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Invites and Paper

How To Address These?

I am getting ready to address all of our invites, and I have a couple that have me somewhat stumped:

Guest 1: A single mother, with a teenage daughter, both invited, and I would like to give the mother the option to bring a guest (she isn't currently dating anyone, but you never know what could happen).  Just not certain of the wording on the envelope for her.

Guest 2: So I have friends that are in a polyamorous relationship.  I had really only planned to invite the woman and her partner that I know, I don't know her other partner at all.  I am friends with her and the one partner, am I obligated to invite all 3?  None of them live together.  I don't think she will be surprised or upset if I only invited the one, because the three of them don't attend events as a social unit (hence why I've never met the other partner).  I'm at a loss.

Several other guests: FI has some cousins that have "on again off again" partners.  FI's mom basically told me to just give them all an "and guest" because it's hard to keep track of if they are dating or not.  That seems rude, but I also feel awkward contacting them basically the day invites go out to see if they are "on again".  I want to be respectful of relationships of course.  My cousin invited me to his wedding, along with my then ex-husband, 3 months after I had already moved out.  I don't want to be that person.  It was insulting that he couldn't even bother to find out my relationship status, and I declined that invite for several reasons.  I mean, it's a bit different because we didn't split and get back together a bunch of times, but still.  Thoughts?

Re: How To Address These?

  • I am getting ready to address all of our invites, and I have a couple that have me somewhat stumped:

    Guest 1: A single mother, with a teenage daughter, both invited, and I would like to give the mother the option to bring a guest (she isn't currently dating anyone, but you never know what could happen).  Just not certain of the wording on the envelope for her.

    Guest 2: So I have friends that are in a polyamorous relationship.  I had really only planned to invite the woman and her partner that I know, I don't know her other partner at all.  I am friends with her and the one partner, am I obligated to invite all 3?  None of them live together.  I don't think she will be surprised or upset if I only invited the one, because the three of them don't attend events as a social unit (hence why I've never met the other partner).  I'm at a loss.

    Several other guests: FI has some cousins that have "on again off again" partners.  FI's mom basically told me to just give them all an "and guest" because it's hard to keep track of if they are dating or not.  That seems rude, but I also feel awkward contacting them basically the day invites go out to see if they are "on again".  I want to be respectful of relationships of course.  My cousin invited me to his wedding, along with my then ex-husband, 3 months after I had already moved out.  I don't want to be that person.  It was insulting that he couldn't even bother to find out my relationship status, and I declined that invite for several reasons.  I mean, it's a bit different because we didn't split and get back together a bunch of times, but still.  Thoughts?
    @CMGragain is the addressing guru, but I'll take a stab at it until she responds.

    1. Ms. Sally Smith and Guest
     Miss Lucy Smith 

    2. Do they all consider themselves in a social unit together? If friend is in a relationship with Partner A and Partner B; and Partner A and Partner B are also in a relationship with one another (as in they are all partners in the same relationship) I would invite them all. 

    However, on this I would just your friend and ask her how she would like to have her partners invited. 

    3. Do the cousins see themselves in a relationship? If so invite them with their partners. Again, if you're unsure when the invite goes out I would call and ask. 
    SP29
  • I am getting ready to address all of our invites, and I have a couple that have me somewhat stumped:

    Guest 1: A single mother, with a teenage daughter, both invited, and I would like to give the mother the option to bring a guest (she isn't currently dating anyone, but you never know what could happen).  Just not certain of the wording on the envelope for her.

    Guest 2: So I have friends that are in a polyamorous relationship.  I had really only planned to invite the woman and her partner that I know, I don't know her other partner at all.  I am friends with her and the one partner, am I obligated to invite all 3?  None of them live together.  I don't think she will be surprised or upset if I only invited the one, because the three of them don't attend events as a social unit (hence why I've never met the other partner).  I'm at a loss.

    Several other guests: FI has some cousins that have "on again off again" partners.  FI's mom basically told me to just give them all an "and guest" because it's hard to keep track of if they are dating or not.  That seems rude, but I also feel awkward contacting them basically the day invites go out to see if they are "on again".  I want to be respectful of relationships of course.  My cousin invited me to his wedding, along with my then ex-husband, 3 months after I had already moved out.  I don't want to be that person.  It was insulting that he couldn't even bother to find out my relationship status, and I declined that invite for several reasons.  I mean, it's a bit different because we didn't split and get back together a bunch of times, but still.  Thoughts?
    @CMGragain is the addressing guru, but I'll take a stab at it until she responds.

    1. Ms. Sally Smith and Guest
     Miss Lucy Smith 

    Thank you!

    2. Do they all consider themselves in a social unit together? If friend is in a relationship with Partner A and Partner B; and Partner A and Partner B are also in a relationship with one another (as in they are all partners in the same relationship) I would invite them all. 

    However, on this I would just your friend and ask her how she would like to have her partners invited. 

    The men are not in a relationship with each other.  In fact from my perspective it seems like she keeps them totally separated.  Just asking her is likely what I will do, LOL, it's just a bit awkward

    3. Do the cousins see themselves in a relationship? If so invite them with their partners. Again, if you're unsure when the invite goes out I would call and ask. 

    I don't really know them at all, so I have no idea.  They live across the country, so most of them I've only met once or twice.  I don't have phone numbers for any of them, but I will email them I think when I get to their invitations.
    Thank you :smile:
    charlotte989875
  • I am getting ready to address all of our invites, and I have a couple that have me somewhat stumped:

    Guest 1: A single mother, with a teenage daughter, both invited, and I would like to give the mother the option to bring a guest (she isn't currently dating anyone, but you never know what could happen).  Just not certain of the wording on the envelope for her.

    Guest 2: So I have friends that are in a polyamorous relationship.  I had really only planned to invite the woman and her partner that I know, I don't know her other partner at all.  I am friends with her and the one partner, am I obligated to invite all 3?  None of them live together.  I don't think she will be surprised or upset if I only invited the one, because the three of them don't attend events as a social unit (hence why I've never met the other partner).  I'm at a loss.

    Several other guests: FI has some cousins that have "on again off again" partners.  FI's mom basically told me to just give them all an "and guest" because it's hard to keep track of if they are dating or not.  That seems rude, but I also feel awkward contacting them basically the day invites go out to see if they are "on again".  I want to be respectful of relationships of course.  My cousin invited me to his wedding, along with my then ex-husband, 3 months after I had already moved out.  I don't want to be that person.  It was insulting that he couldn't even bother to find out my relationship status, and I declined that invite for several reasons.  I mean, it's a bit different because we didn't split and get back together a bunch of times, but still.  Thoughts?
    @CMGragain is the addressing guru, but I'll take a stab at it until she responds.

    1. Ms. Sally Smith and Guest
     Miss Lucy Smith 

    Thank you!

    2. Do they all consider themselves in a social unit together? If friend is in a relationship with Partner A and Partner B; and Partner A and Partner B are also in a relationship with one another (as in they are all partners in the same relationship) I would invite them all. 

    However, on this I would just your friend and ask her how she would like to have her partners invited. 

    The men are not in a relationship with each other.  In fact from my perspective it seems like she keeps them totally separated.  Just asking her is likely what I will do, LOL, it's just a bit awkward

    3. Do the cousins see themselves in a relationship? If so invite them with their partners. Again, if you're unsure when the invite goes out I would call and ask. 

    I don't really know them at all, so I have no idea.  They live across the country, so most of them I've only met once or twice.  I don't have phone numbers for any of them, but I will email them I think when I get to their invitations.
    Thank you :smile:
    For the last one, I think it's even fine to Facebook message/Twitter DM this kind of request if you need to. 

    For#2, I would just say, "Hey I'm addressing invites, who will be attending with you?" Or something to that effect; if she keeps her partners separate she may only want to invite one, but that gives her the choice. 
    kwiksilverSP29
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited March 2017
    1.  Ms. Jane Doe
         Miss Susan Doe
         Include a note in the invitation that says, "Jane, you are welcome to bring a guest."  You do not write "and guest" on the outer invitation envelope, but you may do this on the inner envelope, if you are using them.  "Guest" is not capitalized.

    2. Polyamory is not new.  It has been around for centuries under many different names.  In Edwardian times, it was called "modern". You simply invite the woman and her partner.  If she makes a fuss, you can tell her that the other member of the group is also welcome.

    3. You invite the individuals and include a note that says "You are invited to bring a guest."  If you are using inner envelopes, you can write "Betty Smith and guest" on the inner envelope.  This is called a "plus one".  As long as you are mailing your invitations out at the proper time (no sooner than 8 weeks before your wedding), this will work out for your relatives.
    The best solution is the one you, yourself, have suggested - to call them and ask them what they would prefer.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    kwiksilverknottie8655943ef26c29d0
  • CMGragain said:
    1.  Ms. Jane Doe
         Miss Susan Doe
         Include a note in the invitation that says, "Jane, you are welcome to bring a guest."  You do not write "and guest" on the outer invitation envelope, but you may do this on the inner envelope, if you are using them.  "Guest" is not capitalized.

    Ok thank you. Will do!


    2. Polyamory is not new.  It has been around for centuries under many different names.  In Edwardian times, it was called "modern". You simply invite the woman and her partner.  If she makes a fuss, you can tell her that the other member of the group is also welcome.

    Oh I know it's not new, but I've never invited polyamorous friends to a wedding, so I wasn't certain if I should invite all

    3. You invite the individuals and include a note that says "You are invited to bring a guest."  If you are using inner envelopes, you can write "Betty Smith and guest" on the inner envelope.  This is called a "plus one".  As long as you are mailing your invitations out at the proper time (no sooner than 8 weeks before your wedding), this will work out for your relatives.
    The best solution is the one you, yourself, have suggested - to call them and ask them what they would prefer.

    I will email them yes. It's just uncomfortable as I don't know them really at all.  I might get FI to do it so I don't have to LOL. 
    Thank you for the advice!
  • CMGragain said:
    1.  Ms. Jane Doe
         Miss Susan Doe
         Include a note in the invitation that says, "Jane, you are welcome to bring a guest."  You do not write "and guest" on the outer invitation envelope, but you may do this on the inner envelope, if you are using them.  "Guest" is not capitalized.

    2. Polyamory is not new.  It has been around for centuries under many different names.  In Edwardian times, it was called "modern". You simply invite the woman and her partner.  If she makes a fuss, you can tell her that the other member of the group is also welcome.

    3. You invite the individuals and include a note that says "You are invited to bring a guest."  If you are using inner envelopes, you can write "Betty Smith and guest" on the inner envelope.  This is called a "plus one".  As long as you are mailing your invitations out at the proper time (no sooner than 8 weeks before your wedding), this will work out for your relatives.
    The best solution is the one you, yourself, have suggested - to call them and ask them what they would prefer.
    This is more my own curiosity, but why isn't "and guest" appropriate on an outer envelope? And what is proper if you're not using inner envelopes or including cards?
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited April 2017
    This is more my own curiosity, but why isn't "and guest" appropriate on an outer envelope? And what is proper if you're not using inner envelopes or including cards?
    It is the equivalent of mail addressed to "Occupant".  Too impersonal.  If the guest's names are known, the invitation is addressed to them both by name.  If the guest is not known, then the invitation is directed to the person who is known to the sender, with the option to bring an unknown guest.  You do not invite "Guest" to your wedding.
    Your options are to either include an inner envelope, or to use a small card with a handwritten note.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    SP29
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