Wedding Woes

Dealbreaker or no?

Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend and I are very similar politically, so we rarely argue about hot-button topics. He’s a Silicon Valley engineer who believes H-1B visas have depressed wages in his field, although I’ve never heard him express any other negative thoughts or feelings about immigrants. He’s a registered Democrat and voted for Hillary Clinton.

He subscribes to an “immigration reform” newsletter that I’ve recently learned has ties to white supremacists. He never even reads the newsletter, but he’s given the organization money in the past so he’s on their mailing list (I don’t think he donates regularly). I think he should disavow the organization and get off their mailing list, but he seems unperturbed. Should I push the issue, or not worry about it? He shrugged off my concerns about his name being on the rolls of this organization. Again, I’ve never heard him express any racist ideas; he just thinks wages would be higher for engineers in Silicon Valley if there wasn’t so much competition from engineers from overseas.

—Cancel Our Membership

Re: Dealbreaker or no?


  • *Barbie* said:



    mrsconn23 said:


    Dear Prudence,
    My boyfriend and I are very similar politically, so we rarely argue about hot-button topics. He’s a Silicon Valley engineer who believes H-1B visas have depressed wages in his field, although I’ve never heard him express any other negative thoughts or feelings about immigrants. He’s a registered Democrat and voted for Hillary Clinton.

    He subscribes to an “immigration reform” newsletter that I’ve recently learned has ties to white supremacists. He never even reads the newsletter, but he’s given the organization money in the past so he’s on their mailing list (I don’t think he donates regularly). I think he should disavow the organization and get off their mailing list, but he seems unperturbed. Should I push the issue, or not worry about it? He shrugged off my concerns about his name being on the rolls of this organization. Again, I’ve never heard him express any racist ideas; he just thinks wages would be higher for engineers in Silicon Valley if there wasn’t so much competition from engineers from overseas.

    —Cancel Our Membership





    Ok, so my response doesn't actually answer OP's question. For me it's not a dealbreaker, but it sounds like it is for the OP. If he was actively in a hate group, expressing racist ideas, etc  it would be different - but (even though biased) this does impact his field so if nothing else gives one viewpoint of the situation. 

    .... and since i'm a special snowflake, i have feelings about this: 
    The bolded isn't unreasonable; however, the problem is two-fold.
    One of the "requirements" to get an employee on a H-1B visa is that you are supposed to prove that there are not qualified American workers who can perform the task. There's a lot of discussion about abuse of this policy - are they tracking to show that there were no qualified American applicants (no)- or is really just a way to get cheaper labor from overseas? If the company can pay a worker from India $30K less than an equally qualified American, even with the sponsorship fees for a visa, they're still saving a significant amount of money. This means Americans are forced to take lower paying jobs if they want to work in the software field. 

    DK has an employee that's on a H1B visa - and (at least in Houston) there is a gap in the number of available workers and the wages paid. He had more "qualified" applicants that required visa sponsorship than American workers. I'm sure wages offered played a role in the applicant pool - had he been able to offer 20% more, he probably would have gotten more interest from American workers. We *do* need more qualified software and tech developers in this country - but with the reduced wages, it's not going to be as big of a draw for students. 

    From my experience, there is a gap in quality of work and education from overseas and US engineers - there's also a cultural component that plays into the outsourced/visa employees. In general, US-trained engineers are more comfortable when given an assignment and a deadline - they can go off and complete the work with considerably less management and oversight than engineers trained in India (as an example). I'm not picking on India - we have a huge engineering group there, and it's a much more deferential culture - they're checking in with the leaders after each step to ensure the leaders are approving the work to progress. It will usually take considerably more time for work to be completed because of the frequent check-ins. DK has experienced this firsthand with his overseas employees, as well - he can't just give them a job and tell them to give him a finished project in a week - they need daily touchpoints. From what I've heard, the educational standards are a bit more suspect when you're dealing with visa holders that were educated overseas rather than those with a US college education. One of my colleagues (from India, but US college educated) said that you can basically buy an engineering degree in India - the requirements for an accredited program in the US are significantly higher. His wife is a doctor, but can't practice in the US because she received her education in India - she would have to repeat medical school in the US, complete a residency, etc., to practice here. While she would get "credit" for an undergrad degree, they would require her to meet US standards for the MD. Engineering doesn't have that same requirement. 

    I don't think that we should outright exclude employees because they were born overseas - but I think we want to make sure that we're only accepting the best and the brightest, and that we put more emphasis on STEM programs and educating/training our citizens for places where we have these "gaps" in the market. 

    This isn't just applicable to STEM either - we also have a huge gap for skilled laborers in this country. Rather than pushing everyone to a 4 year college, we should also be pushing for people to look into these jobs. 


    It will be interesting to see how this plays out from a political standpoint - because I know they're looking at significant reform for the H1B. 


    You know where else you can buy a degree/circumvent requirements and bluff capabilities? USA. Ever heard of legacy schools? They're not that way because of an intelligent legacy. Money can open many doors and shut more eyes. 
    Hell, in the USA, money can make your children kill my children without second thought. 
    Not to mention that according to CHEA, at least 100000 degrees are sold in the USA each year. (Couldn't find the link to the interview but I know it's out there.) 

    I don't disagree with everything you said but the bolded comes off very poorly considering that it's also a problem here. 
    InLoveInQueens
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member


    There's a lot missing from this. Like enough where I have too many questions to even have an opinion.

    But in general, I think it's a good idea to read ALL sides of an issue. Even the extreme ones (on both sides). I am on Donald Trump's mailing list. I am honestly not sure if there's one thing we agree on but I want to know/try to understand wtf he's doing/saying. I have surfed everything from Breitbart to PETA for insight into other perspectives. 

    If he's giving money to the KKK or a wing of it, then I understand her inserting herself. Of course. But I doubt that's what this is. If he just continues to get a newsletter from an org he doesn't donate to anymore and the content is another perspective on issues that affect his profession, who cares?


    That's where I'm at with this one. It kind of makes me wonder if she wants to break up, but doesn't feel like she has a good enough reason.
  • divarhddivarhd
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    If this is the only reason she thinks the relationship is over there have to be other reasons she's feeling this way.  Seems to me like she doesn't want to be there and she's looking for a way out.
    Met: 5/4/16
    Dating: 6/21/16
    Engaged: 3/20/17
    Wedding: 2/24/18


  • There's a lot missing from this. Like enough where I have too many questions to even have an opinion.

    But in general, I think it's a good idea to read ALL sides of an issue. Even the extreme ones (on both sides). I am on Donald Trump's mailing list. I am honestly not sure if there's one thing we agree on but I want to know/try to understand wtf he's doing/saying. I have surfed everything from Breitbart to PETA for insight into other perspectives. 

    If he's giving money to the KKK or a wing of it, then I understand her inserting herself. Of course. But I doubt that's what this is. If he just continues to get a newsletter from an org he doesn't donate to anymore and the content is another perspective on issues that affect his profession, who cares?



    Totally agreed with all of this. Is it a specific support of a hate organization, or is it the equivalent of eating at Chik-fil-a, which some people disagree with because o fthe company's support of certain organizations, but ultimately people decide to do because the sandwiches are yummy. Not sure my comparison is making sense, but are they close ties or far ties? Is the thing he's consuming the hate propoganda, or is it just a higher up at the organization supporting that? Without more info, I can't form an opinion.
    short+sassycowgirl8238
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