Wedding Party

Groomsman Advice

So my future brother in law asked my fiance if he could be in his wedding party(classy). They aren't particularly close, and they've had a lot of drama in their relationship over the years. My fiance and I both don't really want him in the party, but we know if we say no he will be really offended and possibly not attend the wedding out of spite. While this doesn't really bother me considering what he's done to my fiance in the past, he doesn't really want to lose his brother over this. It's gotten to the point that he's talking about having NO party, which isn't fair to either of us, since we both have people we would like to ask to be a part of our big day. Does anyone have any ideas on how to fix this? D:

Re: Groomsman Advice

  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Is their relationship so rocky that there may be drama either way?  Your FI knows this answer best.

    FI's groomsmen don't effect your bridesmaids. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    It's strictly up to your FI who his attendants are. If he thinks he's better off asking his brother (or not), that is his decision to make and his alone.

    How many attendants you have is not a factor in his decision, just as how many he has is not a factor in yours. Even sides are not required.
  • Sorry to hear that!  Yuck.  Your FBIL was out of line to ask but, the damage is done.  Like the others have said, it is totally your FI's decision.  His choices are pretty much:

    1) Have his bro in the WP to keep family relations smooth.  Even though he doesn't really want him in his WP.  As crappy as it is to feel forced to include someone, this is the route I'd take if I was in this position.  Assuming I don't think the bro would actually be difficult and cause problems leading up to the wedding.  If this is what your FI is worried about, then I'd more strongly consider #2.

    2) Tell his bro that, he's sorry, but he's made other choices for his WP.  He doesn't have to give a reason but, if he wanted, could mention he doesn't feel they have been as close as he is to some of his friends.  Honestly, though, that could just backfire and make things worse.  And with excuses, people rebuttal, and he might not want to get into any of that.

    3) I suppose your FI could just choose to not have a WP but, if he wants one, this seems like the worst choice.  To not have a WP, just because his brother put him between a rock and a hard place.

    Also like other PPs have said, just because your FI doesn't have a WP, doesn't mean you can't have one.  Sides never have to be even.  Even if one side doesn't have a WP.

    Bottom line, if his bro chooses to not come to the wedding if he isn't in the WP.  That is his decision.  Too bad, so sad.  But that's the bed he chose to make and your FI shouldn't feel any guilt about that.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Thanks for the great advice everyone! I've showed your responses to him and he still doesn't know what the best way to go about it is. But we both feel better that you all agree he shouldn't have ever asked. He even knew it wasn't a thing he should be asking based on the content on the text he sent asking. If you know you shouldn't ask, YOU SHOULDN'T ASK! 
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