OVERHEARD it.  So, bitch was eavesdropping on a conversation she had no part in, a conversation that could be a rumor for all she knows.