Speech for groom's friends?

Knottie1ee10c9950bee84e

My future mother-in-law informed me that as a "surprise" to my fiance, her and my future father-in-law were planning a speech for our reception....for my fiance's friends. They actually want each of his friends to stand up and be acknowledged, simply for being a friend of the groom, while they reminisce on stories from high school (long before I was around). Huh? Has anyone seen this at a wedding?? For some background, my family is hosting the event. His friends played no part in our relationship (besides being our friend). His friends also are not helping with the wedding (while my friends are). We have no other bridal party besides the best man and MOH because there is drama between some of his friends. My fiance and I were already leaning toward having no speeches, not even a champagne toast for our own selves. Do I let this weird friend toast happen? Or do I tell the DJ to not let the microphone out of his sight??

flantastic

Knottie1ee10c9950bee84e said:

My future mother-in-law informed me that as a "surprise" to my fiance, her and my future father-in-law were planning a speech for our reception....for my fiance's friends. They actually want each of his friends to stand up and be acknowledged, simply for being a friend of the groom, while they reminisce on stories from high school (long before I was around). Huh? Has anyone seen this at a wedding?? For some background, my family is hosting the event. His friends played no part in our relationship (besides being our friend). His friends also are not helping with the wedding (while my friends are). We have no other bridal party besides the best man and MOH because there is drama between some of his friends. My fiance and I were already leaning toward having no speeches, not even a champagne toast for our own selves. Do I let this weird friend toast happen? Or do I tell the DJ to not let the microphone out of his sight??

Nope nope nope. Everyone at the reception is a captive audience to their high school stories? Nope. Tell them "We're actually not going to have any toasts" and then tell the DJ like you suggested.

I have a MIL who would have considered something like this, but no matter how much they want an emotional look back on the formative years of your FI, the wedding reception is not the place to make everyone listen to it. Tell them they'll need to make their thanks to his friends individually.

ernursej

Politely decline and then let the DJ know it should be a no go in case the decline falls on deaf ears. No wedding guest needs to sit through something like that.

Jen4948

I've never seen or heard of anything like this.

I think you need to nip it in the bud ASAP. First, politely tell your FMIL that this is not a go. Then make sure your DJ knows not to give the mic to your FILs.

knottiej

Oh my goodness, no on so many levels.

CMGragain

This is one of the worst ideas I have ever read.  It is creepy that your FI's Mother wants to force his friends to glorify their friendship with him in public.  I doubt that any of these young men would welcome this idea, either!
No,no,no,no,no!

greeninspring

Yeah this is pretty bad and as a guest I would think it was weird and boring. I understand that could possibly be an uncomfortable conversation to have with your FMIL though. Maybe tell her that you are not planning to have any toasts or speeches at all during the reception but if his parents would like to give a speech (preferably without all his friends) at some other point during your wedding weekend then they could do that. 

JediElizabeth

CMGragain said:

This is one of the worst ideas I have ever read.  It is creepy that your FI's Mother wants to force his friends to glorify their friendship with him in public.  I doubt that any of these young men would welcome this idea, either!
No,no,no,no,no!

Creepy is the right word. It sounds like like she's memorializing him as he was as a teenager. Is he even still close to all of these men? 

Nip this in the bud. I bet she'll thank you in a few years when the emotions over her son getting married subside and she realizes how terrible this sounds.

downtondiva

Do not let this happen. It is weird and will make your guests uncomfortable. If your FI wanted to acknowledge his friends, he would do it himself. His mother is overstepping and needs to back off.

cowgirl8238

I would just tell your FMIL that you aren't planning on any toasts/speeches during the reception and then let the DJ know that no one is to have the microphone. 

climbingsingle

Holy shit, NO. This is one of the worst ideas I've ever read here. Do whatever you have to do to stop this. 

Knottie1ee10c9950bee84e

THANK YOU all for validating how I'm feeling about this. I wasn't sure if I was crossing into bridezilla zone by trying to prevent this weird friend tribute from happening.

I was curious to see if anyone would have an argument in my FMIL's favor, but it looks like that's clearly not the case! My FI is definitely not as close as he used to be to a lot of his friends. I mean, the days his mom wants to talk about are his party days, and a lot of these people stopped being close when the partying stopped. In fact, there are a few friends that he actually regrets inviting and wishes he had saved room for other people....yet these friends would also be included in the toast. His mom was the "fun mom" during those party days. She let all the partiers crash at her place and it's one of her FAVORITE things to talk about socially. 

I'm going to ask the DJ not to allow speeches. I will also let my coordinator and a few of my more ballsy friends know, in case there's a "situation". I'm going to tell my in-laws that they can make a speech at the rehearsal dinner, but not my wedding.

levioosa

Man, how weird. It seems like FMIL is trying to live vicariously through these stories and memories of being a "fun young mom." Nope. 

sparklepants41

I've never heard of this either - and to echo PPs it does sound like she is trying to "memorialize" him. Plus, as a guest, this would be super painful to sit through as it would take a looooooong time and surely be filled with inside jokes no one really gets. 

greeninspring

Is he an only child or her only son? Just curious by that might have something to do with the weird memorialization of him. 

Knottie1ee10c9950bee84e

Only child! You totally called it

ahoywedding

Yiiiiiiikes nope. We went to a wedding for FI's cousin a few years ago and at the rehearsal dinner, anyone who wanted was welcome to give a "toast" (but they turned into speeches). Friends from every.single.stage.of.their.life. gave a speech. There was this guy who was a college friend of the bride who very obviously had the mad hots for her and it was the most awkward thing I've ever experienced. As a guest, I hated all of the speeches and inside jokes. 

Maybe if she wants to do something special for him or his friends, she could put together some of their favorite stories in nice little book or something? On a site like Shutterfly, she could make a book for everyone & even include pictures. But good Lord, no one wants to listen to all of that at a wedding.

MairePoppy

If your FILs want to walk down memory lane with their son's childhood buddies, they should host a groom's dinner, separate from your wedding day. 

[Deleted User]

Tell your fiance!  This shouldn't happen, but it definitely shouldn't be a surprise if it does.  And maybe your fiance would have a better way to phrase it than you can.  Maybe you want to tell he No first, but if you feel like your No fell on deaf ears, definitely tell him.  That way HE can be the one to run and pull the mic out of mom's hand if she ends up with it at the reception.

flantastic

adk19 said:

Tell your fiance!  This shouldn't happen, but it definitely shouldn't be a surprise if it does.  And maybe your fiance would have a better way to phrase it than you can.  Maybe you want to tell he No first, but if you feel like your No fell on deaf ears, definitely tell him.  That way HE can be the one to run and pull the mic out of mom's hand if she ends up with it at the reception.

Yeah, I'd see if the "no" lands before getting MIL mad that you spoiled the surprise, but I'm not against telling him eventually.

I initially typed the whole blood-talks-to-blood "Have your FI tell her no" before remembering she called it a surprise in the OP.

AddieCake

Oh, dear God. Please update us on how she reacts when y'all tell her this isn't happening. Something tells me she's going to be dramatic about it. 

[Deleted User]

flantastic said:

adk19 said:

Tell your fiance!  This shouldn't happen, but it definitely shouldn't be a surprise if it does.  And maybe your fiance would have a better way to phrase it than you can.  Maybe you want to tell he No first, but if you feel like your No fell on deaf ears, definitely tell him.  That way HE can be the one to run and pull the mic out of mom's hand if she ends up with it at the reception.

Yeah, I'd see if the "no" lands before getting MIL mad that you spoiled the surprise, but I'm not against telling him eventually.

I initially typed the whole blood-talks-to-blood "Have your FI tell her no" before remembering she called it a surprise in the OP.

I wouldn't necessarily wait to see if the No lands.  I'd tell him regardless.  This can't be a surprise because it can't happen, so it doesn't matter if he knows.

flantastic

adk19 said:

flantastic said:

adk19 said:

Tell your fiance!  This shouldn't happen, but it definitely shouldn't be a surprise if it does.  And maybe your fiance would have a better way to phrase it than you can.  Maybe you want to tell he No first, but if you feel like your No fell on deaf ears, definitely tell him.  That way HE can be the one to run and pull the mic out of mom's hand if she ends up with it at the reception.

Yeah, I'd see if the "no" lands before getting MIL mad that you spoiled the surprise, but I'm not against telling him eventually.

I initially typed the whole blood-talks-to-blood "Have your FI tell her no" before remembering she called it a surprise in the OP.

I wouldn't necessarily wait to see if the No lands.  I'd tell him regardless.  This can't be a surprise because it can't happen, so it doesn't matter if he knows.

True, but it might make a slight difference in how MIL reacts about it - whether she knows that he knows, anyway.

Knottie1ee10c9950bee84e

UPDATE: This post has a happy ending I actually verrrry briefly mentioned the friend speech to my fiance before I posted here to see what his reaction would be. He kind of shrugged it off so I quickly dropped the subject and assumed he would just forget...I wasn't about to get into a fight with my fiance over his mom. Apparently he sensed my anxiousness about the whole thing and went and talked to his mom about it. He explained that it was inappropriate and not the place for that kind of speech. I had no idea that he had already taken care of it. And this is why I'm marrying this man

OwningAHome1981

A wedding isn't the place something like that. My friend had that @ her rehearsal dinner. It was an open forum for anyone to speak. It got sort of out of hand and everyone was speaking, it was like a 6 hour affair.. but there were some funny stories. Definitely keep it out of the wedding though. Usually those kinds of things are done @ the RHD while you're handing out the gifts. At least that is what we did.