Wedding Woes

Today's 4 men...

Dear Prudence,
I started seeing someone a couple of months ago. Things moved really quickly, and within three weeks he was calling me his girlfriend and introducing me to his friends, and we had a conversation about being exclusive. Now all of a sudden he feels like we rushed into things (we did! He did!), and he wants to see other people. Although this was something I would have been open to initially, I don’t think it’s likely that I can dial back the feelings that have developed over the past few months to the point where I’d be comfortable with this arrangement. I’m in a demanding graduate school program that means I don’t have a lot of free time, so I think a likely outcome if I agree to his terms is that he would see other people while I would not. I’m pretty sure that’s not what I want. We’ve put off this conversation for a little while so I can address some school-related deadlines. What’s the best way to navigate this impending talk?

—Seeing Other People

Re: Today's 4 men...

  • By saying these things to him? 

    If he just wanted to slow down, not see each other as often that would be one thing, but he's telling you he wants to see other people. You don't. Find someone who wants what you want. 
  • Why does he suddenly want to date other people?  Figure out what's negotiable for you and what isn't, then see if your negotiables match up with his.  If he definitely wants to see other people and you definitely don't, then it's  time to move on.
  • Run!  RUN!!!!  Sure, three weeks to be exclusive can be a little fast.  But I don't think a FEW MONTHS...which is what it is too fast.

    Poor LW.  She must be so busy with school she misplaced her Man Translation Bible.  "I still really like you...but think we should date other people" is translated to, "I'm really not that into you and this is my way to ease into a break-up, because I'm such a pathetic wimp, I don't have the balls to just say that."

    I had a b/f of 8 months pull this one on me in college.  He kept reiterating that, "he really didn't want or have plans to date other people, but just the freedom to know he could."  I was upset about it.  But was foolish enough to stay in the relationship.  I said I hoped he'd get it out of his system and we could go back to a more serious relationship.

    But, oh!  I did start dating other people.  Because, what better way to bide my time while I'm waiting to see what happens?  Mr. Let's Date Other People, FLIPPED.THE.F**K.OUT.  "But, but...I told you I wasn't REALLY going to be dating other people."  Boy, please.  This package of hotness is not going to be languishing on the shelf ;).

    I love the sass :) :-*
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