Attire and Accessories

Button holes

So we just received a quote from our possible florist. Great - I'm looking over it and my FI ask me what Buttonholes are. So I pull up photos of what I was thinking on Pinterest (like you do) and he freaked out. Apparently; he hates them, or at least thinks that it's too much if you also intend to have a pocket square (he had a plan apparently!) 
We're having two big events one Paris Wedding where we live and another event in Australia where I'm from so he suggested to wear a buttonhole in Australia and a pocket square in Aus but I think that the buttonhole is more formal and ties in the bridal party and possible the dads. 
What do I do? 

I want our wedding to not be just the bride's show and have him represented but I like them.

Should I choose a different battle? 

Will it look not formal without them? 

...It would save money to not have them.

Help I really want to know if we don't have them will people look for them? 

Re: Button holes

  • Yes, choose a different battle. I had to google "florist buttonhole" and I still don't understand what it is. I doubt your guests are going to notice if you have it or not, and they probably won't remember later anyways.
    lnixon8charlotte989875
  • Are they not just boutonnieres that you put through the button hole on the lapel as opposed to pinning it on? I mean, that looks fine with a pocketsquare- my H had both- but this isn't really a big deal. If he doesn't want one don't make him wear one. 

    I promise no one is going to walk away from your wedding wondering where your grooms bout was. 
    image
    SP29charlotte989875
  • Your FI doesn't like them - is he choosing your bouquet?  No - let him decide what he wants to have and go with it!  Call the florist in the morning to change it to what he wants instead. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    SP29InLoveInQueenscharlotte989875
  • Both bouts and pocket squares are somewhat formal. Will both of your events be formal enough that he will wear a suit or tux?
    "Marriage is so disruptive to one's social circle." - Mr. Woodhouse
  • So I originally wanted to wear pants on the day and he had strong ideas about that so I'm wearing a dress. So he has had ideas about what he wanted so JediElizabeth yes he has told (I hate that word because it seems to have negative connotations) me what he wants.

    We went to talk to a tailor about his suit yesterday and he's thinking a much more casual look - which I knew about. So I want him to look more special than any other guy invited to the wedding. which is why I thought boutonnieres would separate the bridal party from other guests.

    I'll just have to think of something else like a really fancy pocket square that they all wear that matches or something.

    Thanks guys
  • So we just received a quote from our possible florist. Great - I'm looking over it and my FI ask me what Buttonholes are. So I pull up photos of what I was thinking on Pinterest (like you do) and he freaked out. Apparently; he hates them, or at least thinks that it's too much if you also intend to have a pocket square (he had a plan apparently!) 
    We're having two big events one Paris Wedding where we live and another event in Australia where I'm from so he suggested to wear a buttonhole in Australia and a pocket square in Aus but I think that the buttonhole is more formal and ties in the bridal party and possible the dads. 
    What do I do? 

    I want our wedding to not be just the bride's show and have him represented but I like them.

    Should I choose a different battle? 

    Will it look not formal without them? 

    ...It would save money to not have them.

    Help I really want to know if we don't have them will people look for them? 
    So I originally wanted to wear pants on the day and he had strong ideas about that so I'm wearing a dress. So he has had ideas about what he wanted so JediElizabeth yes he has told (I hate that word because it seems to have negative connotations) me what he wants.

    We went to talk to a tailor about his suit yesterday and he's thinking a much more casual look - which I knew about. So I want him to look more special than any other guy invited to the wedding. which is why I thought boutonnieres would separate the bridal party from other guests.

    I'll just have to think of something else like a really fancy pocket square that they all wear that matches or something.

    Thanks guys

    If you two are cool with that level of input, that's fine. My FI had opinions on my wedding dress color: he wanted it to look like a wedding dress, and asked me not to get anything black because of the symbolism...and I thought he was being a little silly about the second part, but I went with it. If he flat out told me I needed something like a veil (there's another thread on this board about that), we'd have words, though. 

    To the bolded: It sounds like you and your FI are not on the same page. What's the formality of the event? I think etiquette dictates that your FI should be dressed at least as formally as you expect your guests to be dressed. So if he's going for a casual look and others will be dressed in evening wear, it's going to be hard for a buttonhole or a pocket square to make up for that.

    That depends on what casual means, too: are we talking a three piece suit instead of a tuxedo, or a linen suit more appropriate for a beach wedding? The formalness of the suit will matter much more than the accessories.
    OurWildKingdomcharlotte989875SP29InLoveInQueens
  • So we just received a quote from our possible florist. Great - I'm looking over it and my FI ask me what Buttonholes are. So I pull up photos of what I was thinking on Pinterest (like you do) and he freaked out. Apparently; he hates them, or at least thinks that it's too much if you also intend to have a pocket square (he had a plan apparently!) 
    We're having two big events one Paris Wedding where we live and another event in Australia where I'm from so he suggested to wear a buttonhole in Australia and a pocket square in Aus but I think that the buttonhole is more formal and ties in the bridal party and possible the dads. 
    What do I do? 

    I want our wedding to not be just the bride's show and have him represented but I like them.

    Should I choose a different battle? 

    Will it look not formal without them? 

    ...It would save money to not have them.

    Help I really want to know if we don't have them will people look for them? 
    So I originally wanted to wear pants on the day and he had strong ideas about that so I'm wearing a dress. So he has had ideas about what he wanted so JediElizabeth yes he has told (I hate that word because it seems to have negative connotations) me what he wants.

    We went to talk to a tailor about his suit yesterday and he's thinking a much more casual look - which I knew about. So I want him to look more special than any other guy invited to the wedding. which is why I thought boutonnieres would separate the bridal party from other guests.

    I'll just have to think of something else like a really fancy pocket square that they all wear that matches or something.

    Thanks guys

    If you two are cool with that level of input, that's fine. My FI had opinions on my wedding dress color: he wanted it to look like a wedding dress, and asked me not to get anything black because of the symbolism...and I thought he was being a little silly about the second part, but I went with it. If he flat out told me I needed something like a veil (there's another thread on this board about that), we'd have words, though. 

    To the bolded: It sounds like you and your FI are not on the same page. What's the formality of the event? I think etiquette dictates that your FI should be dressed at least as formally as you expect your guests to be dressed. So if he's going for a casual look and others will be dressed in evening wear, it's going to be hard for a buttonhole or a pocket square to make up for that.

    That depends on what casual means, too: are we talking a three piece suit instead of a tuxedo, or a linen suit more appropriate for a beach wedding? The formalness of the suit will matter much more than the accessories.
    That's exactly why I didn't want to use the word 'told' because it seems too strong and has negative connotations.
    We had a conversation about what we were going to wear a while ago - and I suggested that I might wear a colour or pants. But that I hadn't decided. He really wanted me to wear a dress. It wasn't like I was told - and if I had been we'd have had words.

    But I think your point is good that we need to think about how formal we expect our guests to be. He's going to have a tailored suit in a more formal fabric - but not a tuxedo and not a linen suit either, more in between. To be honest other than the dress I'm the one who has much more formal ideas so I think we need to have a sit-down and go through everything and nut it all out more clearly. 
    JediElizabethcharlotte989875SP29InLoveInQueens

  • But I think your point is good that we need to think about how formal we expect our guests to be. He's going to have a tailored suit in a more formal fabric - but not a tuxedo and not a linen suit either, more in between. To be honest other than the dress I'm the one who has much more formal ideas so I think we need to have a sit-down and go through everything and nut it all out more clearly. 
    I think this is a good idea, you want to be on the same page with respect to formality; for the whole event not just attire. A suit is absolutely fine, but then don't expect your guests to be in tuxes a long dress, you know? You can also have a sit down meal, valet, hand passed hors'deuvers, top shelf open bar, embossed invitations, etc.;  without requiring guests to be in black tie. Think about the overall tone of what your wedding will be; the time, the venue, the food and drink, and the attire that matches with that tone. 
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited March 2017
    Traditionally boutonnieres are worn without pocket squares, and visa versa.  If a man is wearing a pocket square, he shouldn't also be wearing a boutonniere.  This rule is relaxing a bit, but your FI may be more traditional.  This is not a bog deal.
    Dark suits are a good choice for any wedding.   The level of formality between a suit and a tuxedo is significant, and they should only be worn for formal evening events.  The current trend is away from tuxedos, and going back to the more traditional dark suits.

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • CMGragain said:
    Traditionally boutonnieres are worn without pocket squares, and visa versa.  If a man is wearing a pocket square, he shouldn't also be wearing a boutonniere.  This rule is relaxing a bit, but your FI may be more traditional.  This is not a bog deal.
    Dark suits are a good choice for any wedding.   The level of formality between a suit and a tuxedo is significant, and they should only be worn for formal evening events.  The current trend is away from tuxedos, and going back to the more traditional dark suits.

    I laughed thinking about my FI being traditional!! I'm the one with more traditional ideas. But I didn't know that they boutonnieres were not meant to be worn with pocket squares. So problem solved. There's actually a lot of rules about clothing and attire but I'm not sure people actually know them anymore - when my sister got married she wanted white tie but no one knew what it meant and people turned up in black suits so I'm seeing a more chill approach.

    Update: We spent the weekend going to a tailor and then to the two biggest department stores here to look as suit choices. He's going to have two suits made (he needs new ones for work anyway to two birds one stone!!) One in a chocolate brown for Paris and then a light blue for Australia (he wants suit shorts for Australia) 
    We also decided that we will do all matching pocket squares and ties for all boys in possibly a colour that matches to the girls. He's having two boys and two girls and witnesses and I'm having my brother and three girlfriends so it's hopefully going to tie everyone together.
    JediElizabeth
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited March 2017
    White tie?  For a wedding?  I haven't seen that done in YEARS!  Her guests' response sounds quite sensible, to me!

    I would never give dress advice to an Aussie.  I've been on cruise ships with them! 
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    InLoveInQueens
  • I'm not quite sure what that means? Are they good or bad? 
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