Wedding Party

MOH Zilla

I have had so many issues with my MOH that my fiancé no longer wants her in the wedding. 

1. She says I spend too much time with my fiancé and she doesn't like that.
2. I asked her because she is family , kind of letting go of our past relationship and we never really get along that well.
3. She hates my bridesmaids because they don't agree with her every move. she has said she will confront them at my bridal shower or bachelorette. Why create tension like that.
4. she meet my fiance's best man and told me my fiance will cheat at his bachelors party - she repeated this to me on multiple occasion. I have general anxiety and became upset it caused tension with the best man who is also a long time friend of mine. later found out my MOH was saying that with no proof of bachelor party plans as NOTHING has been planned yet.
5. I planned by bachelorette with my other bridesmaids as she refused because she couldn't get her way on location. She never tried planning with them since they wouldn't give her money they didn't have. I told her what I ike to do and she replies with " well I like to turn up like this...blah blah" things I don't like that aren't my style and she said my ideas and what I like is boring and wack.

She is becoming a dark cloud over my wedding I don't want drama at any of my events and jut want to enjoy.

Any advice is appreciated thanks!!!

Re: MOH Zilla

  • I agree with @missfrodo. It sounds like you need clear boundaries with this woman, and like you need to be comfortable reinforcing them. Don't play into her drama - just let her know clearly and assertively (and as nicely as possible) that you don't want to have that conversation. For example, you may say that you're not interested in talking about how she doesn't trust your FI, because you do.

    There will be some backlash at first, and it sucks (I know this firsthand), but once you've created these boundaries, they'll exist long after your wedding. It's a good thing to establish, especially if this is someone in your family who you'll have to deal with for a long time.

  • Kicking someone out of your wedding is a relationship ending move. You can do that - but clearly understand the consequences. If she's family, that probably complicates things. 

    Other option is to keep her on and simply stop talking to her about the wedding. She's obviously casting a negative light on everything and everyone, so just stop talking to her about it. Tell her the when/where of things and keep the details to yourself. She isn't entitled (or expected) to know anything just because she's MOH.

  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited March 2017
    Well mistake number one was asking someone to be your MOH just because she's family. If you never got along with her before, what on earth made you think that making her your MOH would change any of that?

    Second, she isn't required to do anything other than show up on your wedding day sober and in the appropriate attire. Lower your expectations and it will lower your anxiety over all this. 

    Edit: kicking her out of your wedding party is not a good option. It will end the relationship, and since she's family you'd better be 100% prepared for the backlash if you choose to remove her. 

  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Basically, I agree with everyone else. Removing someone from your wedding party is a friendship ending move, so you should only do that if you are prepared to permanently end the relationship. Since she's family, I definitely wouldn't do that.

    She is not required to help plan a bachelorette, so if she didn't want to, that should be no big deal. You shouldn't be planning it though. The bride's only involvement should be to give input on dates and times, general type of party, and the guest list. 

    As for her comments, ignore them. Tell her you don't want to hear it when she complains about your fiance or the bridesmaids and then leave the conversation.

    If she confronts and argues with people at parties, it reflects badly on her and not you. 

    Give her the dress guidelines and don't engage with her on anything else. She's not required to do anything beyond get the dress and show up so don't ask or expect anything else of her.

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Why on earth did you ask this person to be your MOH? It doesn't sound like you're friends at all, much less super close. 

    You can get her out of the wedding if you want to end the relationship. You call her, tell her that you've realized that you no longer want to continue to have any relationship with her, and wish her well. Her involvement in your wedding will end as a result. Since this is a family member, you'll have to consider how ending the relationship is going to play out in the family. 

    If you can't end the relationship, she stays as MOH. When she starts making inappropriate comments, end the conversation. If she complains about the location of whatever party, respond "I'm sorry that doesn't work for you, I understand if you can't make it." Instruct your friends to walk away if she confronts them about whatever perceived drama. If she becomes aggressive, have venue staff or security escort her out. (Or if it gets that bad, call the police.) She can try to engage people all she wants, but she won't get anywhere if no one takes the bait. She can try to create drama whether she's MOH or not. All you can do is ignore her (and ask others to do the same.)
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