Hi everyone! I've been a lurker here for a million (give or take) years. I was asked to be a bridesmaid by a friend late last year, and now I think I'm not in the wedding? This is mainly going to be a rant, I'm not even going to pretend it's not, but I do want to know if I was in the wrong for any of this?
I'll start at the beginning. The bride and I have been friends since elementary school (we're both now early 20s). We lived close to each other, spent a lot of time together. We grew apart toward the end of high school, and she did something that was absolutely terrible to me and I haven't really forgiven her, but that's a long story. We've mostly mended our relationship, but aren't really as close as we once were.
She got engaged late last year, and set a date for Oct 2018. She then made a facebook group message and said "Hey! Everyone in this group is a bridesmaid and I'll pick maid of honor later!" Cool, I don't mind facebook messages, I was at an internship states away anyway, but this just felt..wrong. What if someone had wanted to say no? Now they had to be publicly removed from the group. I'm not saying to give me a cute "proposal" but call me or text me privately?
She then started planning everything. Saying stuff like "I want you all to get to know each other and my bachelorette party is going to be *theme*" She wanted to go to a premiere of a movie for her bachelorette party. The movie she picked came out in March, with her wedding not until 2018. 1. Brides don't get to demand parties in their honor, so I was miffed. 2. I already had plans for that premiere (I'm a little odd when it comes to Disney movies, but I've got practically a ritual down), and I really didn't want to spend it with a bunch of people I didn't know. 3. It was SUCH short notice. We ended up doing nothing because everyone had plans.
Then the time for dresses came. She kept trying to get us to go dress shopping, but the wedding wasn't until 2018, so I steered her away. Well, now the wedding is Oct 2017. She never asked for anyone's budget. We're all poor college students, (except her, and she has a normal mon-fri job), and can't really afford much. She said that her friend (a newly added bridesmaid, she had recently lost her second maid of honor and this girl was added, ugh) was going to make the dresses for us and we just had to pay for fabric. I don't know this girl, her work, don't have time for extra fittings, and would have to pay more because I'm bigger. She got mad at us when we spoke up about it. Then she agreed to get dresses in a store. When I told her what I could spend (and I found many dresses online for much less) I was told that there weren't any dresses in her color in that budget (she had recently changed the colors to something obscure), and basically bullied me into raising it. Then, suddenly says "I need your money and sizes by X so I can order the dresses for you," which was in 3 weeks and I'm really struggling. I said that I would order my dress at a later date, to which I was told that the salon said this was the last possible date and if I didn't do it by then I couldn't be in the wedding. Which is normal, but not on such short notice! There are other stores (David's Bridal, Nordstrom, etc) where we could get dresses in no time! So now I'm not sure if I'm a bridesmaid anymore, because there's no way that's happening.
Also, last I heard, her mother was catering (she owns a restaurant, and which I mentioned she should consider someone else so her mom could enjoy the wedding) and a mutual friend is filming the wedding. My roommate is the maid of honor, and I can't bring anything up because she just yells at me that "not everyone can afford some formal affair," though she did back me up on the dresses.
That felt good to get out, OMG.