Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Vow critique

Another post! Because why not? So many questions. I suck at writing. I've been told that I write like how I speak, which I guess I learned by authors like Kerouac. Anyway, the vows are hard! I have all these feelings and every time I type them out: nothing. But I suddenly had an idea, and started typing and typing and I think I may have it. Let me know what you think!

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*FH NAME*, you know I love you, not only because I tell you that every morning and every night before we go to bed but because when we're together you change me. You turn me into a person who is so obviously in love and is loved. Into a person who isn't afraid of the future and is instead excited and hopeful. Out of the billions of people in the world, I found someone who makes me happiest, that is why you know I love you.

As we keep growing and learning and aging through time I promise to always love you, but I also promise to support you when life challenges you, to celebrate your wins and mourn your losses as if they were my own. I promise to learn from you and share everything with you. No matter where our story goes, I promise to try and lead us to a path that makes us happiest. When we grow old and wrinkly, I will promise to hold your frail hand and still give you reasons to laugh or smile. Until the end of our days, I promise to show you how beautiful our world can be.

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Is it too short? Are the promises too vague? I have no idea if it's any good
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Re: Vow critique

  • MCmeow said:

    *FH NAME*, you know I love you, not only because I tell you that every morning and every night before we go to bed but because when we're together you change me. You turn me into a person who is so obviously in love and is loved. Into a person who isn't afraid of the future and is instead excited and hopeful. Out of the billions of people in the world, I found someone who makes me happiest, that is why you know I love you.

    As we keep growing and learning and aging through time I promise to always love you, but I also promise to support you when life challenges you, to celebrate your wins and mourn your losses as if they were my own. I promise to learn from you and share everything with you. No matter where our story goes, I promise to try and lead us to a path that makes us happiest. When we grow old and wrinkly, I will promise to hold your frail hand and still give you reasons to laugh or smile. Until the end of our days, I promise to show you how beautiful our world can be.

    ------
    Is it too short? Are the promises too vague? I have no idea if it's any good

    See strike-through above for what I would change:

    Overall I really like it!  I think the length is just right as anything longer would have me wondering "when does this end".  The promises all make sense and it isn't overly sappy or filled with inside jokes no one else will get.  That said the most important thing is that you like it. 

    If you have some time, I would put this to rest for a week or two and then re-visit.  I find that the better ideas will hold up and the things you aren't crazy about will stand out more.


    That all makes a lot of sense, thanks! I agree looking at things afterwards makes a big difference.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited March 2017

    As we keep growing and learning and aging through time I promise to always love you, but I also promise to support you when life challenges you, to celebrate your wins and mourn your losses as if they were my own. I promise to learn from you and share everything with you. No matter where our story goes, I promise to try and lead us to a path that makes us happiest. When we grow old and wrinkly, I will promise to hold your frail hand and still give you reasons to laugh or smile. Until the end of our days, I promise to show you how beautiful our world can be.

    (SIB)  I would omit the entire first paragraph.  It contains no promises.  The second paragraph is all you need.

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    MCmeowOurWildKingdom
  • CMGragain said:

    As we keep growing and learning and aging through time I promise to always love you, but I also promise to support you when life challenges you, to celebrate your wins and mourn your losses as if they were my own. I promise to learn from you and share everything with you. No matter where our story goes, I promise to try and lead us to a path that makes us happiest. When we grow old and wrinkly, I will promise to hold your frail hand and still give you reasons to laugh or smile. Until the end of our days, I promise to show you how beautiful our world can be.

    (SIB)  I would omit the entire first paragraph.  It contains no promises.  The second paragraph is all you need.

    Ah, interesting point. I'll keep that in mind. Thank you!
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  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm with CMG. If you're going to have vows which unite you, make them just the promises. Promises - "I will" statements - are commitments and change agents. You don't need to precede it with a profession of love - as lovely as it is, it's not doing anything to make you married. I put that sort of stuff about how awesome DH was in a letter to him and shared it privately. I don't necessarily mind you giving a short, public profession of love like that (as a guest), but I don't think there's any reason for it to be public either, and it's not really a "vow" of any kind.
    MCmeowOurWildKingdomCMGragainInLoveInQueens
  • I agree that the first paragraph contains no vows and thus should not be part of them. I think the second paragraph is lovely and says all you need it to say.
    image
    MCmeowOurWildKingdomCMGragainInLoveInQueens
  • IDGAF that the first paragraph contains no actual vows. It's heartfelt and beautiful. It will take you 20 seconds to read that paragraph, so who cares? 

    Can I just say that I really love what you wrote? I agree with cowgirl's edit, but otherwise, wouldn't change a thing. <3
    Aw thank you!!! And I appreciate everyone giving me the practical advice I need to hear.
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  • Leave the first par in. It might not be technically vows, but who doesn't come to a wedding to celebrate love? It's very sweet. 
    JediElizabethMCmeow
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I agree with the PPs who say to use only the second paragraph. The first paragraph, however beautiful, is not vows and could come off like verbal PDA. I would put it into a letter for your FI to read in private rather than say it during the ceremony.
  • Maybe you could use that first paragraph at the reception?
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • I'm on the side of keeping the first part in. As a guest I like hearing personal bits in the vows, it's the thing that makes me cry the most at weddings. I think this is great, with @cowgirl8238's edits.
    cowgirl8238MCmeow
  • IDGAF that the first paragraph contains no actual vows. It's heartfelt and beautiful. It will take you 20 seconds to read that paragraph, so who cares? 

    Can I just say that I really love what you wrote? I agree with cowgirl's edit, but otherwise, wouldn't change a thing. <3

    THIS!!!!

    I know it is not actually vows but I think it's a nice lead-in; it sets it up and it's just lovely. So do it!! 

    I also agree with Glasshalfempty If you can't do it at your wedding then when can you.

    Plus I think that modern weddings don't have to adhere to the rules so much. I went to a wedding where the vows were a poem about penguins and it was really lovely. 

    Say what you feel from your heart and I'm sure you won't have a dry eye in the house!


  • IDGAF that the first paragraph contains no actual vows. It's heartfelt and beautiful. It will take you 20 seconds to read that paragraph, so who cares? 

    Can I just say that I really love what you wrote? I agree with cowgirl's edit, but otherwise, wouldn't change a thing. <3

    THIS!!!!

    I know it is not actually vows but I think it's a nice lead-in; it sets it up and it's just lovely. So do it!! 

    I also agree with Glasshalfempty If you can't do it at your wedding then when can you.

    Plus I think that modern weddings don't have to adhere to the rules so much. I went to a wedding where the vows were a poem about penguins and it was really lovely. 

    Say what you feel from your heart and I'm sure you won't have a dry eye in the house!


    Vows are meant to be promises, that is why everyone is saying the first paragraph is not the vows and why this discussion is taking place. Did the couple make promises to each other like they were penguins? I'm confused. 
    image
    CMGragain
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited March 2017
    Jen4948 said:
    I agree with the PPs who say to use only the second paragraph. The first paragraph, however beautiful, is not vows and could come off like verbal PDA. I would put it into a letter for your FI to read in private rather than say it during the ceremony.
    If you can't indulge in verbal PDA at your own wedding, when can you? I mean people do get married for a variety of reasons - immigration, arranged marriages, property, dowry etc. If yours is a love marriage, just say it. If one minute of you expressing some sentiments to your future husband gets people tut-tutting, you probably need to reconsider who your friends are.

    Stuck in box...

    Why doesn't the vow exchange itself establish for everyone there that the couple are in love if they are vowing to "love, honor, cherish," etc.? Why is it anyone else's business how much they love each other? Is it really open to doubt that the couple loves each other if they don't recount the whole of their relationship and "I love you, I love you, I love you" in addition to making actual promises to each other? (I think that couples who feel the need to do that are actually expressing some insecurity about their relationship.)

    There are just some things that don't need to be expressed in public, whether verbally or otherwise. Nobody has to "reconsider who their friends are" to not want to be subjected to it because it makes them uncomfortable to watch or listen to private matters.

    The honest truth is that it's really no one else's business why two people are marrying as long as they have complied with the government rules and any religious rules. How much the couple loves each other is their business alone. The guests are there to see them become a social, legal, possibly religious couple for whatever those reasons are-even if they don't involve love.
    CMGragain
  • Jen4948 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    I agree with the PPs who say to use only the second paragraph. The first paragraph, however beautiful, is not vows and could come off like verbal PDA. I would put it into a letter for your FI to read in private rather than say it during the ceremony.
    If you can't indulge in verbal PDA at your own wedding, when can you? I mean people do get married for a variety of reasons - immigration, arranged marriages, property, dowry etc. If yours is a love marriage, just say it. If one minute of you expressing some sentiments to your future husband gets people tut-tutting, you probably need to reconsider who your friends are.

    Stuck in box...

    The problem with that is that it becomes a slippery slope. If kissing is okay, why don't you go ahead and consummate your marriage right in front of everyone? After all, you're in love, right?

    There are just some things that don't need to be expressed in public, whether verbally or otherwise. Nobody has to "reconsider who their friends are" to not want to be subjected to it because it makes them uncomfortable to listen to private mmatters.
    C'mon this is just ridiculous. So now no kissing because kissing leads to sex? What is this a high school dance? If you can't make this distinction I seriously have to question your ability to reason here. 

    Look, there's a little between the top over, personal, emotional verbiage that is better left in private. This is a short paragraph about their love, not a four page soliloquy on the intimate details of the relationship. 


    SaintPaulGalcowgirl8238
  • If you can't indulge in verbal PDA at your own wedding, when can you? I mean people do get married for a variety of reasons - immigration, arranged marriages, property, dowry etc. If yours is a love marriage, just say it. If one minute of you expressing some sentiments to your future husband gets people tut-tutting, you probably need to reconsider who your friends are.

    Stuck in box...

    The problem with that is that it becomes a slippery slope. If kissing is okay, why don't you go ahead and consummate your marriage right in front of everyone? After all, you're in love, right?

    There are just some things that don't need to be expressed in public, whether verbally or otherwise. Nobody has to "reconsider who their friends are" to not want to be subjected to it because it makes them uncomfortable to listen to private mmatters.




    Also stuck in the box

    Oh come on. 


    charlotte989875cowgirl8238
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    lnixon8 said:
    If you can't indulge in verbal PDA at your own wedding, when can you? I mean people do get married for a variety of reasons - immigration, arranged marriages, property, dowry etc. If yours is a love marriage, just say it. If one minute of you expressing some sentiments to your future husband gets people tut-tutting, you probably need to reconsider who your friends are.

    Stuck in box...

    The problem with that is that it becomes a slippery slope. If kissing is okay, why don't you go ahead and consummate your marriage right in front of everyone? After all, you're in love, right?

    There are just some things that don't need to be expressed in public, whether verbally or otherwise. Nobody has to "reconsider who their friends are" to not want to be subjected to it because it makes them uncomfortable to listen to private mmatters.




    Also stuck in the box

    Oh come on. 
    Nope. 

    It also makes the ceremony take forever.
  • Jen4948 said:
    lnixon8 said:
    If you can't indulge in verbal PDA at your own wedding, when can you? I mean people do get married for a variety of reasons - immigration, arranged marriages, property, dowry etc. If yours is a love marriage, just say it. If one minute of you expressing some sentiments to your future husband gets people tut-tutting, you probably need to reconsider who your friends are.

    Stuck in box...

    The problem with that is that it becomes a slippery slope. If kissing is okay, why don't you go ahead and consummate your marriage right in front of everyone? After all, you're in love, right?

    There are just some things that don't need to be expressed in public, whether verbally or otherwise. Nobody has to "reconsider who their friends are" to not want to be subjected to it because it makes them uncomfortable to listen to private mmatters.




    Also stuck in the box

    Oh come on. 
    Nope. 

    It also makes the ceremony take forever.
    Our officiant is drafting our ceremony and we've asked her to be sure it's no more than 20minutes. She said she'll let us know if anything is too long so we can shorten it. We don't like long ceremonies either.
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  • Jen4948 said:
    lnixon8 said:
    If you can't indulge in verbal PDA at your own wedding, when can you? I mean people do get married for a variety of reasons - immigration, arranged marriages, property, dowry etc. If yours is a love marriage, just say it. If one minute of you expressing some sentiments to your future husband gets people tut-tutting, you probably need to reconsider who your friends are.

    Stuck in box...

    The problem with that is that it becomes a slippery slope. If kissing is okay, why don't you go ahead and consummate your marriage right in front of everyone? After all, you're in love, right?

    There are just some things that don't need to be expressed in public, whether verbally or otherwise. Nobody has to "reconsider who their friends are" to not want to be subjected to it because it makes them uncomfortable to listen to private mmatters.




    Also stuck in the box

    Oh come on. 
    Nope. 

    It also makes the ceremony take forever.


    I know it's not how it was meant, but I totally read this as consummating the marriage (the bolded) is what makes the ceremony take forever.

    Which, yeah, I guess I hope for their sake that it would. 
    LOL, that made my day.
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    JediElizabethAustralian_girl_in_Paris
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MCmeow said:
    I'm definitely into following rules, especially etiquette rules at our wedding. I may keep the first paragraph while knowing they are not vows, as a lead into the actual vows, or adjust them to make them into promises. I completely understand the comments on both sides. I don't see it as being too much PDA though, I don't think I'm giving too much personal information and it's no more PDA than kissing in front of everyone.
    Our ceremony is pretty short as it is (planning on under 20min) and it might be nice to express how I feel about him, since I won't be speaking to the larger public the rest of the day, especially with how sappy our friends and family are. We tend to be the more reserved of everyone we know.
    I appreciate the compliments on the vows though, as a non-writer thank you guys :D 

    Edit: didn't realize there were more comments, and adjusted my own comment.
    Yeah, it's short enough and not inappropriate or inside-jokey such that I wouldn't mind it, as I noted before. It's just not necessary for "vows," which has been pretty well established. I think it's a case-by-case thing, and likely to be executed better since you understand the distinction between the vows and the prelude to them. So if you want to profess your love like that so everyone can hear about it and not just your future husband, it's not an obnoxious thing and you can go for it.
    MCmeowcowgirl8238
  • MCmeow said:
    I'm definitely into following rules, especially etiquette rules at our wedding. I may keep the first paragraph while knowing they are not vows, as a lead into the actual vows, or adjust them to make them into promises. I completely understand the comments on both sides. I don't see it as being too much PDA though, I don't think I'm giving too much personal information and it's no more PDA than kissing in front of everyone.
    Our ceremony is pretty short as it is (planning on under 20min) and it might be nice to express how I feel about him, since I won't be speaking to the larger public the rest of the day, especially with how sappy our friends and family are. We tend to be the more reserved of everyone we know.
    I appreciate the compliments on the vows though, as a non-writer thank you guys :D 

    Edit: didn't realize there were more comments, and adjusted my own comment.
    Yeah, it's short enough and not inappropriate or inside-jokey such that I wouldn't mind it, as I noted before. It's just not necessary for "vows," which has been pretty well established. I think it's a case-by-case thing, and likely to be executed better since you understand the distinction between the vows and the prelude to them. So if you want to profess your love like that so everyone can hear about it and not just your future husband, it's not an obnoxious thing and you can go for it.
    Cool, thanks for the explanation! It's essentially for him. He's a romantic that way lol. It helps to know how other people would see it, and if my writing is any good of course :P 
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  • Jen4948 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    I agree with the PPs who say to use only the second paragraph. The first paragraph, however beautiful, is not vows and could come off like verbal PDA. I would put it into a letter for your FI to read in private rather than say it during the ceremony.
    If you can't indulge in verbal PDA at your own wedding, when can you? I mean people do get married for a variety of reasons - immigration, arranged marriages, property, dowry etc. If yours is a love marriage, just say it. If one minute of you expressing some sentiments to your future husband gets people tut-tutting, you probably need to reconsider who your friends are.

    Stuck in box...

    Why doesn't the vow exchange itself establish for everyone there that the couple are in love if they are vowing to "love, honor, cherish," etc.? Why is it anyone else's business how much they love each other? Is it really open to doubt that the couple loves each other if they don't recount the whole of their relationship and "I love you, I love you, I love you" in addition to making actual promises to each other? (I think that couples who feel the need to do that are actually expressing some insecurity about their relationship.)

    There are just some things that don't need to be expressed in public, whether verbally or otherwise. Nobody has to "reconsider who their friends are" to not want to be subjected to it because it makes them uncomfortable to watch or listen to private matters.

    The honest truth is that it's really no one else's business why two people are marrying as long as they have complied with the government rules and any religious rules. How much the couple loves each other is their business alone. The guests are there to see them become a social, legal, possibly religious couple for whatever those reasons are-even if they don't involve love.
    This discussion seems pretty settled, but just wanted to reply to this. 

    I don't think vows do establish the couple are in love. My parents had an arranged marriage and vowed to 'love, honour, obey' (or words to that effect). In no way did promising to do that in the future mean they were in love when they said those words. 

    It's not anyone's business how much a couple love each other, but if it's a wedding that is celebrating love and commitment, why not say it? It takes a minute. Alongside my promises to continue to love my FH, I want to express why I love him too. I think his friends will be nodding along going 'yeah, he is a kind and generous person' and realise they're the same reasons they love him too. I don't think it's insecure at all. 

    I agree with expressions of love don't NEED to be expressed in public. But if people want to, why not spread more love in the world? It certainly could use more of it. 

    Honestly, I would reconsider who my friends were if talking about my relationship made them uncomfortable. I think you should be able to share with them how you're going with your partner, your issues etc. And certainly on what could be one of the most important days in your life, if you can't share with them your feelings, I would be questioning why they're there at all. Parts of my relationship are private. But how I feel, why I feel the way I do are not secrets from my friends or family. 

    I agree with you on the last par. It is no one's business if it's an arranged or love marriage, whether they're doing it for insurance or otherwise. But it's not weird or rude to share the reasons you are getting married if you want to. 
    CMGragainernursej
  • The phrase "aging through time" distracted me. Does one age in any way other than through time? I would consider deleting "through time". Otherwise, it's lovely.
    "Marriage is so disruptive to one's social circle." - Mr. Woodhouse
    InLoveInQueens
  • justsie said:
    IDGAF that the first paragraph contains no actual vows. It's heartfelt and beautiful. It will take you 20 seconds to read that paragraph, so who cares? 

    Can I just say that I really love what you wrote? I agree with cowgirl's edit, but otherwise, wouldn't change a thing. <3

    THIS!!!!

    I know it is not actually vows but I think it's a nice lead-in; it sets it up and it's just lovely. So do it!! 

    I also agree with Glasshalfempty If you can't do it at your wedding then when can you.

    Plus I think that modern weddings don't have to adhere to the rules so much. I went to a wedding where the vows were a poem about penguins and it was really lovely. 

    Say what you feel from your heart and I'm sure you won't have a dry eye in the house!


    Vows are meant to be promises, that is why everyone is saying the first paragraph is not the vows and why this discussion is taking place. Did the couple make promises to each other like they were penguins? I'm confused. 
    No, it was a poem about you being my penguin. I did try to google it but I can't find it. It was really nice.


    I'm really surprised that this post has gone on so long. She should definitely say it - and the idea that it would be PDA is kinda the point. Is a wedding not a giant PDA? if not then just got to the courthouse. 

    Suggesting that she say how much she loves him is like getting down right there is ridiculous!! It's not at all the same thing!  Also if the people at her wedding aren't there close friends and family who are they- and why would they get offended by what they're there to celebrate?? Glasshalfempty I agree with you; it takes a minute and it's nice.

    MCmeow what you wrote was really beautiful. I'm sure that your FI and everyone at your wedding will love it. 
    MCmeowJediElizabethcowgirl8238
  • MCmeowMCmeow member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited March 2017
    The phrase "aging through time" distracted me. Does one age in any way other than through time? I would consider deleting "through time". Otherwise, it's lovely.
    Haha, I meant the combination of "growing, learning and aging" through time, but I see what you mean there.
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