thank you card etiquette when only half a couple attended but the gift is from both

penguinpop

I just had my engagement party and I realized this will come up a few times so I want to get this right.   When someone gives you a gift but it's also on behalf of their spouse or kids who couldn't make it to the event, how do I word it?
Someone once told me it was impolite to single someone out on a card - and not to say something like:  "Dear John and Jane,  Thank you Jane for coming to the party, and I am so sad I missed John but I hope we can get together soon. Thank you for your thoughtful gift, etc....."

But then do I just say something like  "Dear John and Jane, thank you so much for coming, it was great seeing you and thank you for your thoughtful gift, etc..."

even though Jane came and John didn't?  Or do I skip the thanking for attending altogether?

ILoveBeachMusic

I think either way is fine. If the gift is from both they should both be thanked attendance not withstanding. I would probably go with your first example just so the people think I care enough to notice one wasn't there.

southernbelle0915

The TY note is for the gift, not the attendance. You can mention how good it was to see "so and so" but you don't have to. Just thank them for the gift.

If the kids are adult kids, you'd want to send them a separate TY note. Same way if Aunt Sally and Aunt Betty went in on a gift together, you'd send two TY notes. If the kids are still minors and part of their parents' family unit, you can just send one. 

[Deleted User]

penguinpop said:

I just had my engagement party and I realized this will come up a few times so I want to get this right.   When someone gives you a gift but it's also on behalf of their spouse or kids who couldn't make it to the event, how do I word it?
Someone once told me it was impolite to single someone out on a card - and not to say something like:  "Dear John and Jane,  Thank you Jane for coming to the party, and I am so sad I missed John but I hope we can get together soon. Thank you for your thoughtful gift, etc....."

But then do I just say something like  "Dear John and Jane, thank you so much for coming, it was great seeing you and thank you for your thoughtful gift, etc..."

even though Jane came and John didn't?  Or do I skip the thanking for attending altogether?

The TY note is for the gift.  You should thank Jane for attending the party personally while she is there.

ei34

I'd write
"Dear John and Jane, thank you so much for your gift.  That was so thoughtful/we love it (something like that).  
Jane- it was wonderful seeing you!"

A thank you is for the gift, so both gift givers should be thanked.  

SP29

You should thank whoever has signed the card (regardless if Jane signed for both herself and John). The card is for the gift, not for attending the party, so you don't have to mention that if it seems too awkward. Or as above, mention Jane's attendance at the end.