Wedding Party

Wedding Party Troubles

I'm getting married in October and chose my bridesmaids around Christmas time. I asked my sister, my fiance's sister, my brother's girlfriend (who might as well be my sister) and my three best friends (we were college roommates and continue to be very close). Recently, my mom informed me that my cousin was extremely upset that I did not ask her to be a bridesmaid. She and I were very close growing up, but haven't really spent any time together over the last ten years. The only time I see her is at the occasional family gathering, and even then we don't really spend much time together. My cousin, however; is so upset that I didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid that she will not be attending our wedding at all.

I feel bad that this is probably going to create some drama in my family, but at the same time I think she is acting extremely childish. 

Am I wrong for still not wanting to ask her to be a bridesmaid?

Re: Wedding Party Troubles

  • Ro041Ro041 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments First Answer
    You are not wrong.  Do not engage in her anger by changing your plans.  Even if you asked her now, it would be obvious to her that you were just doing so because you found out she was upset.  She likely won't feel any better about you B-Listing her into your wedding party.

    Let her cool down and still send her an invite to the wedding (if you were planning to invite her).  If she chooses not to come, that's her choice.  

    STARMOON44JediElizabethInLoveInQueensshort+sassy
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Ro041 said:

    You are not wrong.  Do not engage in her anger by changing your plans.  Even if you asked her now, it would be obvious to her that you were just doing so because you found out she was upset.  She likely won't feel any better about you B-Listing her into your wedding party.

    Let her cool down and still send her an invite to the wedding (if you were planning to invite her).  If she chooses not to come, that's her choice.  


    It's a shame your mom did not keep that information to herself.  It served you no purpose in hearing that news.

    Adults need to realize that weddings are "not about them" but the couple being married.  My son and DIL chose to have only 1 attendant each. Should their siblings or other close friends have been upset?

    Let it go.  It's information you should have never known because it is irrelevant.
    levioosasparklepants41InLoveInQueens
  • Great advice above. You chose your party and no one is entitled to be in it. And honestly it sounds like she is being childish. Call her on her bluff. Send the invite. If she says anything to you, say "I'm sorry you feel that way. We would love to see you at the wedding but understand if you can't make it."
    SP29InLoveInQueensshort+sassy
  • SP29SP29 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Your cousin is being very dramatic. NO ONE is entitled to be in your WP. Sure your cousin can be a bit upset if she wants to, but she doesn't get to assume or ask to be in your WP.

    Still send her an invite. If she chooses not to attend the wedding, that is her choice.

    I wouldn't let this stress you out anymore- don't put anymore thought into it.
    InLoveInQueens
  • You are not wrong and you should not change your plans (in case it has crossed your mind to do so). Sure, your cousin is allowed to be disappointed, but she also isn't entitled to be one of your bridesmaids. It was totally fine for you to ask those you are close to now, rather than someone you were close to as a child but aren't now. 

    You should still invite her to the wedding, though. Regardless of what she says now, she would probably be offended if you didn't send her an invite, which would only cause more drama. On a less cynical note, maybe she'll cool down by the time invites go out and decide to attend after all. And if she still won't come, that's her choice and not something for you to lose sleep over.  

    image
    SP29short+sassy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    No, you aren't wrong to not have asked your cousin to be a bridesmaid since you aren't that close anymore.

    Your mother should have kept that to herself and not told you about it.

    I would let it go unless either brings it up to you again. If your cousin says anything, you might respond, "I'm sorry to hear that" but leave it at that. If your mother does, I would tell her, "Mom, that's something I wish you hadn't told me, because it serves no purpose. Cousin is responsible for her decision not to attend the wedding, not me. I don't feel guilty about asking other people I feel closer to than Cousin and not asking her. She and I haven't been close in some time, and this drama merely justifies my decision not to ask her."
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