Livid at Fiances family about RSVP regrets

PrettyGirlLost

flantastic said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

scribe95 said:

I'm not getting most of this. Since when do a bunch of family go to bachelore/ette parties? It's mostly a friends thing. Also, OP chose not to have a honeymoon to go to this wedding? Weird. And FI deleted them from FB. How immature. 

Meh, not really.  It's perfectly acceptable to choose not to "friend" assholes on FB, even if those assholes are actually family.  Now, I'm assuming that there's a history of shitty behavior on the cousin's part and that FI's Fuck Budget has simply run out for this cousin.  Otherwise I agree that it's a silly, knee-jerk reaction.

southernbelle0915 said:
On the bright side, you don't have to pay to host a bunch of people who prioritize a BP over your wedding...so at least there's that.

Not necessarily.  My venue and many others in the area hold you to X price minimum when you sign your contract.

Which means that if you project 200pl attending at the time you sign your contract with your venue- in many cases 8 months to 1.5 years in advance- and your contract is for $10, 000, then you are still paying $10,000 even if 150 ppl actually end up attending your reception.  You don't get a price break for those 50 ppl who couldn't make it; all you can do is upgrade apps, booze, etc.  But you have to pay the $10,000, no matter if 200 people or only 10 ppl show up.

I got the impression that the FI had defriended all family who were choosing the bach over his wedding, which does seem a touch immature. But I could be wrong and it was referring just to this cousin.

Oh, if that's the case, I'm with you guys!  I read "them" as cousin not as in plural family members, and I could be wrong.

Knottie1469669000

My FMIL contacted the cousin planning his BP for our wedding day to let him know how disappointed she was that he couldn't find a different weekend to plan his party. My FI is an only child so our wedding is a bit of a big deal to her.  Apparently the cousin in question and his FI are mad at us (and unbeknown to us have been for some time) for planning our wedding "too close" to theirs. According to the cousins mother he started planning his party shortly after receiving our STD. Honestly I don't care anymore. Neither my FI or I want to have petty childish people at our wedding. I'm just happy that I don't have to feed people who apparently think we are stealing their thunder. I got news for them.  Many other people in the world are getting married June 2017 too. I wonder how they can handle that knowledge. 

Im really just baffled by this. Nothing like this has ever happened in my family before. I just didn't realize 20-something's out there act like this. End rant. 

JediElizabeth

Knottie1469669000 said:

My FMIL contacted the cousin planning his BP for our wedding day to let him know how disappointed she was that he couldn't find a different weekend to plan his party. My FI is an only child so our wedding is a bit of a big deal to her.  Apparently the cousin in question and his FI are mad at us (and unbeknown to us have been for some time) for planning our wedding "too close" to theirs. According to the cousins mother he started planning his party shortly after receiving our STD. Honestly I don't care anymore. Neither my FI or I want to have petty childish people at our wedding. I'm just happy that I don't have to feed people who apparently think we are stealing their thunder. I got news for them.  Many other people in the world are getting married June 2017 too. I wonder how they can handle that knowledge. 

Im really just baffled by this. Nothing like this has ever happened in my family before. I just didn't realize 20-something's out there act like this. End rant. 

WOW. This dude is just a petulant child. You're better without him in your life. 

I wonder how he feels about couples who will be getting married - gasp - the same day as him!

MesmrEwe

OP - time to relax!  Bummer for your FI that his family is that petty, but TBH - those are the type of people we'd eat for lunch coming on here thinking a B&G are stealing their thunder by having a wedding close to one another, it's not as though the wedding itself is the same day, that'd be an AH move, but still NBD in the grand scheme of life.  

Time to raise a toast to their not coming, upgrade your meal, get larger slices of wedding cake, and be overjoyed you don't have to pay to feed such petty and out of whack with the life priorities people.  If they want to go to the BP, time to shrug!

mollybarker11

The whole situation as outlined here seem very dramatic and stressful: cousin planned his BP for the same date because he's mad your wedding is close to his, cousin set his RSVP date earlier so that people would pick his wedding over yours, cousin waited til after he received your RSVP to tell you all this because he wants to rub your face in it. Take a minute to really nail down whether he's being a conspiratorial mastermind trying to ruin your wedding, a shady baby being a petty jerk, or a doofus idiot who doesn't know how to plan events properly. It may help manage your rage levels on this and allow you to react most appropriately.

JediElizabeth said:

I'd also definitely not go, as long as that's what your FI wants. They (and FI's relationship with them) do not sound worth the time, effort, or money. Otherwise you're starting a pattern where you're always going to be trying to "do the right thing because they're family" and they're always going to treat you poorly.

I think this is a good point but I think OP should apply it to future family events. For cousin's wedding, they already RSVPd yes based on their decision to prioritize a good surface-level relationship with these relatives over their own interests (ie working that weekend to help pay for their new house, not spending time with people they dislike). I think they should stick to that decision and not play the same kind of retaliatory bridge-burning games of deleting fb friends and changing RSVP responses. That behaviour sounds just as petulant as the cousin's, imo.