I know i've complained about this before, but venting again

kaos16

My secretary is lovely and helpful and wonderful.  I share her with 3 colleagues.  She has never been well off, and her husband was injured at work over the summer, so they are currently fighting with workers comp to try to get some of his salary.

It is her birthday today.  My colleagues decided that we should go in together on some flowers, a card, and for a gift. . . . .$100 per person cash.  I don't even spend that much money on close family members and friends for birthday gifts.  Not to mention, we are renovating a new house and have a lot of expenses right now.

I politely explained that I simply can't contribute that much.  One colleague said just to put whatever I'm comfortable with in the envelope.  Great. . . now when she opens her card and sees $320, I'll feel like an asshole.  I don't even want to be here when they give it to her!!

levioosa

Wtf? Who asks for $100 pp?

"We're thinking of getting a gift for X person, would
you like to contribute? Thanks!" That is the appropriate way to ask.  

 What the hell. And what's wrong with just getting her a $50 gc to a decent restaurant so they can have dinner? 

lovesclimbing

$100 per person? Wow! I'm with you in I don't give that much for even a family member's birthday. My birthday gift budget is more like $25. 

Ro041

Wow that is a lot of money.  I wouldn't feel bad not giving anywhere near that much.

STARMOON44

I think it depends on your office a bit. In mine, $100 is expected for end of year gift to your secretary, and $50ish for their birthdays and admin assistants day. I wouldn't be at all surprised to be asked for $100 to help out my secretary in a time of particular financial hardship. Not at all saying you have to go along with it, but it wouldn't be a crazypants thing in my office. 

CharmedPam

To me, $100.00 is A LOT for a gift. My brother and sister have agreed to NO gifts anymore, but I see where @STARMOON44 comes in, with it depending on on the office.  For a lot of people around here, $100 would be nothing.  For me, it's a lot though.  I'm also the 2nd to last person to get hired in here, and the 2nd to last person on the pay totem pole too.

short+sassy

STARMOON44 said:

I think it depends on your office a bit. In mine, $100 is expected for end of year gift to your secretary, and $50ish for their birthdays and admin assistants day. I wouldn't be at all surprised to be asked for $100 to help out my secretary in a time of particular financial hardship. Not at all saying you have to go along with it, but it wouldn't be a crazypants thing in my office. 

On another forum I frequent, a regular poster and her H are both attorneys (though for different firms).  During the holidays, she'll often joke that each of them spend more on their respective secretary's gift than they spend on each other's gift.  A generous gift for one's secretary is absolutely expected in their corporate cultures, but they are also happy to do that.  Those are their "right hand" people.

With that said, in the vast majority of jobs, $100 would be a really excessive amount for a coworker's gift.  Even for a direct assistant/secretary.

At my last job, even though it wasn't the only thing I did for the company, I was the assistant for one of the VPs.  He never gave me squat for my birthday or Christmas, despite him making a $250K+ annual salary.  But then, he was a notorious skinflint with his own money, so it was hardly surprising.  Really, I'm not bitter.  Noooo, not bitter at all, lol.

Ro041

I am a lawyer and my office pools $15 per person for Christmas and Admin Profs Day.  

My law degree comes with a crippling amount of debt (that our admin profs don't have) so I don't feel the need to supplement their incomes by providing a lavish gift for a holiday.  Does that make me a bitch?  Maybe.  But anyone who would expect that large of a gift from a boss would also be a brat.

kaos16

Ro041 said:

I am a lawyer and my office pools $15 per person for Christmas and Admin Profs Day.  

My law degree comes with a crippling amount of debt (that our admin profs don't have) so I don't feel the need to supplement their incomes by providing a lavish gift for a holiday.  Does that make me a bitch?  Maybe.  But anyone who would expect that large of a gift from a boss would also be a brat.

Same boat friend, between me and my husband, our law school debt is crazypants.  I also work for the government, so not a spectacular salary by any stress of the imagination.  They also decided that we had to do $100 per person for Christmas on top of the $50 we contribute for all secretaries and support staff.

sparklepants41

Good lord! $100 per person? 

My birthday is April 26 if your coworkers want to get me a little something something... 

In all seriousness, that is an absurd amount of money to ask people to pony up for a coworker.

Ro041

kaos16 said:

Ro041 said:

I am a lawyer and my office pools $15 per person for Christmas and Admin Profs Day.  

My law degree comes with a crippling amount of debt (that our admin profs don't have) so I don't feel the need to supplement their incomes by providing a lavish gift for a holiday.  Does that make me a bitch?  Maybe.  But anyone who would expect that large of a gift from a boss would also be a brat.

Same boat friend, between me and my husband, our law school debt is crazypants.  I also work for the government, so not a spectacular salary by any stress of the imagination.  They also decided that we had to do $100 per person for Christmas on top of the $50 we contribute for all secretaries and support staff.

I also work for the government and my FI is a lawyer!  Dude, it sucks.  At least my office isn't requiring the $100 pp craziness.  

short+sassy

Ro041 said:

kaos16 said:

Ro041 said:

I am a lawyer and my office pools $15 per person for Christmas and Admin Profs Day.  

My law degree comes with a crippling amount of debt (that our admin profs don't have) so I don't feel the need to supplement their incomes by providing a lavish gift for a holiday.  Does that make me a bitch?  Maybe.  But anyone who would expect that large of a gift from a boss would also be a brat.

Same boat friend, between me and my husband, our law school debt is crazypants.  I also work for the government, so not a spectacular salary by any stress of the imagination.  They also decided that we had to do $100 per person for Christmas on top of the $50 we contribute for all secretaries and support staff.

I also work for the government and my FI is a lawyer!  Dude, it sucks.  At least my office isn't requiring the $100 pp craziness.  

I didn't want to be misunderstood.  I wasn't casting any aspersions that all attorneys should rain down expensive gifts on their secretaries/support personnel.  Just sharing the one example I've heard of where large gifts are expected (on a corporate level) to be given to support staff.

And on my personal example, it wasn't so much I didn't get an "expensive" gift.  It was that I got no gift.  Ever.  That made me feel unappreciated.  I guess to be more exact, was yet another item on the list that made me feel unappreciated.

MissKittyDanger

So for my coworker's bday in December, we decided to all chip money so we could get her a gift card but we discussed the amounts and what we'd get her {since we were going to get a spa g.c and wanted to do a package}
We decided to do $25 each, because we felt there was enough of us and it's a pricey place to begin with.

Even our "secret santa" is only $50 max .... jeez

kaos16

MissKittyDanger said:

So for my coworker's bday in December, we decided to all chip money so we could get her a gift card but we discussed the amounts and what we'd get her {since we were going to get a spa g.c and wanted to do a package}
We decided to do $25 each, because we felt there was enough of us and it's a pricey place to begin with.

Even our "secret santa" is only $50 max .... jeez

We did Secret Santa between the attorneys for the first time this past Christmas. . . . $25 limit

charlotte989875

I worked in a law firm in college (albeit about 10-14 years ago) and I don't think I ever got anything for my birthday, but Christmas gifts were incredibly generous (like $300-500 I think...). 

But that doesn't mean you have to do it, or feel bad if you can't contribute that, do what you feeling comfortable contributing. 

MissKittyDanger

kaos16 said:

MissKittyDanger said:

So for my coworker's bday in December, we decided to all chip money so we could get her a gift card but we discussed the amounts and what we'd get her {since we were going to get a spa g.c and wanted to do a package}
We decided to do $25 each, because we felt there was enough of us and it's a pricey place to begin with.

Even our "secret santa" is only $50 max .... jeez

We did Secret Santa between the attorneys for the first time this past Christmas. . . . $25 limit

We only buy for one person if that makes sense. Like pull a name from a hat and you buy for that person.

kaos16

MissKittyDanger said:

kaos16 said:

MissKittyDanger said:

So for my coworker's bday in December, we decided to all chip money so we could get her a gift card but we discussed the amounts and what we'd get her {since we were going to get a spa g.c and wanted to do a package}
We decided to do $25 each, because we felt there was enough of us and it's a pricey place to begin with.

Even our "secret santa" is only $50 max .... jeez

We did Secret Santa between the attorneys for the first time this past Christmas. . . . $25 limit

We only buy for one person if that makes sense. Like pull a name from a hat and you buy for that person.

Yup, ours was the same.

DrillSergeantCat

short+sassy said:

I didn't want to be misunderstood.  I wasn't casting any aspersions that all attorneys should rain down expensive gifts on their secretaries/support personnel.  Just sharing the one example I've heard of where large gifts are expected (on a corporate level) to be given to support staff.

And on my personal example, it wasn't so much I didn't get an "expensive" gift.  It was that I got no gift.  Ever.  That made me feel unappreciated.  I guess to be more exact, was yet another item on the list that made me feel unappreciated.

I get that! In the 5 years I've worked here, I've gotten a Christmas bonus twice. I've sat and watched every other hourly employee get an attendance bonus, watched as my boss bent over backwards to get everyone else extra money at Christmas and I get zilch. He's bought them jackets, shirts, hoodies, and never even asked if I wanted one. 

eta I've given birth twice since I've been here and didn't even get a welcome back much less a gift. 

vikinganna87

There's a huge difference between voluntarily choosing to be generous and giving your secretary or admin $100 at the end of the year and feeling semi-forced to contribute that amount to a group gift. 


ETF grammar