Moms and Maids

MIL Always Has to do Something

KnottiebkKnottiebk member
Second Anniversary First Comment
edited February 2017 in Moms and Maids
Hey Ladies,

This might not be the place to post this and if it's not, I'll remove my post. I got married last year to my DH. We've been together a total of 8 years so it wasn't exactly a new or quick relationship before we got married.

Before we got engaged, I had an amazing relationship with my MIL. However, once we got engaged 3 years ago, it's like a switch flipped inside my MIL and she's been so difficult to deal with. She's always making snarky comments too. For example, when I asked her to get her nails done with me she said no because she thinks we bonded enough! My DH started to notice the comments and odd behavior and confronted his mom on his own (without me saying anything and without me there). My MIL played dumb and hasn't changed. She also told my DH that she thinks that I'm stealing her baby. But little does she know that the only reason why my DH calls her every week is because I remind him to call her and I'm the one that pushes him to visit her so I don't see how I'm stealing him. I encourage him to have a relationship with her. 

It's to the point where I just let my DH do all of the communication with his mom. When we visit them, I am cordial and polite but have my guard up.

We received a Valentine's Day card in the mail from her and the front of the card says "It's wonderful to have a son and "daughter" just like you, because your both so thoughtful, and you're fun to be with too,". Am I reading too much into the quotation marks around daughter or is that typical on son and DIL cards?




Re: MIL Always Has to do Something

  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I'm sorry your MIL's behavior towards you has changed. That really sucks. That said, I do think you're reading too much into the card. 

    I can can relate to in-laws who suddenly change their tune. Try not to take it personally; it took me years to figure out that my SIL doesn't like very many people, including herself.

    Hugs!
    CMGragaincharlotte989875SP29
  • I'm a big believer in increasing communication. While blood talking to blood is usually best (and fantastic that your H is doing that) if the behaviour occurs while it is just you and MIL, I might suggest that you politely point it out. I don't think there is anything wrong with saying, "MIL, I feel like something has changed in our relationship and I'm really hoping that we can work together to make things better". If she says that you are stealing her baby, I might say "H will always be your son and it is so important that he spends time with you and you are in his life. I'm sorry that you feel like he is being pulled away. Is there something that I can do to reassure you that I'm not in H's life to pull him away from you."

    That being said, if this doesn't go well or behaviour doesn't change then H needs to deal with it ... stronger than he did previously. Have him offer up examples of undesired behaviour and consequences for behaviour not changing.

    Good luck!

    SP29short+sassy
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 2017
    My MIL was very much against our marriage, and was extremely difficult - until I presented her with her first grandchild after four years.  Then everything changed, and she mended her ways.  If children are in your future plans, this might just happen to you, too.  If she doesn't reform, Grandma won't get to see the grandkids very often, will she?
    I think the card was fine, and it was nice of her to send it.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    MesmrEwe
  • SubwaylovesSubwayloves member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited February 2017
    I do think you're reading a bit much into the card, don't think it is abnormal to send a card with something like that, especially since it is a pre printed card.

    However, I definitely understand why you'd think that way after past experiences with your MIL. I think it's good that your H talked to her, but if she says something specifically to you again, I would probably try to have a talk with her about it. Maybe just ask why she would say something like that, and let her know it does bother you when she says such things.

    I generally have a good relationship with MIL, and I think she was actually happy I "took her baby away" because I got him out of her house haha. But sometimes she does say snarky things to me (like saying I'm "cheap" because we don't have cable or get everything we want when we're trying to pay off school loans
    OurWildKingdom
  • Knottiebk said:
    Hey Ladies,

    This might not be the place to post this and if it's not, I'll remove my post. I got married last year to my DH. We've been together a total of 8 years so it wasn't exactly a new or quick relationship before we got married.

    Before we got engaged, I had an amazing relationship with my MIL. However, once we got engaged 3 years ago, it's like a switch flipped inside my MIL and she's been so difficult to deal with. She's always making snarky comments too. For example, when I asked her to get her nails done with me she said no because she thinks we bonded enough! My DH started to notice the comments and odd behavior and confronted his mom on his own (without me saying anything and without me there). My MIL played dumb and hasn't changed. She also told my DH that she thinks that I'm stealing her baby. But little does she know that the only reason why my DH calls her every week is because I remind him to call her and I'm the one that pushes him to visit her so I don't see how I'm stealing him. I encourage him to have a relationship with her. 

    It's to the point where I just let my DH do all of the communication with his mom. When we visit them, I am cordial and polite but have my guard up.

    We received a Valentine's Day card in the mail from her and the front of the card says "It's wonderful to have a son and "daughter" just like you, because your both so thoughtful, and you're fun to be with too,". Am I reading too much into the quotation marks around daughter or is that typical on son and DIL cards?





    It looks like I'm the only one, but I agree that the card is tacky. She picked that one, and based on your past, it's not hard to imagine the quotes are the reason she did.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I agree - I think the card is tacky given the history. It's not rude enough where I think you need to address it, but I would roll my eyes if I received that.
    KnotYetTied
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    You're reading way too much into it. Have a margarita and a cupcake and get on with your day. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • My mother has sent cards like this over the years. She really likes my husband so I don't read anything into it. I have seen cards that say to my son and his wife. That I would side eye.
    MesmrEwe
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    @Knottiebk
    I received the exact same card from my MIL! LOL. It's just a card. Some say "son and daughter-in-law" while this one chose to go with "son and 'daughter'"- I actually see it as a compliment. 
    ________________________________


    InLoveInQueens
  • @Knottiebk
    I received the exact same card from my MIL! LOL. It's just a card. Some say "son and daughter-in-law" while this one chose to go with "son and 'daughter'"- I actually see it as a compliment. 
    I got this one too! I didn't even notice it, my MIL probably didn't realize either.
  • @Knottiebk
    I received the exact same card from my MIL! LOL. It's just a card. Some say "son and daughter-in-law" while this one chose to go with "son and 'daughter'"- I actually see it as a compliment. 
    Ditto! I take it as a compliment when my MIL refers to me as her "daughter". She's done it several times. It's very sweet that she thinks of me as another daughter. 
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