Attire and Accessories

Second thoughts about the dress

(I'm new here, should I be introducing myself? >.> )

I'm an overthinker, so I hemmed and hawed over which (out of 30+!) dress to get for months. Well I've ordered it, and I'm starting to think about what direction I want to go in for accessories, jewelry, shoes, etc. I've been trying to stalk find other brides in the same dress, and everyone seems to be going the same route... which I hate, and already decided against! I'm starting to feel really insecure, like I picked the wrong dress, and I've been worried since the day I ordered it that my fiance won't like it. Momzilla, (honorary) bridesman, and best man all urged me to pick a different dress, and I'm just sliding further and further into self doubt... Has anyone else experienced this??

Re: Second thoughts about the dress

  • I think it's common to have doubts. I've been having lots of worries and doubts lately now that my wedding is actually approaching. When will the dress come in? Can you go back to the store and try it on again? I went to my dress shop alone and tried on the dress I was debating over in private and that's when I was finally able to decide it was the one I wanted. I needed that moment to myself. Lots of people (especially on TV) seem to need a whole entourage of people to agree and love the dress. I felt like I was the opposite. See if you can go try it on again to ease your worries? 
    OurWildKingdomSP29
  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    (I'm new here, should I be introducing myself? >.> )

    I'm an overthinker, so I hemmed and hawed over which (out of 30+!) dress to get for months. Well I've ordered it, and I'm starting to think about what direction I want to go in for accessories, jewelry, shoes, etc. I've been trying to stalk find other brides in the same dress, and everyone seems to be going the same route... which I hate, and already decided against! I'm starting to feel really insecure, like I picked the wrong dress, and I've been worried since the day I ordered it that my fiance won't like it. Momzilla, (honorary) bridesman, and best man all urged me to pick a different dress, and I'm just sliding further and further into self doubt... Has anyone else experienced this??


    Focus on what made you choose the dress in the first place. How do you feel in it? What made you choose it? You must have liked something about it or you wouldn't have bought it. What route are others taking with accessories, jewelry, etc. that you hate so much?

    I didn't have regrets immediately after purchasing my dress. I remember feeling pretty self conscious after my first fitting, though. I believe I even posted on here about it. Ultimately I ended up feeling beautiful on my wedding day.

    Also, what is an "honorary bridesman"? What does the term honorary mean?  


    OurWildKingdomSP29cowgirl8238
  • I had this same feeling.  I thought my dress was beautiful and looked great on me, but I started thinking like something was missing.  It didn't have that WOW factor I was looking for.  I tried on the dress a few times, hoping to fall in love with it again, but it didn't happen.  

    Over the weekend I had just decided to go and try on a dress I had been eyeing for months.  It was perfect and amazing and everything I wanted.  So, I am now a 2 dress bride!  LOL

    I guess my point is that, it happens.  If you don't love it, you don't love it.  If you can afford to get another dress and you have time, then keep looking.  
  • You obviously had reasons why you wanted to purchase the dress. Focus on those. My H has said that he's never thought anyone looked bad in a wedding dress. Don't put too much pressure on whether it's perfect; I'm sure it's beautiful. 

    I also have good news for you: You'll get be married whether or not you decide to go with this dress, or spend a lot of time fretting about this, or purchase another dress. Your FI will like YOU in the dress.

    This is great advice! I only tried on about 5-10 dresses. Ended up buying the first one. Sometimes I wish I had tried on more, but ever since I purchased my dress I COMPLETELY stopped looking around or shopping for other dresses. Just focus on what you have and why you chose it. I'm sure you will be beautiful. And you can do your accessories however you'd like..ask your hair stylist for suggestions..
    OurWildKingdomSP29cowgirl8238
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited March 2017
    You do not need to find THE dress.  You only need to find A dress that suits your formality level and location, and fits into your budget.  You have done this.  Now stop looking at dresses and move on!  It doesn't matter what other brides chose.

    You are fortunate to have so many choices.  I went shopping on an incredibly tight budget and I managed to find one sample dress that I could afford, that fit, and suited me.  I might have chosen differently if I had other choices, but I didn't.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    MesmrEweInLoveInQueens
  • You're all right, of course. I know exactly why I picked it, and I still love it for all of those reasons. I only tried on so many different dresses because I'm an overthinker; I knew which one I really truly wanted as soon as I put it on. But I knew I would seriously regret it if I "settled" on the first dress I really liked. But you're right, and FI has said the same thing: If I picked it, if I feel beautiful in it, he'll love it. It's just so hard to turn off the brain haha.

    @thefanciestbeckler Honorary bridesman isn't actually in the wedding party, he's an old friend from college with whom I reconnected recently. He's been a verbal punching bag for me through this process so I made him an unofficial bridesmaid/bridesman as a thank you since I can't afford to invite him. It's mostly just facebook and snapchat antics.  :p
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited March 2017
    @thefanciestbeckler Honorary bridesman isn't actually in the wedding party, he's an old friend from college with whom I reconnected recently. He's been a verbal punching bag for me through this process so I made him an unofficial bridesmaid/bridesman as a thank you since I can't afford to invite him. It's mostly just facebook and snapchat antics.  :p
    There is no such thing as an "honorary bridesman" or an "honorary bridesmaid".  I would be insulted if someone named me this, especially if I wasn't even invited!  Made up titles are not a good idea.  If this friend is important enough for you to create a made-up honorary title for him, then he should be invited to your wedding.  To not invite him, but give him a fake honorary title is rude and insulting.  If you can't afford to invite important friends to your wedding, then there is something wrong with your plans.
    More trouble is made by discussing your wedding on Facebook.  This often causes hurt feelings.  I think you should stop posting about your wedding before this happens.
    Do feel free to post on the Knot.  We will happily listen to your plans.  You might not always like what we have to say, but we are here for you, and you won't hurt our feelings.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    OurWildKingdomcowgirl8238InLoveInQueensei34
  • CMGragain said:
    To not invite him, but give him a fake honorary title is rude and insulting.  If you can't afford to invite important friends to your wedding, then there is something wrong with your plans.
    More trouble is made by discussing your wedding on Facebook.  This often causes hurt feelings.  I think you should stop posting about your wedding before this happens.
    I have very little choice in the guest list; I wasn't joking when I called my mom Momzilla. My wedding hasn't been "my" wedding since before day one. Given the choice, I'd be having a 40-person wedding with just our closest family and a few friends. My mother gave me a list of almost 200 family members, most of whom I've never met, that I was "obligated" to invite, not including FI's family. We've compromised with a 130 person combined guest list; most are family that are outright rude to me and I would never dream of inviting, given the choice. I want to invite bridesman. But mom's footing the bill, so she calls the shots. (Not that I'm not grateful, but that's a whole 'nother story.)

    I never post on facebook, period, let alone about the wedding. I'm a naturally private person. These antics are in a private group chat that bridesman asked to be included in, with full knowledge that I can't invite him. I told him I thought it wouldn't be fair to him, but he said he didn't mind, he just wanted to "infiltrate" the girls and play around. The title is referential, not official; he calls himself a bridesmaid just for the fun of it. Since I can't invite him, and he asked, I thought it a decent compromise.
  • I have very little choice in the guest list; I wasn't joking when I called my mom Momzilla. My wedding hasn't been "my" wedding since before day one. Given the choice, I'd be having a 40-person wedding with just our closest family and a few friends. My mother gave me a list of almost 200 family members, most of whom I've never met, that I was "obligated" to invite, not including FI's family. We've compromised with a 130 person combined guest list; most are family that are outright rude to me and I would never dream of inviting, given the choice. I want to invite bridesman. But mom's footing the bill, so she calls the shots. (Not that I'm not grateful, but that's a whole 'nother story.)

    I never post on facebook, period, let alone about the wedding. I'm a naturally private person. These antics are in a private group chat that bridesman asked to be included in, with full knowledge that I can't invite him. I told him I thought it wouldn't be fair to him, but he said he didn't mind, he just wanted to "infiltrate" the girls and play around. The title is referential, not official; he calls himself a bridesmaid just for the fun of it. Since I can't invite him, and he asked, I thought it a decent compromise.
    I can sympathize with you about the bolded.  She who pays, says, which is why many couples decide to have a more modest wedding that they pay for themselves much like you describe.
    I am glad you aren't openly posting on Facebook.  If it is just a private joke between the two of you, it is OK.  A bit weird, IMHO.
    Feel free to get yourself a real Knottie name so we can recognize you.  We are here whenever you want to talk about weddings.  Best wishes.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    LadyCatherineDBInLoveInQueens
  • I had this feeling a couple months ago, too close to the wedding to do much about it. My cousin also had this feeling, so I think it's pretty normal. 
    My best advice is just to put the dress on again. Put on some makeup, do your hair...you'll remember why you loved it so much. 
    But don't put it on every chance you get, because then, if you're anything like me (which it sounds like you might) you might work yourself up into the same situation. 
    As for your accessories, why don't you post a picture in the attire/accessories board? These ladies have some great ideas! 
  • Why is your mom paying for the wedding?
    InLoveInQueens
  • I tried 35 dresses total. I was worried and didn't really know what I wanted. So I understand that. I found my dress and had the tears and everything but I was on my own when I found it and went home to find Aunty flow had come so I second guessed the response. I ended up going back with my MOH and she agreed that it was by far the best that I'd tried. It isn't at all what I said I wanted (which was a bit all over the place) It's really simple but I love it.

    So I'm trying to say stick to yourself. I'm not planning ver traditional accessories so who cares!! It's about what you like so it doesn't matter if you don't see the same accessories on Pinterest etc. 
    Is it possible to see a photo of the dress? Maybe we will have different ideas for it? 

    I think stick to the dress you wanted and look for jewellery that you like. If you look like you, it will all work.
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