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Etiquette

Include +1s in Save the Date address labels

Hi, my fiancée and I are getting ready to ship off our Save the Dates and we're trying to figure out etiquette and protocol for addressing the envelopes. We only have the outer envelope, no inner envelope, and there's no personalization on our actual save the dates. We live pretty far away from all of our friends and family, so pretty much everyone would need to travel and we want to make sure they have adequate time to make arrangements. 
The question we have is how to deal with plus ones. For married/engaged couples or people in long term relationships who live together we know to address the envelopes to both of them. But for single friends in short-medium relationships we aren't sure how to make clear that they're welcome to bring their significant other or a date.
one idea is to address the envelopes to "Jane Doe and John Smith" if Jane and John have been dating for a while, but that seems odd to send to Jane's address where she lives without John, and could cause confusion if Jane and John break up before the wedding. It also doesn't solve the problem of how to inform guests that they'll be able to bring a plus one if they aren't currently dating anyone.
The other option we're considering is some sort of insert in the envelopes that make clear who we would be inviting, either with the name of the significant other or "Jane Doe + Guest", but that seems like it might be tacky. 
Or should we not even be thinking too much about Plus Ones at this point, and just address the Save the Date to "Jane Doe" and wait until we send the invitations to worry about Plus Ones?
Looking for any advice we could get here. Thank you!

Re: Include +1s in Save the Date address labels

  • I sent my STDs out using a less formal address to the younger crowd. So for the older, more traditional people, we addressed "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith". For the younger crowd and our friends, we addressed "John and Jane Smith" or "John Smith and Jane Doe" if they aren't married yet. For the invitations, we are using the more formal Mr., Mrs., Ms. for everyone. 

    As for the plus ones of the singles, I just addressed the STDs to "John Smith" and I addressed the invitations to "John Smith and Guest". 

    There were a few dating couples where I put both names on the STD even though they weren't living together and just sent to one address because if they broke up, the invite is extended for the person that I am close with. We did invite one couple where we are good friends with both of them and they don't live together so I sent 2 separate STDs and invitations to each address as a single invite and only labeled "Mr. John Smith" and Ms. Jane Doe" with no and guest at the end since they are a couple. 

    Hope this helps! I found the naming part to be one of the hardest things about finalizing all the addresses! 
  • We put all significant others on the envelopes for our STDs. 

    2 couples have since broken up - one in a messy divorce, one more amicably.

    We only invited the person we knew well from the divorce, since the other wife wasn't close to either of us and we have no relationship or even contact with her now that they're separated. We gave the wife we were close to a +1 instead of her original wife.

    From the amicable break-up, we invited our long-term friend with a +1, and the other guy (not a close friend by any means but someone whose company we enjoy when we see him) without a date (because of budget). 

    I wouldn't put "and guest" on anything if the person has an SO (even short or long-term), because it passes judgment on their relationships. I treated every couple as if they were in it for the long term.
    geebee908OurWildKingdomcowgirl8238
  • I caution you to be very careful about sending out STDs.  Send them to your VIPs and out-of-town guests.  You do not need to send them to everyone on your list.
    We have seen so many posts from brides who have changed their minds about inviting a guest whom they have already sent an STD.  Once you send them you absolutely MUST send them an invitation regardless of changing circumstances.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    SP29
  • We sent STDs to OOT family and friends only, so that they could make travel arrangements. Anyone in a relationship at the time STDs went out had their partner's name on the envelope. If they weren't living together, we sent it to the home of the person we were closest to. We didn't put "and guest" on the STD envelope for truly single guests. If you know ahead of time you're going to allow those single guests to bring someone, you could just spread that info via word of mouth (and honestly I think most people assume?).

    When we sent invites, we double checked the status of any relationships we were unsure of and then added names of new SO's or removed any that had split up. Anyone who considers themselves in a relationship (of any length) should be invited with their SO (by name). Giving truly single guests a plus one is up to you. 
    SP29OurWildKingdomcowgirl8238
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