Wedding Cancelled: Weekend Vegas Elopement!

morincc17

I want to reach out for some support.  My fiancé and I have had intense family drama, to the point where we have cancelled our May (2017) wedding. It was bad enough that neither one of us was looking forward to the wedding. We are currently in the process of informing family and friends of this.

I believe our relationship to be very solid.  We only began to have large fights because of the wedding stress, and issues within our immediate family.  My fiancé and I both agreed that after the wedding the family issues would go away, but we were not happy with the way the wedding was going to turn out.

We still want to get married, because we love each other and want to be together. We cannot see that planning another wedding where family would be involved would be possible.  So, we decided to drive to Las Vegas (from Louisiana) to elope, just the two of us.  It is pretty crazy, and very spontaneous for both of us. 

Are there any other couples out there that have been so fed up with family that they decided to elope instead?  I would love some supportive stories!

southernbelle0915

I don't have a story like that, but I think it's really cool y'all are putting each other first to do this. If you have a lot of family drama, putting each other and your relationship before all of it is going to be invaluable going forward. Good luck!!

missJeanLouise

Congratulations!! 

LD1970

We considered it.  And there were times *we* were fighting so much (I called it "wedding brain") that I considered calling off the marriage all together because I had a hard time being able to tell whether the fights were just going to be our life.  We figured out it was the wedding, and got through it.

In the end, we weren't (I wasn't) brave enough to call off the big wedding and just go to the municipal judge, but I totally get the inclination and say kudos to you for having the spine to do it!

morincc17

Thank you

morincc17

LD1970 said:

We considered it.  And there were times *we* were fighting so much (I called it "wedding brain") that I considered calling off the marriage all together because I had a hard time being able to tell whether the fights were just going to be our life.  We figured out it was the wedding, and got through it.

In the end, we weren't (I wasn't) brave enough to call off the big wedding and just go to the municipal judge, but I totally get the inclination and say kudos to you for having the spine to do it!

I'm relieved to know we aren't the only ones! Thank you for your reply! 

The decision was very hard to make, and it has been painful to tell everyone and cancel everything. But we are both so much happier and relieved. It is like a huge weight has been lifted!

charlotte989875

LD1970 said:

We considered it.  And there were times *we* were fighting so much (I called it "wedding brain") that I considered calling off the marriage all together because I had a hard time being able to tell whether the fights were just going to be our life.  We figured out it was the wedding, and got through it.

In the end, we weren't (I wasn't) brave enough to call off the big wedding and just go to the municipal judge, but I totally get the inclination and say kudos to you for having the spine to do it!

I could have written this, word for word. I wish we had called it off and eloped. I would have felt bad for H's parents because they are lovely, no drama, and wonderful. But my family was crazy and made planning hard, upsetting and stressful.  You're definitely not alone. 

CMGragain

morincc17 said:

I want to reach out for some support.  My fiancé and I have had intense family drama, to the point where we have cancelled our May (2017) wedding. It was bad enough that neither one of us was looking forward to the wedding. We are currently in the process of informing family and friends of this.

I believe our relationship to be very solid.  We only began to have large fights because of the wedding stress, and issues within our immediate family.  My fiancé and I both agreed that after the wedding the family issues would go away, but we were not happy with the way the wedding was going to turn out.

We still want to get married, because we love each other and want to be together. We cannot see that planning another wedding where family would be involved would be possible.  So, we decided to drive to Las Vegas (from Louisiana) to elope, just the two of us.  It is pretty crazy, and very spontaneous for both of us. 

Are there any other couples out there that have been so fed up with family that they decided to elope instead?  I would love some supportive stories!

Most members of my extended family have eloped or had private ceremonies.  Sometimes reasons were financial, and sometimes because of family issues.  My grandmother was married twice.  She ran away to get married the first time.  They had a happy marriage, but lung cancer got Grandpa at age 54.  Five years later, Grandma married another man.  Her three adult children refused to accept him, so they eloped.  They were happily married for 28 years.

We almost decided to do the same thing because our families were fighting.  Our mothers had hated each other since before we were born.   It was very stressful, but I stuck it out.  DH was 1100 miles from home so he didn't get involved in the stress.  It would have been OK if we had just cancelled the wedding and been married privately.  A church ceremony was important to me, but friends and relatives were so busy fighting, I could have done without them.  Immediately after the short mini-honeymoon, I loaded up my possessions and moved across the country to be with DH.  I AM glad I have my pictures to look at on my wedding anniversary.  It was 40 years ago.  OMG, I was young and thin!

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it is what you really want, not just something that you feel you have to do.

PS.  I am assuming that you have sent out written cancellation notices?  If not, you need to do that as soon as possible.  After your wedding, you can send out marriage announcements.  Check with us over on the Invitations board for wording.

Jells2dot0

I was married previously, as was my H. Because of the drama we had surrounding our first weddings, we knew upfront we would not be having a traditional wedding. We felt very strongly about not telling certain people prior to the event, so we just didn't. We absolutely do not regret the decision. 

thisismynickname2

My sister did this. There was something with my sister's in-laws' family that set her off and they cancelled a 150 person wedding. It was replaced by a reception for just immediate family (which was still 20-odd people with her husband's multiple siblings and children). Turned out beautifully; didn't cause any lasting drama. In fact, after their wedding, more branches of the family starting having private weddings- so much less stress! 

Good for you, good luck with everything! 

SP29

If cancelling and eloping feels right to you- go for it! The only thing you are required to do is send out cancellation notices. No one is entitled to witness your wedding, so you should do what makes the two of happiest.

As per the photograph comment (I agree I do love my wedding photos)- you could still have a photographer come a do a photo shoot with you on your wedding day.

Jen4948

Congratulations on your elopement. I'm sorry that your families made it so hard for you and your FI to plan a happy wedding that included them, but because they did, I wish you the best.

short+sassy

Not my story, but a friend's.  Her (then) fiancée was in the Navy.  So there were multiple times during the year when he wasn't available to get married.  They both had large families.

They'd been trying to pick their wedding date for weeks.  Every date they chose had a VIP (or the groom!) who couldn't come.  The best they could get it out to was 18 months away, but that was much further away then either of them wanted.

They were at home one Friday.  Running in circles again on trying to pick their wedding date.  When her FI suddenly said, "You know what?  I just want to MARRY YOU!  I don't care who else is there.  Let's get married today!"

My friend laughed and said, "Why not!"  They immediately went over to City Hall and got married.

She and I were in college at the time.  Needless to say, me and our other mutual friends were floored when she sat down with us at lunch on Monday and said, "You're not going to believe what I did this weekend.  (FI's name) and I got married!"  We were all excited for her, of course.  Just surprised!

As far as I know, she's never regretted their decision.  At the time, I remember her saying it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders and she and her H could just celebrate the most important part...spending the rest of their lives together.

ahoywedding

Congrats on your wedding and for doing what works for YOU! I kind of always thought that would be my plan and ended up doing the whole shebang, so I'm always a little jealous of people with enough guts to pull it off!!

Important question: were you married by Elvis?!?!?

morincc17

ahoywedding said:

Congrats on your wedding and for doing what works for YOU! I kind of always thought that would be my plan and ended up doing the whole shebang, so I'm always a little jealous of people with enough guts to pull it off!!

Important question: were you married by Elvis?!?!?

Thank you so much! We did get married over the weekend in Vegas, but not by Elvis (lol) It was such short notice that we didn't think too much about all the details.  All that mattered was the two of us.

Our family was surprisingly supportive!  And those that weren't didn't say anything, which was the best we could have hoped for. We are very happy!

We didn't take many pictures there. But I really like this selfie (lol)  I think we will have professional pictures done later for our wedding announcements, and just to have nice pictures of us as a married couple.

southernbelle0915

Beautiful photo! Glad you did it your way

short+sassy

Congrats!  Sounds like you all made the right choice for yourselves.  Extra bonus your all's families were either totally supportive...or just kept their mouth shut, lol.

JediElizabeth

Congratulations!! Way to do things your own way! I'm glad your families were supportive, and I imagine this will make for an excellent story in the future for you.

thisismynickname2

Congrats!