Gift Opening Party?

mandypants90

So, my FMIL has been adamant that when we get back from the honeymoon that we have a gift opening party. I've kind of brushed it off each time since she brings it up to FI, and she finally directly brought it directly to me in a text. And I said "Well, lol, tbh I'm not a huge fan of the gift opening parties". I mean, I get that I'm sure she'd like to see what I get, but just, I'd rather open them alone with my husband. I'm sure there's nothing like, wrong etiquette wise to do one, but the whole thought makes me feel icky and tacky. It makes me uncomfortable to have someone watch us getting things. I feel like that's only cute when you're 5 and it's Christmas morning. She just wrote me back and said "Oh ok, no worries", but I'm just curious:
Would you guys go through with it if a family member really wanted it? and
Have you done one or been to one? Was it weird af?

geebee908

mandypants90 said:

So, my FMIL has been adamant that when we get back from the honeymoon that we have a gift opening party. I've kind of brushed it off each time since she brings it up to FI, and she finally directly brought it directly to me in a text. And I said "Well, lol, tbh I'm not a huge fan of the gift opening parties". I mean, I get that I'm sure she'd like to see what I get, but just, I'd rather open them alone with my husband. I'm sure there's nothing like, wrong etiquette wise to do one, but the whole thought makes me feel icky and tacky. It makes me uncomfortable to have someone watch us getting things. I feel like that's only cute when you're 5 and it's Christmas morning. She just wrote me back and said "Oh ok, no worries", but I'm just curious:
Would you guys go through with it if a family member really wanted it? and
Have you done one or been to one? Was it weird af?

I'd only do it if it was a very small gathering. like my parents, in-laws and maybe siblings(and maybe not even them). So, it wouldn't be much of a party, per se. If it were my MIL and she wanted to invite anyone beyond that, I'd be saying no thank you.

cowgirl8238

I think there was a thread about this topic a little while back.  The reactions were a bit mixed but I personally would not like doing something like this.  I think it comes down to two reasons for me:

One, wedding gifts in my circle are almost exclusively cash given via cards.  That would make it both boring and easy to compare the "who gave what". My MIL was oddly obsessed with this, and I just didn't like the thought of her being so damn nosey as it feels like she always wants to keep up with or one up certain people.

Two, If you want to have an "oh and ah" gift giving event that is what the bridal shower is for.  I don't see the need to have both a bridal shower and a gift opening party.  (Not saying you are but I'm sure someone out there is thinking of it).  It just seems, exhausting...especially if you had an e-party too!

To answer your other question: I have never been to one and would not want to attend something like this within my circle.  I would (politely) decline if something like this was insisted upon by my family/friends.

ei34

Ive never been invited to one.  Even if I was I wouldn't attend.  But in my circle wedding gifts are money.  At a shower we can all say "ooh nice blender/sheets/tools!".  I can't imagine "$500 from Uncle Nick and Aunt Marie...$1000 from Aunt Fran and Uncle Dom!". 

climbingsingle

mandypants90 said:

So, my FMIL has been adamant that when we get back from the honeymoon that we have a gift opening party. I've kind of brushed it off each time since she brings it up to FI, and she finally directly brought it directly to me in a text. And I said "Well, lol, tbh I'm not a huge fan of the gift opening parties". I mean, I get that I'm sure she'd like to see what I get, but just, I'd rather open them alone with my husband. I'm sure there's nothing like, wrong etiquette wise to do one, but the whole thought makes me feel icky and tacky. It makes me uncomfortable to have someone watch us getting things. I feel like that's only cute when you're 5 and it's Christmas morning. She just wrote me back and said "Oh ok, no worries", but I'm just curious:
Would you guys go through with it if a family member really wanted it? and
Have you done one or been to one? Was it weird af?

No no no no no no no. This is so weird and strange to me, and I've only heard about it here. Also, in our circle, you're mostly given an envelope with a check or cash as a gift. I can't imagine opening that and sharing each person's gift with my family. That's just so tacky. "Oh, here's a card from Aunt Helen. She gave us $100."
This isn't a bridal shower. There's no need to have some odd gift opening. 

charlotte989875

I get that this is a thing in some circles, but it's so weird to me and I wouldn't do it. The gifts are meant for the bride and groom; not bride, groom, and extended family. If someone has been to my house and commented a something that was a wedding gift I'd say "Oh so and so gave this to is as a wedding/shower present" but otherwise I just think of gifts from the giver to bride/groom. 

mandypants90

climbingwife said:

mandypants90 said:

So, my FMIL has been adamant that when we get back from the honeymoon that we have a gift opening party. I've kind of brushed it off each time since she brings it up to FI, and she finally directly brought it directly to me in a text. And I said "Well, lol, tbh I'm not a huge fan of the gift opening parties". I mean, I get that I'm sure she'd like to see what I get, but just, I'd rather open them alone with my husband. I'm sure there's nothing like, wrong etiquette wise to do one, but the whole thought makes me feel icky and tacky. It makes me uncomfortable to have someone watch us getting things. I feel like that's only cute when you're 5 and it's Christmas morning. She just wrote me back and said "Oh ok, no worries", but I'm just curious:
Would you guys go through with it if a family member really wanted it? and
Have you done one or been to one? Was it weird af?

No no no no no no no. This is so weird and strange to me, and I've only heard about it here. Also, in our circle, you're mostly given an envelope with a check or cash as a gift. I can't imagine opening that and sharing each person's gift with my family. That's just so tacky. "Oh, here's a card from Aunt Helen. She gave us $100."
This isn't a bridal shower. There's no need to have some odd gift opening. 

This is exactly how I feel about it. Let alone what happens if a family member gets plucked off about someone else's gift. To me it just has disaster written all over it.

mandypants90

scribe95 said:

We did something similar the next morning - just parents, in-laws, us and our daughter. And we provided pastries and drinks. It was fun opening with just a small group. And when we got money or check we didn't announce the amount. 

This would probably be the only way I'd be okay with it. But parents are throwing a brunch the next day, and we are gone by noon and on our honeymoon for two weeks. I think it's especially uncomfortable to do it two weeks after the fact.

MesmrEwe

IMO - Invite your FMIL over to open the gifts from "FI's Side" and that's it.  I "get" where she's coming from (i.e. "Did B&G get the toaster handed down from Aunt Matilda?" questions), and I've known people that it's how they discovered that someone had stolen gifts during their reception so they could file a police report.  That said, I'm NAF of the public gift openings where everyone meets up to do them and would have much rather preferred to do this with DH and possibly our respective sets of parents at our own pace.  We had 400+ guests, and did a brunch the next day, writing thank you notes was a NIGHTMARE because the person who was writing down what we got eventually started writing "Wine glasses" ... "Knives"...  "Bowl" ... Not "Waterford Crystal Jello Bowl" or "Kitchen mixing bowls" (see the difference in how you'd write a TY with the added info vs. generic info of "Bowl"..)..  It also was challenging in that I wanted to take time and enjoy the generosity of our individual guests from the person who gave us a rag rug they made themselves to the OMG I never thought someone would purchase this item from our registry type gift to the person who gave us a beautiful congratulatory card.  Trust your instinct on how you want to go about it, but if diplomacy is necessary, invite FMIL & FFIL over for brunch when you get back and just do some at your own pace and emphasize how you want to be grateful for the generosity (though obviously not expected gifts from your guests) at your and FI's own pace.  

JediElizabeth

Nope. I've never heard of it, and I certainly wouldn't do it. I wouldn't even let just my mom and FI's parents over for something like this.

1. I'm an adult. My relationships with people are between me and my guests. My parents don't get to know what kind of gifts (especially cash) is given between us, just like my mom no longer checks in to make sure I've written all my thank you notes.

2. The more people who know every gift, the more comparisons are made, which is never good. What if the gift giver gave a different amount of cash to a sibling? What if one uncle gave 3x the amount another uncle did? It would cause so much drama - at least in my family.

JediElizabeth

scribe95 said:

I'm an adult too and had no problem with an intimate gathering opening gifts and oohing and aahing over towels and flatware with my parents and inlaws. Again, cash amounts were not disclosed. I honestly don't see how this is any different than a shower when you do it in front of everyone. 

Sorry if that came off as harsh. If it works in your circle, all the better for you.

In my circle (and especially with my mother & FMIL), it would be inviting trouble in the form of meddling and competition. Especially because I keep getting comments about how so and so will "take care of me" with gifts, the idea of letting them know every gift makes me want to run away. 

Jen4948

I had to sit through one for several hours the day after my cousin and his wife's wedding. It was boring.

Jen4948

scribe95 said:

I'm an adult too and had no problem with an intimate gathering opening gifts and oohing and aahing over towels and flatware with my parents and inlaws. Again, cash amounts were not disclosed. I honestly don't see how this is any different than a shower when you do it in front of everyone. 

Because at a shower, the gift-givers are all there to watch the gift opening.  That's not always the case with a party like the OP's FMIL is pushing for. 

kimmiinthemitten

At the end of the reception, we took the bird cage full of cards with us to the hotel and loaded my dad's car up with gifts. 

The next morning, we sat in our hotel bed and took turns opening and reading each card out loud. In retrospect, it was one of my favorite moments from the weekend. My parents brought the gifts over after we got back home later that day and we opened them with them there. None of it was planned, just how it went down. 

I get your point about checks (especially with parents who may be tit for tat) and am glad we had that time to ourselves, but my parents enjoyed being there for the gifts. Perhaps since it's two weeks later, you could save the wrapped gifts for when they're there. 

MairePoppy

When I was a kid, I remember my parents going to open houses at the POBs home the day after the wedding. The newlyweds weren't usually there, since they were on their honeymoons so there was no gift opening. The gifts that had been previously opened would be displayed, with the cards concealed,  along with the gifts that were still wrapped. Checks weren't displayed. Guests would ooh and ahh over the china and linens and snack on sandwiches and leftover wedding cake and coffee. Kids would be given snacks and sent outside to play. That's what people did for entertainment back then, I guess.

As an adult, I've been invited to morning after brunches, but none have involved gift openings. We brought our daughters gifts and cards home from her reception to our house. They picked them up and took them to their home to open privately. It never occurred to me that she might open them in front of us.

ernursej

When my sister got married, they had a gift opening and the value of cash/checks was read out. It was only immediate family but it left a sour taste in my family's mouth. I didn't have one and was happy with my decision. Where I grew up, gift openings were common but mostly because it was all boxed items. 

STARMOON44

Absolutely would not do. It's none of her business what gifts anyone got me and I can't imagine there would be much to open anyway. Most people would send a gift before, so I'd have already opened and sent thank you's, and most last minute gifts would be cash. 

AddieCake

I went to one for a good friend and helped them make a list while they opened of who gave what so she could do thank you's later. I didn't mind it. Most of the people there were eating and talking to each other and not really paying attention to the couple opening gifts. 

ILoveBeachMusic

@MairePoppy when I was married (34 years ago) it was common for the POB to display opened boxed gifts before a wedding. This was in the south so I don't know about other regions. Checks weren't displayed. I remember going to relatives' and friends' houses and oohing and aaahing over their gifts. We had some gifts to open when we returned from our honeymoon. Since we were staying at my Mom's until moving to a different state a few days later, we opened them with her in the room.

SP29

I think it's one thing if your and your FH's parents are there, but I wouldn't have a *party* for it- that seems tacky to me (unless you are going to invite every person who got you a gift and make it into a shower). I realize for various gift giving events, you are supposed to open gifts in front of everyone who gave you one, but a gift opening party seems like it would be a comparison of who gave what. Mind you, as long as I have food and drink and can move around, I don't mind watching people open gifts.

holyguacamole79

I've only been to one.  It was an out-of-state wedding for friends I rarely get to see.   They invited a few of us visiting from out of state to their new house the day after.  The groom grilled burgers and the rest of us sat around talking.   They opened a few presents, but it was hardly the focus of the afternoon.   I considered it more of an afternoon bbq.  If it was focused on them showing us the gifts, I would've found a way to leave. 

Unless it's like that, I wouldn't do it. 

CMGragain

ILoveBeachMusic said:

@MairePoppy when I was married (34 years ago) it was common for the POB to display opened boxed gifts before a wedding. This was in the south so I don't know about other regions. Checks weren't displayed. I remember going to relatives' and friends' houses and oohing and aaahing over their gifts. We had some gifts to open when we returned from our honeymoon. Since we were staying at my Mom's until moving to a different state a few days later, we opened them with her in the room.

Displaying the wedding gifts at either the reception or the bride's home used to be common, even expected.  It went out of fashion about the 1970's.  It is seldom done today.  I insisted that it not be done at my own wedding in 1976.

Opening a gift in the presence of the giver is fine, but doing so with a random audience seems self glorifying, at least IMHO.  I used to hate the old displays where people looked at the gifts and compared who gave what (and probably spent how much!)

mollybarker11

SP29 said:

I realize for various gift giving events, you are supposed to open gifts in front of everyone who gave you one, but a gift opening party seems like it would be a comparison of who gave what.

Yeah this is why I can't get onboard with the comparisons to a bridal shower.

The day after my brother's wedding, immediate family members gathered at their house and ate leftover appetizers from the reception while the couple opened gifts and read cards. I would not classify it as a "party", just a casual get-together.

Monetary gift amounts were not disclosed, I would have been very put-off if they had been. My SIL referred to cheques in cards as "a special thought" which I found adorable. Imo listening to cards being read is not particularly fun so I'd opt to open boxed gifts only and read any cards in private.

I enjoyed spending more time with the families and ooh-&-ahhing over the China pattern, but that is not everyone's cup of tea. It's a know your crowd thing for sure. If there's any concern that the FMIL just wants to "keep score" as it were, I would certainly decline.

banana468

I think this is definitely a know your crowd thing.

In this area where most wedding gifts are contained in an envelope, I am absolutely NOT a fan of any gift opening events.

thisismynickname2

Yuck. In my experience, given that there's always a shower or two (or five?) before a wedding, needing yet another "party" for gifts is annoying and over the top. It also seems to result from nosy parents and nothing more. 

I heard my friend's sister's in-laws insisted on being around the next day when they opened gifts and cards. My own MIL wanted our thank-you tracking spreadsheet specifically for tit-for-tat purposes. I told DH he could only send her the list from her own family and not the entire guest list. 

banana468

thisismynickname said:

Yuck. In my experience, given that there's always a shower or two (or five?) before a wedding, needing yet another "party" for gifts is annoying and over the top. It also seems to result from nosy parents and nothing more. 

I heard my friend's sister's in-laws insisted on being around the next day when they opened gifts and cards. My own MIL wanted our thank-you tracking spreadsheet specifically for tit-for-tat purposes. I told DH he could only send her the list from her own family and not the entire guest list. 

I told DH to tell his mom that she wasn't getting any list and we didn't supply one.

I refused to participate in any tit for tat game.   If she wanted to know what her friend gave I'd tell her.   I wasn't about to play into any in-law competition. 

Jen4948

banana468 said:

thisismynickname said:

Yuck. In my experience, given that there's always a shower or two (or five?) before a wedding, needing yet another "party" for gifts is annoying and over the top. It also seems to result from nosy parents and nothing more. 

I heard my friend's sister's in-laws insisted on being around the next day when they opened gifts and cards. My own MIL wanted our thank-you tracking spreadsheet specifically for tit-for-tat purposes. I told DH he could only send her the list from her own family and not the entire guest list. 

I told DH to tell his mom that she wasn't getting any list and we didn't supply one.

I refused to participate in any tit for tat game.   If she wanted to know what her friend gave I'd tell her.   I wasn't about to play into any in-law competition. 

I would have told any nosy in-laws that if they wanted to know what their friends and family members gave me and my DH, they should ask their friends and family members what they gave us.

Jen4948

If an in-law asked me for a list of gifts and givers, I would have suggested that they ask their friends and relatives what they gave as I wasn't keeping a list.

short+sassy

My H and I had a small brunch the next day at my grandma's house.  We opened our gifts and cards (mostly cards) some time after eating, but it wasn't anything other people were paying attention to, other than my mom and grandma.  My mom offered to write down who had given me what and my grandma was interested in seeing the physical gifts we were given.

thisismynickname2

banana468 said:

thisismynickname said:

Yuck. In my experience, given that there's always a shower or two (or five?) before a wedding, needing yet another "party" for gifts is annoying and over the top. It also seems to result from nosy parents and nothing more. 

I heard my friend's sister's in-laws insisted on being around the next day when they opened gifts and cards. My own MIL wanted our thank-you tracking spreadsheet specifically for tit-for-tat purposes. I told DH he could only send her the list from her own family and not the entire guest list. 

I told DH to tell his mom that she wasn't getting any list and we didn't supply one.

I refused to participate in any tit for tat game.   If she wanted to know what her friend gave I'd tell her.   I wasn't about to play into any in-law competition. 

Oh believe me ladies I thought it was incredibly tacky, but she also foot a huge part of the bill for the event so I wasn't going to argue. I don't even know if DH ultimately sent her anything or not.