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Etiquette

Returned thank yous.... UGH!

I worked really hard to get all of my thank yous out within a week-10 days of receiving presents before my wedding.

Our wedding was OOT, and we planned on going directly to our honeymoon. Unfortunately, we lost my Dad two days after the wedding in an accident. A number of friends/family had asked at the wedding if it was OK to send presents to the house- I said yes as a neighbor was picking up the packages whenever he saw them. So a number of presents showed up, but it was a month before I came home from my parents' house. (Extended family/friends weren't told til about 10 days later about my Dad for a number of reasons- so they kept sending!)

To be honest, I didn't work on thank yous right away when I got home. Bad, yes, I'm fully aware. But anything wedding related was awful to think about. (My first dog also had to be put down the same week we lost my Dad. I actually quit my job a week after going back as I was not able to function as a real human) I didn't open any of the gifts, hubby put them in the guest room. 

I did get to them a number of weeks later. 

Now, 3+ months after I sent them, they've been returned! All of them!! (All of the ones I sent after the wedding- about 15)

Turns out, our postman was hoarding mail (he's been arrested)

Do I rewrite the thank yous and resend? Or just put them in new envelopes?

I hated that the thank yous went out late to begin with, but now I just feel awful!

What should I do?

Re: Returned thank yous.... UGH!

  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Oh no! No advice to offer, but I'm so sorry that happened to you.
  • You technically have a year to send out. I would just put in new envelopes and send again. If anyone might be miffed, let them know that there was a mailing incident and you are sorry for the late correspondence. 
  • Just send them again, dont spend even more time explaining, just send them out. 
    InLoveInQueenslc07
  • I would just put them in new envelopes and send them out. 
    InLoveInQueens
  • I would put them in new envelopes with a note about what happened.  That way, if anyone is annoyed they haven't received a thank you, they will get the explanation and see the original postmark.  

    MobKaz
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited February 2017
    banana468 said:
    I'm confused - they're postmarked and all returned??

    Can you go to the Post Office and tell them to just mail so the extra expense isn't on you? 
    This is where I am - why on earth didn't they just send them? It's not the senders' fault that their mail didn't go through, and they shouldn't have to pay to resend them.

    Anniversary

    InLoveInQueens
  • @KnickerGold, I'm so sorry for your loss.
    KnickerGold
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'm so sorry for all your losses.

    I would just resend the letters and let anyone who complains know what happened. Hopefully everyone will understand that between the loss of your father and your dog so soon after the wedding, you were in a terrible place, and then finding out that your mail was stolen instead of mailed made things worse. In any case, I would side-eye anyone who side-eyes you after that.
    short+sassycupcait927
  • I'm so sorry for your losses. Echoing PPs that I would just pop them in the mail in a new envelope - no additional note needed unless you felt like you wanted to include one. But I agree with @Jen4948 that I would imagine everyone will be extremely understanding and forgiving in light of recent events. 
    short+sassy
  • Ya there's black sharpie all over them, so I can't really send them as-is. I don't know who did that, just that they (along with some other letters/bills) were returned to my house (and to neighbors houses). 
    I'll work on getting them back out, might post something on social media saying 'sorry if your thank you is late our postman went postal' haha

    And thank you for your kind words. Those close to me (who I've asked about this) have said 'don't rush, everyone will understand' but I feel like that's the answer to everything lately and wanted a somewhat unbiased opinion!

    thanks all!
  • From what I've read on our Nextdoor page, the post office (which has always had issues near us) won't do anything. They're fully aware of the situation, as they obviously had to return all the not-sent-mail.
    It's honestly not the postage that's expensive- it's the envelopes/cards! Hopefully I have enough extra envelopes and don't have to order more!

  • Viczaesar said:
    ernursej said:
    You technically have a year to send out. I would just put in new envelopes and send again. If anyone might be miffed, let them know that there was a mailing incident and you are sorry for the late correspondence. 
    This is not at all true.  Thank you notes should be sent ASAP.  Guests have a year to give a present.

    @KnickerGold, I'm sorry you've had such a rough time!  I would probably add a second note inside the note to explain the postman mail snafu and send in new envelopes if it were me.
    Sorry, my bad. I was confusing gift giving with TY notes.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    From what I've read on our Nextdoor page, the post office (which has always had issues near us) won't do anything. They're fully aware of the situation, as they obviously had to return all the not-sent-mail.
    It's honestly not the postage that's expensive- it's the envelopes/cards! Hopefully I have enough extra envelopes and don't have to order more!

    I must be an old PITA because I would not accept the POs decision to return mail if I had paid for postage and gone to the trouble of addressing the envelopes. I'd go to the PO and talk to whoever is in charge until she sees things my way. Or I'd file a complaint:

    https://www.usps.com/help/contact-us.htm

    If the envelopes are stamped with a message from the USPS, the recipients will figure out that there were some complications. 





                       
    sparklepants41AddieCakecharlotte989875cowgirl8238
  • I don't think an additional note is necessary if you're not feeling up to it.  I think anyone who attended your wedding will also know that your father died unexpectedly and forgive the delayed thank you notes.  It stinks that they are further delayed by no fault of your own, but I would not spend another moment worrying about it.  
  • From what I've read on our Nextdoor page, the post office (which has always had issues near us) won't do anything. They're fully aware of the situation, as they obviously had to return all the not-sent-mail.
    It's honestly not the postage that's expensive- it's the envelopes/cards! Hopefully I have enough extra envelopes and don't have to order more!

    I must be an old PITA because I would not accept the POs decision to return mail if I had paid for postage and gone to the trouble of addressing the envelopes. I'd go to the PO and talk to whoever is in charge until she sees things my way. Or I'd file a complaint:

    https://www.usps.com/help/contact-us.htm

    If the envelopes are stamped with a message from the USPS, the recipients will figure out that there were some complications. 





    You're not, I would normally be throwing a stink about this, believe me. I just don't have the emotional energy to expel on something like this at the moment. I've resent most  of the cards. 



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