My soon to be mother in law mentioned something about picking a song for the parents dance, I did not know what that was and she said it is when both sets of parents have a dance to a special song after the first dance, father daughter dance and the mother son dance. I said that my parents would most likely not be interested in that as they do not like to dance, or be the center of attention, but I would ask them, she went on to say it was an important wedding tradition and they wanted to do it. I am just curious if this is an actual thing that I just have never heard of? And after confirming with my parents that they for sure do not want to do that, how do I tell mother in law?
Re: Parent dance?
I have never heard of this either. I agree with Flantastic. I already can barely sit through the bride and groom dance as it is, let alone a father daughter dance, mother son dance, and then parents' dance. I'd do something like what flantastic suggested and call it a day.
Nope, you're totally right. There's no need to recreate their first dance at your wedding, or at any other function for that matter.
I would have your FI tell his mother, "I'm sorry, but the only spotlight dance at our wedding will be for me and FI. You can dance with dad, but it will not be a spotlight dance. And this is not something her parents will do. Please consider this a closed subject."
And that is just too many spotlight dances! 3 is enough (and some couples have a joint Mother/Son and Father/Daughter dance).
You can absolutely play their wedding son during your reception, but I wouldn't make it a spotlight dance. Have your FI relay this to his mother (blood talks to blood)- your parents aren't comfortable with this, it's too many dances, sure you'd be happy to play their wedding song but it won't be a spotlight dance.
No, they don't need to re-create their first dance at your wedding. They can have their own party to do that.
If you want to honor your parents and their relationships, I've seen people put framed pictures of their parents' weddings on the gift table which is sweet. Maybe one of each of their weddings and one of your engagement photos (or another picture you like of the two of you) between them?
At my wedding, we did the couple's first dance, a joint mother/son, father/daughter dance that H had prepared a slideshow to go along with (pics of us growing up with our parents), and an "anniversary" or "generations" dance, whatever you want to call it, where the DJ eliminates couples based on how long they've been married (so 3 spotlight dances, but 1 of them any couples could take part in). So he starts out with all married couples dancing, and then he says "anyone married for less than an hour" and bride and groom leave the floor, then "1 year, 5 years," etc until you have one couple standing there that's been married the longest, and you might give them your bouquet or, in our case, the DJ asked them for a piece of advice on a long-lasting marriage to give the newlyweds. Maybe MIL will find that acceptable as an alternative? If not, definitely have your FI shut her down (since blood talks to blood).
I think it's better to shut the FMIL down.
If FMIL wants to dance with her husband, then she should just do it without being the center of attention. Hell, she can even ask for a song she loves to be played so they can dance to it, if she really wants. But no announcement and no clearing everyone else off the floor.
I honestly think fewer people mind the anniversary dance. If you haven't been married very long, you're usually kicked off the dance floor in the first 30 seconds, so it's not like the single people are sitting alone for a whole song. Some people probably do dislike it, but even my longing-to-be-married single friends usually think it's cute to see the really old couples up there dancing. I In my experience, people don't usually do it unless multiple couples of married grandparents are in the mix. I definitely see how it could be rough for an older widowed person and possibly divorced.
I attended a bar mitzvah stag once where there was a couple's slow dance and everyone there but me had a partner. I was able to attend the bar mitzvah, but being the one person left out still fucking hurt.
You might enjoy anniversary dances, but that isn't true of everyone. That doesn't mean those persons who don't "begrudge other persons' happiness."
But the only relationship everyone is there to "honor" is that of the couple getting married. Not everyone appreciates their own relationship status being emphasized at someone else's wedding.
Sorry, but I'd still rather drop all these activities that depend on the guests' marital status. If you really need to "honor" someone else's relationship status, do it on your own time.
I think it's fine to have a DJ do a shout out to a couple and say, "This song goes out to the parents of the bride," but by no means should the floor be cleared for them.
And while the anniversary dance could possibly be omitted, I don't love the idea of no slow songs. So if a slow dance would make you sad, go to the bathroom during it.