Bachelorette Party Guest List

Knottie1434998932

So one of my bridesmaids is throwing my bachelorette party since my MOH is my little sister that is still in college and doesn't have time to do it. She recently asked me to give her a list of who I wanted to invite and she wanted to take care of everything else and make it a surprise. 

I was perfectly fine with that so I came up with a list and sent it. I then get an angry call from my FMIL because she wasn't invited to the party. I explained to her I wasn't comfortable with her being there and she went on and on about how she isn't included in anything and how awful I am being. She started crying and hung up the phone. 

Side note - she has been included in so many details. She was with me when I went dress shopping, she saw the centerpieces, save the dates, invitations, everything before I purchased them. She also HATED everything I picked and didn't mind telling me it wasn't as nice as her daughter's wedding and it wasn't good enough. 

Am I crazy for not wanting her at my bachelorette party? It seems weird to me to invite her. It is just for my friends and bridesmaids, no one else. My own mother isn't invited and we are extremely close!! What do you guys think? 

flantastic

Knottie1434998932 said:

So one of my bridesmaids is throwing my bachelorette party since my MOH is my little sister that is still in college and doesn't have time to do it. She recently asked me to give her a list of who I wanted to invite and she wanted to take care of everything else and make it a surprise. 

I was perfectly fine with that so I came up with a list and sent it. I then get an angry call from my FMIL because she wasn't invited to the party. I explained to her I wasn't comfortable with her being there and she went on and on about how she isn't included in anything and how awful I am being. She started crying and hung up the phone. 

Side note - she has been included in so many details. She was with me when I went dress shopping, she saw the centerpieces, save the dates, invitations, everything before I purchased them. She also HATED everything I picked and didn't mind telling me it wasn't as nice as her daughter's wedding and it wasn't good enough. 

Am I crazy for not wanting her at my bachelorette party? It seems weird to me to invite her. It is just for my friends and bridesmaids, no one else. My own mother isn't invited and we are extremely close!! What do you guys think? 

You didn't need to invite her, you still don't, and she sounds a little crazy and overbearing.

However, "I'm not comfortable with your presence" probably wasn't the most peace-creating response. That's probably accurate, and it's not necessarily wrong to say, but it's just generally not what you say IF you don't want her to feel more alienated. I would probably have gone with "I'm sorry you feel that way, but we were envisioning just a girls' night out with my sister(s) and [college, high school, etc.] friends. I think we should go out for coffee soon, though!" and if she wasn't okay with that, oh well.

banana468

Your FI needs to get her on the phone or face to face.   And he needs to gently and kindly but firmly tell his mom to knock it the fuck off.  

banana468

Also, do what Flantastic said.  :-)

levioosa

I went on a Bachelorette party trip where the mom and FMIL were invited. It was a terrible, terrible idea. Ditto Flan, your response probably didn't help the situation, but there's nothing you can do about that now.  If she continues to hound you about it, shut it down and respond like Flan suggested, and then change the subject.  If she still won't let it go, then FI needs to have a conversation about it with her.  

short+sassy

Mothers and FMILs are often not invited to bachelorette parties.  In fact, I've only been to one where that happened and it was because the bride just wanted a "low key", going out to dinner.  It's weird she would get so upset by it though, I agree with @flantastic, it might have more been your response that upset her.

I'm not blaming you for that!  We've all said the wrong thing at one time or another, especially when put on the spot.

If I were you, I'd go back to talk to her.  Preferably in person, if that is possible.  Let her know that you hate her feelings were hurt about the B party and you don't think you expressed yourself well. Then use @flantastic's wording and, in addition, make sure to point out that your own mother isn't coming.

Edited because my last sentence hadn't been caught the first time.  Odd.

NOLABridesmaid

Why would she want to go? Yeah, let your FI handle his mom.

short+sassy

NOLABridesmaid said:

Why would she want to go? Yeah, let your FI handle his mom.

So she can talk about the 100 reasons why her daughter's B party was better.  Wonder if she was even invited to that one.

ILoveBeachMusic

I wasn't invited to DD's bach and didn't expect to be invited. H and I didn't ride on the party bus either because I thought that might be a little weird too.

flantastic

ILoveBeachMusic said:

I wasn't invited to DD's bach and didn't expect to be invited. H and I didn't ride on the party bus either because I thought that might be a little weird too.

Ah, the rare animal "Self-Awareness" has been spotted!

lovesclimbing

I agree with @flantastic that your response could have been a bit more sensitive. 

I have attended bachelorettes where the MOB and/or MOG attend but not often. Bachelorettes are typically a party for the bride and her girlfriends. 

MissKittyDanger

You don't have to invite FMIL to your Bachelorette.
My MIL and mum came to mine only because I wanted more of a girls day - lunch and nails. But that was total personal choice. If it had been a bar or stripper club {lol} thing, then they wouldn't have come
{although I'm 99% sure my mum would still come lmfao!}

Heffalump

Is this normal behavior for her?  Because TBH, "I'm never included in anything!" sounds like something my daughter says when she's being dramatic ("I never get to do anything fun!"), not something a grown woman should be saying. 

It sounds like you've made a genuine effort to include her in the planning (despite her less than ideal behavior), so yeah, I think your FI needs to have a kind but firm conversation with her: "Mom, we've included you in a lot of the planning, and we appreciate your input.  But you don't need to go to all of the things.  KnottieNumbers's bachelorette party is for her friends--her own mother isn't going, because that's not a thing." The end. 

mrsconn23

Heffalump said:

Is this normal behavior for her?  Because TBH, "I'm never included in anything!" sounds like something my daughter says when she's being dramatic ("I never get to do anything fun!"), not something a grown woman should be saying. 

The kiddo told us he was having the 'worst spring break' ever last Monday (the first official day of said break) because we told him that he had to watch his brother while I worked and DH slept.  "I'm NOT going to see my friends or have ANY FUN!"
   
This was *after* we had allowed him to have 20+ friends over for a party and 5 spent the night.  So...yeah.  Grown ass people saying that type of shit get all the side-eyes.

Heffalump

mrsconn23 said:

Heffalump said:

Is this normal behavior for her?  Because TBH, "I'm never included in anything!" sounds like something my daughter says when she's being dramatic ("I never get to do anything fun!"), not something a grown woman should be saying. 

The kiddo told us he was having the 'worst spring break' ever last Monday (the first official day of said break) because we told him that he had to watch his brother while I worked and DH slept.  "I'm NOT going to see my friends or have ANY FUN!"
   
This was *after* we had allowed him to have 20+ friends over for a party and 5 spent the night.  So...yeah.  Grown ass people saying that type of shit get all the side-eyes.

YES!  It's never after they've genuinely gotten the short end of the stick.  It's always like I pick her up from her friend's house, she wants to know if she can play with Charlotte when we get home, and I say sure, as soon as her room is clean.  Which is so totally unfair because we never let her do anything fun and we don't even care if she's happy!